Has anyone ever told you women were like cats? How if you try to pet them they’ll run away. Ignore them and minutes later they’re on your lap purring, begging for attention.
It’s true. Some teenage guys, at least the ones who are better getting girls, will tell a good friend just “ignore her” and she’ll eventually come to you.
But in the adult world – okay yes it probably happens to men in the twenties too. The circumstances are little different though. Those details are not important.
Now if you’re asking – does it work and why? You have every right to know.
I can honestly tell you I’ve ignored plenty of women who were one, happy to have me go away, and two, didn’t even notice I was ignoring them.
That’s because this type of advice is like everything else, when it’s taken out of context it rarely works. And just like so much dating and attraction advice, there are way too many factors and circumstances which come into play – and generalized advice is mostly useless.
You see when one guy tells one of his friends this, he means well, but he’s failing to understand what is really going on and why when done in context, “ignoring” a woman can actually get her to act like that cat I mentioned above.
He also fails to take into account his friends ability with women and his neediness.
Let’s assume a guy has a needy problem. That is when he meets a woman he wants to constantly see her. Almost like he’s worried some other dude will snatch her up quickly. He’s one of those guys who you might like at first until you realize he’s going to smother you which sends you running for the hills.
Telling him to “ignore” you might work because without having to solve his insecurity he could unknowingly give you the right amount of space and time. Of course sooner or later depending on how the relationship progresses, his true self will probably ruin it.
That’s just one circumstance.
My old problem, where I would ignore her and it would get me nowhere, had me believing giving her space or “ignoring” didn’t work. Well that was because our first interaction didn’t really spark any attraction at all.
So for any guy reading this – when you fail to create attraction first, ignoring her will do absolutely nothing because you won’t be even on her radar.
Quickly now – are women really like cats?
Well they do say “You want what you can’t have” but that again is a generalized statement without any real backing.
The truth is “You want a challenge!”
And what’s more of a challenge than a guy who seems to ignore you at just the right time?
Like he could take you or leave you. How he has a life outside chasing women. How relaxed and laid back he is which opens you up to first want to know more, and secondly makes the bold statement of confidence and security.
Which we all know any guy who exudes real confidence and security are considered highly attractive.
Let’s also not forget about how any guy who amps up your attraction and pushes you away slightly, like the cat, plays on even the smallest amount of insecurity you might be feeling about yourself.
Yes… Without a doubt guys will tell their friend to ignore a woman he wants and finds her highly attractive.
BUT… I’ve also found most men don’t give real advice in context AND honestly, most guys don’t give their friends advice on attractive women.
One because he might want her too, and two because well we’re men, We just don’t talk about that kind of stuff. What you see in the movies or sitcoms about guys talking to their buddies is mostly fiction.
Okay now that I’ve revealed a little truth to you, how about you tell me what your thoughts are.
Have you suddenly found yourself chasing a man who was ignoring you?
Do you feel like a feline? 😀
How many men do you believe ignored you and you had no clue it was happening at all?
I am currently on a dating site and there are a couple of guys I like as pen pals. There is one guy I like a lot. He is gorgeous and he always calls me hun. He is attracted to me and sometimes I can’t reach him on there and when I leave messages for him he takes a while to get back to me. And when we do get to speak we are into each other. I don’t understand and I’m totally depressed about it. Other guys are leaving their cell numbers and I’m not as into them and I haven’t chatted with them for long at all. I have spoken to this guy more than 3 times already and he even mentioned visiting me, but nothing is happening. He told me also he thinks that I’m very beautiful. Pleas help I need advice and I feel like giving up.
Thanks for writing in Beverly and of course for signing up too. 🙂
My gut feeling – If I’m a guy who has a woman’s phone number BUT I won’t give her mine AND I don’t call her (knowing she would probably see my number easily) …
I’d be trying, or deciding, or wondering, even contemplating – *Could I possibly cheat on my wife or girlfriend.*
(…)
For those of you who want more than just a subject line response you can check out my full response here…
http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/HnwsI/t/Online_Dating_and_What_It_Means.htm
I won’t do this all the time but as a “newbie” website I felt you should be given full rights. Make sure you sign up to receive more great insights into men.
-Pete
Yes, I was seeing this guy and we hit it off instantly. We had a lot of fun together and talked would talk a lot on the phone. He worked crazy hours, but was very consistent with communicating with me. He shared intimate things with me about his childhood. He would hint that the closer we get the more he’ll reveal. We laughed joked, never slept together, but was sort of building the anticipation (cuddling, hugging and kissing). He lived alone, told me whenever I wanted to come over I was welcomed, he wanted me to be comfortable being in his place. We went out a few times and had good time when we did and then out of nowhere! Dead! He stopped calling. He said he was dealing with some work related stress along with family issues with siblings that were getting to him, but he would vent to me at times about his family and work. So I didn’t get the sudden silence. He just shut down we would call here and there, but after a while he stop calling all together. He made comments here and there about, he knew a lot of men were probably hitting on me often. Things like that, but wow it’s truly baffling. He would bring up future things he’d like to do together and I would chime in and we’d seem to be on the same page and then nothing. And let me say, I am a bit prideful. I am one of those girls that if you show me you don’t want to be bothered, I won’t bother you! Like the game of chess. It’s his move, I’m not budging. When we last spoke I reached out to him after no contact for a few days and he ended by saying he’d call me back. I haven’t called him and he hasn’t called me and it’s been about a week or more. I may never know what happened and I’d just have to live with that, but it’s just weird.
Hi question for you. Me and my ex boyfriend been together for two yrs before we broke up. He text me today to see how am I doing and we talked. I notice he stoped talking, so I called him. No answer! I’m thinking he is trying to get me to chase him, but why? He told me a week ago he wants to get back together.
Hi Jayla – I might have an answer for you. 🙂
Disregard the “chasing” thing. Maybe he couldn’t answer. This I don’t know but it’s certainly a possibility.
He told you he wanted to get back together and sure it’s probable he wants to know ( for real ) just how serious you are about doing that. It may not be he’s trying to get you to chase him and if in fact that’s his intent – the reason would be ( again ) to prove to him just how much you are still into this whole relationship thing with him.
Most people need proof, not just words, before they’re willing to risk something such as this.
Aside from all this – communication is key and IF you’re having trouble at this level already, maybe you should look at the reasons you separated in the past first and if it had anything to do with communication – something’s wrong.
I’ve found you can never go back BUT you can start something new. If you end up trying to go back usually the same thing will happen again.
If you want things to work out and hopefully will help you avoid having to ask questions like this – make sure you both focus on starting something new first. Start slowly and build to it. Stay away from just trying to pick up where you left off.
That’s just my opinion but sometimes I’m actually right. 😀
Thanks for writing in Jayla – hope it all works out over there,
Pete
When a man ignores me, I walk.
Women have the P, and P is a seller’s market. Advice like “ignore her” is asinine. Men daren’t ignore women. There’s too many other men out there who want us. What works for her doesn’t work for you. Women can walk away from the D. We can take it or leave it. Men cannot walk away from the P. Ignore me and my P goes to the more aggressive buyer. Right then.
Case closed.
Needy desperate men cannot walk away or ignore P. (Vast mayority) High value men can walk anytime from the P. because high value men have their emotions on cruise control, high value woman recognizes high value men, low value woman go for agressive needy buyer who will be desperately waiting to snatch low value P anytime – Case closed
Haha! Okay but am I to assume all those guys who want you, or are just waiting for you, that are not allowed to ignore you are actually worth your time. Do you really want those other guys? Do you feel anything for them?
Are you really just looking for some guy to kiss your ass and be at your beckoning call who wouldn’t dare ignore you because he’s too scared to stand up for himself or too scared to piss you off once in a while?
Anyways this article as about whether a guy would tell his friends to ignore a woman he likes. 🙂
But I do appreciate the lead into this discussion. Probably much more interesting, right?
Now as for Mefisto…
Great points.
Between you and Case Closed you have some interesting language going on, all this P and D and Buyer and Seller talk kind of downplays that we’re talking about people here but I suppose it’s all good in context. 🙂
Hey! I’ve been stuck in this situation where I developed a huge crush on this guy which eventually led me to at least make an attempt to get to know him better [he is a guy in my class – well we’re in a few of the same classes]. Anyways before i made the first attempt at talking to him I sometimes noticed him looking at me and he would do these weird things. But yeah I eventually talked to him after a test and asked him how he found it and was really nice in the way he responded further asking me how I found it myself. Which made me fall for him even more and slowly te amount of signs he showed grew like there would be occasions where he’d stare at me and when I looked back he’d look away and things he would say that made me feel like he was interested and all but then he has these days where he would make me feel like he was a different person. Like he would be as mood as shit and not talk to me as often in class. Either way regardless of his mood he never forgets to say hi [only if I make eye cotact when he comes to class]. Like it just furstrates me so much cause I dont get what his deal is epecially why he goes into the ‘I dont know you’ phase but then its okay for him to stare at me from far when he thinks I’m not looking. Its making me question whether he’s worth even fighting for. Do you have any advice? By the way I am incredibly sorry in advance for my terrible grammar and spelling mistakes. My ipod is allowing many functions to work.
Aloha. I am having an issue with this man. I was constantly not attracted to him until he ends up getting me closer to him. It happened so fast. I kept cancelling on him prior to that. we didn’t spent much time together but he chased me hardly and mentioned to me that I caught his attention strongly. Anyhow I always told him I was dating other guys in and there. And then we got intimate and then saw him a second time. We talked cause I felt he didn’t want to be involve emotionally cause he was acting very cold suddenly. Next day I told him that I he couldn’t handle the fact that I wasnt attracted to him sexually and to not call me or even text me again. He says Aloha good luck.! Later that day I crossed him twice and he ignored me completely as he did before when he got upset at me when I made him wait hours and not calling him to at least let him know if I was going to see him or not on that day.
So that evening I sent him an email saying that we are still connected as I saw him twice and mentioning that my text was little rude and I was apologizing but also expressing how is behavior sucks and that If he just want sex with me to not talk to me then anyway was long email. Then no response. I texted him and tried to talk to him and he says that I should honor my words and that he dont want to talk to me anymore.
Since then I keep bumping into him and he completely ignores me. One day I saw him and say hey why am I seeing you always so close? he was like maybe you stalking or oh hawaii is small island. Anyways…. I said why are yo over reacting so crazy? He says cause you made me feel guilty let me FREE!!! I said you are free and then he left quickly like a crazy man.. I am confuse. This man seemed to really liked me we have so many things in common and I like him very much for multiple reason just the connection I feel towards him. Am I being Delusional? I just felt that this man that liked me very much saw me reacting tp his second visit he was cold and felt detach but he wanted to see me bad on that day. Please help for any advice.
I cannot text him neitther call but hopefully understand
Thank you
Hi.. So I’ve been talking to this guy for quite a while over WhatsApp (he found me on instagram). We kind of had a thing going and I really like him, and then today we met and I sent him a message saying it was cool meeting him, and he read it but he hasn’t replied.. I know his friend was with him and I don’t know what they spoke about on the way home.. PLEASE HELP! I don’t want to be clingy but I really like him.
Hi Jess.
I understand your concern with coming across as clingy but I see nothing you did which would be seen that way by any real guy. His lack of response says more about him and what you might be getting yourself into so I would be careful. Sure maybe he didn’t get it or checked his phone, or saw it and then forgot to answer but I would expect some kind of response within a day or so IF he’s interested.
Now all that goes without knowing the story which led up to your meeting with him and what went on during that meeting. THAT would be a more clear indicator of whether or not he saw you as a clingy woman and that might’ve led him to not answer you so quickly.
His friend most likely had NOTHING to do with his decision at all.
Take a look at your past with guys and your experiences with them. Do YOU feel you become clingy? Do YOU believe you fall too easily and get yourself involved way too quickly? Do YOU believe it has been a problem for you in the past?
If it hasn’t been a pattern in your life or something you need to be concerned with then his lack of response is a cleat indicator he’s not being upfront with you because a simple quick answer after a meet up is NOT too much to ask for.
When it comes to these kind of things I can tell you, as a guy, IF I know it’s not going to be simple quick exchange I WILL avoid answering a woman until I feel I can give more to the conversation. If I know she’s more likely to hit me up with a ton of messages after just one response then I will definitely not get back to her so quickly.
That’s just me.
Some guys like to make you wait because they don’t feel good enough to attract a woman without playing by some stupid rule book and it’s unfortunate that they don’t have enough confidence to shoot you one way without worrying about scaring you away.
If you don’t want to be seen as clingy, keep it simple and spread out your conversations or interactions with him a little and as always, work on being as secure as you can with yourself because that’s the part you DO have complete control over. You have NO control how a guy interprets what you’re doing and there’s no guarantee ANY guy will see what YOU want them to see so why bother worrying about that, right?
All the best and remember if he doesn’t get back to you within a reasonable amount of time, consider moving on quickly before you get too sucked in because I can bet you, what you’re getting from this guy now, will be more of what you’re going to get later on.
Your guy friend,
Pete