There are no "hard" rules in texting back and forth when it relates to men and women who are dating or in the "liking each other" phase because each circumstance is a little different but...
If you want a guy to like you (more), it's a guarantee that a constant stream of texting from you without an answer from him, will not help or force his fingers to push the buttons on his phone.
Take it from a guy who has dealt with many over-texting women in his life - it will only make your problem much worse than a guy who is ignoring your messages.
But you already knew that - didn't you?
Yet for many reasons you just can not help to ask the question,
"Should I text him again - just in case?"
Maybe you're a little impatient and it seems to always have a negative effect on your dating life. You want the answer now and you know it's simple for him to send one, but he won't and it's ANNOYING to say the least.
Perhaps you have a need for closure and loose ends in relationships and/or dating tends to always leave you unsatisfied, unwilling, and reluctant to move on.
It could be a habit of yours and something inside you won't let these things go, so you send text after text hoping to finally break his silence and tell you what's going on inside his mind.
Whatever your reasons are, I have a definitive answer for you and much more to help you get through this problem.
Today's post will reveal to you:
- Why a guy won't text you back or why you're being ignored.
- When and why you should or should NOT text him back again or a second time.
- What happens to a guy when he feels he is being over-texted.
- Two easy texts to send him which will reveal how he feels about you.
- A story which will help you to stop sending another text with the strangest yet best dating advice you're ever going to read.
Why a guy won't text you back or why you're being ignored.
Texting someone or sending a message back is not that difficult, well you might assume that:
Pick up the phone, type some words, hit send!
It can not be any simpler than that, but trust me from a guy's point of view, it is NEVER that simple.
Guys will ALWAYS need a good reason, a desire, a want, or a need to get back to you.
They must also be able to actually send the text. There are times when it's just not physically possible.
Time and frequency matters too.
Many men realize something early and become overly reluctant to send a message back to you or anyone who does it:
They know once the text from a woman is answered, it opens the door to many more messages they either don't want, can not get too involved with at that time, or just don't feel like a (non-vocal) conversation which is always more work.
Here's a list from one of my articles on why a guy won't or can not text you back:
1. He’s busy at work.
2. His phone service sucks.
3. He has a wife or girlfriend who is close by.
4. He’s on a date.
5. He’s having sex with another woman.. or man.
6. You send him too many forwards or purposeless memes.
7. You don’t send him any real pictures of you.
8. He’s not interested or attracted to you.
9. He thinks texting you back too quickly goes against the “dating code.”
10. He’s driving somewhere.
11. His battery is dead or his phone is lost, once again.
12. He is showering or doing something in the bathroom.12 Real Reasons Why A Guy Will Not, Can Not, or Does Not Text You Back
As you can see, there are more than just a few reasons (absurd or not) that after getting your message, he can't or won't respond to you.
With all the said, IF you want the guy to like you and continue texting you later on...
Sending another message after being ignored is NOT in your best interest.
Don't do it!
Sending a multiple stream of texting over any period of time will not change the situation he is in and it definitely doesn't change WHAT he is doing.
Sometimes a guy doesn't want to respond because he's doing something he feels important and requires his focus. He does want or can not break from it.
Sometimes it's because they know you all too well - replying to a text message means ten more are coming, or he feels he's bound to discuss the same old issues again and again.
Sometimes it's impossible to get back to you because his focus is entirely somewhere else.
Fact:
Men are generally NOT good at switching their brains (multi-tasking) and practicing that "art" is not high on their list either.
They like it that way and it will NOT be changing anytime soon.
In other words - a man's mind is generally a one way street.
(Understanding Men Made Simple)
When his focus is on something specific, switching to something new (even if it's just a text) is extremely tough.
As I'm writing this article and I get a text, I won't respond because I lose all my focus and it takes me that much longer to figure out what I was writing about. So unless you're my wife, there's a 1% chance, if even that, you will not hear back from me until I'm done.
Take notice to something very important I wrote in that last paragraph - my wife - because that's very important in texting...
9 times out of 10 a guy will NOT ignore a woman's text that he is seriously into, unless you give him every reason to start ignoring you.
I'm totally INTO my wife. She's usually not texting me random shit to me. It's important stuff and she is important to me.
Which is why she gets priority in my life.
AND...
When a man truly loves a woman - he will ALWAYS make her one of the priorities in his life.
If you're sadly not one of those priorities and he's ignoring your text, then the love may not be there.
He might be keeping you around for OTHER reasons:
Take the Video Quiz & Get An Instant Score: Does He Love You or Is He Just Keeping You Around?
(7 simple questions. No email needed. Affiliated link.)
My wife gets that there will be times when texting back is literally impossible. I'm not choosing to ignore her. I can not physically message her back because of reasons 1, 2, 10, or 12 from this list above.
Which - as you might've guessed it, is not good news for lots of women because...
IF a guy is actually ignoring your text purposely, than something is unfortunately wrong.
He's not that interested or attracted to you as much as you'd like, OR you've given him one too many reasons to not message you back.
I know it sucks but let's think positive and get something useful out it.
If it only takes a few texts to figure out whether a guy likes you or how much he does them it makes moving on easier.
No more being pushed aside and ignored. No more left waiting and wondering what is going on with him.
Lots of free time to find a guy who WILL text you back quicker because he's into you.
Check Out My Incredible Online Book On Meeting Some New Great Men
Here's my quick two text message you can send any guy which will reveal how he feels about you:
SEND THIS:
I was just thinking about you. 🙂
If you get no response within five minutes…
SEND THIS:
HA! And now you have the pleasure of thinking about me. 😉
Make sure you follow the rules which are listed in the post:
Reveal How He Feels About You With These Two Simple Text Messages
You can send the exact words to reveal his feelings - it's quick, easy, and works quite well.
If you're just looking to turn him on, here's where I reveal texts and a formula you can use on him which will get him to respond quicker and in a "flirty" way too:
How To Turn A Guy On With A Text So He Will Reply – Texting Examples
Combine them and you'll definitely give him a very good reason to put down whatever he's doing and make him want to get back to you, even at the risk of losing his focus or interrupting his day.
Getting the texting part right.
You might be amazing at texting your friends but texting a possible date or romantic partner requires a little more thinking or work to get right, especially if guys are ignoring your messages too much.
Honestly, most guys really don't think all that much about your texting habits, but something worse is happening underneath you'll want to avoid at all costs.
Instead of him thinking about what your text means or how often you message him, a guy goes by his GUT FEELINGS FIRST and if you're not making or relating those feelings - he just ignores it or gets completely turned off.
AND he's NOT going to tell you why.
It's not really his strong suit because, from a major premise in my book: Silence Is Safety!
It's just way to easy to ignore a text than it is to respond with honesty, right? You probably do the same thing yourself. Tell me if I'm wrong.
Focus on being pro-active and you'll feel less anxious and unsure about what to do when he's not getting back to you.
When and WHY You Should or Should NOT Ever Text Him Back.
If you know he's at work or possibly driving somewhere, or in ANY circumstance where getting back to you could cause some real problems like getting fired, getting in an accident, falling off the toilet, etc... then just wait.
Give him a reasonable amount of time to get back to you and do NOT send another message.
If you keep sending messages before you hear from him, you risk losing his interest and he'll be less likely to respond you in a way you'd enjoy reading.
I'm sure you've experienced at least one guy who was totally into you and you wanted nothing to do with him.
You're a nice person so you respond to his messages but he's doesn't seem to be getting the point. Your messages are bland and designed to hint that you're not interested and yet, he persists.
I bet it drives you crazy doesn't it?
Of course!
Why wouldn't it?
So WHY DOES he keep sending you messages, because you're being a kind person who hasn't made it clear to him that you don't like him in "that" way.
He's misinterpreting your answers. He thinks interested in him and so the texting continues, until you find a polite way to tell him to bug off OR...
Sooner or later your niceness turns to anger, frustration, and eventually you start ignoring ALL of his texts.
The same thing happens to a guy too and you do NOT want to be in that position or that woman.
You have a great chance to developing the "relationship" into something more up until you start pissing him off, annoying him, or pushing him away with the over-texting, because by doing so, you destroy the interest he had in you.
Unfortunately, when that happens, there's little chance of turning it back around.
If he's not getting back to you AND he's interested in you, something else is happening which is just yet another reason to NOT text him back until you hear from him.
He knows texting you back will lead to many more texts or a conversation which he can not have at that time, but does want to later.
You can actually use this opportunity to create more attraction interest in you and not destroy it, so why not give it a try.
Patience is MORE than just a virtue in dating and texting, it's your responsibility to practice it when you're ready to progress forward and more organically.
By not sending many unanswered texts again it shows him:
- You have a life outside of him.
- You're busy too.
- You're not needy or desperate for him to respond.
You're creating GOOD tension and the right amount of space ALL men need to feel from you - if you want him to fall for you.
PLUS - you're setting an example:
He'll understand and fully GET that texting you back is a GOOD thing. He'll relate it to feeling happy and anxious to text you back.
Get him to believe:
You're okay with leaving him in suspense.
You're not overly eager or pushy to always get a quick response.
All those things above makes a guy feel more freedom being with you which in turn causes them to feel more attracted to you which then leads to a much deeper desire for you and you only.
The way or timing of how you text a guy must get him to relate texting or talking or sending messages to you to a fun, positive, and attractive feeling, because then you'll get more messages back.
He'll be eager to respond too.
When you want to turn up his desire for you, why do guys can help.
Please take the time to read and follow the directions Slade Shade gives you. It can help solve any "lack of texting you back" problems you might have now, or in the future.
Desire Principles – 6 Tricks That Women Use To Make Men Crazy About Them!
The point of all this is that you can use your texting skills to create more interest and never destroy it.
If you want a response - give him a really good reason to get back to you and make sure the pattern you've set for messaging gives him a need or desire or want to get back to you as quickly as he can.
What was covered above are typical or normal everyday circumstance between two people who are getting to know each other, exploring their attraction and interest, or are just friends turning it into something more.
Let's move on to specifics and the GREATEST dating advice you'll ever get. I promise.
What if you went on a date or even a few with him?
I answered a great question from a dedicated reader from my newsletter which will help.
You're going to learn EXACTLY what to do in situations like this with a guy.
"So i was dating a guy for about 4 weeks, been on about 5 dates. Organised another one and since the 4th date (after we did the deed), his texting became awful.
I decided to try one more date and in person the date was great as per always.
We organised another date for the week after but texted him over the weekend to see how he was.
Nothing back and now I’m wondering if I should see if the date is still on!
HELP!"
Tough position to be in, I hear you.
The obvious answer would be - once he got you in bed, (or did the deed as you wrote) he's slowly disappearing, right?
He took one more date, just in case, but is now probably blowing you off because sex is all he wanted.
However the REAL issue is that you're already overly concerned he was only interested in sex.
You want or need to know the truth so you can move on.
You think if he was interested something more, then he SHOULD be arranging and securing another date. Yet he doesn't seem as eager or responsive to another date as you are.
You worried that you've been used for sex and because of that, you're convinced he's blowing you off.
In turn - you're double checking by texting or asking him how he was - hoping he would reconfirm the date you both set.
Unfortunately you left out some very important information:
- What was his texting habits before you did the deed?
- Were they really that amazing OR did you get worried after you had sex that he was going to disappear so you started texting him more, as if the sex part was a jumping point to the next stage of dating?
- Who was organizing these dates - you or him? You said "we" but that's not clear enough for me.
- What exactly did you text him that he didn't respond to?
- Do you both know what you're looking for from each other? Was he clear about it? Did you tell him what you expected?
- WHY did you decide to "do the deed" after the fourth date?
- Were you worried for one reason or another that he would not want to date you if you didn't do it with him, OR did he mention how SO important it is to know if you're sexually compatible before you get serious?
For me to advise you, AND for you to better see your circumstance for yourself next time, THOSE are the questions you must be asking before you can figure you that texting piece of the puzzle.
You have to first understand that men don't see sex as a prelude to a relationship. Most men at least.
They see it as a perk of dating.
Some even see it as a reward for taking you out, asking you out, being attentive, and as sad as it sounds - doing the work necessary to be "rewarded" with sex.
What's very important is how you act around men when you get worried, anxious, or feel like a guy is pulling away or might pull away, AFTER you've had sex or even just been on a few dates.
This is DESPITE the guy, because you shouldn't think for one minute this guy is in charge of you, your destiny, and or how you feel inside.
Having a few great dates, sleeping with him, or whatever must NOT change anything for YOU.
This means, regardless of the anxiousness your feeling inside YOU are still in charge of yourself and changing that for one guy - will only do two things:
ONE: Push away a guy that might be right for you.
TWO: Have you continually keep giving something to a guy who is NOT right you.
Which leads to me to a sometimes unthinkable solution to your problem:
So what?
Seriously!
You don't need HELP.
Say it to yourself or out loud if you have to...
So what!!!!
Screaming help won't help you. Becoming anxious won't help you. Worrying what his intentions are or were won't help you either.
So what?
If he's blowing you off now - that probably means the worst, BUT not for you - for HIM...
Because he's let someone like you go after a few dates, and after he got him some.
That's how you handle this "texting" problem or not knowing if he's going to keep the date...
He's missing out on you and that's HIS problem, not yours!
Don't text him back.
Sure - there's a possibility you mishandled it or chose to date the wrong man, or that you're not communicating the right things early on with him or other men...
Yet that's for YOU to work on and being strong enough to do that also means not letting something like this change YOUR course... so stay on it.
Say it one more time...
So what!!!!!!
Yes, it's probably the strangest dating advice you ever heard but it's an important stance each and everyone of us has to take at some point in our lives.
Hopefully you can see why I brought up all those other questions earlier - they're there to help you see your side of it, maybe for you to figure what is really happening, BUT they're also there to help you see the questions which come about when you're worried and putting so much stress on yourself.
With all that said - No.
You should not check to see if the date is on.
Hope you found this advice comes from the heart and its intention are to merely encourage STRENGTH of yourself so you're not giving it all the way to some guy who probably doesn't deserve it anyways.
If he re-confirms or shows up - great - I wish you the best of time.
But if he doesn't ... so what!!!
The world might feel devoid or lacking in any real men to you - or it might feel like you've let someone good go - but trust me when I say:
MEN are NOT an endangered species - there WILL be others.
Okay.... moving forward to the last section of this post...
Remember in the first paragraph how I said there are no "hard" rules of texting, well I (sort of) lied, hey it happens - we're going to make one because just by being here, you might want or need one.
Meaning, I firmly believe you came here because you feel you're being ignored or you just want to know an exact time or rule to follow and re-text a guy, AND because up until now - it hasn't been made clear to you based on what I've written.
Here it is.... drum roll please....
Do NOT text him again for twice the normal length of your average silence.
Yes. I made a hard rule of texting. Follow it if you dare.
Twice the normal length of your average silence.
If you text back and forth and don't again for a few days, wait twice that time before you send a second text, AND the second text should have little or nothing to do with your first.
This tells the guy you're not a "stalker". How you're not going to get all bent out of shape when he won't get back at a moments notice.
It will also suggest a better pattern for the next time.
It gets the guy thinking, "I am free to text back without fear of having to answer forty more texts." which will make him more likely to get back to you sooner.
My best advice is to AVOID sending several texts without a response. Be patient and realistic about the situation.
I understand this problem of "ignoring" a woman goes much deeper.
The reasons a guy will ignore you, texting or not, is very long. I cover them in my online book.
When you're ready for it, you can pick it up below. You'll find it in the section titled, "49 Reasons Why He Will Ignore You, Go Silent, or Not Share his Feelings"
Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings
Or Click here for the kindle version on Amazon.
Today's topic was just about texting and a little about interest and attraction.
Please remember what I wrote above:
"9 times out of 10 a guy will NOT ignore a woman's text he is "into" unless you give him every reason to start ignoring you."
What if you're not giving him every reason to not get back to you...
What if you're just not creating enough of the "right" kind of attraction and interest for him to WANT to text you back almost immediately...
Well I'm confident in saying - it's fixable.
You CAN compel any good decent man to not make you sit around waiting for him to send a simple text message back to you.
Learn about how emotional attraction works for a man because the physical won't do you any favors, and if it's all physical, sure he might get back to you - but it's probably because he's just looking for sex.
Become the type of woman who emotionally connects with a guy naturally. You'll be more than pleasantly surprised just how well it works and how easy it is to do once you know how.
YOU are the key ingredient here.
If you put all your focus on men and why he (or they) are not getting back to you, and your mindset gets wrapped up in trying to appease them - that's not what a guy really needs or even wants from you.
What a man really want is a a real woman who challenges him, who understands him, who gets him, who connects with his heart, and who makes him work for her by just simply being WHO you are.
I know for a fact you CAN be her.
Of course it's not going to happen only from texting habits but it's one of the many tools or skills you can use to get you there.
Hello hi so I meet this guy we hit it off conversation was great everytime we meet up we laughed talked he texting was always awful when we first started talking he did ask me was I ready cause he is a very busy busy man I did get kinda overly excited in had sex with him now he hardly response I did ask him did us having sex put a dent in what we had going on and said not at all but when I text him now he doesn’t respond I didn’t text him anymore I. Haven’t heard from him heard from him for about a day
My grandparents and other elders are right many men nowadays are all sorts of no. You have MGTOW men that hate women but still date. This is negatively impacting the US dating scene. Many girls are being pressured into sending nudes and etc. They also pressure women into BBL and implants.. dangerous procedures. Then these men can’t even be bothered to send a simple text to a girl. Men pressure women way too much now. I got back on the dating scene a year ago and put that on pause… . I’m nice and alway considerate I was shocked by the way these men were behaving.
It used to not be like this. It is really sad how men dehumanize women now. I used to have a lot of great friendships, dates and etc with men. So did women I know. Now it is bad…I think social media is destroying. I think women now should focus on self love and leave many men alone. It shouldn’t be this hard.
I came across your article because I’m generally confused about a guy. We hit it off amazingly and he knows I have a child from a previous relationship. I confess to being a bit gun-hoe with the communication side. But he messaged me one day after it was going really well to say he wasn’t ready to be a father-figure to my son. I replied I totally understood where he was coming from. Then all of a sudden it got good again like really good. Then all of a sudden he suddenly went quiet on me; he turned around and said we’re not compatible even though we got on so well. I went a bit weird and crazy because I was made to feel led on and I told him so. And when we had a conversation even he couldn’t explain why we weren’t compatible when things were going so well. I’ve sent a few messages to him but he’s not replied. I still would like to be friends with him but now I’m not so sure if he wants that. Any advice?
Victoria,
What I see is that you both probably have a sexual connection, with or without the activity, there’s sexual chemistry, and he feels nothing more than that – which is probably why you keep hearing from him.
He said he didn’t want to be a father figure, or wasn’t “ready” to be one. Then went away. Then said you’re not compatible. And then has sort of disappeared again. This tells me he’s not in it for the long run and doesn’t see you as a suitable mate – you are not what he thinks he’s looking for and wants to leave ALL his options open… But still remains around for the “something” else I mentioned above.
My advice is a friendship like the will not work. You’ve passed the point of just being friends and there’s too much other stuff which will always cause friction – starting with you wanting more and him wanting less.
If you continue down this road with him, it will only get worse.
There’s no need to remain friends with him.
Go out immediately and find a guy who is more in line with what you seek together to make a relationship work.
Learn from this experience everything you can and if anything, learn the right time to just let him and it go before you get in too deep.
Your guy friend,
Pete
There’s this guy I’m acquainted with we went to a two week missionary training school. When we see each other we’re friendly. He told me to get his number from his good friend so I can invite him directly to one of my gatherings. It was his idea (I invited him indirectly initially through that same good friend of his). He’s always willing to go to my gatherings but timing is really bad on his part. I wanted to get together with him in a group told me his schedule and then asked me mine. There so incompatible! But I was willing to make a Saturday work. Then he said his schedule is sketchy bc work in unpredictable. Anyways we both have alot going on in our lives! He recently got diagnosed with aggressive Crohn’s. I moved to a new city and have a new job and lots of other crazy stuff. We’re both kind people. I always initiate txting but I’m a cringy thriple txter sometimes and realize I come of as impatient. He said he’s a bad txter and I understand he has alot going on and will be more available for hanging out when he is stable. He said he could feel fine then be hospital or bed ridden. But he lost his job bc the Coronavirus I’m pretty sure! He said the shop he worked in closed down for three weeks and that it might be permanent and that hopefully everything is going well with my job not to much affected by the Coronavirus. He said he’s bad at texting and he said thanks for understanding Ally. Then he didn’t respond to any of my texts. We barely know each other but I appreciate how honest he is, how emotional supportive he was when I told him my family and friends died. He’s a nice guy do you think he likes me romantically or that were just to kind friends???
Hey! I just saw your article and really got a lot out of it. Well, for now 🙂
See, I am confused by my male best friends actions. He has a GF, but he and I have had feelings for each other since we met. We have never been single at the same time so for over 12 years he and I have sent spicy texts, and hooked up once. Now, he is saying he is not happy and misses me (he moved away 2 hours). He wants to come and see me and talk and chill. Yeah I know what that means. Anyways , he will text me late , and if I miss the text because I am out , he won’t reply the next day. I’ve been trying to ask him when he wants to come up and see me since it was HIs idea but he won’t commit. It’s so frustrating. I have told him how special he is to me, and even if I only saw him once a month I would be okay with that. I used to see him daily because of the jobs we had. How do I handle this? He’s attracted to me, he has says he loves me, but getting him to see me in person is like pulling teeth. I know he has come up at least once in the past 5 months to drink with a buddy of his. He never told me . I also didn’t call him out on it . I don’t want to chase him – but I also don’t want to keep waiting around if he isn’t going to really show up.