Are you sick and tired of looking for all the signals that a guy is interested or not?
Sometimes he is, other times he’s not. He’s hot. He’s cold. He’s all over the freaking map of so-called attraction.
Well I have good news for you today… yup. I’m a guy… Peter White. Maybe you have heard of me, maybe not. 🙂
You want to know if some GUY is interested in you? If he’s really into you or just playing a game or if he’s even the slightest attracted to you?
Pay close attention because you’re about to know everything because I love revealing “most” of our secret man code. Hey, a guy has to have some secrets.
Only three other men also reveal our “man secrets” who are better than most, including me but I’ll let you decide that 😉 and I will ALWAYS suggest you go to Evan Marc Katz, Christian Carter, and David Wygant to see the whole picture on men. (Those are redirected links because I affiliate myself with them. We are not close friends. I have exchanged very few personal emails with Evan and David but not with Christian.)
FIRST:
You’ll come to realize by being or becoming a valued member of the Why Do Guys…? newsletter that I break ALL guys into two absolute categories. There is no “wiggle” room here. There is a scale or percentage of where they might fall or be going into BUT there are still only TWO TYPES OF MEN:
1. The guys who get you.
They are good with women. They have experience. They have their ways of getting what they want from lots of women AND they are also very very rare. Some call them the top 10%.
And yes, they are mostly good or real so keep your eyes out for them.
2. The guys who don’t get you.
These guys are not good with women. They have little or no experience. They get lucky once in a while. They do date a little (mostly) but they go at it blindly and plod along sort of following YOUR lead IF they’re attracted to you in some way.
Based on my experience in being a man and teaching men and going from a total 2 to a 95% #1 with women I’ve seen both sides.
This is how I know you can really tell if a guy is into you and it’s also how I know you have to know what type of guy you’re dealing or else you could be easily fooled into thinking something is there or if it’s moving forward when it’s not.
Let’s not waste anymore time, okay?
#1 The guys who get you:
Their signs are very subtle but if they’re into you there are a few ways to tell.
First they break the touch barrier early. They cup your back while you pass by. Shake your hand and look right in your eyes when they meet you.
When I’m interested in a woman I treat her different from the other ones. I won’t hesitate to talk about sex and dating. That’s because I don’t want to lead on a woman I’m not into. I hate rejecting women more than I hate being rejected.
If I’m NOT into you the conversation is not as stimulating. I’ll appear less excited and I certainly avoid touching you in any shape or form.
I will look in her eyes but not deeply because she might assume I want more. I will also avoid staring at her lips and any other body part for that matter because I’m not physically attracted to her.
For example there are two women I can name right now who are both attracted to me BUT I’m only attracted to one of them. Okay she’s engaged so I’m not so obvious and honestly she’s isn’t that attractive BUT she does it for me.
Something about her. 🙂
The one I’m into too gets the “me” treatment although I do bust both of their asses to tease.
Looking on the outside it might not be clear which one I’m into and so I’ll reveal something you’ll want to hear.
My interactions with the one I’m attracted are actually shorter. I give her more space. I leave her hanging ALL the time. I downplay her “attractiveness” and playfully accuse her of probably being a pain in the ass to her fiance.
Yes. I check her out when I can. I absolute love her ass, it’s practically perfect. I will position myself skillfully to look but never while I’m talking to her or close enough to seem like a creep.
The glances are subtle and I have been caught at least once or twice. Which is good to know because I didn’t back away. I smiled and showed no shame. Just slowly looked away while my body language was sort of giving her a thumbs up.
I was clearly admiring her beauty in my eyes.
I lean in closer to her when we’re hanging out. I show her I’m not afraid of a pretty face. I am extremely comfortable being there with her and I feel she gets that.
Now as for the other one…
Well the interactions are longer. Sure I tease her and I’m myself but rarely ever will I walk away while teasing her. I’ll stick around and let her play back a little because she seems like she’s enjoying it and I like making her feel good.
BUT remember I’m NOT attracted to her and I’m NOT interested in her in any other way but as a friend.
She’s cool and fun and I respect her and who she is but that’s it.
I will NEVER check her out or stare at her. I will remain distant when I talk to her. I will happily give her a compliment if I feel it’s necessary and relative.
I don’t look in her eyes the same way I look into the other ones and quite honestly, SHE will get more smiles from me.
Yes, it’s true, I smile LESS to women when I am seriously attracted to her. Us guys act that way because we become a perceived greater challenge and as the saying goes “James Bond never smiles.”
Imagine all the stoic characters you have encountered and how many of them you felt attracted to and I hope that proves my point.
Now….
How does a guy who doesn’t get you act differently?
His signs are less subtle. He’ll kiss your ass a lot more. Do you favors and such. He’ll send out feelers to see if you’re into HIM first.
He won’t touch you unless it’s by accident and when he does he usually apologizes for it.
I know normally this is NOT the type of guy you’re wondering about because you’re probably not into him anyways.
That’s the problem with figuring all this out.
The guys you want or are secretly into, normally don’t make it abundantly clear because they want to dance a little first.
You know, flirting, teasing, busting your ass, playing fun games with you, talking about exciting things which might someday include you.
The second guy, well, never forget this:
IF a guy is giving you every reason to believe he’s “fishing” to figure out whether you like him, then he’s interested.
If you’re getting the feeling everything he says, does, or leads the conversation to things such as asking if you have a boyfriend or what you did last Friday night because that’s when people tend to go out, then he’s fishing to figure out if YOU like him.
Guys who are not really that good with women do that ALL the time so watch out for the signs.
The first (better) guy will be focused on creating and amplifying your attraction, whatever that involves, and normally he’s not concerned whether or not you like him back. He assumes if he is just himself, a guy who gets with women, you’ll show him one way or another how much you’re into him.
He doesn’t have to “fish” he merely needs to BE and then act.
Which bring up the next topic which I know you really want to know about.
ACTION!!!
This is where we talk about calling, texting, dating, and what happens when you’re apart.
This is where it feels like some guys ignore you one day and are into you the next.
There are many ways to get confused here so we need to be very clear:
Guys who are actively seeking you out want more but it doesn’t mean they want a relationship just yet.
They are taking the time to get to know you before they decide.
AND that decision is mostly based on where they are, how mature they are, whether or not they’re ready for a relationship and are actually capable of being in one.
Don’t take it as a sign he’s not interested in you just because he only contacts you once in a while, it means he’s not ready or willing to take that next step. He’s probably seeing other women and he’s making sure he finds the best mate for himself.
On the other side, most guys who don’t get you go into relationship mode very quickly. They act first, feel later, because they’re afraid of losing you. They act from a sense of urgency.
The Many Signs He’s Into You…
Decoding His Body Language… Should You Bother Trying?
Yeah I will admit this is often a dead give away BUT what if his body language is weak and not too confident to begin with. He’ll be too nervous to get close to you, or produce definite signs.
However like I mentioned early, look for subtle signs of touching, staring at your lips, overly confident stance, very open relaxed and inviting while at the same time maintaining a clear bubble of space between you and him to create friction and sexual chemistry.
For the guys who you feel don’t get you, you can probably throw away all those signs because he’s more interested in following your lead rather than creating it.
What I’m saying is to BE WARNED about reading a mans body language because it is completely dependent on his internal state, esteem, and confidence.
Let’s say a guy is on the weaker side or not very confident with women and suddenly he’s sticking out his chest around you, taking up more space, or basically doing things to “show off” well then that’s clear he’s attracted to you, right?
However, while being on the weaker side, most men won’t do that and you could easily believe he’s not feeling it for you.
My best advice with regards to body language is:
- Make sure you’re first clear on his level of confidence around women.
- Use it as an “extra” thing because body language alone is never enough to figure out whether he’s into you.
Is He Teasing You?
Yes we DO tease you more playfully. Give you secret names and such.
Single you out for exclusive sparring “moments”.
Just be warned about his character. Some guys do this with everyone and so you must decide for yourself if that’s him or not.
I know lots of guys who do this to everyone and some women mistake it for interest.
Just keep this in mind…
The guy who doesn’t get you will do everything but tease you “properly” because he’s too afraid to offend you.
If you’re into this guy watch out because this lack of interaction often has you believing the opposite when in fact, he’s not teasing you because he’s put you on a pedestal and is worried or afraid to upset you.
I told you there are always TWO different types of guys. 🙂
Teasing IS a clear sign (most of the time) and I would consider it ALWAYS first until at a later time when it proves to be wrong.
Incidentally the best tip I ever got on whether or not someone likes you still holds true and despite all of what you’re going to read, NEVER FORGET IT:
Stop looking around for signals from men that they’re “interested” in you.
Stop CARING whether or not a particular man is interested in you.
Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if men ENGAGE. If they do,
then assume that IT’S ON!
As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…
…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM.
Is He Complimenting You?
I RARELY if ever compliment a woman I’m attracted to because I feel if I can’t be genuine or real or if it sounds to overdone, it comes off as creepy, weird, overdone, insincere or like I’m just trying to get in her pants.
“Mister I Don’t Get You” will compliment you every chance he gets because he thinks it will help his cause.
So compliments are a tough way to figure out our interest.
Of course if they’re unique, surprising, carefully placed from a guy who gets you, then expect and ASSUME he’s definitely attracted AND interested.
WARNING!!!!
NEVER “fish” for a compliment from a guy to decide or help gauge his interest in you.
Most men do NOT know how to respond to it either way and it will only confuse the issue.
If you ask me, “How do I look?” or something like that hoping the answer will reveal my attraction you will NOT or can not use that information as a basis of attraction.
My best advice here is to:
Only consider genuine compliments which are not contrived by your doing and appear to come out of nowhere typically means there is an attraction.
Now I absolutely love this next one so I hope you do too.
Use His Family and Friends to YOUR Advantage:
Yes. If you want to figure out if a guy is truly interested in you, get in his social circle and pay close attention.
Use your social savvy to your advantage because most of the time women are far better at reading social situations than men are.
Okay, not ALL of us will give him away, including me, but I’d say most of his closest friends will give you more than just a clue he’s into you.
My best advice here is:
- A man who is actively introducing you to his family and friends IS interested in you as more than just a friend. 9.9 times out of 10!
- Watch his family and friends closely because often they will give him away secretly or blatantly and notice how he responds to their ribbing or gentle nudges.
- On the other side, if he’s steering away from allowing you in his social world, he’s either still “on the fence” deciding OR he’s worried his social world will ruin his chances with you OR he’s concerned his social world will give you the impression he wants you more than he actually does.
Number three only proves the quote above once more.
As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…
…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM.
How He Acts Around Other Women.
The guys who don’t get you will almost ALWAYS (can I say that? 🙂 ) treat you as if you’re on a pedestal. They will put you above other women and you’ll get the feeling that he thinks you’re better than you might even believe.
With these guys it’s easy to see because you’ll notice that women they are not attracted to they’ll act “normal”. You won’t see any indecision. They won’t filter their words or act like they’re afraid to say something.
The guys who DO get you won’t be so obvious. As if you didn’t know that by now. 😀
I’m going to say when it comes to guys who are extremely good with women do NOT use how he acts around women as an indicator of interest.
Remember these guys are either trained or found at by accident that showing you too much interest is NOT a good thing. They won’t put you on a pedestal early on and they are NOT concerned with what they say, how they say it, and they are NOT ever afraid of being themselves.
Are You Casually Dating Each Other?
It’s no surprise that women come to me asking about a guy they’re dating and whether or not he’s interested.
Mostly you’re just asking if he’s interested in a relationship and I can not cover that today. Maybe later.
IF you’re actively dating him and he’s pursuing you, then it’s clear to me he’s interested in you and is actively getting to know you AND he’s trying to figure out compatibility.
It’s why we date.
However if weeks go by without hearing from him, or if the period between contacts are growing longer, then THAT is a clear signal he has lost interest UNLESS he’s dating lots of women.
Not all men, if that many at all, will be honest with you. They WILL slowly “forget” to contact you hoping you’ll get the hint because they don’t know how to reject you.
My assumption here is that IF you’re openly dating a guy and you’re still wondering whether or not he’s interested that you’re only confused on the issue of interested in something more like a relationship or commitment.
Dating or doing things together with any form of intimacy from kissing to sex equals INTEREST.
If you rarely or ever date or do things together and he only contacts you for sex or intimacy or only contacts you late at night, while he’s drunk, basically makes no clear effort in you beyond the sexual tension… he is NOT interested in something more. He is NOT looking or wants a “real” relationship with you.
Calling, Texting, and/or Contacting You On A Social Network.
There is absolute no doubt in my mind, being a guy, when I’m into a woman I WILL text her and call her enough to let her know I’m thinking about her enough to stay in relatively close contact.
This does not mean I will text her back quicker or call her just to talk unless that is how we already communicate.
If we tend to talk more on the phone than actually go on dates, then I will call her occasionally.
Guys who are NOT good with women will either never call or text you unless you do it first because they’re either too scared, don’t know what to say and don’t want to screw it up, and because they are not skillful socially. They might think there are “rules” to follow.
Now you must put all this in perspective and I’m going to help you by telling you how a man experiences an early attraction.
He can’t get enough of her. He might not show it but that’s when the feelings are strongest. To him, it’s like finding a new person to play with. Yes, it’s immature sounding but when attraction takes us over, we just can’t help it.
Over time though that initial spark will fade away a little. He might not call you so often or text you so much. It’s not because he’s losing interest (mostly) but because speaking is NOT always the primary source of communication with women for guys.
Once things get physical, we tend to gravitate more towards it and that could be anything from sex, cuddling, romance, going out, hanging out, being around you, playing games with you, etc..
Something that is actionable is where most guys live.
I understand how it’s tough to figure out. Earlier I told you if the time between contacts seems to be getting longer he’s probably losing interest and now I’m telling you most guys calling and texting will diminish over time.
The difference is again ACTION.
The phone calls might get shorter or the texting or online communication might get shorter BUT he’s now using that time to set up a meeting or date… it MEANS HE IS STILL INTERESTED IN YOU.
If he’s not setting up something, his contacts are growing shorter and longer in between, then that ‘s clear sign HE’S NOT INTERESTED anymore.
Hopefully you’ll see the difference there.
My best advice here is:
If he’s contacting you by any means listed above, then HE IS INTERESTED.
Please note how often he’s contacting you, what time he is contacting you, and what topics he is discussing with you, and the purpose behind his messages.
- Guys who contact you more than once a week or practically everyday are generally looking for a relationship at some point.
- Guys who spread their messages out more are NOT ready for a relationship. They are probably contacting or seeing other women too. They ARE interested but are not clear as to where they want to go with you just yet.
- Guys who use messages or phone calls to ONLY set up meeting ARE DEFINITELY interested but you’ll find their contacts are more sporadic. If they result in ACTION consider it interest and consider if that action only leads to sex, that’s ALL he wants. If it varies, the he might be more willing to enter a relationship with you.
- Guys who ONLY message you at night or when sex, sexting, sexual playing typically happen or most of the conversations you have center around trying to engage your sexual side are mostly only looking for that and nothing more.
- Guys who only ever talk about themselves or rarely ask questions or dismiss your life and problems quickly to get back to him are NOT really that interested in you UNLESS their character is self-centered and egotistical.
- Guys who go out of their way to find out about you, help you with your personal life, are willing to listen to you talk about yourself ARE INTERESTED. He’s asking questions because he wants to know the answer. He’s asking about you because he’s looking for similar life goals, passions and hobbies.
One more sign of interest…
Social Networking.
Social sites are often used in many different ways.
Women tend to use them for fun, communication, keep in touch with old friends, advertise and connect with charities, keep up with current social trends, and to (in the very least) prove to themselves they have a life or as a validation of their social world.
Men mainly (because there are always exceptions) use them to pass the time, bust on their guy friends, pick up women, contact women they’re attracted to, use women or their girlfriends to get more girlfriends, profile building in the hopes women will come to them, and or marking up their image for, yep you guessed it… women.
SO…. He’s added you on Facebook, follows you on Twitter, checks out your pictures on Instagram, chat you on Snapchat, etc… for a reason.
To clearly label his interest:
- Liking or commenting on your photos is a sign of attraction but not necessarily interest.
- Liking or commenting on your photos can also be used to make other women jealous. Look out for that by simply seeing he else he’s complimenting or who contacts him after he leaves his thumbs up.
- Using any form social media to find similar things to connect with you is a serious sign of interest.
- If you’re getting both, connecting with you on similar interests and leaving notes or liking your photos then I would clearly mark that INTERESTED.
Now I contact many, many women online. Some I’m just attracted to and some I’m clearly interested in and it comes down to several factors to see what I’m up to. (I trust you will NOT reveal my secrets here. 🙂 )
I will leave a message on a photo I like but it might not be complimentary. Sometimes it’s just to bust her ass. It normally means I find her attractive and I’m looking to flirt with her and I want her to flirt back.
IF, since there are endless women to choose from online, I’m not clear as to her accepting me or is attracted to me OR is willing to overlook or not care about our apparent differences I will NOT show too much interest beyond photo messaging or liking UNTIL after she responds either positively or appropriately.
What all the means is like written above, I engage her because I’m attracted to you and if that leads to something more then I will decide my interest in something more or something more sexual and relationship like.
Now, typically a guy can lose interest based on your social profile alone because attraction has little to do with WHO you are.
Pay close attention to these next few sentences because it’s what most guys might never tell you up front –> Attraction does not mean we have to like who you are because it’s beyond our control BUT being interested in you as a person and staying interested and possibly wanting more has everything to do with WHO YOU ARE.
I’m not like most men 😀 BUT I can make a sound guess of who you are based on your public social media life alone and I’m quite good at being right. Not always but most of the time.
With that said I can and will disqualify or lower my interest based on that alone BUT in no way does that mean I am not attracted to you. Depending on your stability, with attraction alone, sex is an option BUT a relationship is NOT.
Low “real” interest plus high attraction generally means interest in a sexual manner.
Some other men will fake interest for the sex when it’s not there. I will NOT.
The only real way to “Get it right” and to not be hurt if you’re interested in something more is to NEVER EVER engage in any sexual activities UNTIL he proves to you without a doubt with REAL ACTION.
Never rely on words as proof. I don’t care what he tells you.
Attraction PLUS Interest PLUS Action beyond sexual activities is a clear sign he won’t knowingly or purposely use you or hurt you.
One more example from MY world.
There’s this woman. Really cute. Not my typical “go for girl” but I’m still attracted to her.
I’ve noticed certain things about her I don’t care for. Her attitude, her selfishness, her choices in men or how she vocalizes those choices.
So my interest in something more is not really there but my sexual attraction for her remains stable or growing.
Since we have not been sexually active by any means at all my interest is still there. I want to sleep with her and I’m not sure if casual sex would be possible with her and based on what I know about her, I’m not sure if she can handle it without getting too needy or dramatic or whether or not I’m actually an option for her anyways.
Again. That means my interest is still there and as time goes by without any sexual activity I’m beginning to consider something more. Something long-term. Something relationship like.
Keep ALL that in mind because I believe it reveals the true nature of guys and how we go from just wanting sex to wanting more and so please… IF you want something more, hold off on full-blown sex. It’s okay to fool around a little, very little I imagine if anything a sort of admittance to being attracted to him.
What I can’t tell you because for lots of men it’s different is whether or not, if we ended up going out or in a relationship, whether or not those feeling I just revealed to you means after a limited engagement I’ll realize what my first assumption or the things I didn’t like about her will cause an eminent breakup.
😀
Now… (boy I do say that a lot , don’t I?)
Let’s get onto the real good stuff. Yep. We’re NOT done just yet.
I’ll explain something VERY important to you about men, what they want, and their genuine interest in you.
First, there’s attraction.
The formula is simple so NEVER read too much into it. Well at least try not to.
We see. We either feel attraction or not. It’s nothing we have control over.
It’s built into who we are and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it.
No matter where we go, what we’re doing, who we’re with, when we see our “attraction” which tends to vary slightly from guy to guy… it’s ALWAYS there.
That never means we’re going to act on it though. We DO have restraint depending on our age and maturity.
ATTRACTION DOES NOT EQUAL INTEREST.
We will or might want to sleep or have sex with our attraction but there does not need to be a whole lot of interest.
When we’re interested in a woman we will generally want to know more, see her more, court her, chase her, whatever it takes to find out who she really is.
We become interested AFTER the attraction is already there and we’re looking for more AND we’re capable of acting on that interest.
Let’s face it, some guys are just not good at following through with it and it may appear they are not interested when in reality, it simply means he doesn’t know how to show his interest.
Yes, because I know you’re all wondering…
We can become attracted to women based on interest alone IF and this is a big IF she triggers the right emotions inside us.
But Please keep in mind lots of men will fight it either way if they didn’t experience attraction at first. So some guys can never be “turned” if they didn’t experience attraction at first.
We NEED INTEREST to form a relationship which goes beyond attraction. We do NOT normally commit to a woman without it.
It goes like this practically every time:
- We see. We feel attraction because of you.
- If we are attracted to you we WILL make some sort of contact with you. Sometimes it’s just staring. Sometimes it’s more like putting ourselves in a better position to meet you. This is when it seems like we’re always just around the corner.
- When we do meet you we will test our compatibility with you or gauge YOUR interest in us.
- If it’s mutual (most of the time because lots of guys will try to make you feel it back for us) we will tease, flirt, or attempt to create some form of sexual chemistry or tension. We do this because we ARE INTERESTED in you beyond the attraction. We WANT something more to happen.
- At this stage we will exchange information to form a deeper connection. This includes phones numbers, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchap, Twitter, etc…
- We use the exchange information to contact you. Do NOT put a time-table on it. It could be hours, days, or even weeks. It depends entirely on the guy here and very little to do with you or even his interest in you.
- If while contacting you we make a REAL CONNECTION, we will set up a meeting or a date or even just contact you again and again. At this point we ARE INTERESTED in learning more about you and possibly progress through to something more than just interest.
- The dating stage is where we consider our relationship compatibility. The dating stage is also where we might lose the interest but not necessarily the attraction. This stage in no way represents our ability to commit.
- After the dating stage comes the commitment stage. This is where most women get terribly confused. That happens because what might NOT feel like a lack of commitment to you feels like commitment to us guys. Just because we won’t come out and say it does not mean we are not faithful to you. A clear sign is he’s against you dating other guys and he doesn’t seem to be dating other women.
- During this “off shoot” stage of the last one we may remain open to dating others but if we keep coming back to you it means we’re attracted AND we’re interested in something more BUT we’re not clear as to if it’s worth giving up our freedom. More confusion because part of us wants to be with you and another part is still deciding something more long-term yet we still feel committed to you. The freedom at this point may only be in our heads.
We have explored many aspects of a guys interest and sure we may have left a few questions unanswered, or some things may not still be clear to you BUT…
As long as you FIRST understand YOU CAN CREATE the GREATEST INTEREST from A GUY by focusing on yourself. It’s NOT about doing this or that hoping it will work.
It’s about always striving to become the best possible version of yourself for yourself while maintaining a realistic attitude about rejection.
In other words you can NOT allow yourself to get trapped into one guys attraction, interest, and love. I have found this only leads to false concepts of rejection and way too many heart breaks.
*I understand if you’re truly struggling in this area than YOU NEED a solid plan of ACTION. Something to help you focus more and to bring you around at the right time to GIVE your entire WORLD the GIFT OF YOU. Internal focus is great but you must also learn to communicate it specifically to men to engage their greatest interest. I highly suggest you USE THIS for the greatest results –> Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence. “7 Steps to Letting Go of The Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence – a powerful eBook/workbook/audio program that gives women the fuel they need to positively persevere in their pursuit of love.” I absolutely love his plan because it covers everything.
My world, my confidence, my ability, and my skills with women tells me I can have any woman I desire BUT in NO way does that make me focus all my energy and love on one woman alone when she’s not responding the way I would most desire.
I clearly understand rejection is NEVER an end to me.
Only a personal often emotional choice of another person and/or a clear lack of a gut level attraction for me which is never a choice by that person.
Both of which I understand I have no right to decide for that person. Just like you wouldn’t want another to control or attempt to manipulate your emotions, you must be aware it’s not right either for you to try.
This is why our focus remains first on becoming the best possible version of ourselves THAT DAY. Remember like-minded people attract each other without any interference.
SECONDLY…
How, what, when, and where you communicate that self is ALWAYS key to first developing a real deep emotional connection with every man you come in contact with. It is also how we find longer lasting happier and fulfilling relationships.
Never forget the quote above and to make it stick I’ll give again…
Stop looking around for signals from men that they’re “interested” in you.
Stop CARING whether or not a particular man is interested in you.
Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if men ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!
As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…
Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM.
I’ll say it, David DeAngelo IS my hero 🙂 and I would never quote someone so much if it didn’t mean so much to me. Of course I changed “women” to “men” for YOUR eyes only. It’s extremely unfortunate that he doesn’t have something for women.
He did however direct me towards my favorite coaches for women but we’ll get into more of them later. You’ll find them on my Recommendations Page. You will want to research each of them on your own time and hopefully one will truly connect with you and make a real difference in your dating/relationship life and goals.
THIRDLY… (is that a real word? 🙂 )
Qualification.
It never ceases to amaze me that the women who come to me sometimes get so focus on whether one particular guys is interested in them they not only drive their attraction up for that guy, the dismiss or forget something very important…
IS HE AN INTERESTING PERSON?
Qualifying a guy simply means deciding for YOURSELF whether a guy is right for you. If your focus remains too much on figuring HIM OUT you more likely to miss the point of dating.
It’s to find compatibility beyond the ordinary.
Learn to ask the right questions and expect more OR WALK. Things like:
- Is he interesting and fun to be around?
- Does he want to do things WITH you?
- Is he actionable or full of shit?
- Does he complement your life and not take away from your happiness?
- Is he only interested in making your life better as if it’s not good enough right now?
- Does he make you feel something more than just confused and troubled?
- To expect him to commit, is he mature and capable with regards to the opposite sex? Family life and career is not enough.
- Is his character worth sticking around or does he constantly prove to you he makes terrible decisions with little disregard to the people around him?
- (etc… more to come…)
Now I understand you can’t just ask him those questions. that does not prove anything worth relying on.
You have to figure it out for yourself by paying attention to ALL the details of HOW he interacts with other people including yourself.
LASTLY…
We have come to the end of my first REAL report for women and I can not thank you enough for not only making it this far but also trusting in me and “Why Do Guys…?” to help you understand men better. All the while putting up with my countless attempts to steer you inward. Something I have learned to do for myself and something which made drastic but healthy productive changes in my life… for the better.
I must ask you to make sure you at least open ALL YOUR EMAILS from me. This will help you decide whether or not that days advice or example is something you can relate to and help you decide whether or not to keep accepting my emails in your box. Trust me when I say I do not take it personal and it’s practically impossible to offend me.
I also must ask you to please NOT LEAVE ANY PERSONAL QUESTIONS ON THIS PAGE because I probably won’t approve them UNLESS they are short and generalized and very specific to the topics or areas we covered today.
If you must leave something here, I suggest it centers around helping me make this report better ( to work towards a version two or quite possible a sell-able Ebook). Feel free to point out any grammar mistakes or typos or confused issues too. Suggestions on how to make this site better than all the rest is also welcome.
Feel absolutely free to leave to leave any praises or massage my Ego 😀 and understand I might use them to help promote and build the “Why Do Guys…?” audience. It’s only fair. Haha!
I will also ask you to FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. It’s where I give guys advice so you can see what I’m telling them BUT it’s also where I very occasionally give you a glimpse into my very private life and oh definitely throw in some secrets about men too. Any responses or such can be directed towards @peterwhite125 #whydoguys #niceguyapproach (…) Keep in mind I rarely if ever will follow you back.
Don’t forget I do have a “fan” page too which we can actually interact publicly. It’s here –> Why Do Guys On Facebook. You can also see it on practically every page here.
Thank you so much and I look forward to communicating with you and helping you understand men better.
Your new GUY friend,
Peter White
This really is helpful but the situation I’m I is the guy I’m talking like me but now it’s confusing because he mows ignores me but I’m sure to begin with if he did liked me because when we meet each other he used to suggest that we go home together and he would say things like “how this relationship going to work if I don’t make him my first priority and at that time we just friends but now he’s ignoring and I don’t know why
All I can say Natasha is, be cautious with guys who say they don’t feel like they’re a “priority in your life”.
He’s ignoring you because he feels ignored himself and wants you to direct more time with him AND he’s also saying if you don’t make him a priority he doesn’t think it’s going to work out. Which means, it’s not going to happen.
Now I am about balance. You have to spend some real time together and make time for anyone you want something more from BUT a priority is something different. Mix that with words that suggest an ultimatum and it’s not normally a good thing from any guy or woman. It works both ways.
Pete
He approached me, flirted and now disappeared. When confronted , he says I m sorry , I cannot explain the situation but I had no bad intention. I worry we would fall for each other.
Does that mean he was never really interested ?
It sounds like he was interested but for “reasons unknown” he decided to not follow through. Maybe he has a girlfriend, wife, close ex, etc… Maybe he doesn’t like himself. Maybe he is focusing on things outside of women at the moment.
Could be anything.
When a guy says he’s worried he would fall for you, or you would fall for him… he’s doing one of these things.
1. Disqualifying himself because he can’t get with you.
2. Playing you with the “po po me” thing. Or playing the sad guy routine playing on a woman’s empathy.
3. Isn’t capable of moving forward and wants to put it all on you.
4. Because of the circumstance or situation (as in work relationships and such) is putting it on you to follow through so he feels more safe to move forward.
5. He was practicing approaching women. Rare but must be mentioned.
At least, that’s all I can come up with right now Juliana.
Okay so I met a guy recently and we had lunch. (I’ve never been in a relationship before -I’m 21- he is in his early 30’s) We’ve been communicating everyday but not much & now he’s ignoring me- I called him a liar (one minute I feel he is interested- the next no). He however keeps talking about the future. Told me his salary on the first date (I didn’t even ask);told me that I’m like sunshine in his life; is constantly complimenting me and as he is a foreigner- he told me that he wants to stay in our country as he’s getting a permanent job – he is leaving next month. He gets jealous every time he sees a picture of me and a guy friend. But I am also feeling insecure- he’s way older- has an excellent job, well established and incredibly charming- makes me think that women must chase him down. What do I do now? Suck it in and go apologise? Any other advice you have for me- let me know please – I want to make this right.
Met a great guy but he is leaving the country soon and we know this. We have been out on different activities together over a two month period all was great but the physical side depleted into holding hands now maybe due to being tired after the activities i dont know. He left for a holiday and i havent heard from him for a while yet he organised dinner for when he gets back so i think he cares but not sure if it is platonic now – why did the physical disappear so quickly.
I’m really pleasantly surprised by your report. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I didn’t want it to end.
Thirdly is in fact a word as if fourthly and fifthly and finally lol
That paragraph (beginning with 3rdly) actually answered many questions I had as to why I was following a guy who was obviously no good for me (and not interesting or pleasurable with all the confusion and frustration) but someone I had to have/understand. I just had to figure him out and I did everything to get him “attracted” and “interested” in me. Once I did that, I dumped him. He was selfish egotistical and was NOT a man of action. He didn’t want to do anything with me but tried his best to sleep with me – he never got it. I’m glad I listened to your advice about holding off. It’s the best advice given to women. Listen to your mothers ladies – it will get you the good man without being used for sex!
I feel less stupid for wasting so much time desiring a man who wasn’t even good enough for me but somehow knowing that other women do it too is reassuring. I get it now. It’s all a challenge trying to work him out. I also never get rejected and so I needed to know why. Drugs, Unemployment, Lack of Morals, Socially Awkward should have screamed out at me when I had the complete opposite chasing me. It somehow affected my self worth but now I know I’m worth so much more than a loser bad boy like him.
I have a suggestion to make this report or even your website better. Something I’ve failed to see anywhere else. Create a diagram to reflect your different hierarchies or even a flow chart to make it easier to follow. It will become a Facebook Viral sensation.
By using your explanation above…
Example If a man doesn’t call you and he doesn’t get women = (arrow) he is possibly still interested.
Example If a man calls you late a night = (arrow) you are a fuck buddy etc
Basically everything you’ve deciphered for us into a flow chart.
Make sure you put your name on watermark across your flow chart.
It will be how other women find you
You need to be found Peter White!
or even a poster like this;
Hierarchy of a Man’s Mind (underline) – this may attract some criticism though.
1. Attraction
Interpretation Sex Buddy, Fuck Buddy, One Night Stand
Long term prospect – Unlikely
Lowest form of relationship
2. Interest –
Interpretation – he is thinking about you more than just sex and wondering if he should date you to figure this out further
Long Term Prospect – Possible
Second Lowest Form of Relationship
3. Dating –
Interpretation, he would like to get to know you better to decide on compatibility.
Long Term Prospect – Highly Probable
Third Lowest Form of Relationship
This should not last more than (insert months example 4 months) before a relationship is created.
3. Relationship
4. Commitment
Obviously not all women are going to like this but it gives women a possible view into a mans mind.
In essence, it’s your report into a quick to see definition.
I prefer the flow chart though as men aren’t as simple as we are told they are and a flowchart may be easier to follow for those who haven’t experienced the pain already.
You men aren’t all a monolithic entity as we are told you are (simple my ass!), some are confident and some are more suave, the ones we like, the ones we secretly chase, the men who just BE’s dont show very much. I’m actually surprised by what I’ve read here.
It’s been good and like I said earlier thoroughly interesting
Thank you Swugar. I appreciate all of it and will take notes.
Make sure you find a way to get a hold of me personally as I am always searching for a “ghost writer” or someone who can put all my stuff together in a “sellable” package. Believe me lots of women keep asking me when my “book” or series is coming out. 🙂
Get back to you soon and thanks again,
Pete
I had an FWB who I met a year ago.
When he asked me for my phone number I was honest with him from the start; and told him I was only looking for a casual thing. I hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over 6 years due to the fact I had been hurt pretty bad a couple times in the past. Over the past 6 there were guys that I saw but they were all FWB, I was totally fine with that.
Over those 6 years a couple of the guys I saw started acting like they wanted more than FWB I got freaked out and ran the other way without looking back. The FWB I recently broke it off was for the same reason only this time it was I who was developing feelings for him. Once again those feelings freaked me out! With this guy we could go months without contacting one another and I was fine that. Made it easier for me to sweep my developing feelings for him under the rug. However, during the month of May his texts became more frequent and more “urgent” sounding. He knew I had another FWB besides him. I even encouraged him to see other girls.
He asked me over one day over Memorial Day weekend. I texted him back saying that I needed to take a shower first I look like absolute scum. He tested back saying I don’t care just get over here. When I arrived at his house looking at my absolute worst he gave me one of his awesome long lasting bear hugs and told me that I looked great! It was then I realized I couldn’t ignore my feelings for him any longer. After we had sex I told him this was probably be the last time he would see me. He asked why. I said because I’m starting to develop feelings for you that are freakin me out. I’m really sorry I told him. Then he told me about this other girl he was in contact with. Up until that point he kept her a secret from me which confused me because I was always up front with him about my other relationships. Before I left that day he gave me another one of his awesome long lasting bear hugs.
After reading your article Peter, looking back I realize this guy had many of the awesome attributes listed in your article.
Here’s my incredibly selfish question; do I have any chance of getting him back? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Even if It’s something I don’t want to hear.
Thanks Peter:)
Hey Kim,
Since I see no reason why he would believe you didn’t want him and it really wasn’t a breakup, then there should be no problem “getting him back.”
He kept the other girl a secret from you because lots of guys believe in a double standard when it comes to women. How it’s okay for a woman to date or see several men but it’s not okay for the guy to do it. Yes I know it sounds backwards but that’s the way it is for lots of guys.
Besides, the last thing a guy wants is the woman he “really” wants to think he’s a man-whore or to have his “fling” ruin it with the woman he really wants to be with.
Wouldn’t worry about it. He’ll probably assume you were being overly emotional and how it was just a woman thing. 🙂
I would be more concerned about your hesitance in getting too involved with a guy because you were hurt before. That’s something you need to look deeper into. Not that I ever recommend getting into a relationship before you’re ready because I don’t. Just that IF you want to enjoy a better relationship – you need to understand and work through those past feeling of hurt. Why they happened and what you’re really scared of.
Your not friend with benefit guy friend :p
Pete
Please help, because I’m not experienced with this stuff and haven’t the slightest clue if I’m jealous or actually onto something. There is a guy I am talking to. We are into each other, but haven’t gone out or anything yet. I gleaned from stalking him online (I’m unapologetic about this) that he still lives with his ex. In convo, he did say he has a female roommate and calls her his friend. Of course I know they dated and broke up several months ago. I also see her social media. There are pics of them together doing things friends would do from recently (the only “intimate” pics I see are from when I know they were still together). The difference is that on his social media, he hasn’t posted pics of them together at all since the breakup. I know his financial situation is tough (he tells me how stressed he is). I know she is more well-off than him and I feel he may be kind of financially dependent on her assistance (he works full-time and overtime to make ends meet). In the beginning of us talking, he had just broken up, so he kept catching himself saying “we” or “us” then changing it to “I” and “me”. I thought to myself (before I stalked him) that he must have gotten out of something rather recently where he’s used to being an “us” or he’s a douche trying to make me think he’s single. It’s been in this interim period that he’s referred to her as a “roommate” and a “friend”. Am I being the stupid girl who is being lied to or does HER lack of recent presence on HIS social media since the breakup, his calling her a “roommate” and a “friend” mean he’s moved on from her romantically and doesn’t want to give me the wrong idea? Could he just be embarrassed by his circumstances? I am pretty sure she still wants him (from the way she plasters him on her social media) but my concern is if he could still be involved with her? Are there guys who could live with an ex without any kind of intimacy or am I being naive? I’ve been holding back unsure if I am being foolish or not. We live in NY btw, so living situations are not always cut and dry.
I’ve know this guy for awhile now. Last year, he broke his hand and I went up to ask him about it (such as where, etc) and when I did that, he was surprised to see me and came over and leaned in (I assume to show me where). My friends who were near were saying that he must have like me because he was in my “bubble” within minutes of the conversation and he couldn’t stop looking at me. Forward to this year, the guy and I have had conversations and they are brief and short at times and the main reason is because I get so nervous talking to him, but I can talk to any other guy and it wouldn’t bother me. It was his birthday, and I went and talked to him and I had no idea his family was coming, but they did. He went over and from the distance we were at, I could tell that he either was talking about me or something, because he kept smiling over and then the next thing I knew, his family was doing the same. I notice that when he sees me, his face lights up and smiles. When he hangs with his friends, they are always pushing him and teasing him when they see me. He hasn’t made any move, as far as asking me for my number, etc. Any of this is considered being interested? Or an I overthinking it?
Well Steph, you are certainly over-thinking it but that is very common for people who are feeling attracted to someone. 🙂
Men AND women tend to get nervous, act different, and overthink things when they’re feeling something about someone else because they become a little self-conscious. IT’s perfectly normal.
Oh and yes – you CAN consider that he is definitely interested.
Just remember – being interested or attracted is NO guarantee a guy will actually do something about it or “make a move” and that happens for lots of reasons.
Sometimes it’s because he’s seeing someone else, sometimes it’s because he doesn’t know how to transition to getting a number or a date, sometimes it’s because he’s doing the same thing as you are and becoming more self-aware and nervous.
My suggestion, since you have known each other for some time now and nothing has happened, would be to DO something about it.
Your guy friend,
Pete
**Sorry to leave this twice I couldn’t figure out where the other comment went lol**
Had a crush on this guy I use to see almost everyday, there would be a lot of staring and gaze holding and a few smiles exchanged.. I talk to him once and now he’s disappeared it seems lol but I still see his friends who will either stare or glance at me and then also laugh… at me.
Maybe in paranoid but since he’s not coming with them anymore it feels almost safe to assume.
I use to see them ALL together.
I asked him one time what his name was and he asked was interested in anything else and I said no because I felt awkward and put on the spot because he didn’t ask my name or anything… and now I still see them (his friends) in the same place but he never comes with them anymore. Idea as to why they would or maybe what happened to him?
Thanks for your help!
So you believe you scared him away? OR you’re the reason why he isn’t coming around any more?
Hi Peter,
There’s a guy at my job but works in a different section than me. Last fall it seemed like he demonstrated interest in me, as he would bring me coffee sometimes and we went out a few times and had an amazing time each time! However, we had one occasion where we spent some time with one another but did not have sex. I did openly say that I was interested in him and he became cold and told me a week later we didn’t want the same things. at this time we also got out of relationships. However, months later he slowly started to reappear and brought me a cake for my birthday and made me dinner at his house and we cuddled and watched a movie for the rest of the evening (no sex yet again) he was supposed to take me out for dinner and drinks later in the week and cancelled on me twice. I was very angry and said to him to not make plans he cannot keep with me. A week later he apologized to me saying it was very immature of him and that he has been going through a stressful time. Since then, he has been hot and cold but I always see him stare and smile at me whenever I pass by or when he passes by at me. When I text him however (which only once a week) he is still somewhat cold or distant or doesn’t respond back. (Let’s assume he is busy) I still wonder if he is interested or what is stopping him (as every time things might get serious he pulls completely away) I find it interesting how he never mentions of sex and tells several of my friends he finds me very interesting, sweet and a good girl.
Thanks Peter!