Men like to stare. It's no secret. So how DO you deal with guys always checking you out and never approaching you or worse yet - staring at you with that oh-so-creepy look in their eyes?
You don't want ALL men who are eyeing you to talk to you. You'd never get anything done or get anywhere.
AND you're NOT interested in meeting many of them for personal reasons like they're kind of sketchy or you're involved with someone.
You can snub them.
Give them a dirty look.
Never look them in the eyes.
Turn your back and keep your distance.
I've seen lots of women do all those but honestly, that could piss off the assholes, making matters worse, or switch on the a "challenge trigger" making you a goal worth being persistent to get.
You can smile at the guys you want to talk to or would like them to approach you. If they're a type one who is interested, they'll get the hint.
You can flip back your hair, rub your thighs, walk very slowly by them and wink - but let's be honest here - that scares away lots of men because they're just not mentally (or sometimes physically) prepared to meet you. They're known as the type two guys.
It seems you have a few choices based on the outcome YOU want to happen...
Get then to leave you alone OR make the eye contact and approach you already.
Below I'll cover some actionable steps you can take in either case. They're simple but effective and will ease your mind.
BUT the real ANSWER to your man-staring problem is below in the second part so make sure you read it all BEFORE you decide your move.
A guy is staring at you. You're curious and Interested. You would like to meet him:
Engage him with your eyes by making subtle eye contact back and then draw your eyes slightly down as you break the stare.
This is generally seen as submissive and often gives men an instinctual reaction that you are willing to be approached by him. It's primitive and in most social areas, acceptable.
Keep your body language open. Head up. Arms apart. Sit or stand tall. Be open to your surroundings. Relax, blink a little slower, and don't forget to breathe.
Wherever you are ACT like you belong there as if you were meant to be in that place at the time.
Avoid being surrounded by your girlfriends and if you're with them, make sure you position yourself towards the man you want to approach you.
A guy is far less likely to start a conversation with a group of women. It scares them and brings out their fears of public rejection.
If you're with your friends and in a position to move - find a valid reasonable reason to walk past him. GIVE him the opportunity to approach you.
Do NOT bury your head or fingers in your phone. If you have to keep busy remember to look up once in a while. Men need the right opportunity to get on with their business.
Smile softly. Laugh with your friends and then go ahead and give him a quick look.
There's no guarantee here but if you follow that list, he's capable and confident in himself AND the signs you gave him projected that you DO want to be approached - you'll be giving him every signal and he will.
If you'd like to do more research on this subject, I strongly suggest you read a few articles I've written for men on how to approach a woman. When you look at things from their point of view, you'll gain an edge making you much more available and warm to his approach tactics.
Approach Women With No Anxiety & Fears – Four Words Changes Everything
How To Approach Many Types of Women When They Look Inapproachable
The Fearless Approach To Meeting Women With No Pressure To Perform
How To Give Any Woman The Perfect Compliment – Steps On How To Create One
PLUS, go through the category here at why do guys on why men stare but won't approach:
What Men Are Thinking About When They Stare, Gaze, or Look At You
You just got a creepy look from a guy. You don't want him to approach you or even talk to you:
Discourage the unwanted by avoiding all eye contact, hide yourself discreetly, and if you can, surround yourself with people you know or trust.
Position your body away from him.
Close off your body language and avoid making any movements like crossing your legs, playing with your hair, and do your best to avoid looking nervous.
Grab a book, a phone, a pen, any sort of prop which can keep your attention occupied so he believes you're extremely busy and how you barely even notice he's checking you out.
If you're with your friends laugh often and NEVER look his way no matter how hard it is. I understand that's difficult but I know you can do it.
Stay confident, walk or sit tall, be aware of your surroundings if it applies.
Avoid giving back a dirty look and certainly avoid acknowledging his stare in a way way. You do NOT want him to think or see he's affecting you negatively.
Those tips can work to help you deter the looker - but only a little so read on to learn a BETTER more effective approach to deal with guys staring at you.
First - a little information you must know:
Men stare at you because they're experiencing some sort of attraction towards you.
You can find a more in-depth meaning in my post:
If Men Are Always Looking At You – What Does It Mean?
It feels good to experience attraction and since our physical attraction can be felt from just a quick glance - we will allow ourselves to stare at what we find beautiful. Some more than others of course.
How long or how intently, or how it's done depends on the guy and his situation in life.
Now that you understand why, how to either avoid him approaching you or give him the okay to come over...
Let's talk a little about something called your self-conscious thoughts or your projections of your self-image.
"As you project based on your feelings and past experiences, it changes how you act accordingly; and although you can control the urges and change your behavior to not match your projection, often times it's not the case IF you're not aware it's happening."
Chapter 7: Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings
(Only available to paid members.)
People with high social anxiety tend to overthink, feel, and therefore believe everyone staring at them, and that they are being judged by those very same eyes.
It has been proven we are born with this feature or instinct and use this ability to protect ourselves. As very lightly told by these two out sourced posts:
Is Everyone Really Staring At You? From Popular Science.
Are people really staring at you? From The University Of Sidney.
For some, this instinctual protection unfortunately proves to be socially harmful because it enhances their anxiety and causes a limited and often crippling belief that others are constantly judging them.
Take me for example...
When I was a much less confident person I believed people were only ever seeing the bad in me. How bad my clothes matched. How ugly I was. The space between my teeth. My short stature. etc...
Every negative thought I had about myself made me believe AND feel as if everyone I came in contact with, were ONLY seeing what I saw in myself. And not the good stuff because of my lack of confidence, social anxiousness, shyness, and low self-esteem.
People often take what they see in themselves and PROJECT those deep inner feelings onto all the (supposed) leering eyes.
Which is why it is often called a PROJECTION.
However - the proof...
When I became more confident in myself, suddenly people were not staring at me - they were either believing I was famous, recognizable but not known, or for women, they were suddenly attracted to me and were caught actually fantasizing about me.
Changing how I felt myself suddenly changed how others saw me and therefore my new projection was that of a positive belief and not a negative judgment against me.
From a look of disgust to admiration based solely on what I believed about myself.
From a pathetic meaningless existence to a handsome sexy guy with way too many women admirers.
If you want to know how to deal with guys staring you must first understand how you're projecting your image and seeing yourself through what you believe is their eyes.
Be honest with yourself - You have no idea what they are thinking, the mindset they're in, how their day is going, and what they are projecting unto you based on their own beliefs.
Now of course, you're going to be right from time to time.
If it's that obvious a guy was staring at your ass then he probably was AND it's probably because you do have a lovely butt he finds it attractive. It suits he eye.
But when you can't see how others might find you attractive this whole staring business "suddenly" becomes something you have to "deal with", doesn't it?
You can see it as a compliment, albeit not a clever one, or an indication you ARE approachable, or any positive thing about yourself OR you can CHOOSE to deal with it negatively by secluding yourself in your negative thoughts about yourself - thus enhancing your social anxiety and need to just make it stop.
So how DO you "deal" with it?
By doing whatever you can to increase how you feel about yourself, your self-esteem in particular, and your confidence because then suddenly, those stares will not mean so much anymore OR those very same looks will give you a positive boost rather than a feeling you want to run and hide somewhere.
Since many of these internal beliefs will tend to center around your self-esteem, confidence, and how you affect the world around you - IF you want to give yourself a major boost, skip the quick tips and searching hours for answers...
I started my research on self-esteem from the number one guy in the field, Nathaniel Branden, by reading this book:
It’s more of an informational book but he did write this one so you can work on it yourself:
Perhaps you won't even notice them anymore.
Perhaps you'll walk a little taller when one of those really cute guys catches your eye and you find yourself giggling inside.
However you choose to deal with the stares - however you choose to see them - never forget your internal beliefs will ALWAYS be projected on to the thoughts of others AND everyone, everywhere, in every social environment, are...
Experiencing the same thing you are.
Just as you project your image - they too project their image onto you.
No one is exempt from the internal thoughts and responses which come from other people's stares.
Your self-conscious thoughts will tend to project on to them how you feel about yourself which means - YOU have every means at your disposal to handle those stares and to deal with those guys based on them too.
It goes both ways.
The same goes for finding love which is why so many people struggle to enter a happy loving relationship when they don't love themselves. They project their negativity the feel inside onto their partners and in the way they communicate.
If that's you - think about going through this from Katie & Guy Hendricks, this is their free newsletter link Heroic Love, both hold Ph.D's who specialize in learning to love yourself.
They have lots of books on amazon but their best stuff is right here:
“The Learning To Love Yourself Special Bundle will help you learn the process by which you will free yourself of feelings of chronic dissatisfaction, will increase your self-esteem, and will allow you to feel at peace with your life and love.”
(Those links above are my affiliate links - I earn a commission when you purchase using the link at no extra charge to you.)
My point is:
Loving yourself, have a high self-esteem, confidence in yourself ALWAYS transfers over to projections.
When you see the greatness and are positive in yourself - you often find it easier to find and see the positive in EVERYTHING around you, which includes guys staring at you.
You'll find "dealing" with this issue is not a problem because it won't be an issue anymore.
The conclusion...
You must first of course know what you want from the situation of a man or men starring at you.
There are generally two ways you'll want them to go:
You're either being stared at and you want some of those guys (or even just one) to approach you, meet you, or start a conversation.
OR...
You're tired of being gawked at by strange creepy guys and you want to know how to stop it from happening.
The list above of what to do is general. Most of the time it works but it's probably not something you don't do instinctively or know how to do anyways.
But there IS a third sometimes unknown option too:
Projections, your self-conscious thoughts, how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself is the most effective way to deal with guys staring and knowing how to take it from there.
The ones who do matter - who you DO want to talk to - will see an open woman who is approachable. Someone who is confident, secure, and ready to meet new guys.
The ones who don't matter - and you wish to stop them from staring at you - well unfortunately, aside from not looking back or ignoring them - or secluding yourself from their prying eyes - they're going to stare.
It's kind of what creepy guys do.
You're now left with once again - your projections, your self-conscious thoughts, how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself is the most effective way to deal with guys staring at you...
Because it's practically guaranteed the more confident, aware, and how great you feel about yourself means those weird strange guy stares won't make a difference to you at all.
You simply won't let them affect you anymore which leaves them powerless and makes their stares less bothersome.
Let me know what you think below.
