In my article Why Nice Guys Are All Too Intimidated By Beautiful Women a great question was asked…
What can a woman do about it? That is, what can a beautiful women actually do about her (accidental) intimidation on a nice guy.
Assuming you’re a nice woman and not doing it on purpose of course. 🙂 You are nice, right?
Well…
If I were to ask you to coddle him you’ll only end up making it worse. He’ll eventually feel threatened, emasculated, and become less than a man you would want. Right?
If I were to ask you to become less intimidating, who knows, maybe dress down, ugly yourself up 🙂 OR worse yet act as if you’re dumber than him just to make him self “feel” better.
I certainly could not ask you to quit your job just so a nice guy might feel more important than you.
There just does not seem to be an easy solution to this problem because:
It’s on him, isn’t it?
These are HIS issues and HIS responsibility to deal with. (Of course you could always send him to DiaLteG TM or my young Nice Guy Approach, step back, and hope he learns something.)
Actually, thinking back on my life, if a “hot little thing” :p smiled coyly, and simply directed me somewhere I could find the help I needed, I might have resisted at first, possibly felt rejected BUT years later a thank you letter would have come her way.
This is a reoccurring problem with nice guys who are constantly rejected – women are rarely blatantly truthful (if she’s nice) and they say things which only confuse them even more. Not that it’s your fault because you don’t want to hurt their feelings and it’s possible you can not put into words WHY you’re not feeling it for him too.
But I’m getting off point here again.
The question still remains… What can you do about it?
How can you change your interactions with these types of guys and communicate positively without making the problem worse or pushing him away
Okay, so you can’t help him on his end. You can’t reject him with truth hoping he’ll get the picture. You can direct him to me but then you’d be giving up on dating him at least until he’s ready to step up to your challenge.
You also must NOT downplay yourself assuming you’re not showing off or in the habit of making everyone feel uncomfortable because you like to talk about your accomplishments all too often. Meaning, I’m sure you don’t like a guy who brags arrogantly all the time so you shouldn’t be doing that either.
Let’s look at this from another angle to truly confuse the issue.
You meet a guy and at some point you find yourself falling for him BUT he just doesn’t seem to get it. He won’t do anything about it. He’s shy, a little introverted, and worse yet, he backs off just when things are going good and you swear you can see a blind fear behind his eyes.
For some reason he believes you’re out of his league OR is intimidated a little because who knows, maybe you make more money than him or are considered VERY attractive.
Why don’t we reverse what I originally revealed as see what happens:
She tugs on our self-esteem… makes us question who or what we are.
“Are we good enough? What would she see in me? Why would she bother with me when she can have any guy she wants? She probably wouldn’t want to be seen with me anyways.”
Tell him what you see in him. Compliment him a little:
“You’re not like other guys, are you? 😉 Do you ever wonder what (other) people are thinking when they see us together?”
She tests our confidence… makes us question our experience, strength, or fortitude.
“Would we even be able to keep her? Would she eventually leave us for some hotter guy? Would we be able to please her? Could we satisfy her?”
You could NEGATE his “lack of experience”. Let your confidence rub off on him:
“We can explore so many new things together. Are you up for a fun adventure? Are you into trying new things?” Then tell him a cute story about how you tried something you failed at by somehow managed to conjure up a funny ending to it all.
She makes us think way too much…
“How would we even start a conversation with her? Every guy is trying to get in her pants, how are we any different? How could we be any different from them? How could we show her we’re different and want more than just a lay?”
When you find yourself attracted to a “shy guy” or interested enough to want to get to know him but you’re not sure on how to approach situation… How To Approach A Shy Guy
Be open. Use your body language to lure him in. Say “Hello”. Introduce yourself. Be proactive in the beginning and allow him to take the lead from there:
Nothing scares a nice guy more than a woman who seems a little uptight or hides herself because she’s worried the dumb ass in the corner will get the wrong picture.
“If I catch that guy staring at my ass ONE MORE TIME… Haha! I mean I have tits too you know. :p What do you think? My ass or my tits? Which you would rather stare at? 😀” Reach out and shake his hand and THEN introduce yourself.
She can also have us turning our internal negativity outwards…
“We bet she only dates jerks. Probably into money. Something tells me she’s too much work anyways. She’s only being nice because she wants to just “be friends” or wants something from us and is of course used to getting her way.”
Nothing is more hurtful than when a guy externalizes his internal negative assumptions made about beautiful women. It pisses me off when I hear guys talk this way and I’m positive you’re a little tired of it too.
So….
Don’t do it to him either. Don’t assume he’s nice because he’s shy. Don’t assume he’s a good guy because he’s intimidated by you. Don’t assume you know HIM before you get to know HIM:
“Hey asshole! “ (smirk) “Let’s be friends.” “Take me out, buy me nice things, kiss my ass a little and I promise I’ll leave you hanging for some jerk IF and only IF you for once and for all admit you have a dark side Mister Bad Boy.”
She can also have the opposite affect by turning our outward negativity inwards…
“She’s not talking to us, she must not be interested or even notice we exist. What would we have to do to get her to notice us. I bet she’s not attracted to us, must be too ugly for her.”
Take a measured interest and a passion to connect with guys who always seem to be the male equivalent of a wall flower. Step out of your comfort zone and be the first to step up.
Remember, introducing yourself, saying hello, starting a conversation, is NOT the same as pursuing a guy. You don’t have to take that lead. You only have to get things started once in a while with certain guys and let them take the next step.
You want to ask a guy out, DO IT! BUT… if he doesn’t take some kind of leadership role AND you’re doing all the work, stop dating him. Should A Girl Ask A Guy Out?
What I’m getting at is, maybe you need to disarm his insecurities in a clever way. I’m not suggesting you go above and beyond your normal routine to make him feel at ease.
You also must understand something very important to you and any future relationships with men:
You’re going to meet insecure men who you have an urge to nurture and you must NOT go there with them. This only predicts a relationship disaster. If you find yourself more attracted to insecure men then you must find a different internal solution.
You’re going to meet men who are intimidated by beauty and wealth just because you’re a woman. Downplaying yourself just to please him is another road to a never-ending relationship problem. If he sincerely has a problem with it, introduce him to some poor ugly woman because apparently that’s the only woman who will make him feel good about himself.
You’re going to meet “nice guys” who will NEVER figure out they’re good enough for you. If you two end up together it will become a battle to constantly keep his self-esteem up and in the end, you’ll grow frustrated, tired, and risk losing yourself along the way.
Hey Miss Beautiful! Yeah I’m talking to you. 🙂Why would you want a nice guy? Is it because… Miss Beautiful, Do You Really Want A Nice Guy?
I’m telling you this, from the hip I suppose because I’m not entirely sure the tricks or tips I’ve given you will work magic (although I’m betting they will 🙂 ) on guys who are intimidated by you:
