Is He Confusing You? Leave Your Questions About Men Here And Get An Answer From A Real Guy

380 comments… add one

• Chelsse

  Pete,
  I have a crush on a coworker and he likes me (all the signs are there). My issues is not wanting to attract him more but to help him see my flaws so I can do my work. I spent way to much time talking with him throughout my day, he’s a bad distraction. It has been a year of us talking and flirting with no results. I personally can’t tame this crush but maybe I can become more unattractive so he wont feel the need to talk to me.
  Things I have tried so far. Staying away from him, no make up, very loose fitting clothes, I have even gone to the extreme of eating junk food and not washing my face to have acne… NOTHING bothers this guy!! He still finds a way compliments me.
  What more can I do?

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• Sumayyah Khan

  Hey Pete,
  I’ve been reading your articles for the past couple of weeks and I love them, they are very insightful. I’ve been very confused myself by a guy I am interested or possibly was interested in… I met him at work; he’s best friends with the owner of the restaurant so comes in time to time and knows everyone. First time I saw him I thought he was so cute but never approached him myself because I know really good looking, confident likes him probably get approached by girls all the time, I wasn’t going to stroke his ego, I decided to let him come to me. The following week, I saw him at a work party where I dressed up in heels and a tight skirt…I looked good. I saw him again the next day and sure enough he was all over me. Every time I saw him he would be all over me. Then we found out we are both into rock climbing and go to the same gym! But he still never asked me for my number, I was so confused. How could a guy who was obviously so interested in me, who would sit and laugh with me and give me so much attention not care to ask for my number? Eventually, he used rock climbing as an excuse to get my number so we could ‘meet up for the gym’. He texted me a week after getting my number to ask me if I was going to climb that night. I wasn’t going to, but I decided to go so I could see him. We climbed together, he would grab my arm constantly, ask me which routes I was doing, help me out, be all over me. The next thing that drove me crazy is why he wasn’t asking me out on a date or using my number to see me outside of being sweaty at a gym together. Once again my prayers were answered, my coworker threw a birthday party to which I knew he’d be going to. He texted me that evening to ask if I was going and continued texting me until he got to the party, telling me I’d better save some food for him that I cooked for the potluck. I see him at the party, I was so nervous, and trying to stay on the non-desperate side of things – I stayed with him in the beginning of the party and played a game of shuffle board with him, but definitely tried to stay chatting with other people in the party so I didn’t seem all over him. I don’t know if that was a good or bad move… we didn’t spend much of the party together. So I went out of my way to keep him company while he played his games, he had his arm around me so I put my arms around his waist. Before I knew it though, he was wrapping things up and saying his good-byes to everyone. I told him to stay but he just grabbed my arm and told me had to go. I was now drunk and uninterested in anyone at the party…bummed. I stayed for another half hour before I was so bummed I drove home (bad choice). I got a text from him on the way home telling me my food was good and asking where I was and where I was going. I told him I was going to a friend’s house but that I could go for some food. )I meant to a Denny’s or something public.) He then told me to come over because he’s making food and that he’s ‘drunk!’ I took that as a red flag and a booty call and said “Maybe another night then, have a good night ” He told me I was missing out and I said “I’m sure I am lol” (lol might’ve been salt in a wound…oops). Anyway, I was pretty upset that I didn’t go over because of course that’s all I’ve been wanting to do, but I didn’t want to be labeled a booty call or ‘easy’. I figured this would set a good precedent for myself. Needless to say, he’s been different since then. I asked if I was going to the gym the following day, I met up with him, and he made a fart joke, a balls joke, and was just very immature and different. Every time I saw him after that, he was more and more weird, and less and less interested in me. He came in to work just the other day, checking chicks out on Tinder the entire time (he’s never talked about girls around me before). I wanted to cry/punch him in the face. And finally, yesterday he didn’t even ask me if I was going to the gym, I saw him there that night and he didn’t even care that I was there.
  So I’m writing to you because as simple as this seems to be – he’s an asshole; he wanted to hit it and quit it…. I can’t stop thinking about him and I want to know if there’s anything I can do to get him to be interested in me again. Also, should I ask him why he’s been acting so weird? I don’t want to assume it was because of that night I didn’t go over that night….

  Help.

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• Maria

  I am confused and upset (mad) at the same time because I have been in a time zone with this man at work. I noticed him about months ago and he noticed me then started to stare at me then if I looked at him he would hurry up and look away. Then finally both our eyes met at the same time my friend said (look like deer in headlights) look. I felt like I was melting inside, wanted to run or just be shy as always. Later in months he started to always know my break times and would be walking close to me. Close enough to have his arms over mine he never allow men to talk to but he would always be talking and clowning with other females. He would see me and walk off from them even though they were still talking with him. He never was disrespectful he always mentioned his parents and how he respected them. Before lay-off he became distant and one day while driving down the road he rode side by side with me for 4 miles. I am highly confused at this time, he lost his job due to being as the y said (unglued at work). Please help me with this guy and he is a show horse around people didn’t know how to ask me for a date. Hadn’t had a girlfriend in 12 years, never been married was he afraid of me?

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• Confused for real

  I have a business relationship with this guy. We are leaning toward a more personal relationship, as we have had lunch several times. The first few were on the premise of “business” but that proved not the case. We hardly discussed business and much more personal things. He paid for the first few, and i have paid for one, but it made him incredibly uncomfortable. He told me he didnt like it when I paid. I however found it to be more rude of me to only pay for myself (I don’t expect him to pay for me) and not his (it was on the same bill). I don’t feel like lunch is a date. Am I wrong?
  He has told me he has a different life outside the office, but won’t divulge to me what it is. I know hes single with no kids, yet i have become aware of an ex of his who is just a friend who occasionally gets together….. I know what that means….. Even though he says she irritates him and he can’t stand to be around her for long. I know he was hurt in the past, he was engaged, and they wound up splitting. He’s been relatively open about most things. He has categorized me as “a good girl” and says I’m too smart for him…… Yet I’ve met his mother, and the last time we had lunch was with his brother, also. He is very respectful of me, yet I get the feeling he’s a player. Ive had someone very close to him tell me he “really likes me” and “highly respects me”. I assume thats personally, and not professionally.
  He comments on my scent almost every time I see him, (how much he likes it), he tells me im pretty, and flirts with me off and on. He hugs me, but has never tried for anything else, and has never asked me on a real date. When we talk on the phone it’s usually brief and business related. We usually only have personal talks face to face. I dont know if he is that intimidated by me, or if he is playing me. I am a strong willed woman, and speak my mind, so its possible i scare him i guess. He does have self esteem issues, yet is incredibly good looking, which makes that hard to believe. I don’t know how “Fake-able” that is…..
  Is he interested for a serious relationship or no? My other question is do guys really over analyze what we say and do?

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• Sheila

  Hi Pete,

  I have read all of your articles and well basically all of your replies to lots of ladies here who are asking you for help or to shed light to on MEN. And although I am definitely so sure about my boyfriend’s love and devotion. I do have a question for you. Whenever me and my boyfriend have some misunderstandings (usually he interprets what I say and which is opposite of what I am saying) and I go silent and just walks away (I do walk away to cool down when its get heated) HE goes so dramatic, whining, complaining and YES like a broken radio replaying the past — this and that ..blah blah — and I have to like wait it out most of the time before he starts to listen, its annoying. So my question is. Do MEN like drama? or by far I am just maybe dating a guy that is hormonally charged drama geek?

  Cheers

  Sheila

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  • Peter White

    Hi Sheila,

    Yes. Some men DO like drama. I can’t give you a percentage as I’d just be guessing anyways.

    However – liking drama is one thing but it seems in your case, he’s getting overheated because of other reasons. Maybe he’s doesn’t feel important enough or grew up feeling ignored or completely misunderstood.

    Typically people like this “lash out” verbally as a gut response or have anger management issues or feel like they have on control over life yet feel like they need to control it so they can feel like they’re accomplishing something.

    I’m not an analyst. This is just based on my experiences, some light reading, a LOT of observations, and my past rages when I felt helpless to what was happening around me. Mine were directed inward by the effect was the same.

    To find your answer I would like at his past, his present, and the items I listed above for a better answer.

    Having a lot of passion is one thing and can result in charged outbursts where a firm belief is questioned BUT if it’s superficial, blatant rude interruptions, a constant failure to acknowledge the other persons opinion, and a complete failure to listen then I’d guess it’s beyond just being a “drama geek”.

    Hope that helps you out Shelia,

    Pete

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• adsje

  Hi Pete,
  I’m glad i stumbled into your site. I am currently in a situation in which i don’t know where to put myself. I have this guy friend whom i had a crush (before we became friends) and eventually developed into liking him. I usually trusts my instincts… i feel he likes me too but then he leaves me confused.
  The following are the instances that i felt he likes me :
  1. He accompanied me at our old office to search for files. He fans while i searched for the files and we talked about his family and relationships.
  2. He saved his number on my phone.
  3. He pursued me to go out and have a drink with him and his friends (he was the only guy there).
  4. He pursued me to play badminton with our officemates.
  5. He made an explanation letter for a memo issued to me (thrice)
  6. He pursued me to go on a swimming with our officemates.
  7. He accompanied me to an amusement park when he learned that my buddies won’t be able to go with me.
  8. He tickles me, play with my hair, puts his arm on my shoulders, massages my back-shoulder-neck-head.
  9. We text once in a while.
  10. He made me watch “How I Met Your Mother Season 1, 2 & 3″ (he was watching this)
  11. He had asked me a couple of times to sleepover at his dorm (whenever its too late for me to go home) but i never accepted his offer

  And then the following are the instances that i couldn’t figure him out
  1. told me he flirted with my friend but he doesn’t want to pursue her anymore
  2. had invited him to go out then he invited my friend over to go out with us
  3. learned from our common friend (a girl – he told me once that he likes her) that he told her that he doesn’t have my number and we are not text mates

  Please advice. I’m hurting…

  Thank you in advance.

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  • Peter White

    Hi Adsje – how do you pronounce that anyways?

    I’d say – why are you hurting – The score is 11 to 3 and you’re winning.

    Actually I’d give number 8 and number 11 ten points which now leaves us with a score of 29 to 3.

    Honestly I’d guess, this guy knows what he’s doing with women – the confusion is good, it means you’re feeling attraction, and follow the score.

    Hope that helps you out Adsje and as always… enjoy it,

    Pete

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• Jaime

  I have recently broken up with my bf who is 6 years older to me. We’ve been together for 9 months. Two weeks ago he broke up with me saying he loves me but is not “in love” with me.
  We were discussing moving in together and he was very keen to take the next step but I hesitated. A month ago he was madly in love with me planning my move and then suddenly because I didn’t appear enthusiastic, he asked me not to make the move. We live 1.5hrs away from each other so it was a move from the city to a smaller town for me.

  Last week, he started texting me saying that he hates himself, feels guilty and useless for what he has put me through and that I deserve better. He checks up on me once a day. I don’t believe that he has just stopped loving me. I think its more personal issues.

  I do love him and I do believe that he made a rash decision about our break up and he probably wanted more of a “time out”. He has made some big mistakes by making me feel alone at a time like this but I am forgiving him because its pointless holding a grudge over someone who’s made a human mistake. I have not initiated contact with him at all. It has always been him.
  Then suddenly again he told me that I deserve better and I should move on. Instead I told him that I still love him and that I want to be with him and out of respect I will give him space to clear his head. He replied by saying “thank you. Space is what I need”.
  So how does a man who wanted me to move in with him for the last 3 months, suddenly bolts when I agree?
  Why does he need space? Isn’t he worried about losing me?

  So we are not speaking to each other at the moment since i’m respecting his decision to have space!!

  Why is he behaving like this?

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  • Peter White

    Hello Jaime – men are deathly afraid of losing their independence.

    This article taught me a lot and here’s a quote from it,

    “Men’s fears relate mostly to their own ego, competence, and independence. He fears he will be inadequate and trapped.” – http://www.dialteg.org/five-dating-fears-men-women-differences/

    Chances are he was already feeling the pressure and when you hesitated – he felt either rejected, hurt, or only saw what bad could come from it all and not the good side of it… such as the relationship you’ve both enjoyed up until then.

    My guess is – the moving thing happened too early for both of you. That would cause you to hesitate and him to question it all.

    As you might agree – this is probably not the end of your relationship – as long as you both communicate what really happened AND you both don’t define your relationship on “living together or not”.

    To help you out a little more, let’s talk about my position. I’ve been a confirmed bachelor ( Haha! ) but occasionally it feels lonely – I feel left out. Like I’m missing something. Other times I come home and think, “Wow. This is great. I can do what I want. Say what I want. My mess is always mine. I enjoy my solidarity.”

    So at times I want the company perhaps even need the company or to share my life and at other times I enjoy the simplicity and pressure free life.

    In my opinion – that’s never going to change whether I’m married with five children or living as an old man still looking for a younger hook up.

    It’s built into me… when I feel pressured I want the space. When I’m feeling loved and happy I want the company to share.

    In your case he IS most likely worried about losing you but just maybe he feels like YOU’RE defining the relationship on whether or not you two move in together.

    Feeling like you deserve better ( a guy who isn’t so afraid of losing their independence or having all the seemingly non-manly fears. )

    Then a part of him felt your hesitance, like he’s pressuring you to leave the life you love – not being fair to you makes him question what his love is doing to you – hurting you or helping you.

    Then he questions your love to him and how you might regret it all if you leave the city.

    Wherever we go with this – my opinion again – his fears will never just disappear – when he feels loved he wants the company – when he feels pressured he wants the space and so on…

    But space is one thing. TIME is more important.

    It just seems like at this point in your relationship – this test is helpful. Get past it and you’re one step closer.

    Something only more time will reveal which will make it stronger or weaker and you’ll both learn to communicate the real issues involved.

    It’s not the love – the love caused you both to perhaps jump too quickly ahead making me believe it exists between the both of you, but the fears and dealing with those emotions and where they’re really coming from is what needs to be communicated to avoid breaking up over this kind of situation.

    Thank you so much for sharing today – I think we’ve both learned something. At least I know I did.

    Hope everything works out for both you,

    Pete

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    • Jaime

      Hi Pete,

      Wow thank you so much for your wonderful insight. Its been 3 weeks since our breakup and as hard as it has been I have gained a lot of perspective about what I did wrong and what he did wrong and right.
      On Monday night (today is Friday), I texted him and we flirted a bit and he asked me if I wanted to come up to see him. I said yes. It was pretty obvious that it was for a booty call but I didn’t care. Being the control freak that I am, I didn’t want him to come see me because I don’t like people coming to see me and leaving me – I prefer to go and leave. When I saw him, it felt so good to be with him. I was expecting all my stuff to be packed up and ready to be given to me but everything was where it was meant to be – including our dog’s bed.
      He is an extremely neat guy but I was shocked at how messy his house looked. I guess his house was a reflection of his state of mind as well. We didn’t talk about us at all. I appeared cheery and happy, all the attributes he likes about me, but I was genuinely scared. I could see that he had built wall up against me. We had sex. It didn’t feel any different from the usual sex that we have. Before we had our breakup fight, I remember him telling me that he felt disconnected from me except when we have sex. A few of my female friends said to me “oh he’s probably made up his mind abt you but now just wants to have his cake and eat it too” and that “he’s slowly trying to wean himself off me” – but I know him. He would possibly never be able to have sex with me if he didn’t have feelings for me. There have been times when he’s actually stopped midway because he’s felt like I was emotionally not there.
      When we fell asleep, he seemed so rigid. He wasn’t cuddling me. I asked him to cuddle me and he did for a while. I could feel so much hurt and pain in him. I woke up the next morning and kissed him and left. We didn’t talk about whether we’d see each other again. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him at all. If anything I was afraid that he might text me and say “oh after last night I realized I don’t have feelings for you. Sorry. Bye”. But later in the day he texted me to say how his day went and that he hoped I got home safe – I took that as a good sign of keeping the line of communication open.
      The next day I texted him to tell him about some car trouble and he asked me a few questions. Since then I haven’t heard from him.

      I spoke to my dad yesterday and he gave me similar advice to what you’ve given me. He said “he must be quite hurt by what you did (my reluctance to move) that he feels that he can’t trust you and he’s worried that you’ll do it again”. When dad said that, it made so much sense. It made sense as to why he was behaving the way he was as well. I feel so guilty for hurting him but at the same time, I was hurt too.
      Before we had our breakup, he was away on a surf trip for 5 weeks. During the entire trip all he wanted was to come back. He kept telling me everyday how he can’t enjoy the trip because he’s away from me and how he can’t wait to start his life with me. When he came back, I was so passive aggressive and I hurt his feelings by being unsure about moving. He tried very hard to give me reassurance but I kept stressing and pushing him away.

      I guess all I can ask now is….what do I do Pete?

      I don’t want to lose him because of this. Its hard for me to communicate to him what I’m feeling and how sorry I am because its going to come across as begging or needy. I know TIME will help but I’m afraid SPACE will make it worse. And I am afraid of getting rejected too.
      What if he really doesn’t want me?

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• Jenn

  Hi Pete! Thanks for taking the time to answer everyone’s questions. Your blog is great! I have two questions today that I could really use your help with.

  First, I went on a date with a guy on Friday night who I met online. I thought it went very well. It lasted about 3 hours. We met up at one place for drinks and he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else with him, so then we went to a different bar. During the date, he said things hinting that he wanted to see me again. I know men don’t always mean things they say on a first date, especially one where alcohol is involved, so I didn’t read too much into it. He kissed me at the end outside my apartment building, and then we parted ways. I texted him afterwards saying “thank you I had a great time.” He responded within 10 minutes saying “had a great time too, I hope to see you really soon. Pick a day next week” So I suggested Thursday and he responded “perfect.” It’s now Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him since. Do you think I should assume we made plans for Thursday, or assume that because I haven’t heard from him since, that he is no longer interested?

  Second, I went on 3 dates within a 3 week period with a guy. He consistently texted me everyday after the first date, but didn’t schedule dates as often as I would have liked. We were both busy, and I understand that there was no rush, but I just didn’t think he seemed as into it as I was. I went with the flow though, no big deal. After our third date, he texted me right after I left him saying had a great time, then the next day he asked when we could do it again. We made tentative movie plans, but he said he needed to make sure it was okay with his brother because he was supposed to hang out with his brother that day and he would ask his brother the next day and confirm with me the morning of. (this seemed sketchy, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt) The morning of our tentatively scheduled date came and I never heard from him. I never texted him because he said he would confirm and between being indecisive about the plans and then never texting me, I just figured he wasn’t interested so I continued on with my life. A little over two weeks have passed, and on Monday, evening he texted me out of the blue. I really did like this guy, but I don’t know if he is texting me out of desperation or because he wants to see me again. What do you think are his possible reasons for texting me out of nowhere? Do you think I should respond?

  I really hope you get a chance to get back to me! Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

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  • Peter White

    Hi Jenn – two questions???? you mean I have to do two things… Hahaha! Fine.

    First thing – great job on the dating… awesome to hear it.

    Second thing – well a bit of advice – migrate away from the bars quickly after a first date. You mentioned “days” something might happened but I didn’t here “where” something might happen. It’s tough but this goes for everybody – men and women – it’s not, “pick a day and we’ll do this or something…” it’s “Doing THIS possibly on that day.”

    Even if the actual day can not be set – “Dancing!!! Let’s do it.” – “Comedian!!! Let’s go see it.” – “Sex!!! Love it…” Okay the last one maybe not, but notice how they work better than the other way. First ACTION. How you might do it without them anyways… then the invite or setting of a day.

    As for your first guy – I wouldn’t assume you have plans because you’re missing the more important, WHAT and EXACTLY WHEN. ( And just maybe this guy should take my advice… action first. Hahah! )

    I don’t think he’s not interested in you anymore – I just think he’s needs to feel like he needs to realize you’re busy and will NOT sit around waiting for him to “get back to you” on a date which may or may not be set already.

    Your second guy – what or how he was texting has alluded me, and it does mean something. Were they sexual, casual, boring, like a friend…?

    He doesn’t sound like the “dating” type and he may need more than just a “movie” to respond positively to. So it may not be he’s not that interesting – he just ( which I might add is half his fault ) might need more than a movie.

    I will tell you guys don’t text everyday after dates unless they’re looking for something more. Sad as it sounds – if they’re not into you they won’t bother texting the day after and the day after and the day after…

    Personally – it sounds like he doesn’t have a plan. Maybe he ‘s just looking for some sex – maybe he doesn’t understand women or how dating works. Maybe he’s doing the same thing with one or more other women. It’s very hard to tell.

    The whole “text you everyday for weeks” and then completely disappear is sketchy and it’s making me wonder what his motives are.

    Now if he doesn’t seem as into as you are – and he’s doing nothing but giving you so-so dates which you feel he’s only doing them because he thinks that’s what you want, then unless there’s something more going on – like more exciting dates – quick coffee meet ups which are not defined – random texts which make you laugh but are not required for you to answer – then to me, his motives are not exploring a possible girlfriend but just biding his time waiting for a hook-up.

    If I’m wrong – either way – it will come out soon enough. If you like him enough, and if it’s been about a month or more of on and off dating, then it may be time to discuss what you’re both looking for ( casually ). I’m not saying to give him an ultimatum just to introduce more to him, and respond less to him.

    My plan’s not perfect… trust yourself and please always question my answer… I’m an awesome guy but I’m not perfect.

    And thank you for stopping by… hope this helped you out and cleared up some stuff for you,

    Pete

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• Dierdre Robinson

  There is this guy at my church and he constantly stares at me. I even notice some of his friends analyzing me sometimes. People always tell me I’m pretty and I’m used to getting attention from guys but this guy in particular stares at me so often it can be somewhat awkward for me. He usually stares at my face and sometimes he stares and if I turn towards his direction, he turns his head. This guy stares from across the room and he serves more than a glance, it’s one of those 5-10 second gaze until I look away and sometimes he sits a couple of rows behind me and if I just happen to turn around…THERE HE IS!!!! His expression on his face is his mouth partially open and lol he kinda looks vulnerable. I’m attracted to him because he is GORGEOUS!!!! I just don’t understand why he hasn’t approached me yet! I have even gotten close in proximity to him and I’ll hold eye contact as an invitation for him to approach me but I guess he can’t pick up on the clues I give him. I don’t know of he is attracted to me or if I remind him of someone or if he thinks I look strange in some way. I’m sort of shy and I prefer him to approach me but I’m open to breaking to ice. I’m curious of his thoughts. What should I do????????

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  • Peter White

    It’s sad that most guys don’t get the subtle hints BUT on the other side – hinting through eye contact is not always enough to get a guy to approach you.

    Eye contact often invokes a fight or flee response based on our instincts alone. Some get past it. Some ignore it. Some freeze up. Some flee. Some get nervous. Some take in their surroundings and thinks this is NOT the place to approach.

    Either way – whatever you believe – you might have to do more than just hint or give him clues. It’s the only way to find out who he really is or if he is attracted to you like you’re many other “followers” who tell you how pretty you are.

    My best advice is to first – make sure you feel pretty for yourself on a given day – stumble near him, drop something casually as you walk by, compliment him on something he’s wearing ( and not his general gorgeous look )… trust me being shy is a good thing with guys – but you must do something more than eye contact and understand you’re not approaching him – you’re just starting a conversation and see if he takes the lead after.

    You, from what I can tell, already have his attention – and is his mind it may feel like an approach – so try one those those three things I mentioned… ( best one might be complimenting him on something he’s wearing )…

    Let me know how it works out for you – best of luck to you Dierdre,

    Pete

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• Amaroq

  Hmm this is an interesting website.

  I fell in love with this guy a year ago and recently I told him my feelings.
  He’s seeing someone sort of but it isn’t committed, before he told me if anything happened between us he wouldn’t stop it from forming.

  He told me he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship as he wasn’t financially stable and wouldn’t be able to give the attention the relationship needs right now, also he’s trying to find himself.

  He seemed to have some interest before I told him how I felt, I even asked him out and he practically spun around like a top and said yes.

  After I revealed my feelings to him he was very relived and happy I told him after so long.
  He told me that he falls for my personality each time he sees me.
  Ever since then he’s been acting strange he become more affectionate, he stares at me across the room and will either blush, look away quickly or even laugh.

  He will actually walk up to me and just stand in front of me (I’m sitting down) and will just gaze into my eyes with his his very large pupils.

  He will strike deep conversations with me, and even asked me odd questions like what things do I want if I had the money and told me what he would want and expressed he would like to have and do things and share this with someone in the future.

  He wants to spend time with me and get to know the real me.

  He even said we have an emotional connection and wondered who started it first.

  I’m wondering if he loves me or is starting to fall in love as he’s been acting different and we’ve been bonding well.

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  • Peter White

    Hmmm – it IS interesting isn’t it? I’m thinking about revealing all my sordid affairs… Maybe I’m worried they would be less interesting… Haha!

    Seriously though Amaroq – What’s the difference? Whether he’s falling in love or actually in love, at this point, why question it? GO with it!

    Don’t get trapped in asking so many questions about the future that you miss out on the present. Love is a moment to moment thing and NOT a good predictor of the future.

    Meaning – you might be assuming if he IS in in love with you now it means he’s committed to a future with you, and if he’s falling in love with you, he could fall out.

    Which if you ask me – I would rather have a woman fall in love with me over and over again each day we’re together than to just BE in love.

    Enjoy the “falling part” because just maybe at some point in the future you can look back and say “we’ve been in love for THIS long!” and to me that’s more important and and a much more happier existence than trying to figure out if someone still going to love next week, next year, forever and forever.

    Remember, I’m a guy. I THINK like a dude. I can’t say your guy and me are exactly the same but my best guess is – we think alike on issues like this.

    Oh yeah, it’s great to hear how wonderful things are going for you over there and wishing you all the best,

    Pete

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• Addison

  Hi!
  I am confused about one guy that I am definitely attracted to. I am in a study group (graduate school) with him and I noticed a couple days ago that it looks like he is zoning out staring at me with his mouth a little open. Even if I look up, he doesn’t look away, doesn’t smile, nothing. You know when you can feel someone’s eyes on you and you feel a little warm in your cheeks? That’s how it feels. Whenever I contributed to discussion, he would say “that’s exactly right” or something like that. He called me “girl” a lot. I laughed at him often when he said something funny and I teased him a little bit, and he teased me back. BUT, the next day, I said “hi” and smiled and he just said something about me going the wrong way because I was walking away from the classroom to the bathroom and I just laughed and said “yeah!” So he didn’t talk to me the rest of the day, or the next day. I don’t know what to think. Is he just nervous or does he not want anything to do with me?

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  • Peter White

    Hi! Addison.

    I HATE to make generalizations but based on lots of truths, graduate school is full of ( men and women ) who are either less socially aware or are fully capable in that area. Granted it IS a generalization but you must admit is partly true.

    With that said it’s easy to see your answer – he’s nervous and is only doing what he feels might get your attention.

    When he instructed to you that you were going the wrong way – he was hoping for more than a one word answer. For all we know in his mind, he set up something which would go beyond the classroom. Hoping it would turn into a date, phone number, or better yet, …study session!!

    For all we know he could have dreamed of an opportunity like this which is very common for the “not so few” hopeless romantic guys out there.

    I don’t think he felt rejected – just disappointed and if he is in fact, less socially aware might have taken it personal and so just decided to put his tail between his legs and assume, it’s now your turn – if you are interested.

    It’s actually a very common thing.

    Most of the time, the guys who want nothing to do with you – you won’t even notice they’re there.

    If a guy is “hating on you” , staring at you, teasing you , or you’re teasing him and he’s playing along it means what you think it does… You’ve entered their world in some way. How they respond to you differs but they’ll always make that fact known.

    Thanks for writing in and the best of luck in your study group,

    Pete

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• Anna

  There’s this boy that asked me out three years ago and I turned him down then but for the past year I’ve started noticing him noticing me. And we make eye contact quite often but sometimes when he’s near I’m too afraid to look at him. And the question is could he still be crushing on me after three years? There was a time last year when me and him had to do this reading together and when I was done he thanked me and said my reading was beatiful, and I didn’t really want to read into that because he could’ve been joking. But thing is when I make eye contact with him it’s usually me looking away first because I’m so nervous, and it’s mostly me catching him looking at me. Does this still mean anything after three years?

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