Is there something about a guy you wished anyone would finally give you an honest answer?
Your girlfriends are great but they might know know about the other side. They haven’t lived a man’s life.
Maybe your guy friends are not typical. They’re “nicer” than the “boys” you’ve dated. They don’t have the experience you wish they had.
Your family’s a little too close or perhaps too far. Either way they know you too well and their answers are more about you and not men in general.
You’ve tried searched out here in the great web but for some reason, you just couldn’t get a real satisfying answer. They, like I’ve been guilty of too, seem to open up more questions that satisfy just one of them.
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And now you find yourself here… wondering, hoping, trudging through a few posts, reading a few comments… it’s kind of nice but YOUR problem is different. It’s just not covered somewhere.
This page comes to you as an opportunity to leave a question (anyone) can answer but also it’s a starting place to categorize everything you wanted to know about guys.
Leave your random question about men and I just might feature it as a post – or I’ll throw you a quick answer straight from the instincts of a guy who understands men and wants you to understand us all better.
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- Relationship Problems
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- What Does He Mean
- What Guys Want
- What Men Like to Know
- Why Do Guys Do…
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550 comments… add one
Hi Pete
Thank you for your last advice. It really help. But I need some further assistance please. I really like the guy in my work place. And he has come forward now and is messaging me a lot for often. I see that the interaction between him and the other girls in my office has gone down after I told him it made me uncomfortable. However whenever we text it gets very sexual and there are message about general things too. A few days ago we had a misunderstanding and when he came into work he gave me a hug and some sweet. I am not sure if he is doing this for other girls too.
I asked him the other day what are is intentions towards me he said we should wait and see how things go. He then asked me the same questions and responded the same way. On Friday night I went to dinner with two friends and one of their girlfriend, this guy went out with some other people from work for someone’s leaving drinks 3 of the girls in the office that he hangs out with were there and they told him I went to dinner. He then text me asking how was my double date, he said only joking are you seeing family tonight.
One of the girls text me telling me that I should forget this guy cause he is a player and he has been making all the girls feel spiceal.
I told him that people have been calling him a.player etc so is he messing with the other girls. He said no he has never had anything to do with any of the girls in the office. He said he is very attracted to me and is also sexually attracted to me. And that he misses me when he is not at work. But still he has not asked me on any dates but has asked me to come to his house.
I feel confused about this guy I like him but I don’t want to be use.
Hi Robin Bird,
Player or not – sexual texting, telling you we should see how things go BUT never actually having them go anywhere – saying sure he’s attracted to you and then adding “sexual” attraction to it – telling you exactly what you want to hear ( at least from what you wrote me ) AND the real kicker is ONLY inviting you to his house…
Yeah – Until he takes things out of the sexual relm and follows through with his “sort of ” promise of seeing where things go THEN I’d suspect, expect, or even assume the worst. You’re a sexual conquest to him.
Men who really want something more in situations like this – typically make that happen and then sex kind of just happens along.
To him it appears, “Well lets have sex first and see what happens…”
I don’t say this very often but I’d make sure that the “see what happens” comes first in the form of many real experiences outside of work AND his home AND on something more substantial.
Hope that helps you out Robin bird,
Pete
Hi Pete
I have a question. Do guys give girls gifts or anything, just because or is there hidden meaning behind what they give us women?
Thank you.
Tara
Hi Tara – this is for you and every woman who has ever wondered about girt giving too:
http://www.whydoguys.com/is-there-hidden-meaning-why-he-gave-you-gift/
Hi Peter,
I have a co-worker who have flirted with me when we were hanging out with fellow co-workers outside if work. He is very different at work, all business, so I was a little taken aback because he barely talked to me at work. He would crack jokes with me and tries to get close to me outside of work. Then the next time it saw him at work, he would barely look at me and wouldn’t really speak to me. I am a little confused. I thought he liked me so I even tried emailing him about some business-related stuff in hope of starting a conversation but he really didn’t respond. What’s going on?
Great news… Here you go.
http://www.whydoguys.com/what-would-cause-business-flirt-different-outside-work/
Hi Pete,
I have very strong feelings for a guy at work, but I am constantly confused as to whether or not he may be interested in me. Some days he can be very friendly, sometimes fun and teasing. I catch him looking at me, or sometimes hanging around a lot, even if he’s not talking to me. Sometimes he seems to give me little looks I can’t describe, but they’re nice; looks I’ve never seen him give to anyone else. Sometimes when he’s holding our department meetings, he looks right into my eyes as he’s talking to the group. He’s gets on well with all the staff, and talks to them all a lot, like they’re all really good friends. But I feel like he barely talks to me as much as he talks to everyone else. Those little exchanges we have that I mentioned above often happens when there are few or no other people around.
On the flip side, there are days when he seems to act distant, sometimes cold, and treats me like I don’t even exist. When we cross paths, it seems almost like he’s turning his head away purposely to avoid looking at me or meeting my gaze. He still looks cheerful and friendly with everyone else, just not me. I do feel like he treats me differently to everyone else, and I wonder is there any meaning to that. He has not really made any attempts to spend time together, and as I said, a lot of our exchanges feel very private. Although there was one time when he suggested getting a bunch of people together to go to a bar I was very keen in checking out. I made a poor response, and fear that he got the wrong impression like I wasn’t interested or something.
Overall he comes across as a very confident, friendly, intelligent guy. But I don’t think he’s had a lot of girlfriends, and I believe he’s been single for a few years now. There have been a couple of instances when he’s said something degrading about himself, and I wondered if he actually has low self esteem, and was perhaps fishing for compliments from me. I feel like I’m not doing enough to show my interest, and wonder if he’s trying to figure me out the same way I’m trying to understand what he’s thinking.
Finally, could the fact that he is 2IC for our department, and essentially acts as our manager be stopping him from showing interest (if he is interested)? I’m also afraid to show too much interest in case he doesn’t reciprocate, because he’s in charge, and I’m worried it will make things very awkward.
Do you think you may be able to shed some light on where I might stand with this guy?
Hi Karen,
It definitely sounds like he’s into you AND the his position ( as acting manager ) is causing a problem.
You’ve noticed all the signs and seem to have a good handle on what’s going on.
As far as him “acting different” once in while like he’s almost ignoring you could mean many things but based on what you wrote I’d say he is more worried about you liking him.
You see some guys feel like they have to put on an act when their around a woman they’re attracted to. Like they have to better than think they are. One of the problems with “the act” and I know this from first-hand experience, is that it’s very tiresome. It drains us. If we’r not up to it on certain days we’ll just avoid having to do it. Especially if our job is being difficult that day…
We can only take so much pressure and trust me – guys feel lots of pressure when they’re “trying” to get a girl to like them.
Remember, just because he comes off as confident, friendly, and intelligent AND he probably IS all that – not all men believe that’s enough to attract a woman. They actually believe they need something else.
When you believed he was fishing for a compliment he was probably trying to determine whether or not you were “physically” attracted to him.
The fact remains – besides everything else men want women to be physically attracted to them because that’s something they can easily relate to… among other reasons.
Work relationships between boss and worker can be very complicated and are not always recommended so please think this through before you do anything.
That’s all the light I can shed on you today Karen… hope it was enough for you,
Pete
Thanks Pete.
Looks like you hit the nail on the head. I’ve been confiding in a close friend at work about my feelings for this guy. She spoke with him, and as it turns out she didn’t even need to say my name. He knows I’m interested, and apparently told her that if I was at a different store, or even a different department he might consider a relationship. Because we work together he’s worried he’d be seen as playing favourites.
Our workplace is very relaxed, and there have been many successful relationships start up between colleagues, so I feel like he doesn’t need to be so worried. I know the people in our department wouldn’t care or judge us or accuse him or me of anything unjust. But at the same I understand that these are his concerns, and I can’t change them for him.
I really like him a lot, and I wish he would reconsider. He clearly has an interest, and I wish he would act on it. I don’t know if there is anything I can do other than step back, but keep him aware that I still care about him, and hope he changes his mind about us.
You’re welcome Karen and who knows maybe sooner and not later you’ll become so irresistible that he’ll overlook the problems and risk it.
You never know.
Hi again Pete.
I need your help again. Since my friend spoke with this man I like I feel like he’s withdrawn. He barely acknowledges me. When we pass each other I feel like he avoids looking at me. He always either looks aside, or is engrossed in his phone. There are still moments when he says hello in the morning, and he has no problem approaching me about work, which he does cheerfully enough. I still get an occasional smile, and a glance, but it would be maybe once or twice a day if I’m lucky.
One of the biggest frustrations I have is the fact that he very obviously treats me differently to everyone else. I’m the only person he doesn’t talk to. With everyone else he constantly chats about all kinds of things. It’s really hard for me when he willing comes up to the other girl I work with and starts telling her about his weekend. But he only comes to me with work stuff, like ‘can you make a sign up for this or that, or how’s that labelling going?’
Some people say it’s because he’s attracted to me, and doesn’t know how to deal with it. I’d like to believe it, but it’s getting harder to do that. The whole thing feel incredibly hopeless at the moment.
A guy friend has told me I need to ask him out. I need to speak with him myself, because no guy likes to hear things secondhand. But how can I do that when my confidence has been shattered, and I feel like he’s not interested at all.
If he’s not interested, there’s not much I can do about it, but I would like him to at least start treating me like everyone else, because his behaviour towards me makes me feel like an outcast in our department.
I would love to be able to talk to him about it. I think I need to talk to him, but I don’t know what to say.
What should I say to him, to get him to open up about where he stands, to get him to understand that his treatment of me is making me feel like an outcast? And hopefully, if the attraction is still there, and he really is just feeling awkward and unsure (just as I am), find a way for us to work on that for something positive?
Hi there,
I go to school with this cute guy in the grade above me, but he’s a little confusing. Stereotypically, anyone would categorize him under “sporty player”. He talks to the skimpy popular girls and he also talks to me as well. I’m not bringing myself down but I’m not exactly the smallest 17 year old girl alive. Here’s the confusing part:
I have a class with him this year and he will talk to me there. In the cafeteria he’ll come up to me and say hi. But when he’s walking down the hall with one of the other girls, he pretends I’m not there if he sees me. Some days, in the class I have with him, (like the past two or three days), he’s been staring at me the whole class period. Other days he’ll hardly mutter a word to me. I’m confused and I just want to know why he does this. Thanks!
Hi
Ive known this guy all my life, a few years ago we met in town on a night out and had a 1 night stand. He said he wanted to see me again but we didnt, since he would randomly message me short things how am I what am I doing. Then the other week he messaged and ended up coming round we spent 24hrs together laughing joking watching films, he spoke about his family friends, even shed a tear. And he spoke about a future together and how people would see us. Yes we had sex and went to sleep cuddled up. But then after saying hed like to see me again a week later nothing at all. Until I mad a comment on social media saying no names mentioned he was just a friend then he started calling me names and being nasty what is this guys problem does he or doesn’t he like me
Like most people who use this they are a bit confused, my confusion comes from mixed signals and I have no close male friends who will take me seriously and give me sound advice!
I have a good friend who I have always got on with very well, but this past 4 or 5 weeks we have got a lot closer. We used to have the long conversation when we bumped into each other and kept in touch via the odd phone call / text message (perhaps once a month or so depending on how busy we are) but this past month we have been in phone contact every other day – most of the time he phones me, and the calls last for going on for an hour or sometimes more until one of us has to go and do something else or a phone battery dies. The body language between us is obvious – a lot of people over the years have commented that they think we are a couple when we’re talking/joking about.
My problem at the moment is that he’s recently been seeing someone but that has just ended (he doesn’t know that I overheard a conversation he had with a third person), and when I found this information out I took steps so that he would find out that I am single via an innocent route so he doesn’t think that I’m prompting him. To start with once he found out he kept phoning/texting me as normal but then silence for the past few days – I have sent a couple of texts and no reply.
Do I cut my loses and think it’s not to be or should I give him benefit of the doubt for a week or so…. I’m not going to hang about forever. Also should I talk to him and see if he is interested in taking me on a date, or would being ‘forward’ scare him off if he is genuinely interested in taking things forward
is this guy still interested in me or he never was interested in the first place? theres this guy I know we don’t know each other too well but we texted a lot and in the beginning he was initiating most of the conversation. Texting me first when I hardly texted him . He invited me to go hang out with him thru text and we went to his place . he was throwing pillows at me and being playful. I kissed him and one thing led to another and before I knew it he was fingering me in my vagina. I let him continue fingering me because it felt good and I liked it. I slept at his place and the next day I let him continue fingering me more and he told me when to let him know when to put his penis in . I told him I wanted to put it in and he put on a condom and stuck it in my vagina once he could hardly keep his penis erect so we stopped. well we left his place and we walked to Louis burgers. When we arrived there he was ignoring the whole time I was there and I went to the bathroom and when I come out I found out he took off. Now he doesn’t text me first unless I text him. Did he use me? because I asked him and he said no and no wtf. He doesn’t talk to me in public anymore either when the first time I met him he came up to me to talk to me. My friend Ronald said he don’t need to talk to you anymore since he got what he wanted. I don’t understand this guy that was interested in me before now it seems like he isn’t . I asked him after this all happened if he still liked me he said yes but it seems like his actions contradict what he says. I keep accusing him of using me but he keeps saying ” U don’t know me and you don’t know what you are talking about.” also I made a fake profile on facebook of some random girl and added him on facebook and he keeps messaging this girl I made up on facebook. what gives ? why is he messaging a girl on facebook he does not know? Also is this guy a player and playing games with women including me?
Hello!
So I go to church every Sunday, and there’s this guy in my Sunday school class. Whenever he is teaching the class, he’s mainly just keeping eye contact with me while talking. Also my friends and I also notice him staring at me 4-5 times throughout the class when there is someone else that is talking. When he is on stage to sing with the choir, he is also staring on and off at me during that time too. Whenever he talks to me too he always says my name…What does this have to mean?
Well Hello to you Too Autumn!
I’d say, the staring means he likes or is attracted to your appearance and if he’s saying your name a lot while he’s talking to you… He’s either really nervous, really forgetful and trying to remember your name
or he’s trying to connect with you. Which is why he’s doing all the staring. Make sure you read this:
http://www.whydoguys.com/why-do-guys-stare-at-girls/
Howdy!
I met this guy about a year ago at a party and we really hit it off. Mutual friends even mentioned it. One friend even made a bet with her boyfriend that we’d hook up. Two days after we met he’d found me on Facebook. We hung out once alone a week later to smoke and watch TV. I kept glancing at him and eventually he said something to the effect of “Why do you keep looking over here?” So I probably turned red and looked away and he said something like, “I kinda want you to.” So I kissed him and we made out but nothing more. When he walked me to my car, I told him he was adorable and he shook his head and said “No.” At first I thought this was just his low, shy-guy, self esteem kicking in. Later, I thought he was just being honest.
A week or so later we met again at a party. He flat out ignored me. My best buddies had come with me to the event and despite not really having had too much conversation with them, he friended them on Facebook the next day. I took this as a sign that he was interested in me. I tried making plans but he was always busy. Or he’d flat out ignore me. I’m not new to the dating scene, I know what that means — he’s just not that into me. So I kinda gave up on him.
But after a little bit more time went by we ended up alone again after a party and once again hooked up — just making out. I told him I liked him. He told me that he liked me, too, but that he was always anxious and that he had a logical part of his mind, too, but the anxiety always won. Then he mentioned that he wasn’t really ready for a relationship because his last few were so long but that he’d be okay with fooling around. But when I tried to hang, he’d ignore me.
He came to a party I hosted. He even jump roped with a whole gaggle of girls when I asked him to and I could have sworn he glanced back out at me before he went back into the house after. But still, he flat out ignored.
I decided he wasn’t interested and gave up. Friends mentioned that he’d been ignoring them, too. He stopped going to parties and I stopped wondering what happened to him and I.
Recently, he started showing up again. He’s talking to everyone in the room BUT me. And when he does talk to me, he’s nervous and trips over his words. I’ve caught him glancing at me and then quickly looking away a few times. And two of his friends have recently gotten in touch with me in conversation (which is out of the norm) and ended up mentioning him in passing. They messaged me under the guise of “So and So needs a new pot dealer, do you know anybody?” He gives me really good hugs whenever we see each other but that’s about it. When I asked our group for music suggestions, he sent me one (after no other contact for months) where the lyrics were about someone giving the cold shoulder and being romantically unattainable. When he posted a status seeing if friends wanted to go to this club together, I expressed interest. A few days later he tagged me in a follow up status bout the same club but we never ended up going.
What’s his deal? Is he horribly shy and just doesn’t have the cajones to talk to me? Or is he trying to brush me off?
Hi Pete! I have been reading your answers and I found them so great! Well, this is my deal.
I have been dating this guy for a couple weeks now. We went on 3 dates at his place and on all of them we ended up on bed. We text all day, all day! Even after i get home after been with him, we keep texting untill either one of us falls sleep. We both have reacted at the other in a bad way one time each one. He has tell me about his kid and work and plans. We get along great but whenever we are together, both of us are like shy. Also I have a feeling that he might be texting someone else but this because I haven’t come to trust him completely. At the beginning he kept telling me how beautiful I am and on and on. He has not mentioned it or something like it in a while. Is this normal? Can it be possible he just want a sex buddy? If a guy is just looking to get laid, would he invest so much time texting? Please show me the light! I enjoy my time with him but I’m not so sure about if I likes me that much. Thanks!
I met a guy who lives in another state.We txt/talk to each other everyday all day long. He flew out here and spent a few days with me. He said it was the best time he ever had and cant wait to see me again. We continue to txt/talk every day. He is very sweet. Always asking how my day is, how my pets are ( my dog loved him!) . He always tells me how sweet I am, how caring and giving. We haven’t said the “L” word yet.I am definetly falling for this man. He always tells me he cares a lot about me. What does this mean? Is he falling in love with me but is scared to say? I’ve never had such a connection with someone as much as him before. He is younger than me. He’s in his mid 30s and I am late 40s. We have a ton in common.
Hi Lily,
If a man is telling you he cares about you and is backing it up with affection AND attraction, it’s a good bet he’s starting to fall in love with you.
Give it time and try not to push the word “love” on him. When he’s ready he’ll say it.
Also most guys will wait until the woman says it first. That doesn’t mean you should blurt it out just to see if he says it back. Pick the right moment and make sure you ARE feeling it.
I’m not sure how long you two have been going on but I do know patience is always good in these situations, early on. Keep the connection alive and don’t go changing it up.
If it’s working… it NOT broken.
And that’s a good thing right?
All the best to you,
Pete
Hi Pete
I am very confused by this guy’s very very mixed signals.
So, to start with…i sit at a certain area at the library. he does as well. he sits at the desk behind me.
he is distant friends/in the same friend group as one of my close friends. i never met him before because he went abroad last year (which was my first year her at college) one night last week, i hung out with my friend and some of the other people in her group. the guy comes along and talks with one of the guys in the group. then he comes up right next to me and (to the other guys) says,” i’m going to get something to eat.” then after he comes back with his food, he sits right across the table from me and my friend (my friend has a boyfriend btw). he just sits there, doesn’t make an effort to talk to his friend. at one point he stands up, and just stands there…his back isn’t turned/he’s completely facing my direction. that’s when i went back to my room because i was too tired to socialize with my friend…
after that, we saw each other at the library in the same area where we both studied. we didn’t make any eye contact/ackowledge each other. but he and i both passed each other several times.
today, i was sitting at the couches in one of the dining halls. the guy comes in and leaves his backpack and his papers at the table right next to mine.
I went into the cafeteria to get some water and noticed one of my good friends talking to the guy. i go up to them and say hi/catch up with my good friend. the guy doesn’t look at me at all. even when he finishes ordering his food, he just walks out of the cafeteria with only tapping the guy on the shoulder.
i hung out with my other friend. he (my other friend) and i went up to where the guy and his friends were sitting. I am very close to two of his friends, so we started talking. one of them offered a seat, but then realized that the closest seat would be where the guy was sitting. so he said,”i’m sorry but the guy (meaning he said his name) took your seat.”
the guy didn’t glance my way AT ALL. he was staring at his phone the whole entire time, looking through Facebook pictures…as if that was so important.
after 30 minutes of chatting/catching up (while standing up, because the guy didn’t offer his seat to me (or even talk to me or glance at me at all) and because there was no room at the table), my other friend and i left to go back to where i was originally sitting (i had left my stuff there)
the guy suddenly comes up to grab his stuff. my friend greets him and says, “hey do know ___ (meaning me)?”
his response: “mmmm….(he squints) maybe? probably? i mean on Facebook there’s always a friend suggestion list. if there’s over 50 mutual friends, i’ll send a friend request. if the profile picture is of a hot girl, then i’ll send one…” he kept rambling off. and then he said goodbye, and left.
it was the weirdest introduction i had ever had. he didn’t say the normal “oh, i don’t think i have” OR “oh, i think i’ve seen you around.” he didn’t eve say what his name was. or ask, what’s your name again? and then, nice to meet you….
i don’t know how to comprehend this. is it because he’s flustered? he doesn’t know how to behave around me? or is it because he just doesn’t give that much interest about me?
my friends tell me that he’s a nice guy, so he should have at least given some courtesy in the introduction. an answer to a question like that would be a simple yes or no. and then a nice to meet you my name is… why would he say “mmm…maybe?” i’m so confused.
thank you.
Hi Migley,
Nope. Doesn’t sound like he was flustered. Doesn’t sound like he is confused about how to act around you. It could be that he really isn’t that interested in you.
It sounds like you want me to tell you it’s a sign. A sign that he’s attracted to you because his indifference towards you… is making you feel attracted to him.
Sure he could’ve been courteous but ( and this is a maybe ) THIS or what he’s doing to you “works for him” and in that case – it’s working. You’re incredibly curious as to figuring him out.
Honestly I’m not seeing any mixed signals. You’ve been given one signal… Indifference.
You’re reading into everything this guy does as a sign which was placed just for you. Like when you mentioned “leaves his backpack and his papers at the table right next to mine”.
So… it could possibly mean the way he’s acting is his “game” and that WOULD mean he’s attracted to you and is doing it to vamp you up.
That would be my best guess here Migley but I will say again, I don’t see any mixed signals. It either means he’s clueless and couldn’t care less OR he attracted to you and found this might work to get you to feel attracted to him.
Now tell me… is it working? Are you feeling more attracted to him now?
Maybe not the answer you were looking for, or maybe it was. Haha!
Thanks for asking and please let me know what happens between the two of you,
Pete
Hi Pete-
Due to the fact that my question could, possibly be the longest question like, ever, I am happy to donate to your site because I am grateful for any help that you can give me! Please try to keep an open mind, as this question is a little strange. I have been in an out of this particular video game store for the last few years. I go into there with my son (for obvious reasons). This one cashier that would work there from time to time was reasonably attractive and always very nice and polite to me, but then again, all of the guys there are so I really didn’t think too much of it. He would strike up conversation w/me that stayed video game related, but still, thinking back on it now, realize it may have been video game related, but not necessary to mention, unless it was just a way to maybe talk to me? I would see him here and there in town. He was sweet- he saw me carrying something heavy one day and opened the door for me and will greet me and ask if I need any help before I had both feet thru the store door. This is all stuff I’ve noticed subconsciously over the years, I guess, but it was not until after (I think) he must have started upping his game, so to speak. lately it has gotten to the point where I can actually feel him staring at me when Im not looking at him. It feels like x-ray vision- his eyes are burning into me so bad! thinking about it because at the time I didn’t think anything of it I’m going to the video store with my kid what would 20 something year old want with me? I considered the possibility that maybe he saw me as a MILF or something, but his actions have not seemed sexually suggestive/motivated, in the slightest, but more attentive, affectionate, romantic, whatever! the point I’m working to get to here is that just recently his “upped game” seems to include staring/gazing w/me. this happened twice- the last time I went in there, he asked, “can I help you?” By the time I look up to acknowledge him, he is locked in on my face, full fledged stare. Not angry or “dreamy” or even blank, but just…intense. no I’m at 35 with a kid but I have no clue how to flirt really its not my thing. I’m very friendly and can hold an intelligent conversation w/ just about anybody, I think, but flirting, that’s not how I communicate. Now being embarrassingly naive in this department, I stare back and it gets to the point where 10 seconds goes by… really uncomfortable. I think, ‘why isn’t he breaking eye contact?Well, I’m not going to be the one to break it!’ On some strange level it almost feels like a challenge at this point. 30 seconds to a minute later, still the middle of this unimportant video game Q & A, my eyeballs are STILL on lock down! Neither one of us smiles, not really anyway, but I would say very slight mouth upturns? Smirk, maybe, but maybe not even that. I say goodbye & thank him for all of the useless info I barely even remember asking for now. After some more misc. shopping, I get into my car w/ my son & it must have been video game store shift change or something b/c he was getting into his car also. As soon as I noticed him, I looked away because I had quite enough of the whole staring thing for one day, but out of the corner of my eye, I know I saw him watching me.
Now after these staring contest encounters, something in me shifted & I didn’t understand why. Suddenly, I could not stop thinking about him…even got to an obsessive level where it was all I could think about for a few days.
Anyway, life goes on…
Less than a month ago, I am parked in the Walmart parking lot & I have one of the best parking spots b/c it is 8:00 am on Friday morning so I can see everything. I am fiddling around in my car, getting my list together and I see him (yes, still dont know his name) walking out of Walmart with a couple bags. Now, mind you, I can be a little daft, but I’m not completely out of touch- I know something’s going on with us. I just have no idea what it is, at this point. I know he has interest in me (why- I have no clue), but that’s about all I know so I decided test my “I think he is interested” theory. I want to see if he’ll take the bait so i time it so that I’m opening my car door to let myself out, just as he’s walking past my car. I pretend I don’t know he’s there so that I can try to see if he glances over at me. Now I also entered into this equation that if he does like me, he’s going to remember what kind of car I drive (he had seen it before) b/c it’s not a car you see around very often. And if he didn’t take the bait, no harm done and I wouldn’t be embarrassed. Well, he took the bait and as I started walking toward the store, I turned around to see if he was glancing over at me and I didn’t expect to what I saw; he was just standing, leaning on the side of his car, staring at me! I swear, I don’t think I’m anything exceptional to look at, by any stretch of the imagination, but it almost looked like he was ready for somebody to hand him a bag of popcorn so he could just get comfortable and watch a movie! I guess he had no idea that I knew he was there! As soon as he realized I was looking back at him, he looked away and starts messing around with something? I guess, trying to look engaged in something other than checking me out?! Lol! I also think we both have smiling issues because it seems that neither one of us ever smiles and one another & I kind of think that’s what you’re supposed to do, right, if you like the other person? I don’t know about him, but speaking for myself, it kind of feels like I’m in a little bit of a trance so it doesn’t even register for me to smile. It’s not that I’m not happy, I’m just kind of lost in the moment, I guess. If he liked me, though, why wouldn’t he take that great opportunity with us being all by ourselves, to come up and talk to me? I was thinking about going over to him, but I wasn’t exactly looking my best to eight o’clock in the morning and, I have to admit, I was a little intimidated because maybe I have this all wrong & he was acting busy just then so that I wouldn’t come over to talk to him? I mean it’s not like he was making himself look approachable or anything!
So this is finally the end of my ridiculous novel! Please forgive me if I put in any real boring & un-necessary details, but I am trying to be thorough as possible & would rather have too much than not enough. I figure that you can give me the most accurate answers, if I give you the most accurate details. So please help me! What the hell is going on here?! I’m so enveloped in the middle of all of this, that I can’t intelligently grasp the concepts here! It feels like like I like him a lot now…a real lot! How…I have no idea because he is basically a stranger & I don’t even know his name! Since he works at Gamestop & I’m a member there, he should be able to pull up my information whenever he wants to, but I doubt he ever has. What does he want with me or what is he hoping to accomplish? I don’t get the vibe he’s trying to get into my pants at all so I pretty much ruled that one out (I would pick up on something like that immediately- I hate guys like that). Why has this been going on for years & WHY?! I think I just started noticing it now because of the whole I eye contact thing- it is underestimated b/c it can be very powerful. Its a very personal thing (for me, anyway) it makes me feel really vulnerable & excited. I’ve never felt like that before… I’ve also never stared at anybody before like that, either. What do you think that I should expect from him? If he really liked me, wouldn’t he have approached me by now? He has to be 10 years younger than me, too! I am under the impression that he is working at Gamestop when he gets out for college breaks or something- I believe he is still in college because I see him the same time of year all of the time! He knows I’m a mom, which is part of the reason why I blew off his earlier advances as just being nice because why would he want to subject himself to that sort of thing?! My son is a very good boy & this guy has spoken w/ my son over the years so I am sure he has noticed that he is not some roudy, obnoxious brat, but still…why?! Assuming he is in college, with hot college girls?! I look young for my age, so I’m told, but that’s b/c I take good care of myself, but still….I am not a college girl! I apologize for blowing up your email or whatever, but I am seriously confused! To me, this is bizarre! I don’t even know his name! Should I just try to get over this & move on?!
Thanks, Pete, in Advance,
Wendi
Hello Wendi,
It’s not unusual for a younger guy to fall for a “slightly” older woman ( kids or not ) for several reasons. One being the women his age might not be attracted to him because they’re going for the older guys. Two because he might not like the party type girls. Three because just maybe he doesn’t know how to socialize attractively with them leaving him no choices.
And four – because older women are assumed ( true or not remains to be seen Haha! ) to play less games, are more stable, are more interested in long-term relationships, care less about looks and more about maturity, and I’m sure I could come up with a lot more…
Okay one more – seeing you as a kind parent who cares and is patient proves all the points I made above.
For now, let’s disregard the least likely scenario where he might have some parents issues and seeing you as a Mother might toggle that switch in him and remind him, or have him “wishing” for a younger time.
The fact is Wendi – as I said before – Men do NOT stare for no reason. They are usually attracted to what they stare at. Like a deer caught in YOUR headlights whether it’s your eyes or more.
Your age does NOT matter. If a man feels attraction there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it BUT…
Attraction is not ACTION. It’s a feeling which in order to be acted upon requires confidence, a willingness to live out risky experiences, and in YOUR case I’m sure he’s thinking just the opposite you are…
“What would a hot older woman want with me? I’m just some nerd college kid working at some video store. She probably wants a guy with a real job”… and that’s just a few thoughts which may be crossing his mind.
Another thing I’ve noticed about guys Wendi is – once they feel like they’ve missed their opportunity to go from meeting to approach to a number or date – the fear grows and they will “think” themselves out of ever trying to do it again. They just give up “hoping” you’ll make the first move after that…
And if you don’t they begin the “dreamy staring” thing which could last for weeks, months, and sometimes years. A man’s attraction ( quite possibly when not acted on ) tends to last indefinitely.
One last thing. When the “staring contest” started you gave him hope. As he thinks through the process his fear goes up.
Again making it harder to act. Now he’s reasoning all the possibilities and he’s wondering if it’s actually happening or not or if he’s just creeping you out AND now he just might believe if he acts – you’ll reject him like hard core.
Okay – so don’t count out the younger man falling for you – it happens a lot because most men are only looking for a long term relationship which is typically more reasonable with an older woman. ( And for all the reasons I’ve listed above. Perhaps I should just do a write up on this not-new phenomenon.
My advice or I suppose opinion here is – DO something about it IF you’re feeling just as attracted as he is… the worst that could happen is you make a young guy smile or you have to start going to a different store.
Get his name and start from there. Let your courage rub off on him.
I do hope this has helped you out and I do looking forward to hearing about what happens – just keep to a paragraph and a half next time… Hahahaha!
Best to the both of you,
Pete
Hi Pete,
Thanks so much for reading my novel & getting back to me with your advice. You cleared things up for me, especially the insight you gave me about the “stare off” I mentioned. I had no idea what, if anything, this guy got out of that, but your opinion of “hope” makes sense, especially when it’s factored all together. It’s strange to me how many of the guys act shy-especially the ones I have interacted with, who are not your typical shy, quiet, stand in the corner guys. Not to stereo type or anything, but this guy, as well as the last boyfriend I had (before I got married), both are covered in tattoos &/or piercings! I mean, like tattoo sleeves on both arms-tattoos! Except back then I was the cashier & my ex-boyfriend came in to check me out. He wouldnt talk to me either- he told me later that he would come in every day he knew I was working, hoping that I would initiate conversation with him. I finally HAD to or we would have gotten no where! Like you figured out, I am shy, myself, so its a real pain in the butt when I STILL have to do all of the work. Didnt want to write you another book here, but I found this whole tattoo/piercing stereotyping kind of interesting. I have a couple of (unnoticeable) tattoos/piercings, but these are very undetectable. I am aware of the stereo typing that goes along with them also, but I find myself contrary to that.
Thanks again, Pete, for your help and I will let you know how it works out for me (in a SHORT) paragraph.
As I told you I would, I donated (may not be under my name, but might be under my company info) to you site- it was well worth it!
Thanks for Your Time,
wendi
Hello again Wendi,
Thank you for your donation. I did receive and I truly appreciate it.
I have known several ( if not many ) people with Tattoos and piercing who were quite shy. I’d say 20+ years ago they would’ve meant something else but these days they appear to represent something else since so many men and women are getting them… except me of course… Haha!
I’m “Ink free” and believe it or not one younger woman I know first accused me of being “standard issue” because of it. Little does she know…
Thanks again for sharing your experience and your money and I’m looking forward to hearing how it all goes for you. I understand it does suck that so many guys are so shy but what can I say – it’s the reason why DiaLteG TM is there… to help guys overcome that kind of stuff.
All the best to you and glad my advice was worth,
Pete
Pete,
I wrote my story on a wrong place I guess so now I will try again to ask for your advice.
I am from Europe and live in Japan , I am married have children and I like a man a coworker (Japanese ) . I am 38 and he is 35. I heard from colleges he has a girlfriend and maybe they live together but he never mentioned her in our conversation just said to me he is not married.
I started about one year ago to work there and I notice him looking at me a lot being nervious around me so I stated also looking sometimes at him. We talked also private in the brakes it was like unspoken date to meet outside smoking. I first notice his softening in the eyes and he will always look into my eyes. I have seen him also checking me out when I am not looking. I sake him in funny why why he looks at me and he said he looks to the work and the team. This for about six months until I asked him does he likes me or hate me?!in the middle of the question he said I hate you I don’t like you and change the subject asking me where I was yesterday in the lunch break . In Japan when you ask somebody does he like you include your commitment that you like the person you ask.
Why I asked him?! I asked because no other man has looked me that way even my husband . We lock eyes and it is like the time stop I feeler so strong sexual tension for the first time in my life.
After I asked him he changed a little stop coming to the break to smoke with me like avoiding me but always looking from afar at work nothing changed he is always helpful even when I do not ask him . He said to me we can not be friend and if I want to talk and share private things I can do it bit he will not. I apologize my mistake but I said to him I do not like you ether just for the records.
After a week he starts some small talks again.again all the eye contacts like before just he his more conscious when I catch him looking . We ignored each other on purpose I went having lunch outside read a book not paying attention he did the same it was like we broke some how. But when we are alone without another coworker he is been nice again . Wait with me until a friend pick me up even he must work in the time . What I want to know is does he likes me or not?! Will he say he likes me does he want to be serious with me?! What is he thinking what this all mean for him?! He is not close to another coworkers .
And the problem in my marriage and why I am acting like this with him is another story. Maybe I am in love?!
Gergina,
I highly doubt he hates you. If he knows you’re married he’d be less likely to admit it because of that. And others at work might see him as “hitting on married girl” which will and could ruin not only his reputation but could actually get him fired too. You’re being considered forbidden for him.
That would also explain why he’ll act one way in public around you and another when it’s just you two.
It does sound like he’s “sweet on you.”
I’m not sure exactly why you’re acting this way, aside from the fact we all like to be admired – whether we’re happily married or not. It just feels good to know the opposite sex finds us attractive.
Only you would know whether or not you’re in love but I’d guess that you’re not. If you are having marital problems it could easily push you to share with someone who appears to be feeling something for you. Especially if you have no one else to confide in.
Hope that helps you out Gergina – wishing you and your marriage and your co-worker all the best,
Pete
Hi Pete,
Thank you so much.
And yes you are right and I knew it some how maybe I just do not want to believe it. I do not know how old are you but you are wise .
I’ll be happy in any relationship with my coworker I love him and I want he to be happy no matter if I will be part of it. I still want to hope we can have one moment togheter . I do not know what information is nessesary to answer or observe this but do you think he will aprouch me ?! Or we will be “pending ” like this ?! He said at work there is no place for feeling. I think is sometimes hard for him too.
One day at work : we lock eyes maybe 20 times per day , he is always around me even when there is not work related reason for it, positive body language (if this count), look at me always when he said something funny in a group,smile to himself when see me , sometimes look at me with sad eyes,look at me when I am not looking , get jealous when I ignore him etc.
Do you think he know I like him romantically ?!
How should I behave from now?!
What can I expect from him?! I can not aprouch him again…and he knew I am married from the all beginning when he starts looking at me and talk with me..
And in my marriage I take my responsibility as a wife and mother, just the “woman” is lonely.
Long post again but as you said who can I tell this??
Hi again Pete
And I forgot the only words in conversation about me and my personality he said are that I am waywardness , persistent and I know things and keep asking and that is he do not like in me?!
Thanks and sorry again for bordering you .
G.
I think you BOTH know what’s going on but it does not mean it’s going to change a thing between you.
I can’t tell you how to behave. That’s not what I really do and I certainly never push an extra-marital affair on anyone. My advice would always be to work on that ( the marriage ) first and if it doesn’t work out, or if it can’t function anymore… then you can start to look elsewhere from a more healthier position.
Hi again Pete ,
And thank you so much .
It helps me a lot .
Now I have a last question and I think I will know me and my situation better .
Dear Pete ,
Now I am in the last stage of my emotional storm…
What if I was WRONG from the begging ? What if he is been just nice and kind but just this and I misread the signals or that just me is emotionally involved . What if he is just been polite to new foreign coworker just little interested and helpful?! What if all is just in my head ?!
I was rational and I thought about someting like that I saw what I wanted to see and also I read you previous post about it.
If I was overthinking it how can I explain his behavior because I compared his with other male coworkers also the same age or younger or older who are having a work related relation to me BUT nobody had such behavior as he ( I mean words they use thing we talked subject , body language etc. ) nobody no other male coworker done or behave like he does. If is all in my head how to explain he is different ?!
So I am just imagine it or?!
And the advise for my marriage thank you . I am brave girl I do what I can , I fight 10 years to have a family and I still do. I wish I can tell you this story too…
Always happy to hear from you
G.
Well Gergina,
So what if you’re wrong? We all misread things. We all make mistakes. We all see things from our own point of view which may become askew every now and then. It happens.
The doubts can even make it far worse than it really is.
If it’s all in your head, consider it a lesson, a sign, something is causing you to reach out for something outside your marriage. And honestly that’s perfectly natural and sometimes expected.
If you’re wrong – then big deal. No one’s going to judge you for it except yourself. And I’m sure you can reason yourself into forgiving yourself just for making a common mistake.
If you’re right – then so be it.
You’re a brave girl, right? Then use the courage to get you through no matter how it turns out. It can’t be as bad as having to fight for 10 years. It’s just some guy at work who may or may not be falling for you.
Lots of shit run through my brain I have to reason out and honestly, right or wrong, bad decisions and all, good things or not – it’s perfectly normal natural process we have to go through.
Wishing you more of the best,
Pete
Hi Pete,
I was waiting to hear from you even one word, I wish you could do it and had the time for, even to lie to me.
I am smart enough to know the answer bit I just wanted to hear yours, please!
You know when you are drawing in the sea of your feelings you will catch to anything to survive emotionally believe in any hope . Why is your opinion important to me?!
And NO I am not a stalker…
G.
Hi Peter,
Thanks for doing this. I’ve read through all the questions here and in your posts. Some have been very helpful (do guys like to hear you miss them, what he means when he says he’s thinking about you, etc). I’d like to hear your view on what my guy might be thinking.
He and I are both in our early 30s. A couple months after we met, he was part of a mass layoff at his job (they were trying to cut costs). We kept seeing each other while he was job hunting. I tried to be positive and encouraging, trying to support him without being annoying. Through his cousin he was offered a 12 month contract position in California.
At this point we’d been dating for four months, moving from casual to spending more time together, meeting each other’s friends and families. We both recognize it was still early in the relationship. So when he decided to accept the position, he said that he didn’t want to hold me back, he’d feel better just being friends. I was willing to try long-distance (I’m still in Washington D.C.), but I understand his reasoning; I think that the long distance would have made this harder.
We saw each other up until the day he left, almost four months ago. I’m not sitting around waiting for him to return. I regularly do things with my friends, and I’ve gone out on dates with some guys. We keep in contact, mainly texting each other a few days a week, with the occasional phone call. Our contact has been pretty consistent the whole time. I think maybe the phone calls have decreased, but we’re at about 85% compared to when he first left. He initiates about half the time, and I do the rest. We mainly talk about how things are going, any plans we have, with the occasional flirty text thrown in
I know that losing a job/starting a new one is a time of transition, so I want him to focus on that and be happy with where he is in life. He says he wants to come back next summer after the contract is up. He’s in an industry that has a lot of opportunities here, so I think he will be able to.
I guess I just want a guy’s perspective on what he might be thinking. Does he still have feelings for me with all this transition? Could this separation affect that? (Especially since we’ll have known each other longer as long distance friends than we did dating in person by the time he returns) Do you think that he will be interested in seeing where a relationship between us could go, or will he still want to be just friends, or start slowly and go from there? Next summer I would like to see where this goes between us, but am trying to be realistic too. Anything you can offer from a guy’s perspective would be a big help!
Hi Dj,
The “transition” will probably strengthen his feelings for you. Both of you are at an age where we tend to long for a real commitment and once we think we might have found it, makes it that much more difficult to give up… mentally.
As far as attraction goes and the things we have no control over – how we feel about someone just doesn’t disappear because we can’t have them. It typically makes us long for “what we had” even more.
We’re even known to compare any immediate interaction with another woman to what we just came from making it even more difficult to move on.
Right now – he’s “mentally” on pause but since nothing destroyed the attraction and the connection you’ve made except for a little distance – he’ll remain in that frame for a long time.
Even if he dates around, his connection with you is mainly on pause until another woman manages to “rewind him.” At which time he’ll slowly lose the connection but probably NOT the attraction. That lasts a long time.
I believe you’ve been there for him during a troubled time AND you stuck with him AND both of you handled the separation from a clear healthy perspective.
That means there’s always a chance something can happen later on down the road.
Us guys tend to hold on for a very long time to someone we feel is a good thing… I’d expect the same from him too.
Hope the helped you out DJ and a year is not a long time… just don’t put pressure on the relationship, keep in touch, try not to act like too much of a guy friend with him ( let your passions slip once in a while any way you can ) and he just might be looking for a new contract back at home earlier than you think.
All the best to you,
Pete
Thanks for your reply! It really helps. I do have just a few questions for clarification, if you don’t mind
You suggested “let your passions slip once in a while any way you can”. I usually throw in some subtle flirting or references to things we did that left good memories (out doing things or in private). Is that what you mean? I’ll usually so this every few times we get in contact. In your opinion, is that a good amount, should I increase it? remain constant? change it up a little? And when you said “try not to act like too much of a guy friend with him” did you mean just asking how his day went, telling him about mine, etc? or something else?
Also, I know rationally a year isn’t a long time (and we’re already part way through it) but emotionally I still worry that the amount of contact will continue to decline. Should I be worried if it goes down gradually (as opposed to suddenly?) Reading some of the other questions it looks like that happens and so I’m just trying to figure out if I should expect it or be concerned
Thanks again Pete,
DJ
There’s no definite pattern to take here. You can’t plan the flirting out. It has to develop or happen naturally. I’d say, if you feel like you’re forcing it, then you’re doing it too much. A lot of it will depend on how often it happened before while you were together too. If it was a lot – stick with it. If it was rare – then keep it that way.
All you really need to do is keep the connection alive and vibrant. There’s no real timetable for that. Go with how you feel that day and I think you’ll be fine. But again, if it feels like you’re forcing it – don’t do it.
Acting like a guy friend would be common discussion about things which are not really important but something two friends share. Like me and my buddy talk about movies and stuff because we trade them off. NOT acting like a guy friend too much would be to talk about togetherness and the romantic times you shared.
Not enough to be depressive just a healthy reminder of how easy it would be just to pick up right where we left off. Follow the rule about forcing it above if you need a time table for it.
I would not be worried either way if the communication slows down or stops abruptly. Don’t allow your mind to conjure up what could be going wrong – just focus on what has been right.
I would expect the communication to slow down and unless you just stop talking the whole time he’s gone – no need to bother yourself over it.
You’re welcome DJ. Hope that clears it up for you a little more,
Pete
Thanks for responding again Pete! That does help clear things up. It also gives me things to keep in mind as the months go by. I definitely don’t want to force it (and force him away), but want to keep it open as an option to see what might happen between us once he returns.
I’m sure I’ll be back if I have any more questions
This thread (and your website) are such a big help
Thanks again,
DJ
I was dating a guy, S, for three months, but he was temporarily transferred across the country for his job for ten months. He didn’t want to do the long distance relationship, so we agreed to just be friends, keep in touch and see what happens. (if it matters I’m in my late 20s and he’s early 30s)
While we were dating we’d usually text each other every day or so, to make plans or see how the other’s day is going. I understand that is often for just being friends (plus I had an ex who wanted to remain friends after the breakup and he texted me everyday, which became so annoying I had to completely cut him off). When S. first left we were usually texting 3 times a week. After my experience with my ex, I’ve been making an effort to not be annoying to S, letting him reach out to me about half of the time. But I’m starting to get concerned, since it’s been almost 3 months and we’re down to once a week, maybe twice. When we do communicate it is the same amount as a session would be at the beginning (same type of texts, length of phone call).
What is a guy’s perspective on this, Pete? Is this natural to you, that we’d communicate less as time goes by? Is he just busy with work and gets distracted with other things. Has he just put his emotions on hold while he is working out of town or does it seem like the distance is making us grow apart? I understand he might be going out with other people, I have been on some dates with guys myself, but I’d like to keep the connection somehow so that when he returns we could see where this could go. Is there anything you suggest for me to keep doing or change?
Yes Jenna – it’s very common for two people to lose the connection and communicate less because of the distance.
It’s also more common ( when two people agree to be just friends ) for the guy to assume the old contact rules of “dating” no longer apply. Which means the texts get fewer and further apart over time as new friends are found, new dates are experienced, and other people enter their lives.
Personally I would not over-think or over-react and maintain the course you’ve already been taking. Keep things light but fresh so that when he does come back you can build something new, if that’s where things go.
I believe the more you think about it, the more you try to keep him around, the more you try to make the relationship maintain itself over the distance, the more he’ll begin to believe you wanted a long-distance relationship the whole time. Something you both agreed NOT to do.
If the only thing that has changed ( is the frequency of your contacts ) then that’s a good thing. It doesn’t mean it’s necessarily over. It just means you’re both starting to live different lives without each other.
You’d be surprised how dating other people in circumstances like this can actually help. For some guys it makes them realize who they’re really into. Let’s them ( and you ) see your options face to face.
And sometimes that’s all is needed to eventually bring the right people together… in the end.
Thanks for writing in Jenn. I do hope this helped you out the best I can,
Pete
Thanks for your comments! They really do help, getting a guy’s perspective on things my friends and I view from our woman’s perspective.
You’re welcome Jenna, Great to hear they’re helping you.
Hi Pete!
Well first off i would like to tell you that I love the feed back you give! Well, I am taking a Saturday gym class in my college. I’m usually very tired in that class and I keep to my self listening to music the whole time. I’m the type of girl that most of the time doesn’t get attracted to a guy first unless I feel like the guy likes me first. Anyways, while I am working out I catch him staring at me, so I stare back. I don’t really know who looks away first, but most of the time when I look up I see him staring. One day I found him around me a lot. When I walked out to the bathroom I would find him out too. He was always staring and he sat infront of me. It honestly felt quiet intense. Then the next class he looked at me intensely when I walked in the class, and when I was sitting down I can see him stare at me from the corner of my eye. We usually warm up first but he never entered the room like he usually does. I really did feel like he was avoiding me but I ignored it. Then as I enetered the gym room he walks out. At that point I felt like he was avoiding me. To be honest, I don’t really know if I’m attracted to him. I haven’t dated in a while. We have never had a conversation. I do not think I look attractive in the gym class so I do not know why he keeps on staring. Any thoughts ?
Hi Sally and thank you,
First of all – what you see when you look in the mirror might not be what a guy sees. They will build you up in their minds and can easily turn you into “their” perfect woman whether you believe it about yourself or not.
In fact, the more staring he does and the less “action” he takes could mean he’s built you up pretty high in his head.
I still maintain most guys stare at women they find attractive one way or another. If it is really happening, they’re not just doing it because there’s a clock behind your head.
It’s because they “like” what they see and are drawn to pressing your image instead their head.
Also because they’re kind of hoping you’ll take the hint and approach them. Which I’ll admit rarely happens for them.
Now if he seems a little put off once in a while or avoids you, it’s probably because he’s feeling guilty. Or that he’s made you feel uncomfortable with all the staring. AND he could be thinking that you’re there to workout and NOT be picked up.
Usually they do the pull-back or avoid you right after they catch themselves lingering. The closeness either makes them too nervous, too guilty, and very rarely do they ever suddenly find themselves not attracted any more.
Sally… give yourself some credit. You’re in college to build a life. You’re taking a Saturday class despite how tired you are. The shy thing… well guys find themselves attracted to shy girls ALL the time.
No matter what you think you look like – I bet you’re attractive in some way and for guys, that is all they need to start staring.
Those are my thoughts Sally and I hope they help you out,
Pete
Ok not to be girly(I’m 36 actually lol) but there is this man at work who I feel goes out of his way everyday to say hello to me on my way inside…. Now that’s polite and all but I also find myself running into him a lot in non descript ways. We don’t have the same breaks or lunch yet he’s always sorta around when my group is letting out for breaks and moving around the building …. Am I crazy or is this a subtle hint? Don’t get me wrong he’s a babe for sure but I don’t know how to take him. He only talks directly to me in the morning to say hello or at the end of the day to say goodbye always single target it’s like I can feel him wanting to talk to me instead he’s bubbly and perky to everyone else but me. I might add I’m new at work but it’s been almost 4 months and it’s the same awkward routine everyday…. Do I open it up more ! I feel like we should naturally have more dialogue at this point lol the eye contact is definitely multiple times a day always the same 2 seconds and look away but be in the same vicinity it’s so uncomfortable…. I know I sound crazy but I read people (tarot palm etc) for years and am not shy at all but this feels like an unfuckable corner to be frank and it’s awkward as shit….I didn’t feel like I was crushing until a few weeks ago when I noticed that the behaviour seemed off for no reason if that makes sense? Help dissect some of this weirdness for me please. Thank you.
C’mon Michelle admit you like being “girly” … Haha!
Okay so he’s a babe, always seems to be where you’re going to be at a particular time, goes out of his way to say “hello” to you, he’s bubbly and perky to everyone but you… for you it’s an occasional jab of niceness, or an awkward routine which never seems to go anywhere.
Honestly Michelle, there does not seem to be any weirdness to detect. I’m sure it feels that way because he “intrigued” you just enough, he’s just handsome enough, he’s just personable enough… to within a relatively short time have you crushing on him.
Some guys just don’t open up more UNLESS they’re given a clear opening. They’ll give you every available opportunity to further the interaction but they don’t put much emphasis on it if nothings happens. It won’t change their” tactic.” It won’t have them trying something different.
They’ll continue to do the same thing over and over again until the ice is completely broken. If it ever is.
This technique actually works better ( with women , so I teach ) but since it’s a long-term investment many guys don’t even bother trying. They’re either all up in your face in the first few minutes or cower away to secretly stare and hope.
I see what he’s doing has a hint of indifference, shows his personality to you through other people, pays just enough attention to you to give you the opportunity to find out about him through your own action… and I bet if he does this with most women and waits it out… the women he wants will most likely come to him.
In other words if I only wanted women that were very action orientated and had a remarkable sense of social security this technique might tend to lead me to those kind of women.
This works for men and women – there are always things you can do to attract certain people in your life. When you target specific traits with plenty of opportunities, you’ll get the results ( or close to ) that which you seek.
Now I have of way of knowing if he’s doing it on purpose, or if he’s just “trying” it on you or if he’s wildly attracted you and is desperately hoping you’ll read his palm but…
I believe if you consider his actions a subtle invitation and not some weirdness you have to dissect and then use your bubbly personality on him directly, you’ll feel less “crazy” and hopefully out of that “unfuckable corner” you feel he’s put you in.
And I despite quoting a movie I absolute hate but “Nobody puts baby in the corner.” And that should be your new motto.
All the best to you Michelle,
Pete
Hi Pete,
So the guy I’m dating is weird about kissing. Is this normal male behavior or something or is there something else going on?
It leaves me confused. He said he’s not vary good with talking about his feeling and that’s all well and good but kissing isn’t a big deal is it? >:(
Hi Tara,
Part of me want to say yes, some guys ARE weird about kissing and they have every reason to feel that way.
BUT another part of me is thinking that a small or large part of you thinks it’s your fault.
So yes, if you’re a bad kisser he might act weird making out with you.
If he’s a bad kisser HE might shy away from doing it.
That would be the average.
That would be my best guess in most normal situations.
And remember it’s not always about kissing. There’s the breath. The way the tongue feels. How much spit is left over. And a ton of other things which might leave a guy feeling weird about kissing and afraid to say anything about it. ( More typical earl on in a relationship. )
There’s a small percentage who actually associate “kissing” with “intimacy” and “feelings” and so you’ll find some people, not just guys, find the very intimate interaction of “swapping spit” similar to sharing their feelings. Part of the reason why it’s frowned upon with certain professions if you know what I mean.
But I’d go for the average Tara,
Thanks for writing in and I hope this helped you out a little,
Pete
Hi Pete,
Thanks for replying back.
The problem isn’t just that he’s just weird about kiss, its that after all this time he hasn’t kissed me at all.
We have had sex which makes me feel sort of hookerish and its starting to worry me. While he gives me a lot of his time and we do more than have sex this one act completely confuses me beyond belief. I have tried to kiss him but nothing happened… it was just strange for me and he didn’t really react or say anything about it. I would want to talk to him about how I feel about this but he is awkward about talking about his feeling and tries to avoid subjects about his feeling. So I really don’t know what to say or do in the matter or how I should feel, but the whole thing makes me feel sad.
Well Tara, there’s no should in how you feel. You either feel something or you don’t. If it’s making you sad I can completely understand.
And just because you don’t know what to say should have no bearing on it at all. Like who would know exactly what to say.
Part of me wants to say – if this is the only problem – eventually it might be solved on its own. You could slowly work him into talking about it, or actually just reveal why he has such a problem with it. I wouldn’t start off by telling him that he makes you feel like a hooker but introduce the topic with a statement about his lips and see how he responds. I’m not the best to ask about this kind of thing.
If this turns into more, and there’s lots of closed off communication just like this, then there’s a real problem going on which won’t fix itself. It needs to be dealt with honestly and upfront.
It’s almost the end of the semester and this whole time I’ve been trying to fight feelings for my RA. He’s a junior and I’m a sophomore in college. My roommates all think he likes me and that I should go for him. Generally the guys I like don’t like me back. He’s sweet, easy to talk to, same morals, religion(big plus for me), and we seem to understand each other. He says he thinks were close friends. But our school has rules about resident-RA relationships. They aren’t banned but they aren’t common. We would have to let the housing director know about the relationship. Whenever we talk its for hours and we talk about deep stuff. We shared his most favorite food one night and he gave me the last bite. Whenever we hang out he is supposed to keep the door open. But he shuts it where its just us. He has not touched me but he noticed when I dressed up and curled my hair. He’s a super sweet guy and I don’t know if he is just being nice to me or he likes me despite the rules. Help?
Hello Teri Rosha,
It’s tough but sometimes the only way to figure something out like this ( based on your situation ) is to put yourself out there enough and see if he makes his move.
The problem is, if you’re only seen as a friend to him then it’s going to get a little awkward. If he’s not attracted to you the same way you’re attracted to him… it can change things for the both of you.
Now what too many women do in this situation is they have “the talk.” They reveal their feelings and hope he says that he likes you back.
And that is the last thing you want to do.
But you do have to do something in order to figure it all out and based on me being a guy and all that means breaking the touch barrier, turning things sensual, giving more than just a hint, and see how he responds to it.
Men prefer action over talking and having the talk could kill a perfect moment for something to happen.
You have to meet him half way and see if goes the rest. Don’t just tell him and wait. Don’t just profess your deepest feeling, just do something, anything different which includes a prelude to a romantic moment.
At least if I was into a girl and was worried ( because of the rules ) I would definitely want to know she’s okay with it AND to make the transition easier would rather not just talk about it because then things get weird.
Take a small risk Teri and see what happens. I doubt you’ll lose the friendship.
I wish I could give you a definite answer but when it comes to these kind of things all is needed to get things started is attraction and from my end, that’s hard to tell or see based on what you told me.
Don’t wait. Don’t linger. You’ll only make it worse ion yourself.
And if you get the chance please let me know how it goes for you.
Wishing you attractive luck,
Pete
I am 35 and I recently moved back to my home town after being gone for 10 years. I started talking to a guy I went to high school with but barely knew (we chatted on Facebook). He ended up asking me out and everything was sweet. It was like magic and we both told each other how happy we made each other. He told me very early on that he has baggage. He was in an abusive relationship with a woman who was married but told him she was going through the divorce process. She never completed the divorce and in the meantime she ended up getting pregnant by him. She would say over and over that the divorce was in progress (the guy was in the military) but it never happened. The baby was born and he was there but his name never ended up on the birth certificate……her husbands was! He has never had paternal rights to his own child. One day when he was with her they had an argument and she punched him in the face while driving….he fought back and her friends and her told the police he abused her first and he went to jail and ended up with 18 mos. of probation. This is really a small piece to the pie. This woman is crazy. She has harassed every woman who has come into his life since via Facebook or by any other means (except me). She refuses to allow him to see his child…..still, but then send pics to his Mother etc. She would often put him in social situations that would require him to get into a fight to protect her…..he is not a fighter. She often pops pills/uses drugs and drinks uncontrollably, plays several men at once to get things she needs. He was also engaged to a woman once who cheated on him, he practically raised her son from birth and she pretty much ran out on him. He was very up front with all of this information from the get go. I could see he was very hurt by it all and had been going through a mourning process with it for a long time. He doesn’t have male friends. At least not male friends that he spends any time with. I think one of the things he admired about me so much was the fact that I am pretty social…..I have a lot of friends. We went to a baseball game together out of town, spent a weekend in Chicago, I was at his house almost every day. I was a bit worried that we were spending too much time together but it felt so good. I had asked him several times if he would like some space and he said he was fine. I guess I should have known on my own that I was probably spending too much time with him. Basically there were three separate incidences that tore us apart. He is a car hauler and is on the road for hours and sometimes days at a time. He would call me in the morning and talk to me all day long while driving….I work from home so it was nice to have some company, I think he felt that way too. I just went with the flow. I was joking around with him and made fun of something he said and then all of a sudden the phone went dead. He hung up and would not talk to me. He sent me a text explaining that he was not going to be mocked. I thought it was a bit over sensitive and the next day he said sorry. At the time he was quitting smoking and was under a lot of pressure and stress from that. I blew it off and let it go. There were three other incidents that were very similar where he would hang up on me over something silly and then apologize to me the next day in a text. When this began to get more frequent he would say to me things like, “I don’t think I am ready to handle the stress of a relationship.” “I don’t know if I can ever trust women.” I think the reason why I did not quickly run from him when he said these things is because we spent an amazing amount of time together. When we are together we have so much fun……all the time. We don’t fight when we are together as a matter of fact. We never did fight…..he would just abruptly hang up. I also understood he had been through a lot and I was convinced that it would be easy for me to gain his trust and love once he realized I am not the women of his past.Well, the breaking point was a weekend when I came to his house. I had a key, and he was on the road. His house is often left un-kept and I am a bit of a “Suzy Homemaker” so I decided to clean up his kitchen and make everything comfortable for him. He was broken down on the side of the highway with this truck for over 24 hours that weekend. I had helped him establish communications with his work, and tried to get him food, etc….it was a bit of a mess. Finally when he came home he was happy and everything was good. He was really in a great mood and we ended up staying up super late joking and having a good time. The next day we slept in but went to breakfast and then later did some shopping. I could feel like something was bothering him. Later we went to a movie and dinner, and then went to bed. The next day he did something different. We usually cuddle in bed, have sex, fool around whatever……instead he got out of bed and went to the couch to watch TV….no cuddling, kiss….nothing. So I came downstairs to ask him if he was ok and he said he just wanted to watch his show that I didnt like. I asked him if he needed space today and he said no. Either way I had noticed a change in him. He was less interested. I made the mistake of trying to get him to talk to me about what was going on and he ended up going back to “I am not ready for the stress of a relationship.” He became angry and kicked me out of his house. It was horrible. I did the whole stupid girl thing trying to get him back. Probably being too needy and texting too much. I have always wanted to fight for him for some reason. I love this guy. But now everything is all messed up. He hardly communicated to me and when he does its via text and its usually mean. He has admitted to me that he doesnt know why I am nice to him since he is being a dick. I don’t know what all of this means. I am letting him go for now. He is on my facebook and he comes off to everyone else like he is alright. He has told me in the past that he wanted to be with me because I am a good woman. I rejected him in the beginning because I didn’t feel ready. He has needed me for so many things and I have helped him. Now he has turned his back on me and is treating me like I am crazy and needy. What do I do now?
Hello Lynn,
At Why Do Guys I try not to give advice, just tell it like I see it.
And what I see here is a broken man who wants to fix himself. By you helping him you’re probably making him feel worse and sort of useless.
Guys ( people ) are funny that way. Sure they want help, they want and need to be loved, they admire and appreciate the support, and sometimes a little too much…
But deep down I think everyone wants to know, feel, or believe in themselves enough to fix the problems they have. Whether they’re internal or not.
With guys, talking about it mostly makes it worse. They feel poked and prodded if they’re not willing to give to the discussion and they feel threatened at the strangest times, let alone when a woman is constantly interested in fixing things for him.
Don’t get me wrong – some guys will let you do all the work and not think twice about it. They take it as face value and assume you’re just being you.
BUT other guys, when broken to this extreme have a “human” need to patch themselves up from the inside out and not the outside in.
It might be the only thing which will give him the real confidence, gain trust in the world again, and boost of esteem which come from himself and not others.
That’s what I think.
Whether you see it as a stubborn man who won’t accept help from you despite how much you love him or a broken man you want so desperately to just help…
Sometimes, in order for us to feel complete and healthy, we have to do certain things on our own, by our own path, mistakes and all. By our own terms because that’s the only real proof it’s working.
Hope that helps you see things from a different perspective, even if it’s just my own.
All the best to you,
Pete
I met this guy we talked for a little while he was a great man and he made love to me almost every night then somehow things went south and he talked to me afterwards for a while then all the sudden he wanted to be friends with benefits so i said yes and we met up a few times but now he wont talk to me look at me or have anything to do with me and im confused if this is wat he was goin to do then wouldn’t he have done that from the start i try to ask him wats goin on but i get no response i really care alot about him but dont wanna hold onto false hope please help me get some understanding on the situation i dont wanna walk away cause he really felt like he was different is that possible and he meant all the things he said i just dont know and im tired of beating my head against the wall trying to figure out if i have done something or if hes just distancing himself for reasons due to the circumstances
Sounds like he backed out and didn’t want a relationship from the beginning. And now since it’s just a friend thing with sex involved, he might feel that’s gives him every reason to ignore you.
And no, not all guys take the normal route to a relationship. Some dive head first into bed, get the sex, and then slowly ( sort of methodically ) remove themselves from the situation. It’s NOT a very upfront and honest ways to do things and he obviously is avoiding the rejection.
I can’t say one or another if he meant any of what he said from the beginning but I have my doubts.
Unfortunately it does sound like he knew he wasn’t in it for the long run, kept it alive for sex, and then removed you from his place.
I can’t say if you were definitely played but if he got what he wanted and left you wanting more with no real closure, and tried to sneak away by staying in friendly sex mode – well that’s definitely a sad mark of a player.
And just so you know, sometimes I DO hope I’m wrong just to spare the hurt feelings.
Hope it’s a quick pick up to finding someone else so I’m wishing you all the best of luck,
Pete
Hello,
Goodnight!’ so I said ‘I sure did! Thanks again for tonight, it was fun! We should get together again sometime if you’d like. Goodnight handsome :)’ he did reply the next morning saying ‘Of course, I would like that 
Good morning Autumn :)’ do you think he may be interested? We also do not text all day long either.
So I went on a date with a guy last night. As soon as I met him at the restaurant and through out the time that we were eating he would be smiling. He payed for our dinner as well. We went skating after our dinner, and also payed for that too. He said that he was having a fun time. When he dropped me back off at my car, he gave me a hug and was still smiling and said ‘it was nice meeting you’. He texted me that night saying ‘Hope you made it home safe! Thanks for letting me take you out, Autumn
Hello Autumn,
I bet by now you’ve figured it out…
Of course he’s interested. Hopefully you went out again and it was just as much fun.
Pete
I recently started a sexual relationship with a guy who is much younger than me. We have worked together for four years and have flirted for almost as long. I have had previous relationships with younger men that ended badly so when he asked me out repeatedly for two years i would brush it off saying he wasn’t serious to which he would say that he was totally serious. I wanted to say yes but it seemed like an impossible relationship. Well a couple of months ago he started taking me home and we would sit in the car and talk for hours. He started texting me off and on. I wanted him to make a move and finally a month ago he kissed me. That quickly escalated to sex but we’ve only had sex once. He is working and in school and busy I know but he doesn’t text me anymore. When we are together he acts as interested but he hasn’t asked me out since he started taking me home and talking for hours. I know from our talks that he said he doesn’t want a girlfriend but I told him I didn’t want a boyfriend. My head is done in because I told myself that sex would be enough with him but I’m quickly figuring out that I want all of him. Could I ask for more or should I just walk away.
I’m not sure Nic… he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend but chased you for two years?
Okay… yes some guys text less after sex because when two people are sexual he might believe texting is not enough and will hold back and/or prefer face to face more often.
BUT considering how many times he asked you out AND from what I can tell you two actually haven’t done anything outside of work or driving you home…
I’d consider this casual sex with, dare I say it because I hate the phrase… no strings attached.
Sure you could ask for more if that’s what you really want.
I would start doing things together when you both get a chance and see how if two get along outside of work. Refrain from having sex too quickly and understand a guys texting habits are not always a good indicator of what is going on.
Make sure you have a handle on why your previous relationships failed, how they got started, and the type of men they were AND where you met them so you can avoid getting in the same situation again.
If he’s asked you out this much AND you’ve known each other for four years before anything ever happened that’s a good sign it could become something more.
And yes, as you know, because of his age and he’s figuring out what he wants and where he wants to be and how to get there, keep all that in mind because younger people do change quickly and are a little tougher to get involved with because of it.
Hope that finally helps you Nic,
Pete
Please tell me if you think this guy is still interested in me or not. And if I should initiate contact with him by sms.
We had a second date where we kissed on the date and he told me I was attractive. He was also keen to make plans for another date, and we set a date for the following week. Before the date ended there were some periods of awkward silences before we said goodbye with a kiss on the lips. I didn’t get any sms from him so I sent him a quick sms two days later to ask how he was. He responded the next morning and apologised for the delayed response and gave a quick response to my text. The day before our third date he sent me an sms apologising that he had to cancel the date because he was behind with work and was leaving to go overseas for work for a week. He mentioned something about catching up when he got back, and said he would call me when he got back. It’s been almost a week since he was back and he hasn’t contacted me. I’m confused about whether he is still interested in me or if he has changed him mind. (Maybe he decided we have nothing to talk about and nothing in common?) Or if he is genuinely still busy and can’t make any plans with me? If he doesn’t contact me before the end of the week, should I contact him? Or should I take it as a sign that he is not interested in anymore dates with me? I would really appreciate your advice!
Hello Liz,
I do hope you find this post helpful:
http://www.whydoguys.com/should-you-contact-guy-not-showing-right-interest/
Hey peter,
First of all, thanks for reading this. I guess I have that typical “does he like me?” problem going on. I met this guy at my art club, I got along with his friends so we were all hanging out afterwards and then everyone had to go but I was waiting for my ride. He offered to stay and keep me company, and even when I told him he didn’t have to he did, so we talked just the two of us- I wasn’t bored for a second. We texted a bit and then at the next meeting I mentioned and get together I was having at my place and invited him when he showed interest, he also gave his friend and I a ride home that night and we stopped for drinks as well. When he came to the get together it was fun and he stayed a little while after everyone had left and we just talked and he was offering to help me learn guitar. I know he’s kinda shy but he’s also friendly to girls so I never can be sure if any of this means he’s interested…. he left some movies at my place and when I texted him he asked if he should come pick them up I said sure, but he hasn’t answered since then (5 hours ago) I know its kind of silly, but could you tell me if guys ever act this friendly with girls they aren’t interested in? And am I over thinking the texting or is it truelly a bad sign he hasn’t answered? On that very long note, thanks (:
Hey E,
Sometimes I feel like the “Magic 8 Ball” so here it goes…
ALL signs points to YES.
He offered to stay and keep you company. ( Wants to spend mostly alone time with you. ) He didn’t bore you. He’s showing off his talent by showing you how to play guitar.
He left something at your place to assure another contact. ( A classic guy move we actually teach. ) By the way we learned that technique from women.
Don’t worry about him not getting back to you so quickly. There could be a million different reasons why and if one of them happens to be so he doesn’t look so needy or desperate to see you again…
That’s another sign of interest, right?
Yes, We do act friendly with girls we’re interested in but I’d say he’s acting more than friendly here.
Hope it all works out for you and stop being so silly.
Pete
From a guy’s perspective, how often should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend each week to have a healthy relationship? Where should the relationship be at at 6 months? I’m a bit confused right now because the relationship I’m in is so different than ones I’ve been in in the past. Usually, I see my boyfriend several times a week, but definitely more than once or twice a week. And by 6 months, we were a lot closer…..talked to each other about different things in our lives and we’ve even met each other’s friends and family. But the relationship I’m currently in feels distant and disconnected. Sometimes, I think I might as well be single. haha. Most of the time, I only see him Sat night and then he leaves Sunday morning or afternoon. Every so often (usually after I complain about it), we will see each other once during the weekdays. I don’t know if it’s just me or if this is normal with most guys. He says he’s trying “really hard,” but for me, he’s not even doing the basics such as spending much time with me. Maybe I just got lucky and found ones who were truly ready for a real relationship in the past……?
Well Amy,
I think you hit the point of it all exactly – whereas the time frame seems to vary a lot from relationship to relationship there’s one clear thing which happens that should always be questioned…
It feels distant and disconnected after months of being in a committed relationship.
Now you might be willing to wait, or even like things to move slowly, but if it’s feeling that way to YOU and you have to “force” him to see you more… then something’s wrong.
We’re not talking about casually dating here. If that was the case and you’re both dating other people than that’s cool and all.
But if he says he “trying real hard” then again, something is wrong because guys who are truly feeling it don’t really have to try… they’re more than willing to keep the attraction alive AND growing AND close AND connected.
That’s my “guy” perspective but it’s also my views from my experience so I do hope you take it all with good intentions for you and your happiness.
This was a great question Amy and hopefully my answer connected with you,
Pete
Thank you, Pete. I appreciate your insight and input and agree with you. That’s actually how I see things. Whenever I tell him that something’s missing between us, he says that his friends all think he’s doing more than they would ever do for their girlfriends and that he does adore me etc etc blah blah. Which makes me then doubt maybe I’m expecting too much. But then again, like you, I think things like this should come naturally. Maybe he isn’t the type that connects often with his girlfriends. But even if that is the case, it simply doesn’t match me, and I think that’s where I’m finding it hard to accept. I care for him, but I don’t love him, which to me, at this point in the relationship, is a red flag because most people would at least be feeling like their falling in love if not already in love. And I keep asking myself if I’m short changing myself…..selling myself short of finding what I really want. Maybe this is a lot for him, and I appreciate his efforts, but again, it comes back to what do I really want. This just simply isn’t it. Your male perspective is extremely helpful. It shows me that there are other men in this world who don’t think the way he does and that I can actually find the kind of man that I want. Thank you, Pete, again for your always helpful insight. Sending blessings your way. =)
You’re welcome Amy and thank you for all your blessings.
Hi!
So there’s this guy that I’ve caught staring at me a few times, since the end of June when we went for a camp together. At first, I found it a bit creepy, but now it has become something that I’m used to seeing.
He doesn’t do anything but stare. I’m waiting for him to make the first move and talk to me but the only thing he does is stare. Is he too shy to come and talk to me or is it to talk to girls in general? Because I haven’t seen him talk to girls before. But he seems really outgoing when he’s talking to his friends.
There were a few times when I caught him staring at the corner of my eye. Another time, I caught him staring and stared back, thinking that’t he’ll look away, but he just kept staring and he held the gaze for around 5-7 seconds. But when he sees me staring at him first, he will just lower his gaze and walk past me towards his friends. We haven’t talked to each other before and it’s getting confusing. Is he shy and doesn’t know how to approach me? Or is it because he’s just not interested? Any advice?
Hi!
Yes Ally… he’s shy. He doesn’t know how to approach a woman. He’s being submissive and showing a lack of confidence when he lowers his gaze when he’s closer to you like walking past.
He probably feels less threatened and possibly doesn’t even realize how long he’s staring at you when he starts it and if he’s a considerable distance away
You can wait all you want but unless someone else introduces him to you he will probably never approach you and I highly doubt it’s because he’s not interested.
I wouldn’t let yourself get confused over it… this is a common fear among guys which goes as deep as speaking in public.
Since it appears you’re in a social environment often, the only thing I could suggest is that you become friends with his friends, or let your friends become friends with his, AND have them introduce you to each other.
That might be less stressful for him.
Just keep in mind you might have do “stuff like this” a lot with a guy like this so be careful. I’d hate for you to have to become his crutch or have you constantly feel like you’re always having to build him up.
Make sure you read this slightly common post I just put up too:
http://www.whydoguys.com/should-girl-ask-guy-out/
Hope that helps you out Ally. All the best to you,
Pete