You’re going to read a lot about signals men give you and how you can use them to figure out if a certain guy likes you or not.
You’re going to be given body language cues which, as a woman, you already know what they mean. I won’t say a guaranteed 100% but trust me on this – when it comes to reading body language you are already equipped with that skill.
You may also have been informed about his flirting techniques. As if every guy who flirts with you is madly in love with you. I’m sure you know that’s not the case. Flirting is a unique form of communication and not a fair assessment of “like.”
Maybe you believe because he always looks so good when he sees you, or he’s always smiling, or even that “when he’s watching you talk to other guys” he must be interested. Assuming when you’re not around he never smiles, he looks like shit, and he never checks out a woman talking to a guy.
Maybe because he always initiates the conversation. He’s always first to call or text you. How he goes out of his way to find you. Even the friendliest gesture can be reasoned and confused with real gut level attraction.
Let’s not forget about when he starts to ignore you. He is playing “man games” with you. He’s here one minute and gone the next. Then he must like you because no guy plays hard to get unless they want you to like them back.
But then how can you tell if he’s just busy. Or if you’re over-thinking it all. If he’s honestly hard-to-get. Maybe distant. Maybe emotionally unavailable with spurts of candidness which keeps you coming back for more.
Well – I’m going to assume you’ve heard it all before.
So it’s also safe to guess the answers you found – didn’t solve your problem. You got lots of things to “look out for” but no definite answer based on your personal case and not some majority ruled generalization about men.
Why is that? Why, despite all those answers, you still find yourself wondering if he is interested in you. If he’s truly attracted to you.
If you haven’t gathered it by now – I’m a guy. Yep. Just another dude and I have the parts to prove it. 😉
Rather than give you the same old tips. The so-called science fact about our wonderfully unique mating process. I want to share with you a guy’s world.
Many guys repeat your frustration,
“Does she like me? She’s flipping her hair. Exposing her wrist. She’s laughing at my lame jokes. She’s communicating 15 out of the 18 signals that she likes me so it must be true. Look!!! Even her feet are facing me. And I know I saw her lick her lips at least once – while we were eating dinner. Hmmmmm?”
Would you believe I’ve known lots of good-looking guys who I’ve caught several times talking to me about a “signal” she was giving and how it must mean she’s interested. And these were guys who needed absolute no help in the dating world.
While all that’s going on you’re looking for the man version and at the same time (I might add) trying to use your female ways to show him you do like him.
This ago old dance sometimes leads somewhere. Sometimes you get that second date. Sometimes you hook up later on. Sometimes you accidentally lead a guy on only to find out you don’t like him.
And sometimes your “maybe relationship” becomes so confused and buried in the mystery of it all you lose sight of what it was all about in the first place.
In a guy’s world – when his lips touches yours and he wants to do it again and again and again – he’s more than just interested. He likes you and is more than likely going to tell somebody about it.
Getting TO that point is what it’s all about.
We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.
The instant you start looking for signals you’re taking yourself out of the most important place you can be. The present. And the present is the only way to get TO that first kiss.
In one guy’s world – a man who knows what he’s doing and has real experience with women understands how to take you there. His signals mean absolutely nothing because if he’s wants you there and you’re so inclined to join him – he WILL lead you there.
In another guy’s world – he doesn’t understand the steps. He’s busy looking for your “okays.” In a way HE wants to be lead. He’s unsure of his own esteem. His signals mean absolutely nothing because you’re not really dealing with his “present.” Which as I stated earlier – is the only way to get there.
For “it” to be completely real with a guy – there must be some physical connection. This means he will do everything and anything within his power, lifestyle, situation, skill-set, and probably more to secure an intimate moment.
Truth be told – what you’re experiencing when you’re trying to figure out if a certain guy or a group of men like you is doubt about yourself. Which has little or nothing to do with him or them.
Oddly enough – you know that. Don’t you?
Hell I even knew it myself even while I was sulking in the corners with a sad look in my face mumbling, “Why doesn’t she like me?” Took me a while to make myself actually believe, “Well maybe she doesn’t like me because this is who I am. The type of guy who cries in the background and whines. I don’t even like myself!!”
That’s one of the extreme cases for men.
But in the smaller cases which I’ll assume is yours…
- Maybe you don’t like one or two things about yourself.
- Maybe you suffer from mild flashes of doubt which always seems to come at the “perfect” time.
- Maybe you believe the guy you’re liking doesn’t seem to be into “your type”, or you’re too old, too young, too big, too small, too shy, too nice…
It’s absolutely perfectly reasonable to say you’re experiencing that doubt because you’re feeling attraction. If you didn’t care about “how he sees you” or “if he’s interested” then you wouldn’t even bother asking that question. Would you?
In the “all case” when you don’t feel attractive or likable at all you will actually try to stop yourself from “falling” for a guy because you know how deeply you’ll look inside yourself and how much it’s probably going to hurt.
What I’m saying, without getting too much into some blame game or who’s at fault, without telling you the same old stuff somebody else has already written is the ultimate answer to knowing if a man is interested in you:
In a guy’s world – the moment he feels attracted to you, he also experiences doubt. Some greater than others. Some handle it better than others. Some hide behind a mask. Some hide in the corner crippled by it all…
But the goal is always the same. To secure an intimate moment which is dependent on the intimacy he needs and how he defines a physical connection. Because that is when it becomes real for us.
I’m saying and I’m probably going to take a lot of flack for it but the ultimate test to see if a guy likes you – starts with the very first kiss.
Getting to that point is best left to enjoy and experience (and not question) because you know it then becomes all about you. It takes you out of the very thing you need to make that first kiss happen. The present.
Obviously we’ve avoided the social drama and the complexity of stepping from sight to relationship and how in our world there’s more to getting together than just feeling it for someone.
Let’s leave it at this and see where it takes us…
If everything a guy does seems to be leading up to that first kiss then you keep assuming he feels attracted to you.
If you’re impatient or are interested in time savers – the moment you’re close enough – make that kiss happen! Even if it’s just a small peck on the lips or neck. It doesn’t have to be a make-out session.
After that you’ll know exactly how much he likes you.
Stop looking for signals or body language clues or the deeper meaning behind it all…
The absolute truth of it all is…
We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.
Love may be something else in determining how a man feel towards you. I would suggest you watch this informational/sales video because it will give you 7 questions designed to help you figure out if a certain man loves you or not… Does He Love You?
24 comments… add one
By far the best article on the subject I have come accross so far! Informative and to the point. Thanks, you explained a lot. I am definitely going to look at your other stuff. Keep up the good work.
So what would it mean if we ahave been intimate,hugs,kisses the whole deal every weekend for 4 weeks and on the 5th weekend he keeps me waiting but still wants to see me?
I would say he’s teasing you a little, or he was busy, or he’s trying to be a little unpredictable so you don’t lose interest.
If everything is all well then maybe he was busy. After all you did say he still wants to see you.
So after that 5th weekend I told him that I didn’t appreciate being blown off and that I didn’t want to waste my time if he wasn’t interested. Then I did something I had not done. I didn’t text him, didn’t stop by the store. Nothing for 30hrs. Which for me was a long time lol. I didn’t text him. And at this point I was thinking ok he no longer is interested. But I wanted to be sure. So I got my most sexiest outfit(yes I went there) did my hair and my makeup and stopped by the store. The look he gave me was priceless! I left the store and didn’t text him. He texted later after he got out of work asking to see me. I waited an hour(another first for me) before replying ok. And we’ve seen each other since and not just on weekends.
Sounds hot Liz. Great to hear.
Thanks Peter! This is one of the real sites I’ve seen. Keep up the good work!
Oh my. Then he does like me. This is the best, clearest and most concise advice on you guys I’ve come across online yet. Well, back to what I was doing which I guess must have been totally right: stay present, stay feminine, stay interested, stay soft and receptive… smile… welcome his interest… flirt back… and play it gently cool!
That first kiss is coming… he’s gearing up for it… everybody we both know can see it and can tell! I want it to be slow and magical… wish me luck!
Exactly M…
Stay present, stay feminine, stay interested, stay soft and receptive… smile… welcome his interest… flirt back… and play it gently cool!
Great advice.
And thank you for the compliment, I appreciate.
Wishing you all the best of luck I can,
Pete
This for best advance I now know he loves me
Would you be willing to email me, I have a question, was wondering if you would be willing to share some insight with me?
Hi Meghan,
I won’t be sending out any emails to someone directly but you’re welcome to join “Why Do Guys…?” At the end of most of the letters there’s an address where you can personally reach me. I suggest you write me there and I’ll see what I can do to get back. You can quickly and easily unsubscribe from my list if you’d like.
Pete
Hey Pete!
It’s really stupid to ask but there is this guy I met on a dating website. He his deployed and we have been texting for 2 month now on and off. He also suffers from ptsd. He opened up to me quite a bit. Sometimes it seems like he gets a little weird and asks if I met new people. We were flirting a little as well. But when we talk he tells me how he feels regarding being deployed and his insecureties. I recently send him a text stating that I liked him more than I planned on. He texted back asking me what I like. I told him that I think he is loyal and honest but that I don’t mean to push just trying to be honest. I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t understand the whole situation anymore. Could you help me to give me more inside.
Great article . Fun to read ! Thanks P
Thank you Rebecca, greatly appreciated. 😀
Pete
Hi I was wondering about this guy in office. I was sharingsharing my boss/ office issues with him and he invited me for coffee. Finally after a week the invite became an invite for drinks. He was quite interested in knowing about me. Then he texts later after a day if I had tried reaching …him. He said his phone was out of order and couldn’t respond in case. I obviously had not contacted him and was pleasantly surprised. Now he says after 2 weeks we are just friends….he writes when I write..not otherwise…yet he seems interested…its so confusing…any thoughts please????
Hi Pete,
This is probably one of my favorite articles. One of the things, though, that I would really like some more detail on is what you wrote below,
“We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.”
So let’s say a man goes on a few dates with a woman but for one reason or another decides he will not or can not enter a relationship with her, but he still finds her attractive and enjoys her company, then is it really not possible for him to just continue enjoying her as a person without venturing into anything physical? I know some may think this sounds naive, and it’s not like I don’t understand how an unrequited attraction may be difficult for some, but I guess what I do find a bit difficult to understand, is if someone genuinely likes and cares for another, but acting on the attraction is not going to be an option, then couldn’t they just somehow put that aside, and continue enjoying each other as people on a platonic basis? And I realize I’m probably in a very small percentage of people who think this, but either way, I would really appreciate your perspective. Thanks again.
Hi,
Yes, what you described can happen and I’m sure it does. Not often but that doesn’t mean never. A man and a woman can become friends after deciding a relationship just isn’t going to happen.
When I wrote, “We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends.” simply meant… Intention and nothing more. It was more to help women who might believe a guy isn’t interested even though he asked for a date. Which I was surprised happens often.
We have the “intention” of something else happening, that’s why we’re doing it. We don’t do things expecting the next step isn’t going to happen.
That’s all.
The actual results tend to vary after the intention and yes sometimes, it could develop into just a friendship.
Thank you for the clarification. I really appreciate it.
Hi, I would actually like some advice…I’ve known this guy for almost 3 years & he’s my cousin’s best friend so he came to my family’s Easter dinner. We all went out 4wheeler riding & I rode with him. It was a small racing forwheeler so I had to hold onto him so I didn’t get thrown off. We went through a water hole & got soaking wet & he grabbed my knee kinda playfully & asked if I was okay. I told him my hands were cold so he had me put them in his hoodie pocket & then he steered the 4wheeler with one hand & put his other hand on mine. He also said that I needed to drive that way he could cuddle up against me & keep warm. We came down off of a hill really hard & I said it hurt my boobs & he rubbed my arm & said sorry. Then he picked on me by saying that I don’t have any & I said bullshit they’re freaking 36C & he said damn. I can’t tell if he was flirting with me or not. Maybe he’s interested in me I can’t tell. But he’ll be 26 in September and I’ll be 17 May 3rd. & I know that he’s been talking to a girl for a couple of months. When he took me home I caught him looking at me and when I got out of the truck he said high five, so I gave him one and then he held onto my hand for about a minute. He said that if I wanna go 4wheeler riding again to call him or my cousin and see if they aren’t working. What does this sound like to you? Do you think he’s interested in me or is just wanting sex?
I need some advice on a guy’s signals..
I started talking to a guy seven weeks ago. After the first week of talking online we met up one night and saw each other 3 more times the next week. After that we consistently saw each other 2, sometimes 3, nights a week. We kissed at the end of our first date and he initiated a good bye kiss at the end of every hang out afterwards.
We slept with each other on the fourth night of seeing each other and the next day he wanted to meet up again (we didn’t have sex). Things were moving kind of fast for me because I had only been single for a month at the time. I told him in the third week of seeing each other I wasn’t looking for a relationship and he responded with a vague ‘let’s see what happens’.
For awhile things seemed to be OK. He would sleepover once in awhile, wanted to see me each weekend, and acted like he was interested in me. I started to develop feelings against my wanting of a casual relationship and that made me really awkward the last two weeks around him and I’m sure he picked up on the weird vibes. Two weekends ago I found that he was back on Tinder. I’m not a stalker, but I get on occasionally and was curious about him.
This week he’s been sending me mixed signals and I can’t tell if he’s interested anymore. We met up last Saturday and he stayed over that night and Monday. Tuesday morning was interrupted, so I asked him later if he wanted to come over that night, he said “Mmmm, I would, but [input school excuse here].” We flirted a bit and I gave him an open invite to text me later in the week to make plans. He snapchatted me once in the week about school and then I didn’t hear anymore from him. I figured if he was interested he would have asked to make plans with me Friday or Saturday like we had been every week before that, especially since I made the option available.
Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I texted him a ‘hey, what’s up?” on Saturday night. He told me he was tired and staying in for the night, but he asked what I was doing on Monday and we decided we would see each other then. He even sent me a flirty text about it and seemed excited for our plans. Well, I texted him Monday about getting together (yesterday) and he said “Maybe, [insert school reason].” He sent a consecutive one saying “I’d really like to, but [insert school reason]. We joked and he told me he ‘I’ll let you know :)’. He never texted me.
I can’t tell if he’s interested, really busy because it’s finals time, or just letting me down easy. We were hanging out so much and then in the last week there’s been a weirdness to it. Possibly because I was unsure about what I wanted I turned him off? I don’t know if I should just ask him what the deal is, or drop it completely, and if he’s interested he’ll come to me.
Advice and thoughts?
Thanks.
Halloo
Long story short, we had a great relationships (based on friendship first).. Open minded led to having this intimate relationship. We were great together, everything fitted perfectly.. new job come up for him demanding more time, late nights, travel etc… I too recently got a 2nd job and more responsibility leaving less time for myself or even him.. 2 weeks went by, we had a great phone relationship (knowing how busy we both were) but we never discussed getting together as those 2weeks passed. We both talked about missing each other, woke up everymorning to a good morning text hope you have a great day etc… then one night i woke up after falling asleep early (passing out more likely from sleep deprivation).. anyway I wrote a speech, saying that I am lonely too much of it now and I dont know what our relationship has become and that I want to end things now as I am tired of waiting for him to just pop around like he did… I wished him farewell and left it there. I got a reply the next morning.. he doesnt even know how to respond, he wished i did it face to face rather than in a text late at night and that he know i deserve better and hope i find what i looking for… i was satisfied with his answer… but a few days later my emotions got the better, I wanted him back I needed him back (1st time ever for me to do the crawling and being to needy) So i decided to ask him if we could meet… his reply wasnt what I expected. He said NO. After what I did to him, I will never know the paid that message caused him and that he had already had a hole in his heart but i just made that bigger and that with his ex he felt sad but with me only anger, he doesnt want to talk, be my friend or see me… how do i fix it? I have apologized for the pain I caused I have grown more to see my words and actions do affect people more than I imagined but what now? I have this intense feeling that this man is the most wonderful man I have met and I know what we had was real and deep the way he was with me.. I need to see him or speak to him without going all stalker on him? I feel so much hope.. but his anger for me is getting the best of him… and I have asked for forgiveness but he has said in his own time.. its been 6 weeks since the break up.. 1 week without contact? please help? could i just show up at his house? asking for forgiveness or just face to face conversation as he deserves?
Hi, I loved your article and I was hoping to get some advice. I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks now, and I like him a lot. We went on a few dates in the first week or so, then he started acting very distant. I asked him if everything was okay and that feelings haven’t changed. He said feelings have changed and he’s not so quick to fall in love again. I told him I wasn’t expecting love or a relationship after a week, I just knew I had fun with him. He responded with “good” which left me confused. A few days went by with no words coming from either of us until he invited me out. I accepting thinking we were just friends having an evening out until we were watching a movie and he wanted to cuddle, which was nothing new, but I don’t cuddle with my friends. We haven’t kissed yet but we’ve hugged and cuddled. He works quite a lot and doesn’t always have time to text during the day, but it seems I’m the one who always texts first. I’m not sure what to do now. Does he want a slow relationship or no relationship at all? I like him but don’t want to waste my time.
Hi and thank you Kate,
Men, unless they are playing you are very direct. It might not seem that way but trust me when I say we’re not that complicated. It’s your thoughts combined with other things which are complicating or hazing things up.
He merely told you,
“I like you enough that I might be falling for you too quickly SO I want to take my time.” Which you can assume may lead to a relationship BUT attraction is there.
He said “good” because he was happy you were not into making this an instant relationship. He was relieved you were okay with taking things (dating) slow. (If you ask me, haha I guess you are, the “slow” part is actually better anyways. He has probably moved too quickly before. Lots of men and women make that mistake. Instant relationship or acting like you’re in a relationship too early causes way too many avoidable problems and doesn’t allow people to see the bigger picture of what it going on.)
I can not guarantee whether he’s going to not want a relationship with you at all. That’s why you spend time slowly getting to know each other. To find out if it’s going to work towards one. I’d like to say you have to take that risk but it’s not a risk at all, it’s just a smart way to date.
Text him less. Give him space. Let him come to you once in a while.
Chances are if he can seriously keep away more than a week at a time then it doesn’t mean he’s lost the attraction, it just means he’s sticking to his word.
If you continue to contact him more than that he’ll assume you’re in relationship mode and will probably continually back away or not do anything. You’ll be chasing him for a while and not allowing him to go into pursue mode.
I love what this format does because it DOES work:
(stolen, well borrowed
from Real Men In )
1. Lure. 2. Lust. 3. love.
It works.
We need to be entranced by you. We definitely need to lust after you. And most certainly that’s when love comes. Once you’re there the relationship (if both are ready) naturally happen and are allowed to develop or build over time.
Figure out what your time table is for a relationship. Set it in advance and stick to it. Date other men too. That way you’re not wasting your time… you’re having fun and getting to know each other.
You have fun together, enjoy it.
All the best to you,
Pete
I have known this guy since high school, 13 years. Apparently I was oblivious to his intrest back in the day. Over the past 5 years we text regularly see each other on occasion. He has become a very close friend. But the only time I see him is if I invite. He always accepts the invites ( not excessive invites, generally dinner at my house. He even came iver when I invited him to help make cookies for a bake sale). He seems interested but is he? I don’t want to risk our friendship.
* he was with a girl 8-9 years ago. Engaged at some point. She had a child while they were together but it is know fact that it’s very possible it is not his child. When she left she did so with an old boyfriend.