We do it ALL the time…
We categorize women in several ways with regards to your looks, personality, and movements.
Ever wonder if you’re hot, sexy, or cute?
Hot – All dressed up. A little too perfect. Most men find this type of women un-approachable or “Hard to talk to!”
They say they want “hot” but most men either don’t have the confidence or that certain strength to bother.
Categorized as untouchable. Kind of like a movie star. A pleasure to look at but not real.
Cute – Shy, demure, casual and down to earth. At times playful and quirky.
Beautifully adorned with a magical glow most men get caught up in.
Often categorized as “Easy to talk to.”
Guys give the “cute” label to women very sparingly. I guess it’s just not “masculine” enough to tell a guy friend you think a woman is cute.
We believe women call us cute when they are not feeling it for us and want to spare out feelings. Basically letting us down by reassuring we’re not some ugly fool, and there’s more reasons why you would not want to be with us.
Aside from our delicate view of how we think we look.
Just another reason men rarely call a woman cute.
Sexy – Curves, attitude, and the walk.
Your definition of sexy probably varies greatly from a man’s point of view.
His definition is mostly sexual. He imagines sexy naked. He fantasizes about sexy women.
But again, rarely does he ever say it to his friends.
I hope you’re seeing a pattern here.
Men share with each other ( SPARINGLY I’LL ADD ) the details of their specific attraction.
We know what we find attractive but rarely can we ever put to words what it is.
AND our view of attractiveness is ever-changing.
When he’s feeling something more he may find you beautiful, and when he’s feeling it “hard” in his pants, suddenly you’re the sexiest woman alive.
When he’s with you and everything falls in place, suddenly you’re cuteness keeps him smiling and seeing you as the only one he’s ever met who gets him.
On the surface the important men put on looks seems trivial. Sometimes annoying. Sometimes you may even feel like he’s not attracted to you at all and wondering why he even bothers.
The truth is – men struggle putting to words exactly what they’re feeling.
They also believe calling you sexy (Grrrr!!!) when you were looking for beautiful may upset you.
Or laying in bed about to go inside you and then telling you how cute you look – may get him quickly tossed off.
The conversations they have with their fellow-men are also manicured to keep their manhood in tact.
That explains their cackling, whistling, or chatter as you pass them by.
It’s best to NOT reveal to another man something which may deem you as being less than a man – if you know what I mean.
This type of youth to adult way of interaction is also a big reason why so many guys only seem to notice your most private parts – and why some feel the need to tell you.
Just a little insight into how a man sees beauty and why so many struggle to put the perfect compliment to you – when the time is right.
Now I get to ask you…
- How do you see yourself?
- Does it match what men have said to you?
- Do you wish men could see you differently?
And…
- Have you ever noticed men react to the image you care to place that evening or day and are so predictable that you have numbed yourself against caring?
Comments are moderated – I can NOT answer all of them – Your opinions are always appreciated – Thank you… Peter White – Don’t forget if you’ve found this page by accident you might not belong here 🙂 Go here -> Why Do Guys…?to receive the full email and all the rest too.
Hi Pete, you really are amazing! I love reading your stuff.
I have actually been called all three:
Cute because I’m petite, very social and easy to talk to…?
Hot because of my attractiveness…?
Sexy because of my confidence…?
Sound right? I’ve actually been told by men and women how sexy I am. I’ve never viewed myself as a sexy person or “sex pot” as some say. I get gorgeous a lot too…I’m really not bragging or being high on myself. I know I am attractive but I also have the personality to go with it. I’m fun, outgoing, very social, I speak my mind, very friendly & confident. I have always received a lot of attention from men (and women actually) and I find it very flattering…however they want to view me or categorize me. I don’t find myself to be any more attractive than any of my girlfriends. I have noticed the way men act towards me. The majority get caught staring. Some will comment as they walk past me. Some will actually go right in with the flirt and the others avoid me like the plague. Besides the ones that flirt or comment, I have just assumed that they wouldn’t be interested or not attracted. I have been told by people what some guys think of me and have been totally shocked considering they barely make eye contact with me.
I love your articles, keep ’em comin!
Hi Nikki and thank you.
Cute and petite usually go together. I suppose I have not called many women who were taller than average cute BUT she can act cute.
Hot. Yes it is always about attractiveness. Body. Face. Hair. Everything. How is what we call women that demand our immediate eye attention and sometimes it’s hard not to look. It’s like instinctively ingrained in us and we, well some of us “learn” to be a little more conspicuous about it.
Confidence is attractive but I’m not sure if confidence causes sexiness, at least in our male minds.
Sexiness is a look, a walk, the voice, what you say, the way you move, etc… All together creates an instant feeling of desire in men.
Sure confidence is needed but I’ve known several, or a considerable amount of sexy women who after getting to know them better, found they had very little “real” confidence. It was often faked or an act which was hidden from “acting” or “dressing” sexy and doing the moves. 😉
Thanks for sharing Nikk. I really do appreciate and will continue to write.
Pete
Can totally relate with your issue!! Lol story of my life lol
How I see myself is a girl who is a little shy, reserved and funny ( love to make people laugh). Most guys call me cute, mostly because of my height I’m pretty tiny for my age and sometimes they think I look younger than my age. That causes a bit of a problem because they can treat me like a child lol. Anyway, I wish guys could see me more as beautiful, I know I can’t do anything with my height but I wish I could be taller like 5’5 instead of 5’2. I guess I’m always going to be cute lol
Tiffany,
Guys fall for shy girls all the time AND they certainly like a woman he has a great sense of humor. Although I will admit, it’s not so much the humor as what it represents… A down to earth attitude who doesn’t take everything so seriously.
Looking younger, well that’s always a good thing, right? 🙂 When a guy treats you like a child and you’re really into him… smack him on the arm immediately and say, “Ohhh so you like them real… young. This might be a deal breaker… boy!” And then laugh at his reaction.
As for the beautiful thing, I can guarantee when you’re with the right guy, when he sees it, he’s going to see it all and for you, it will happen during special moments like parties, special dinners, weddings, etc… This could make them eve more special and memorable.
Nope. You can’t be taller but unless you’re a dude 5’2″ will never be problem.
Thanks for sharing,
Pete
Hi Pete:
I want to thank you for your input on my question before. Your really helping me get through this.
From reading this post, it has helped me to understand why this man hasn’t approached me. I make it a point to dress nicely and put makeup on when I go to work. In addition, I work out 4 days a week. I am sure all of these things takes his confidence away from approaching me.
You’re welcome. Glad it’s helping you.
It’s not necessarily all you do which is stealing or taking from his confidence, it was probably never there in the first place. Confidence is normally a barrier we use to protect our self-esteem. Having little confidence allows others to lower how we feel about ourselves.
Try not to relate how you look might be affecting another persons self-esteem or ability to just have a simple conversation with a woman. Whether it’s true or not, most not matter.
Just keeping doing what you do and expect when a guy isn’t intimidated by your presence or the work you do for yourself, (and just maybe the guy who puts in the same amount of effort into himself) , he’ll step up and approach.
Hi Pete 🙂
Wow, thank you soo much for writing this out for us!
It really has helped me understand men better and the reasons behind certain actions 🙂
And now I also think I understand better why a certain person has called me cute too lol!
It may not necessarily mean he likes me but may just find me kind and nice maybe. For instance, there was a time
when I had given him some notes (that will help with his assignments) in a folder and he was soo surprised and wondered if he had asked me to help him lol. Then while he was looking through the notes with me and read a little letter I wrote (with my email details if he needed anything), he looked at me and with a smile said ‘You are very…………..cute…….I mean……’ and then I laughed and looked away quickly as I was both shocked and embarrassed. When he mentioned cute, I was confused whether he said it accidently and wanted to use another word or really meant it. At first i thought he had attraction towards me but maybe he is just saying it out of kindness 🙂 What do you think Pete, am I reading this too much or somehow I am on the right track llol?
Hi Elizabeth,
You’re welcome and I’m happy you’re getting something real out of all my ramblings. 😀
Nope, he didn’t say it out of kindness, here’s how it went down:
He was feeling extremely close AND attracted to you in that moment and felt the need to let you know BUT he wanted to say something else. Something more in the lines of “beautiful” “hot” “attractive” “stunning” … I think you’re getting the picture here.
If it was out of kindness it would’ve been followed with a “but”. Like, “You’re cute BUT…. I’m not into you that way.” See the difference?
He was caught up in the moment and was feeling extremely attracted to you and probably wanted to kiss you. He backed away because he probably just thought you would reject him or you thought it was inappropriate or he doesn’t have an experience in what to actually do in those moments.
Have fun Elizabeth 😉
Pete
Heeeeeeey Pete 🙂
No wayyyyyyyy lol! I am sooooo surprised that is what this special person felt during that moment lol…and the way you have kindly explained the different reactions between kindness and attraction makes sense too 🙂 I am still soo shocked and really embarrased now lol and have no idea on how I’ll face him the next time I see him lol—-sooo nervous. I thought we were just friends and happened to do the same uni course lol. And hmmm now thinking of other actions he did that confuse me now makes sense like ………Our talk always been relaxed and he seems comfortable and usually takes over (in a good way lol) and controls where the conversation is going hehe but asks me questions too 🙂 He also always shares with me the good points as well as things he is struggling with assignments and pracs. And the time when he looked really confused and sad and slightly mad on that day I was ignoring him and didn’t say hello….and then I wrote an email (not face to face lol) to explain the reasons (which was I get a bit shy and nervous to approach my friends and him lol) and then when i saw him again a few days ago, he was relaxed and smiling again 🙂
And the reasons you have given for him backing away that day is soo true…..he is indeed inexperienced and single and yes we both think its inapropriate to flirt/kiss etc not till after the engagement/wedding due to our Islamic faith. That was also the reason why I was sooo surprised he called me cute lol 🙂
You are amazing Pete, and you are really good with the details 🙂
Thanks again Pete 😉
What about men who don’t compliment? They have no problem flirting with you, kissing you, sexting with you, but don’t compliment you directly? Are they too shy? Are they ashamed or do they think you might consider them less of a man? It is obvious that if they have no problem kissing you and sexting, they desire you.
I don’t think they are shy Clau. Normally they are not good with giving compliments because it doesn’t feel genuine. They also don’t want to be lumped into a category of men who only know how to compliment and who are doing it just to get something from you. It’s also because they are not that good with words.
Now sometimes, it’s because they’re attracted to you sexually but are not that physically attracted to you enough to actually mention it. It’s rare but it does happen.
From a guys point of view, if he’s showing desire, every time he makes you feel sexy through his actions… he complimenting you in the only way he knows how.
Pete
I was called lovely by my crush…what does it mean when a guy calls you that? I get very shy around my crush and can barely talk or smile…can I guy tell when your just shy or not?
Context is everything. 🙂 So it depends on what was going on when he called you that. What the conversation was about. AND if he talks like that to all women.
Yes. Most guys can tell when you’re shy. It does however make it difficult for them tell how you feel about them. They understand you’re shy but don’t know how to handle you because of it.
For examples.
How does a guy know when to make a move on a shy girl? How does he know her boundaries? How does he handle sex talk or flirting with her? Will he offend her too easily? Will he scare her away?
Shy women confuse lots of men.
I tell them to treat a shy girl like any other woman who is capable of handling her own insecurities or shyness and to never try to fix her, open her up, or treat her differently because he’s afraid it will push her away.
In other words, give her the same credit and respect he gives to every other woman he comes in contact with.
Hope that helps you out Cheechee,
Pete
Hi! What about Beautiful! I can’t believe you left that one out 😉
Hi Jackie. I can not believe I left it out myself.
Beautiful is sheer perfection with a one small exterior flaw like a perfectly placed beauty mark showing itself off.
Most men find it difficult to call a woman “beautiful” to his friends BUT he might use it on a woman when he feels that fits his personal definition of beauty AND he can not think of anything else to say OR he believes that is what she wanted to hear.
Who knows, maybe SHE is the one who caused him to go speechless. 😉
Quite honestly I must not have felt it fit here because guys, at least the ones I have been in contact with rarely ever say it. Not that it’s reserved strictly for women, but I have rarely ever had a guy tell me a woman was beautiful. It seems to be more of a woman on woman thing.
Just ask a guy, “Do you think she’s beautiful?” and you’ll see what I mean. Of course I would not ask it to a guy you’re closely involved with because it is doubtful you’ll get a real response.
Guys will also replace “beautiful” with “amazing” “incredible” or anything which to him reflects the first feeling he gets when he notices her and whether it matters or not, beautiful is not one of that invokes many attractive emotions for a guy.
Of course I’ll do a little more research on this when I can. 😀
Perhaps I’ll grab a few photos of women and give you examples of how WE see her. That might help even more.
Thanks for point this out though because it is definitely worth dsicussing.
Your guy friend,
Pete
Hi pete ive been called pretty by a work crush and he told me he liked my thighs. I didn’t feel flattered. What does it mean when he says you are pretty?
Pretty is a tough one because it’s usually tied to the man. Meaning some guys use it instead of “sexy” or “hot” or “I want to sleep with you” to downplay or soften the compliment. Some use it because it’s more appropriate to say than something else.
The fact that he mentioned you thighs might suggest that’s what he was really thinking when he said it. Men rarely mention thighs unless they’re thinking sexually. You must admit it’s an erogenous area.
Ignore the pretty. He most likely meant something else and was using his “work” words to avoid sexually harassing you.
Pete
do you like sexy on video chat
I have yet to meet many straight guys who don’t like a sexy video chat.
Hi Peter,
Thanks for the insight!! Definitely helps put certain actions in perspective.
I see myself as a combination of both cute and sexy. Cute as I’ve met guys who seem to be comfortable enough to share personal information about life as well as issues they’ve had in their current or past relationships and they go on and on for hours lol. So clearly they feel at ease to share and I will give them honest advise and insight as well, only if they should they ask. However, I also consider myself sexy as I know I have a certain look or gaze might be more appropriate which my girlfriends have said is a seductive glance which caused one handsome French guy my friends were actually talking to on the train ride to Versailles that actually caused him to give me his # and email? I didn’t even talk to him but air do remember giving him a couple looks! Lol and he became my pen pal until he wanted to fly in for my bday and was like um mm thats great but I have my son and ypu can’t stay here lol. Now I’m like great…boys don’t stare, I’m like Medusa lol and something will turn into stone. I have the voice so much that I had several people tell me I have a soothing sexy voice.. I’m like um thanks now tell what you’d like to order preferred customer and don’t call 2-3 times a day to ask me personal questions or tell the owner I lmao the only one that can handle taking your orders..that’s a bit creepy yet somewhat flattering?? Lol when I go out I show only one thing at time and I’m aware this strikes up curiosity lol. I can’t help who I am. It is what it is. My problem is that I feel that some men have found me overly sexy to the point where it’s not fun anymore as its just lustful and short lived. So I have a problem with I guess being too sexy and often wondered hmm how do I turn it off and balance it out more? It was fun when I didn’t want a relationship lol but now I’m a little older, 39 and getting confused for a student at my son’s university, a little wiser, and would like to find a man to share quality time with.
You’re welcome Jessica and thank you for sharing… oh and “getting confused for a student at your son’s university” :O Hahahaha!!
So, you want to be considered less sexy because you believe guys only want something short term from you? It’s a reasonable request.
I don’t see any reasons why you should turn it off or balance it out because YOU, as a person have the say of the men you allow into your life. I suppose you must just learn how to not the let sex thing happen too early AND if a guy can’t handle that – screw him. And I don’t mean that literally.
The truth is, as men, we WANT a potential girlfriend to be sexy. Don’t take that away from your future boyfriend. THAT would be mean. :p
Stick to meeting men you would want to date in places where they can’t be so obvious. Don’t let them dictate the sexual escalation so much. Allow them to find out more about you first and genuinely. Obviously some men will ask you anything and everything just long enough to get some and if you can’t figure him out early, you’re going to be hurt. But I’d say that’s a rare man.
I can tell you if I meet a woman I’m sexually attracted to and she holds out longer (or makes it more difficult or obvious that nothing’s going to happen) without something long-term I will almost immediately begin to evaluate her
as a potential girlfriend. If we “fall” into bed quickly other things might eventually happen but it usually comes much later. I’m less likely to think about the “more”.
My best advice, so far, is to quickly assess a guys future potential by how he acts around you and how he handles your “sexuality”. If he’s making ALL about sex, chances are he only wants sex. If he offers himself to you all too easily, chances are, he only wants sex. If he handles it with charm and witt, not ignoring your sexiness but using it wisely and sometimes against you, then chances are he’ll be more willing to wait and see what happens.
The important part of all this is YOU have the power to choose. YOU have the power to weed out quickly the guys who are not looking for something long-term with you. YOU have the power to put forth a future with a guy (skillfully) so he knows right away that your sexiness is great but YOU are a package deal.
Maybe I’ll get more into this type of stuff later, sexy.
One more thing, I’m not a preferred customer but now I’m definitely curious now… thanks!!
Your guy friend,
Pete