Why does understanding men have to be so complicated!!!
Right? 😀
Depends how you look at it, doesn’t it?
Look into the psychology and sociology of it all and it can become quite complicated. That kind of studying can take us years to fully grasp.
We can study the mind of a guy by going deeper and deeper until we hit the right spot. The “Aha!” moment just might grant us full access to any man’s heart and mind.
But I don’t think everyone wants to go that far…
It’s usually about one guy, right now, who is frustrating you and confusing you so much you felt you had no choice but to seek advice about his “problem.”
I’m glad you did. Grab a seat. 🙂
Now for you… this guy is doing things you don’t understand. You’re looking for the deeper meaning of it all.
And I’m guessing that more than 99% of you are probably in some way attracted to him.
On the other side:
Maybe you’ve been confused by too many men for too long and you’re tired of it. You believe the answers to understanding men will give you insight to help you make better decisions and enjoy a happy relationship.
Whatever your reasons for being here… thank you!
I do hope I can bring closer to you a “new” understanding of men and in the very least, excite your desire to learn about men than you ever have before.
I’m going to leave you quickly today but I want you to consider when we’re dealing with men there are two different kinds of guys.
Each of course have their own niche in life and in your world too.
Group 1: The guys who GET (understand) you.
Some do it naturally.
Some will learn it through trial and error.
Some seek advice and use it for good. Other use that same advice to “play” you.
Some have “problems” and use their natural ability to play most women.
Some don’t even know they’re doing it.
This group (so it’s been formulated) consists of about 8% to 10% of men. It’s estimated (based on my own observation and experience only) that 1 out of every 10 in this group fall in the bad category.
These are considered the guys who actually sleep with or date the majority of ALL women. A note which has never been proven but definitely observed by the next group.
Group 2: The guys who DON’T get you.
Women and their relationships with them have come primarily by accident.
90% plus of all men fall into this category.
They live in your friends zone. You rarely feel attracted to them.
They can be “nice guys” but they can also be the over-confident prick who pretends he’s in group 1.
These guys meet a woman who likes them although they might not know why. If she pursues him AND if he feels a little attracted to her – he will “settle” comfortably and just take things as they come along.
That doesn’t mean he can’t love you.
In fact he’ll probably give you more love than you can handle which at times will appear needy.
But remember… these are guys who generally don’t get you.
This group can and will dabble in the other group. They won’t know it’s happening but they can invoke your attraction and interest.
After some time though they typically revert fully to group 2.
Although this group is widely varied I would say most of them are nice and decent gentlemen…
(…more…)
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I just have a question I matt that guy he was so nice to me we seen each other every day for 2 weeks straight he was totally into me the first time he seen me I matt his parents friends etc .but I know he had an relationships for 2 months ago and he told me he can’t believe he feels for me that fast it is dangerous for 2 days ago I heard the last time something from him now I try to txt and call him he doesn’t respond ..what does that mean
Hello Susane, we may have a communication problem. I’m assuming your first language is not English so I have a question first…
Has he been in a relationship for 2 months and then he met you? If he’s committed to someone else then that would obviously be a good reason for him to suddenly disappear.
Other than that – there are some guys who get scared early on when their attractive urges take over. I wouldn’t be surprised for a guy like that to all of a sudden stop responding so quickly.
Next up – a few days is not a big deal and it’s probably a good thing. Too much, too early, too quickly, usually ends up burning up or turning to just sex until the thrill wears off.
I also have another question…
Who has done the texting or calling up until the disappearance…
If you’ve been constantly starting the conversations or not stopping them at a reasonable time, then I’d have to say he was worried this had become one of those dreaded – Instant relationships.
Let me know some of your answers Suasne and we’ll try to figure it all out,
Pete
I’m not sure if this site is just for questions about single people but, here goes anyway . . . My husband of almost 19 years, had an online emotional affair with someone from his past from Jan. to May of this year when I found out. He acted like it was my fault for years of neglect, which I take some responsibility for. But if you take vows, you make a commitment to not go outside your marriage and to stick it out and work on things until you can’t anymore. Then you leave. You don’t bring another person into the relationship before the marriage is really over. He did cut it off with her and wants to stay and work things out but, at times, he seems so self-centered and uncaring towards me. It almost makes me think he’s now found out he’s still attractive to other women and he might be looking to do it again. I know this is a deep and complicated subject, which might not be appropriate for this blog, but I just thought I’d give it a whirl. I’m so tired of the guessing game. I can’t tell if he IS playing games or if I’m nuts. I noticed you said in a previous newsletter that you should always trust that inner voice if you feel something is not right. Any advice?
Hello JoDee,
Trusting your inner voice is one thing – but learning how to really listen to it might be something entirely different. You can’t tell if he’s playing games or if it’s you because you don’t trust him anymore. You thought you knew him but now you’re not sure.
Trusting your inner voice is noticing something is not right with your connection to him. Listening to it saying, “Without trust – how are you take him at face value anymore after he acted out of character AND without the fear of consequences which would result in hurting you and benefiting him.”
I may be overstating the obvious or something you already knew but I hope it helps you to gain a better perspective.
He’s ( I’m guessing because I’m not a therapist ) acting self-centered and uncaring because he’s closed himself off emotionally from you to avoid being hurt. Whether he intends to be mean or how deep the breakdown of the communication is ( something perhaps only a counselor can help you mend ) is beyond me. I’m merely looking at the surface and giving you what I see from the outside.
Also – he may be acting out ( or inward ) hoping to gain any emotional response from you because as ( people ) we tend to equate anger and love as feeling something and can invoke anger to feel more loved. For example – if anything and everything he did ( good or bad ) didn’t matter to you then his heart would tell him you don’t care anymore. He’ll up the antics enough until he gets an emotional response.
Complicated as all that seems – ALL relationships evolves some sort of game playing. I imagine it’s just part of the social world we create for ourselves and over time, especially in a marriage – we learn so much about the other person it kind of makes it easier to predict what will happen thus sharpening our game playing tools.
However your marriage and the games you feel are being played ( back and forth ) could just be cluing you in on the communication breakdown and I suppose that’s a good thing because now, the two of you can begin to work things out and possibly strengthen the relationship and last another 19 years.
I’m pulling for you over here.
All the best of luck to you,
Pete
Hi Peter, so the only way to marry a nice guy is to pursue him? And if not? Will he EVER make a move? I literally gave him a green light and all obvious signals and still nothing.. He is stalked in ” impressing me ” stage. I’m tired , I’m ready for more, I developed true feelings .. What s next ? Take his hand and bring him to the wedding office ? I’m completely confused. He said he doesn’t understand what I want, shall I say directly about marriage and feelings ? I’ve bad experience