I‘ve chased many women in my life and it got me literally nowhere…
We’re in for long one but look under the surface because I believe there’s a ton of information, a different look into understanding men you may have never read or thought about…
It always seemed like when they figured out I was into them – or were being chased – or more appropriately, found out how easy it would be to get or have me, well that’s when she’d lose any interest at all.
Before then, the phone calls were eagerly answered. The response was quickly message after a text. The late night drunk calls were sent to me,
“Just because I wanted to hear your voice.”
And let me tell you lots of guys everywhere have experienced the same effect.
Now granted these lessons are learned early in life and may not hold completely true in adulthood but not because of what you might believe.
We watch and take it to be true when we see the guy who gets any woman he wants – kind of doesn’t want it. It’s no big deal to him.
Girls will always gather around and not always patiently wait until he’s single again and perhaps chooses her next.
Regardless of which guy it is… the ones you want or the ones you don’t want, the younger guy learns it’s probably just best to at least play hard to get because THAT guy has dated every attractive available girl and he seems to do it.
As we mature into our own and perhaps develop out attractive masculine side with age – most of us suddenly allow ourselves to become hard to get.
That’s a key difference in men.
Some play hard to get.
Some ARE hard to get.
You don’t normally want the guy who is playing hard to get but at least, if you’re feeling it a little, then you know it’s a good sign he’s interested in you, otherwise he wouldn’t be using,
“The oldest trick in the book”
Would he?
The guy who IS hard to get – the one you’re “just maybe” not at all convinced he’s into you because his interest is so confusing and often misleading, you’re not sure if he’s “playing” that game
or if he really is that way.
You tell yourself you know he likes you and you can’t understand if it’s a game he’s playing, then why is he bothering but you have not truly convinced yourself… The questions always remain.
The boldest statement you’ve ever heard…
The MALE SLUT technique works on OTHER women.
He sleeps with every women who gives it up – but for me, he’s “plays” hard to get.
He’s always flirting with other girls, it seems like he does it with me too, so why is he playing hard to get with me?
Sometimes, it’s because he IS hard to get.
He lets you believe he’s sleeping around or giving more to the “other” women but that’s just his charm.
In fact, some of us clever guys learn early that if we flirt with every woman regardless of who she is, how old she is, whether she’s married or not, it makes us look like we’re “true ladies men” and we’ve got ALL these women on a string.
Granted without the charm or skill or wit or ability to not reveal certain facts we come off as foolish try-hards willing to land any woman who’d open up her legs to us.
You assume we’re either bad or good players whose confidence is somewhere in our pants.
For the rest of us – we pass on the teachings of BEING hard to get. We say,
“ALLOW her to work for your attention or interest just enough because by doing so we’re creating a natural demand AND increasing our value to you.”
The absolute truth of this all is – men believe it because they see it happen – because they’ve experienced it firsthand – Once you feel like you or women generally could have us at a moments notice (early on) your interest tends to fade away.
Now normally the type of guy who lives by that completely AND he’s not playing hard to get, maybe he’s just dabbling it in a little. You know by not calling or texting for a few days or setting up another date too quickly…
Well most of the time he’s not hard to get and that’s the problem. That’s what destroys the attraction. The chemistry bubble bursts because he doesn’t create a natural mystery which invites you closer to him.
He TRIES to make something happen which you would think comes naturally to lots of guy, but it doesn’t.
The guy who IS hard to get does not have to play or follow stupid rules or wait to call or text suggested in some dating book somewhere.
If there was ever a moral of these statements or something to learn and understand about men it is this:
Whether a guy is playing hard to get or is in fact hard to get is a game NO man can keep up IF he wants something more.
Sooner or later he must allow himself to be “gotten” in one way or another.
The other point may just be to explain why a guy would play hard to get, when you’re sure he likes you…
Well that could simply be based on many of our experiences… when we chase, show too much too early, quite often it’s not done right and destroys the attraction almost immediately.
At least in those cases it’s not that he’s playing a game or wants to play you – he’s just in that group of guys who just doesn’t get you and is only doing what he saw might have worked which is unfortunately taken out of context and does little for his dating life with you.
This is not the end of this topic – there has to be more and when it all comes to me one fateful night, I promise I won’t make that information NOT hard to get…
Until then at least smile, as I mentioned slightly above – whether he’s playing or not – let’s be honest with ourselves here, you already knows he’s interested or wouldn’t bother trying, and I know for a fact…
Easy guys are well, not much fun at all. π
The best of us want a woman who challenges us on many levels and although we may never fully know how to challenge back without it getting mixed up with all the “playing hard” we’re assuming you want a challenge too,
Pete
Comments are moderated – I can NOT answer all of them – Your opinions are always appreciated – Thank you… Peter White – Don’t forget if you’ve found this page by accident you might not belong here π Go here -> Why Do Guys…?to receive the full email and all the rest too.
Hey there’s this boy who’s been sending me signals he likes me such as, staring at me in class talking to me a little here and there and waving at me at his baseball game so I decided to go up and start a conversation with him,since then he still stairs at me and says hi to me in the hall but he won’t approach me I’m so confused:/
Grace,
If a guy only ever wants to stare AND you opened a conversation with him and he still doesn’t act or move forward in the direction you would like…
He’s either young, scared, has the wrong idea of “how it all works”, isn’t interested, or didn’t feel compelled to act or isn’t capable or ready to act.
My advice would be to first look at the conversation, how it went, what you talked about, just to see if your topic or style must be changed a little to lure a guy in better AND if that’s not a problem then it’s probably one of the reasons I listed here. (Of course there’s more to it like status and him having a bad idea of what to do in these situations)
Either way, you did what was right.
Pete
I clearly need some help here been talking causual dateing this guy i meet almost a year ago . He seems a bit timid and honestly a bit awkward socially hardly ever contacts me first but everytime i ask he always meets me im trying hard not to contact him and let him take the lead but he never does . I need to find out if hes into me or not and dont want to freak him out what should i do ?
Melissa,
If he’s “dating” you then he likes you. The problem is not all guys will take the lead and this sounds like him.
Also to me, and I’m a guy π hardly ever contacting you IS contacting you. Always meeting you when you ask is another sign he likes you.
Chances are he’s not convinced how you feel about him AND he just doesn’t know what to do. Most guys do NOT know the stages of “courting” instinctively and if they don’t learn or seek out a real solution, will only ever guess their way through dating.
Which, as you have figured out, only confuses women.
I wouldn’t tell him unless you’re absolutely positive how he feels.
Now, consider what you want from this dating experience. What kind of lead would you like him to take? How long are you willing to be patient with him?
Figure exactly what you want, set a time frame in which you’ll allow it to naturally happen, and if nothing changes within that time… move on.
You are free to encourage him but you can’t change or make a man take the lead.
I’ve been dating a guy for a year now. We are boyfriend and girlfriend which he initiated. The challenge I have is that he is aloof and not very affection. I feel like the one with the stronger sex drive and definitely more affectionate. I feel like I’m chasing him. He said this is the first real relationship where he’s gotten this close to a women but oddly enough he’s been married twice. I know he loves me, but he so into his life. He makes me nice meals and does small things, but has never bought me any nice jewelry. Money is not an issue for him. I don’t want him for his money as I can take care of myself and my kids. But he has taken care of every other women in his life. I feel a little under appreciated. I know I have lots to give and I don’t want to settle. We are very compatible in many other ways. I just met his mom, but I’m not sure I can stick around if he doesn’t show me sometime more. I plan to talk with him about my wants. Any suggestions? I don’t want to hurt him but I feel like he doesn’t appreciate me like I need.
Let’ be candid here Alisa. He initiated the relationship. You know he loves you. He has a life. He makes you meals and does the small things for you. BUT you’re concerned because he doesn’t buy you nice things. :O So you feel underappreciated?
Okay aside from that – to each their own – but I’d say he’s trying assure himself that you’re not with him for his money and doesn’t want the money to be the glue which keeps you together.
IF you go to him like you just went to me, you’re probably going to have problems because he’s likely to think or respond the same way I just did… negatively or sarcastically bad.
Affection and sex drive aside – because you agreed to be with him when you already knew what type of guy he was, right? Bringing that angle up in such a way where you try to change him – will also cause a huge problem.
I’m not saying you should not be concerned with your needs, just that it appears you knew who he was and you expected him to suddenly change (or over time) to meet what YOU expect from a guy? That’s a terrible road to go down because after he hears that, he’s going to assume you were not really into him in the first place and the money issues will come up.
If you want some real help here then you must seek out someone who can help you on how to communicate with him so it doesn’t feel like it did to me when you wrote this.
I’m not a relationship or communication specialist so I wouldn’t rely on my to help you through this. All I can do is help you see or predict how a guy might act based on me – well being a man. π
Pete
Okay, so I have this class with a boy that I used to hangout with last year. We had went to a carnival together once and then we stopped talking. I kind of just drifted into different classes and such this year. Anyways I always catch him staring at me, and he always acts super cocky in front of his friends but in reality he had messaged me privately and told me that I was pretty and asked for my snapchat. So then I gave it to him and he messaged me for like 3 days straight and now he never messages me anymore but he still stares at me when I see him and he talks to me in person. So then I tried to take the lead and message him first and he puts no effort into the conversation at all. So I stopped messaging him and I don’t know what to do.
Hey Halee,
Just maybe he’s attracted to you but not interested in anything more. Something he realized while you two were talking.
Just maybe he’s not “getting it” and doesn’t realize you like him and is acting rejected. Way to many guys, especially young one, miss every clue a woman gives.
Maybe it’s a front. His cocky actions are a fake reality he portrays to protect his Ego in front of his friends.
Maybe he felt you our for “fooling around” or “sexting” and realized to get that far with you he would have to enter a relationship with you and didn’t want to go that far to get his way.
All is probable. All is likely. Even ALL of them could be a little true or how things played out over that short time.
My point is:
If a guy is putting no effort into YOU or talking to you or doing something “else” then that is a definite signal to move on. Chances are this will not end nicely because there are too many red flags about how he’s acting and his cocky character. Just my personal feelings.
Hopefully you’ll find this as some form of closure with him and allow you to move on.
Your guy friend,
Pete
I like that article, thanks!
My crush is playing hard to get and I love that! He is doing it right (not too much, maybe) and it’s working on me!! The chemistry is building up, much more than I expected when we were starting to flirt. I love that. It’s been a long time since a guy knew hot to ‘play me’ and I really enjoy the game… π
Anyway, there is something to it. I am a rather attractive woman and true, I usually think that it’s not difficult to get any man to flirt or to seduce any man that I’d like to. So when I see some resistance… it is intriguing… we, women, like the chase too!
Again, you are so right! So there is this other guy who is hitting on me at the moment (via facebook) and he is trying with compliments, he is literally worshiping me. We have only been on one date so far and I am already on a pedestal. By the way, first thing after the date that he told me was some cheap (with all the respect) compliment about my beautiful eyes. He seems nice, but this is not working π Using your terminology, I’d say he is one of those who don’t get women. There won’t be more dates and all I am thinking about is how to make him stop while being polite (I don’t want to be rude), because I don’t have time for those boring chats on facebook about my beauty etc.
Dear Pete,
I have a crush on one boy, but I’m
Not sure he likes me. When I ask questions, he replies sarcastically and expects me to think of it as dry humor or some other category of hilarity. I don’t usually find it funny, but he has a beautiful heart of compassion. Several times he has listened to me, with the patience of only a human who has gone through those situations. He’s kind to me, as well. He speaks to other girls quite easily, but when texting me he is very difficult. For example, our movie preferences differ, and whenever I ask him about his pain, he brushes me off. I don’t understand. Just when I don’t think he likes me, he messages me to tell about a movie we discussed. He has given me a nickname. How do I know? This is my deepest crush. I have never had a boyfriend, so these things are really strange.
Thanks,
Stephπ
Steph,
Your answer is posted on my email list:
http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/A1tt4/h/IF_He_s_Not_Opening_Up_To_You.htm
Hope it helps you a little,
Pete
Why guys! Always confusing.. They treat you nice, sweet messages… And suddenly disappear and then after a few days he will be back.. Then gone again.. If you really like a girl please don’t play our heart.. Tell us what you want..
We’re actually not disappearing Pia. Aside from everything else we must show you we’re not desperately starved for your attention. We also want to make it clear that we’re not just going to dive into a relationship so quickly.
If he’s sending you sweet messages and keeps coming back after a short silence that IS his way of telling you what he wants without ruining the chemistry or having the “talk” way too early.
Feel free to skilfully ask him what his personal goals are in life. Where he sees himself. You don’t have to mention it’s about dating or anything like that and you’ll get many of the answers you need. Learn a man’s dreams and aspirations and passion OUTSIDE of women and dating and relationships you’ll know where he wants things to go.
You have to learn to enjoy the experience of dating and allow things to progress naturally.
Your guy friend,
Pete
Hi my name is Kelly I am 28 years old I met a guy in November 2014 and he and I have been close friends. We have done things but haven’t had sex. We have stayed friends. Every time that I told him that I have a date he has asked me how long I have known the guy and everything. When I asked him through a text message if he likes me and then he texted back asking what do I mean by like. I told him more then a friend and then he said he doesn’t like anyone more than a friend he’s broken. But before he had to leave for deployment he and I went to the movies and we kissed after the movie. I am not sure how he feels about me. PLEASE HELP
Hi Kelly,
Here you go. Please leave any follow ups or comments and that page.
http://www.whydoguys.com/warning-signs-fwbs-double-standards-claims-he-is-broken/
Thanks,
Pete
Hi there’s this guy I asked for his Facebook… he said” I don’t have a Facebook , but said I have a number”… then he texts me after five minutes of my shift… then I texts him 2 hours later cause I thought I gave him the wrong number, so I gave him the thought he did have the wrong number, and he replied to my texts after his shift, and said have a good night… the next day we didn’t texts each other… then the second day, when I was going off to work I decided to texts him hey… then no reply…. I came downstairs and check my phone… notice I had a new message my eyes went huge, he replied back hey before his shift started. TBH.. I feel his energy when we talk at work, and feel he has some interest in me… Is he playing hard to get with texting after two day
Hi Lisa,
I doubt he’s playing hard to get with his texts on purpose although there’s a chance he’s sticking to a rule of not getting back to a woman too quickly because it looks like they don’t have a life or are “too” into her.
I can tell you that just texting a guy “Hey” is not normally a way to get a quick response. It feels to us like we’re an after thought or a distraction as if you’re waiting in line somewhere bored. And since you sent it as you were going to work it was kind of an after thought.
Try texting him something a little different next time and see if you get a quicker better response.
AND never forget most men are not good “texters”.
Pete
If a guy gets angry at you and blocks you from messenging him on Messenger, but doesn’t unfriend you (he has done this before and we eventually became friends again) on Facebook, does it mean he never wants to speak again? I have been blocked for 5 weeks now and I see him at work occasionally and he will say Good morning or whatever the appropriate professional greeting is. I’m just not sure what to make of this passive aggressive action?????
Hey LT,
Men will sometimes block you but not unfriend you because they are either getting too many messages or feel like you won’t leave them alone. He is (probably) not unfriending you because he’s still interested or wants to leave that option open but again – feels annoyed with too many messages.
AND sometimes, guys forget to unfriend OR, and this is more likely he wants to keep his number of friends as a number itself. You know, to make himself look better.
Because it appears to be a work situation, the problem is a little more complex. I do hope you can see that.
I firmly believe, based on my experience with men – it does not mean he will never speak to you again.
Your guy friend,
Pete