I‘ve chased many women in my life and it got me literally nowhere…
We’re in for long one but look under the surface because I believe there’s a ton of information, a different look into understanding men you may have never read or thought about…
It always seemed like when they figured out I was into them – or were being chased – or more appropriately, found out how easy it would be to get or have me, well that’s when she’d lose any interest at all.
Before then, the phone calls were eagerly answered. The response was quickly message after a text. The late night drunk calls were sent to me,
“Just because I wanted to hear your voice.”
And let me tell you lots of guys everywhere have experienced the same effect.
Now granted these lessons are learned early in life and may not hold completely true in adulthood but not because of what you might believe.
We watch and take it to be true when we see the guy who gets any woman he wants – kind of doesn’t want it. It’s no big deal to him.
Girls will always gather around and not always patiently wait until he’s single again and perhaps chooses her next.
Regardless of which guy it is… the ones you want or the ones you don’t want, the younger guy learns it’s probably just best to at least play hard to get because THAT guy has dated every attractive available girl and he seems to do it.
As we mature into our own and perhaps develop out attractive masculine side with age – most of us suddenly allow ourselves to become hard to get.
That’s a key difference in men.
Some play hard to get.
Some ARE hard to get.
You don’t normally want the guy who is playing hard to get but at least, if you’re feeling it a little, then you know it’s a good sign he’s interested in you, otherwise he wouldn’t be using,
“The oldest trick in the book”
Would he?
The guy who IS hard to get – the one you’re “just maybe” not at all convinced he’s into you because his interest is so confusing and often misleading, you’re not sure if he’s “playing” that game
or if he really is that way.
You tell yourself you know he likes you and you can’t understand if it’s a game he’s playing, then why is he bothering but you have not truly convinced yourself… The questions always remain.
The boldest statement you’ve ever heard…
The MALE SLUT technique works on OTHER women.
He sleeps with every women who gives it up – but for me, he’s “plays” hard to get.
He’s always flirting with other girls, it seems like he does it with me too, so why is he playing hard to get with me?
Sometimes, it’s because he IS hard to get.
He lets you believe he’s sleeping around or giving more to the “other” women but that’s just his charm.
In fact, some of us clever guys learn early that if we flirt with every woman regardless of who she is, how old she is, whether she’s married or not, it makes us look like we’re “true ladies men” and we’ve got ALL these women on a string.
Granted without the charm or skill or wit or ability to not reveal certain facts we come off as foolish try-hards willing to land any woman who’d open up her legs to us.
You assume we’re either bad or good players whose confidence is somewhere in our pants.
For the rest of us – we pass on the teachings of BEING hard to get. We say,
“ALLOW her to work for your attention or interest just enough because by doing so we’re creating a natural demand AND increasing our value to you.”
The absolute truth of this all is – men believe it because they see it happen – because they’ve experienced it firsthand – Once you feel like you or women generally could have us at a moments notice (early on) your interest tends to fade away.
Now normally the type of guy who lives by that completely AND he’s not playing hard to get, maybe he’s just dabbling it in a little. You know by not calling or texting for a few days or setting up another date too quickly…
Well most of the time he’s not hard to get and that’s the problem. That’s what destroys the attraction. The chemistry bubble bursts because he doesn’t create a natural mystery which invites you closer to him.
He TRIES to make something happen which you would think comes naturally to lots of guy, but it doesn’t.
The guy who IS hard to get does not have to play or follow stupid rules or wait to call or text suggested in some dating book somewhere.
If there was ever a moral of these statements or something to learn and understand about men it is this:
Whether a guy is playing hard to get or is in fact hard to get is a game NO man can keep up IF he wants something more.
Sooner or later he must allow himself to be “gotten” in one way or another.
The other point may just be to explain why a guy would play hard to get, when you’re sure he likes you…
Well that could simply be based on many of our experiences… when we chase, show too much too early, quite often it’s not done right and destroys the attraction almost immediately.
At least in those cases it’s not that he’s playing a game or wants to play you – he’s just in that group of guys who just doesn’t get you and is only doing what he saw might have worked which is unfortunately taken out of context and does little for his dating life with you.
This is not the end of this topic – there has to be more and when it all comes to me one fateful night, I promise I won’t make that information NOT hard to get…
Until then at least smile, as I mentioned slightly above – whether he’s playing or not – let’s be honest with ourselves here, you already knows he’s interested or wouldn’t bother trying, and I know for a fact…
Easy guys are well, not much fun at all. 😀
The best of us want a woman who challenges us on many levels and although we may never fully know how to challenge back without it getting mixed up with all the “playing hard” we’re assuming you want a challenge too,
Pete
Comments are moderated – I can NOT answer all of them – Your opinions are always appreciated – Thank you… Peter White – Don’t forget if you’ve found this page by accident you might not belong here 🙂 Go here -> Why Do Guys…?to receive the full email and all the rest too.
I’m not sure how I feel about your advice yet. It may be a little too optimistic for my taste, i.e., I think a lot of guys are game players. That said, I’m really writing about your writing style, syntax and spelling. It’s a bit clumsy, which is hard to understand. It seems like you’re writing exactly as you would say the words if you were speaking aloud. No offense, but a writing class could help you. And spell check.
I’m also not sure about how I feel about my advice too. 🙂 Optimism works best for me. I’ve come to realize that complaining, being negative, and judging others is way too easy and doesn’t often prove helpful or get us anywhere. So I “try” to be objective and put myself in their world BEFORE I say anything.
Thank you. My purpose IS to write exactly how I would say it aloud because I want my readers to feel like I am speaking to them. I’m not against grammar or syntax it’s just not my focus and I don’t care to get bogged down in fixing that anytime soon.
If my message gets lost – that is a shame but how someone interprets my message is beyond my control anyways. I am working on being succinct and not writing so many words but who knows, maybe that’s just not me. 🙂
The strange part is I always spell check everything. Never understood how some words get missed. Probably because I absolutely HATE proofreading and since I’m not writing for a grade or to make myself famous from my words or message anything like that – I still rarely proofread and I agree – it shows. HAaha!
No worries – it’s very hard to offend me.
And just maybe my clumsy style is a bit charming and more real than the over-proofed 19th version of an article which takes 20 minutes to load because the ads are “still being loaded” 😀
Of course that’s my not-so-optimistic opinion on that Doctor.
I do appreciate that you took the time to leave a comment,
Pete
Hi,
There’s this guy that I’m seeing but I’m getting a mixed signals from him. Not sure if he’s playing games or he’s playing hard to get. Since June we have only met twice. He was in transition of moving work/location, and we didn’t get to meet often. When I text or call him thing are good (conversation, etc)but if I don’t, he doesn’t message or call either. Even if he does text (after 5-10 days) he starts with if I’m seeing / dating someone else. He says he likes me but has never attempted to kiss me., when i innitiated a kiss he didnt respond and hugged me very tight instead.. but he constantly asks when am I free a whole weekend so we can go to Florida / Niagara Falls.
What do you think about this situation? Is he just interested in one thing or he likes me and is playing hard to get?
Thanks
Hi Kate,
Strange situation. He’s acting like he wants to do special things with you but won’t kiss you when you try. He’s either worried/doesn’t know how/has bad breath etc.. or is playing a really weird game.
Either way, something about your situation just doesn’t sound right at all and I’d be very careful about the whole thing. He’s not initiating anything but is suggesting to take you away for a “private” weekend and just happens to be in transition this entire time, like since June? Yeah, something’s wrong here. Almost sounds like you’re the “other” woman but I just don’t know.
All the best,
Pete
Hi Peter,
Thank you for your quick response.
I agree with you. There’s too many hot and cold signals from him that constantly confuses me. For instance two weeks ago we were supposed to meet and he messaged then called to say that his car broke down on the same day to cancel and after that talked for almost 2 hours about his family and relatives. During the conversation he asked a couple of times what I would do for the rest of the day and if I’m going out to meet some other guys instead. I told him that I won’t meet other guys but at the same time I told him my intention and that I’m looking for something serious and want to be with someone who has time for me to start with.. he said he is serious about me and said he will call me from now on every night , which he hasn’t yet. He sent some texts once a week to plan something for the weekend and sounds very sweet but he disappears. I know if I text him he responds right away and if i tell him to call me he would but I’m confused about the cashing part and if he is interested. I’ve been the one that mostly messages and he responds but again , Imy not sure if this is part of his game to keep me at bay or is playing games?
What I like to know is that in a guy’s point of view, what do you see in this matter? Am I taking away the chase or giving him negative vibes? (Too many questions but just confused about this whole playing games)
Thanks again
Hi!
I met this guy about 10 days ago. We were seeing each other almost every day for the first 6 days. When we are together, he is affectionate and pays for everything. He holds my hand all the time, kisses my forehead, and occasionally leans his head on mine when we sit together. He normally texts me every morning and after every date (normally in the evening). At first, i thought he was a little infatuated, but i didnt mind because i liked him too. However, during the past 4 days I’ve gotten 2 texts. One of them was “Hey Sara”. The second was “how has your day been?”, and when I responded and asked him the same question, he didn’t respond. I sense that he’s pulling away. I’m confused because he did say that he wasn’t looking for a relationship the first day we met, but then why did he act as if he wanted one? I told him that I’m saving myself for marriage, and he wanted to date me regardless. Why? There’s nothing in it for him if he doesn’t want a relationship and I wont have sex. I don’t understand… am I being played? Or is this simply a guy who doesn’t know what he wants?
Hi Sara,
First, never expect a man to keep the intensity up for long periods. No man can do it. Everyday and every morning when you’re not really dating or just met is a lot. I’d expect it quickly turn to short boring texts and barely a response when YOU don’t turn it into something more. He was probably looking for you to say something else and for it to lead to something else. And when that didn’t happen, he left you hanging.
Second, I personally believe things got too heavy too quickly and once again, expect a pull back because any guy needs time in the beginning. You intuition was partly right – he was a little too infatuated. The part you probably got wrong was the “I’m not looking for a relationship “. Men who say that are often looking for casual dating up to and including sex. They ACT like they’re in a relationship or want one early on (after saying that) because they feel no woman would have sex with him unless they make her feel comfortable enough to open up to them. Literally. Open up.
Third, it does sound like he was just “trying” anyways. Seeing if you were playing a game with him and would quickly sleep with him despite what you said. Lots of guys don’t believe a woman when she says things like that. It’s almost like telling a guy you’re not interested in some “bad boy” and how you like a “nice guy” but then two weeks later they found out you slept with him anyways.
If you plan to continue to date him, make sure you see and talk to each other less. Not once a day. Make sure his ACTIONS prove to you he’s going to stick to just dating for a while. If he doesn’t want a relationship and is still willing to forgo having sex with you AND wasn’t using the “relationship” thing to get you in bed quicker – then his ACTIONS must be consistent with his words. Otherwise – he’s full of shit, right?
Fourth, most guys, no matter what they say, know what they want. They just won’t admit it to you or sometimes to themselves. We ALL have a plan and although that plan may change from time to time and we can be made to change them with the right encouragement, we still know what we want. That’s for sure.
Take it slow. Really slow. Much slower than seeing each other everyday.
That will definitely help you figure out how far he’s willing to go and his real intentions from the beginning.
All the best.
Your guy friend,
Pete
I’ve been dating a guy, he happily comes to see me at a minutes notice and spends all night with me. Trouble is we have already slept together and he says he takes things day by day.
Now im not sure if he’s just wanting to sleep with me or if he want’s more?
Any male advice?
what are you doing together besides sleeping with each other?
For me, as a guy, if I want more with a woman, I will do more with her. ALL men like to take things day by day. 🙂
My suggestion would be to take things out of the bedroom and spend some time looking for compatibility if you’re not doing that already. For men to learn if he wants something more with a woman, he needs to see and experience he in many ways which might reveal her real inner self to him. That’s one reason why we take so long. We want to be entirely sure it’s going to work. Of course that’s just one reason, there are so many more I won’t get into in a comment section.
So, if a guy wants more than just sleep with you, he WILL explore doing other things with you. Introducing you to family. Going places with you. Including you in his life at least once in a while. He will also talk a little about his future plans with you. He might not include you in them but just talking about his plans with you says he’s considering his future and he’s considering who he eventually wants to be with.
I can honestly tell you, more often than not, and this is coming from a guy who rarely or ever is looking for a commitment, you can sway him, you can make him feel more likely to want more, you can do lots of subtle things which make it easy and a no-brainer to avoid all other women except you BUT even with all that – IF a guy is NOT doing something more with you – than it’s very clear he’s doesn’t want it or isn’t’ being properly “pushed” in that direction or given enough to reason to want more.
That’s my “male” advice Ashley,
Pete
Hey Pete,
I have a question….so i met this guy i like and he honestly told me that he dsnt want a relationship and that he was seeing someone else and asked if i minded that or not…i told him i didnt like it so he backed off. A few days later he told me he decided he wanted to give me a chance and told the other chick he was interested in me. But anytime i want to hangout with him, he tells me i have to convince him everytime just for him to say yes….its starting to get annoying that hes making me take dirty pics just to get him to say yes…im just not sure if hes playing me or if this is even a bad thing???
Hey Amy,
Playing or not, ANY person who manipulates you into doing things you’re not comfortable with OR has you doing things like that just to get him to say yes is NOT a good thing.
I’m not going to judge him but it does look like he has control issues and likes to control women. Again, not a good thing if I’m right about him.
I do hope you can see how this guy will continue to lead you on and as long as he’s getting what he wants, it’s not going to change.
Best to cut him off immediately. There are way too many things wrong in this situation.
Listen, being honest is not telling a woman you don’t want a relationship. Any guy can tell you that. Being honest is not using one chic against another just because you told them both you’re interested in them. It’s a game. He’s telling you exactly what you want to hear. That’s not honesty in my eyes.
I do hope everything works out for you. All the best,
Pete
Heyo, so this guy I work with has called me beautiful and sweetheart for MONTHS, asking for dates and time together… so I finally left my boyfriend in hopes of moving things into something more with this guy. The first night we “date,” lots of fun, four wheeling and fishing, and at the end of the night he tried to kiss me. I told him that might be a little faster than I’d be cool with. After that we hung out twice and it was great too. Than all at once, complete ignoring, “read” is all I get. We work together so this gets a little hard, it’s only been about a week, first couple of days at work he either avoids my eye contact or ignored me entirely than the thirst day he was flirting with me (very quick words or actions) than the other night I called him because I had gotten run of the road. I asked if he could talk “talk about what?” So I asked well are you busy “I’ve got a party later but what’s up?” I said I’ll talk to you later no worries and he said okay bye so I hung up because I didn’t want to bother him. Than when he saw the video on my snapchat story of my car emergency lights flashing and darkness (very vague video all you could see was a split second of the yellow lights flashing and than all darkness and wind noises) he immediately called and asked if I was okay and if I needed help out of the ditch. I told him I made it home but how I was just scared he said “alright but you made it home?” And so I thanked him and told him goodnight and he returned with a goodnight and I hung up. Should I ignore him? Should I just wait and see if he initiates contact first? I don’t want to run him off but I don’t want him to lose interest because I quit seeking his attention? I know he liked me for months and than as soon as I leave my boyfriend to pursue it he drops almost all interest. What should I do?
Ps. Previously he had asked on snapchat if I would “show a little more” and I said nope. Than a week later when I sent him barely part of my hip (no shorts on all you could see was my pj shirt and barely panties across my hip) he said “what’s up with the naked photos” like he didn’t want them at all. (It really wasn’t even a “nude” photo, just a small tease if you would say) he later commented that he only asked for a little more to see if I would do it! Does that mean he doesn’t want a girl that would send those photos or he is just trying to act? Very confusing to me haha. I wouldn’t send anything to crazy to him but it’s driving me nuts now that I can not see clearly what he does and does not want from me (or any girl.)
What to do what to do?
Hey Kate,
First I must say, are you really into this guy? There seems to be more going on moving from your current boyfriend to him. But anyways…
A guy would definitely feel like you’re playing way too hard to get. Remember, in his mind he’s been courting you for months. So now, he finally gets you single, available, and willing to go on a date with him and yet you still want to take things slower than just a kiss. Which the kiss could just mean you actually do like him. A kiss, according to him is definitely not moving too fast.
I’m not sure what happened the next few times you hung out but if it was more of the same, I can safely assume he feels like he’s wasting his time with you. Again, almost like you’re “playing” hard to get.
So how does HE handle it? By doing the same thing to you while at the same time “trying” to show you that he’s angry with you by NOT saying or doing anything. Giving you the cold shoulder is his answer to that.
As for the Snapchat thing… sounds like you’re pretty hot. 😉 He wanted the photos. That’s for sure. I’d say his question, “What’s up with the naked photos” was his way of getting you to say you took them for him. Guess he didn’t think to just ask. It also means he could think you took them for someone else and just decided to share “used” photos to tease him even more. (Back to the hard to get thing again.)
Apparently this guy either doesn’t understand or know if you actually DO like him, whether you’re playing around or not, and/or he’s responding to you the same way he feels you’re acting towards him.
Trust me, ALL guys want sexy pictures of women they’re attracted to be sent personally to them.
IF we assume he’s not playing a game purposely – just kiss him already. :p That should let him know how you feel and show him he’s not wasting his time with someone who is not attracted to him.
I will say some guys are taught or learn that when a woman pulls back, or she says let’s take things slowly, or makes it feel that way, his best option is to do the same. IF that is what he is doing it’s going to feel like he’s pulling back ALL the time now. He’s been sort of “chasing” you for months and now wants you to start chasing him.
The thing you must understand about these kind of situations and with men like this is your time frames are different and most men don’t know or understand that. Your time frame is he’s either a rebound or something better to come later, or a mistake so going from one guy to the next has you cautious AND believing since this second guy has been after you for months, he must really want something more with you. When in fact, that could not be true at all.
His time frame is set up in the NOW because he almost feels like you’ve been dating him for months. It’s what he has constructed in his head. All the time you may have spent together at work flirting and him asking you out and calling you beautiful, to him, feels like slow part. Now he wants NOW and when he didn’t get that first kiss… he realized he’s still “waiting” to catch up with you.
Think about the first sentence I wrote because that’s the feeling I got from your comment and now think about how it could easily feel that way to him too.
Your guy friend,
Pete