Take Your Shy Crush Off The Pedestal – Fear, Approach And Courage

Hi Pete,

So there’s a guy (Ken) in collage. We took the same course. He caught my attention and honestly, I have a crush on him for 2 years. He doesn’t talk that much. He’s not that shy either. Ken is a semi quiet shy guy? 😀 I only talked to him once when I gave him a text book. He smiled brightly at me which he doesn’t do that often, and that had happened last year. We never actually talk to each other… I don’t know what to talk about. We’re just stealing glances at each other, we often look at each other at the same time and both quickly look away. I caught Ken staring once.. but he look away quickly. I feel like I creep him out. And lately, I noticed that his best buddies (who already have girlfriends) looking at me in some classes that Ken didn’t take. I’m tired of guessing games. I want to make a move, telling him that I’m attracted to him, verbaly or not. Can you give any tips or advice, Pete? Your help is needed.

Thank you very much,
Zaf.

Hi Zaf,

Going from “stealing glances” to an actual conversation may seem like a huge step to take, but it’s not.

It’s the pressure you’re putting on yourself, the fact you’ve been crushing on him for 2 years, and the feeling that you’re “creeping him out” is what is getting in the way and making it so much harder on you.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You have a crush on a guy you don’t know… well Zaf, the truth is he could turn out to be a total dud if you know what I mean.

Don’t ever put a guy on a pedestal based on your attraction.

The feeling that you’re creeping him out because he keeps turning away is simply HIS lack of confidence coming through when dealing with the opposite sex. In many, perhaps most or all cases, it has little to do with YOU.

You can NOT take that personal.

In his mind he could easily be thinking HE’S the one creeping YOU out, right?

Listen, you don’t have to tell him how you’re feeling. In fact I wouldn’t suggest it at all. This explains that a little: When You Just Can’t Wait To Tell Your Crush How Much You Like Them.

You don’t need some “magical move” because honestly, there isn’t one which works all the time anyways.

Again, his internal state or how he feels inside will tend to dictate HIS actions toward you. SO, you could be Miss Perfect and do everything right and find him still running because of his issues not yours.

Don’t take his reactions personal.

He’s not some guy on a pedestal waiting and bathing in the glow of his many worshipers.

He’s just a slightly shy dude who is catching your attention.

You’re going to feel the greatest fear just before the approach.

That’s YOUR moment of courage.

Get past that and trust me, it WILL get easier.

Don’t think past that moment.

Just get to it and get through it and see where it takes you.

I’m not going to promise you the world or how he’ll be the perfect guy. How he might lead the entire conversation taking all the pressure off of you and then pass on his number or ask you out for a date.

That’s not fair and I’m no better predicting the future than you are.

You don’t have to prepare yourself for a let down.

Don’t prepare for anything more than a simple conversation.

There may be some more great tips for you here: How To Approach A Shy Guy – When And How To Talk To The Quiet Men

Hopefully a little knowledge about shy guys and how to approach them will strengthen your courage just enough.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear” … Mark Twain

Remember THAT is the only moment you need to concern yourself with for now.

Again, you’re going to feel the greatest fear just before it happens so expect it and just step through it.

I realize I’m making it all sound easy and how all the pent-up emotions you’ve been experiencing for two years feel like they’re being downplayed but that’s because I’m a guy, and if I can guarantee you ONE thing today it’s that the fear of approach IS REAL, BUT it can be easily OVERCOME.

You want a “writers” peak inside what many guys goes through just before it, then read this: What Goes On Inside His Mind – From The Moment Of Approach And Beyond. I wrote it for “The Approach”.

Hopefully it will alleviate some of your stress and help you to gain the strength needed because now you know, this whole approach thing works both ways.

What you’re experiencing, HE is too. Pedestal or not. 😀

Wishing you all the courage you need Zaf.