"Do guys ever want to just be friends? What are some signs that they don’t?"
When a guy wants to be more than just friends with you there are ALWAYS signs you can look for that reveals his true feelings BUT, as always, you must consider and know what TYPE of guy he is IF you're to find the truth.
Type one guys act differently than type two guys around most women and their actions can easily fool you into believing they see you as more than a friend or want something more from you but I'll make it VERY easy for you below.
So... the first sign you actually must look for is not a sign at all but you need to know if he's a type one or a type two. You can find a short explanation at why do guys or sign in below and read it all because it's essential to learning about men and especially in knowing if your friend wants something more with you.
MOST type one guys can and do have lots of friends that are women which can confuse you. They're comfortable around women, they like to keep lots of available or potential sexual and dating options close too.
BUT they also are more likely to make it very clear from the beginning that sure - you'd make a great friend but let's leave sex or dating on the table as a viable option.
A close assumption you can make is that if he's a type one AND you've been friends for a while AND he hasn't made any kind of advancement OR made it clear that he's physically attracted to you in some way that he does NOT want anything more with you.
So...
Type one guy:
- You've been friends for a while.
- He made it clear from the beginning you'd make something more than just a great friend.
- He hasn't made any attempt at doing something more with you.
- He hasn't made it clear he finds you physically attracted to you in some way.
MEANS - he's doesn't and probably NEVER will consider you as something more than a friend.
Type two guys are a little tougher to find the signs because they're a little cryptic around women.
They're generally not comfortable around women they're attracted to, they put themselves in friends zones a lot hoping later to get out, AND they tend to hide their true feelings as soon as you meet them.
They also present another major problem - just because he might want more than a friendship does not ever mean he will act on those feelings.
Type ones generally take affirmative action when it comes to sex and dating.
Type twos sit and around and wait for the woman to decide where the relationship is going to go - friendship or dating.
Lots of type two guys will keep their secret crush close in their friends circle JUST IN CASE something might happen while forever doing NOTHING to advance the relationship.
With all that out there in the open here's many GUARANTEED signs or signals a TYPE TWO will give you which means he wants to be more than just friends with you.
He's making real EFFORT to be around you and more.
Wanting to talk to you is one thing. Wanting to hang around with you like he does with a good friend is another thing.
However, I’ve found almost every man who has wanted a woman as more than a friend made HER a big deal in his life and made a real effort in one way or another minus the sex angle of course.
When a man does something with you he normally doesn’t do, you can consider that a REAL effort.
Here are some clear examples of a man showing REAL EFFORT:
- He wants to go with you to a concert featuring country music but it’s not what he normally listens to or even likes.
- He is willing to change his schedule to fit around your life. He's putting the importance of your life either equal or in many type tow cases ABOVE his own.
- He tries new and exciting foods (or anything) when he is with you.
- You make him courageous in ways which goes against the typical character.
- He's always trying to show off in front of you. Men do generally like to show off in front of their friends but if a woman is involved there's something more to it when it's done.
- He calls and tells you he just wanted to hear your voice once in a while. Male friends don't normally do that with their male friends... EVER! Well unless they're gay an are in love with their friend.
ANY type of real EFFORT as practical proof he's looking for more than a friendship with you.
Anytime a type two continually and consistently goes out of his way to do things with you, for you, or to help you out is a huge sign he sees you as more than a friend, wants to date you, and has strong sexual feelings for you.
Next signs...
He's get jealous and/or angry a little too much around you AND he's always trying to hide or keep you from seeing those emotions.
but Women may get or act jealous around their friends who they feel have something more like a guy that they either want, resent, or have feelings for and sure it does happen to some male to male friendships BUT...
When a male friends is continually getting angry and acting jealous over the "other" men in your life it simply means he has STRONG FEELINGS for you.
He may try to hide these emotions from you and sometimes he'll be good at it but if you pay attention you WILL see it happening so look for it.
He'll avoid talking to you about other men in your life or will get sightly angry when you bring up men who might be courting you.
He'll listen to you talk about your ex's or other guys but it's never with an open ear. He's filtering out every word that he doesn't want to hear because it's painful and hurtful to listen to you talk about "other" men you've been with or are currently seeing.
Notice the glare in his eyes. The glazed over look in the way he stares at you during these conversations. His strategic attempts to redirect the conversation to something a little less unsettling.
These are his ways of trying to hide his anger and jealousy because he wants you for himself.
Trust that if this type of guys was only interested in being friends with you - he might not want to always talk about it but he won't get butt hurt when it comes up because you're as close to a dude friend to him as it gets.
Talking about sex with you is generally off the table or not open for discussion.
Type twos guy struggle talking about sex with a woman and if he wants you as something more than a friend - it's usually never brought up or avoided at all costs with one major exception...
IF he's bringing it up often and it feels like he's fishing for a response from you OR if it feels like he's trying to lead into it by constantly bringing it up then and ONLY then you can safely assume he wants to have it with you.
However I believe most of the time it just never comes up.
He doesn't want t listen to you talk about screwing others guy or how some guy is trying to sleep with you or what you did with THAT guy last night - it pisses him off and hurts him.
Types twos are generally uncomfortable around women and when it comes to the many topics of sex - they just don't feel open and relaxed discussing it.
When you ADD having feelings for you on top of that - you'll find he won't even watch a slightly erotic movie with you and when those "parts" happen, if you pay close attention to his body language - he's squirming in his pants.
You'll also easily notice he's all too embarrassed to even bring up his sex or lack of sex life up with you.
Those three signs above WILL definitely help you figure out if a type two guy wants more than a friendship with you but...
Here's some questions to ask yourself about your relationship with him or who he is which will help you determine (without a doubt) that your friend is INTO you:
Does he make a REAL EFFORT in his life to be with you, do things with you, talk to you above and beyond what a guy will do with "other" guys?
How much REAL attention does he pay to you and your life outside of him? In other words - is he a little TOO interested in who you are and what you do when you're not together?
Does he show signs of jealousy, anger, or complete avoidance when either one of you are talking about other potential dates or lovers in your life?
How often is the topic of sex brought up and how deep are the conversations about it? Is it open for discussion, taboo, or avoided entirely based on lifestyle yet you get a feeling of sexual tension when you are close to each other?
Where is he is in life? Ready for a commitment? Starting a new life? Anxious to explore his options? Just become sexually aware?
If he's hanging with you an awful lot and he's not dating other women AND satisfies many of those last questions then ask yourself, WHY is he spending so much time with you when he should be actively searching for a partner...
Well it's because he wants YOU.
I've handpicked a few articles which are helpful to read about the friends zone:
Hi Peter. I have a guy friend who also happens to be my brother’s best friend who I’ve known for years who has never shown any interest but lately now during our social gatherings he would start sending me confusing signals. It’s always during our social gathering where me, my brother, mutual friends and cousins hang out with each other. But he doesn’t treat anyone else differently just me. First, he picks out the seat that is closer to me. Then, I always catch him staring and sneaking glances towards me. Not only that but he which I guess in his possible moments, he would find the chance to bump into me, and rub his leg against mine. He sends me funny faces, cracks jokes to make me laugh, a great listener, he also pointed out and took a look within my nose to see if there were anymore boogers that I should worry about. I don’t know if he was just being nice to me since I’m his best friend’s sister or hiding something from me. It’s driving me crazy! I don’t know his intentions but I do believe my brother’s role may have to be the issue. We had a mutual friend that I used to have a relationship with that had gotten desperate when we broke up but kept visiting to my house and tried to force himself onto me but when I told my brother what happened and their friendship ended violently. Since then, I haven’t seen that friend. But my brother’s best friend was also close in that circle so he knows how angry my brother gets. We’re all we have for eachother, no father, no mother. I don’t want to ruin their friendship but I do want to know what is going on so I may face him one-on-one and ask why does he continue with these signals. I’m 23, he’s 25 and my brother is 26 and married.
You are a hero and don’t confuse me at all. Things are looking up again right now, but I will probably want to discuss this more with you when I have more time.
He is definitely not a usual guy and that is kind of what adds to my confusion.
Thank you
Hannah
Thank you so much! You answered a lot of your questions. Now to answer yours.
My cousin and him were best friends for like eight years, we always knew each other, but were never great friends. He came to a party for my cousin when I was in tenth grade and we hit it off and became close after that.
I would have to say I was his only opposite gender friend before we graduated high school. But I don’t really know that much about his friends now since we go to totally different colleges. But I do know that he spends most of his time with sports so that he can keep his scholarship. He is terrible with girls and I can truly say I taught him everything he knows 😉
At first he was fine with helping me with other guys, but towards the end he got really irritated when I brought them up and always insulted them to my face if I showed a liking to them. It is the same now.
He is a really conservative guy. I mean he didn’t even know about anything until that party I mentioned earlier where me and my cousin broke it to him the hard way. Since he graduated he has distanced himself from a lot of people, including my cousin, but still talks to me. When I asked this question he was acting strange, now he isn’t anymore, but he still confuses me
Wondering what you think and hoping this post makes sense,
Hannah
So you’re the teacher Hannah – Hahaha! Nice.
Your comments make a lot of sense and by answering my questions have shown me enough to entertain a strong possibility that you are considered more than a friend to him. Awwwww he likes you Hannah.:p
We can’t use the sex angle because he’s obviously inexperienced and will accordingly.
We can’t full use the “effort” part because of the circumstance. He’s away, young, and putting his future first. While it does seem like he’s trying to balance you in one way or another. It’s just not that easy to do and another reason why we shouldn’t get in relationships so quickly at such a young age aside from it helps us to practice communication with those we’re intimate with in some way.
We can use the jealousy anger thing because unless he’s being an over protective brother, which he is not, it angers him when he thinks about you and other guys. No one seems good enough for you… except him.
Chances are, while he’s been away he’s realized you get him. You’re his “go to” girl. He’s developed more deeper feelings from this distance. Something all guys tend to need to fully realize who they want in their lives.
The only warning I can give you, besides the young relationship thing, is guys who are away at College will experience a lot of change. If, during this period he becomes more socially aware or socially outward and meets people he likes spending time with, IF you’re not in an actual relationship, you’ll find him pull away.
Keep in mind, while you’re not committed to him, IF another woman he meets while away gets him like he thinks you get him, he might easily choose her and will act more “just friendly” to you while slowing disappearing. I’m not saying to “lock him down” to perhaps avoid that happening, just that it’s a possibility and something you should be aware of.
That’s what I think,
Pete
Thank you! I am glad you think he likes me for now at least1
You have helped a lot, now I guess I need to let nature and life take its course
Your friend
Hannah
So what i’m hearing is; that if he is talking about it or isn’t talking about it-
He still wants it? Is this correct? hahaha! 😀
What does it mean if he said “that i’ll have to get a sugar-daddy to buy me a BMW, but i’ll have to perform? i.e. sexually!”
Why do men put us women in these kind of scenarios’!
Got to admit i found it a bit insulting even though i’m sure he meant it as a joke.
Like he thought i was a gold-digger, or prostitute!
He would just want me for one thing?
I just stayed quiet and thought to myself- WTH?
Exactly MaryH – he still wants it. We ALL do. 😉
What you’re hearing is correct and it’s why figuring out whether a guy wants to be just friends, looking for signs may not be the best way do approach it.
Some men put women in those kind of scenarios to see how she reacts. Some do it on purpose. Some are just good at blurting things out. Some think it’s a form of flirting. Some do it to get a heated response from you which reveals your character AND in turn gets you feeling “something” which he might be able to direct towards him.
What you wrote is out of context so it’s impossible for me to tell exactly what he meant. I can only speculate. But sometimes I’m right. 🙂
I would say it to a woman in a situation where we were talking about money, husbands, and possibly her venting on how life is tough without money. How just maybe she’s thinking about selling her body (jokingly). In that context it IS flirting because we’re creating false future scenarios we can play out further at a later time. Something we share personally which when brought up later, forms a deeper connection.
If it’s said out of context and he’s not some dumb ass who hates women – chances are it’s to see where you stand on the gold digging issue or to see if you actually are one. He wants to know how much money plays a role in your dating life.
Your quiet response to him probably confuses him. Nice. Haha!!!!
However, IF you liked the guy, I would’ve played along with it because that will reveal his true character. But that’s out little secret. :p
Pete
Pete, thank you ever so much!
Your speculations were 100% spot on.
The context is that I am in a need of a car quite desperately at the moment and am finding it hard to get to work & finish a project as a result; so as a student financially its hard. Also he’s older than myself and guess what? he has a BMW!
I’m also quite feisty at times and would have plenty to say about lots of things. He was just being outrageous to illicit an amusing reaction out of me. Glad to think I may have confused him! haha 😉
You were correct that he was probably just sussing out how desperate I am, he’s a flirty cheeky character anyway so I wouldn’t take it too personally.
I don’t think he would really in reality want to do anything with me. Is this correct; to just give the benefit of the doubt? Or am I being totally naïve and overly trusting?
I like how you emphasize who he is ; needs to be taken into consideration- I think this would just be his style with many women. In other words I don’t really take him serious at all. There’s no badness in him; he’s actually a really good and compassionate, funny man.
Him creating these ‘false scenario’s I think was a type of game to him as another time he’d ‘hypothetically’ be making me dinner or going shopping with me or other innuendo’s.
I did play him at his own game just once too & made up one of these scenario’s where he had to take his shirt off; His reaction? He just starred wide-eyed at me in disbelief with his hand covering his mouth so really I was none the wiser! haha! It was quite funny actually to turn the tables on him for once.
The thing is; It was highly inappropriate for me to engage with any type of flirting with this man & him likewise, even though it may have been just a fun way to pass the time to him. When does flirting mean business?
I would love if you would advise more on how to draw a line between fun and inappropriate flirting, maybe in a future post.
I know him using sexual jokes was probably just his character and meant nothing; but they did have an effect on me & I feel a bit bad about it all, as though there wasn’t enough respect going on from both of us.
How to interact with a man; without it getting inappropriate? How to cope when it does get inappropriate so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.
How do you men know we really just want to be your friends?
He got me playing his game & you know it did work. He got me feeling for him! You men are such heart-breakers! 😛
Thanks Pete so much for helping me work it out! ♥
[My avatar is hilarious! :D]