I once knew a guy who refused to even look at a woman who he believed – was into even the slightest amount of game playing.
Seriously. One wrong move or hint on your part and he was gone.
I also met a man who didn’t know he was playing a game with women. His agenda was hidden from even himself.
“Treat her with respect and dignity. Always be nicer to her than the guys she likes. Give her what ever she wants – Unconditionally. She’s not an abject!”
The sad part was this guys game is very common and I can only call it a “game” because the very concept of “Doing this to get that” is the attempt to win her heart from all the other guys who are “abusing” the system.
My time away also granted me the privilege to meet a real player. I mean this guy was ruthless. He had women fighting over him. He hid certain ones. He used them to make the tougher ones jealous. He talked about his success with other guys.
He would play you, lay you, and if you were deemed “un-usable” anymore you were tossed out quickly.
The surface goal was sex but I saw the truth. At least what I believed was the underlying fuel which had him playing women – to be in control and to gain the respect and admiration from the less fortunate men who “couldn’t get laid to save their life.” Yeah I’ll stop there with that…
Those three guys are the absolute extreme of the male world.
Although Mister Hidden Agenda with his denial of “being a man” is very common he doesn’t even know he’s playing it. He also doesn’t know he’s playing the wrong game. I know be cause I was the “leader” of that group for too long. Luckily I resigned. 
I agree ignorance is not an excuse but since “we” were considered harmless to others you can rest assure “that” type of game playing is not some devious plan to play you.
On the top you have the PLAYER. In the middle are the NICE guys. On the bottom are the ANGRY.
Where does that leave the rest of the guys?
The rest of the guys, and majority I might add… Well most of them do NOT play mind games. With us, things are more black and white. There’s less meaning going on and we’re not always looking for the deeper meaning. ( Whether we care or not to look or we’re just too blind to notice is debatable. )
Frankly, some of us are just not clever enough to devise a devious plan which would knowingly “fool” another human being.
This means we’re not ignoring you just to piss you off. We’re not doing it because we’re playing hard to get. In fact most of the time we don’t know we’re doing it and the rest, well, to ignore someone successfully they actually have to care you’re not talking to them.
All of our relationships come down to communication – right?
It’s how we get across our point… What we feel. How we’re feeling it. What we want. What we need… To be needed, understood, acknowledged, and respected is on the top of every man’s list.
When one guy is talking to another guy they are communicating one way.
When one woman is talking to another woman they are communicating in a different way.
When a guy is talking to a woman she is interpreting what he means.
And when a woman is talking to a guy he is hearing (or not listening) to what she is saying as factual or false. Nothing more.
I believe where you find this “communication gap” you’ll find the power of the game. The good, the bad, the fun, and the hurtful too.
So while you’re searching for the “deeper meaning” behind his words or actions you’re bound to find something. Social games are a part of life and everyone knowingly or unknowingly participates.
While he is trying to look through your exterior moves, his “black and white” mind can easily come to conclusions far from the real meaning. Because how you express yourself is taken so literally.
The “good game” with its cleverly hidden desires mixed with wit and charm and teasing is where the friction builds the heat necessary to fuel strong sexual connections.
The “bad game” where one uses the other one to get something, often hurtful and socially disruptive uses those “gaps in communication” to exploit.
With that said – it’s my opinion “communication” is all too often misunderstood causing one or the other to assume a game is being played. When in fact the intention is unrelated or meant to be taken differently.
From this guy to you – most men have no desire to play a game. And for the slim chance they’ll try one, it either backfires or is so blatantly obvious because let’s face it… To play you or anyone else is a well crafted skill which can take years to learn.
Strangely enough you’ll find more men believing women are the game players and us guys are usually the victim. Which I don’t agree with at all but I will only agree that within every group you’ll find the rare few who are not really nice at all and will harm others for their own benefit.
Believe that most men don’t even know what the game is let alone take part in it.
So many believe you’re the one making the rules and we’re left trying to figure them out. How you change them as you go along. How your actions are confusing as hell and we’re left to figure it all out. (By communicating the issue to another guy or withdrawing completely.)
When you or I fail to communicate the “good” game and the other side interprets the reasons why (based on their own experiences in the past) then of course both sides will argue they’re the one who is playing the game.
5 comments… add one
Hello Peter!
I think I screwed up with this guy…
I know him from work, we starred talking more, 10 days ago, always for a couple of minutes. He likes movies like I do, so that’s are main conversation. A few days ago I gave him a couple of names of movies that he would like to watch; movies from my country, he enjoys Brazilian movies a lot, and he gave me names of movies of my country that I didn’t know yet to watch, there was a special one that he wanted me to watch, but it took me a while too watch it…he always asking me did you watch it?…I found out that I really like him and I started getting shy and just stop talking to him, but he would never go were I am to talk to me at work, he kept waiting me make a move. Then yesterday, I found courage and went talk to him and he was mad at me obviously. He said: “O know you are talking to me, you didn’t watch the movie right? You ignored me for the past four days”, and I said I’m sorry…..I watched the movies, but he was really upset, and said “I don’t believe you, you acted like you don’t know me. I panicked and said look IM SHY, and he was the same bla, bla, bla. I think its not good idea for a girl to tell the guy that you have crush on that your shy. He will forgive me, but now I fell just bad. Do you think that we still have a chance? Its the beginning, what do you think?
Hello to you too Alex and thanks for writing in.
You didn’t screw up it with him (As far as I’m concerned.) You may have saved yourself “trouble” later but that’s up to you and how you proceed from here.
Why would you feel that bad? I don’t see a big deal at all. You “barely” know this guy and already he’s freaking out over a “trivial” matter.
Plus he’s waiting around for you to “make a move.” Almost like his whole day is revolving around you. And I just think it’s a little early for any of that.
Sure, you got a little nervous, but remember he’s putting all this pressure on you.
Okay, of course he’ll forgive, and he’ll probably bring it up often (usually done as a power move) but of I’d say there is still a chance. More than you might believe.
You see, guys or people, don’t get easily upset over another person unless they actually DO care. It’s not always done in a healthy release but it happens.
Look Alex, be careful and don’t let him get you panicky if at all possible. You’re shy. Lots of women are shy and even though it feels like a big deal to you. To us guys – it’s kind of cute. 😉
Thanks again for stopping by and asking Alex,
Pete
Hi peter, so i just got into nursing school and i made some friends…unfortunately, i got a crush on one of them and he use to txt me a lot. We could txt the whole day. But anytime we talk we end up arguing. He’s specifically told me he don’t like me. Our last argument was last week and since then he don’t txt no more. He even ignored my txt. But he acts like nothing is happening when he sees me in schooll i also act normal cus i don’t wanna be needy, but I miss my friend and i want him back. I feel like i pushed him away…will he come back? It hurts so much.
Hi Peter,
I am confused with this guy I met three weeks ago online. We talk for an half hour because I was on call so I had to go. I told him I would get back to him in a couple of hours, but he went to sleep. We exchange email addresses, and he contacted me the next day. at the end of the week he was out with friends he started to email me, I ask him to send me his phone number, I was not ready to give him my number. We talk for seven hours I kept telling him to go to sleep we have to both have to go to work, he said he wanted to speak with me. We talk about what we were looking for he said he wanted to settle down with one person. Almost every other day I will receive a nice email from him, he would tell me he misses me, he always thinking of me. And this pass Friday he told me he flying back home he was away for work, and he flying back that day and he hope to talk to me, that was in the morning I did not hear back from him until Sunday night almost 10.00 p.m. saying he misses me badly and he went to a wedding over the weekend, and he said he is thinking of me for sure. And he can not wait to meet me, and he misses talking to me. and I drive him crazy. I reply back a couples of hours later I got an email on Monday morning, from him informing me he got my number and he would call me and miss talking to me. and h will never let me go, and today is Thursday he has not call. I am puzzle I am not chasing him. He ask for my number three times I finally gave it to him he has not call or email since Monday morning I sent an email back to him. It is like he disappears. Very confused. Do not like the games. Help please.
Thank you,
Pete
Hello Peter,
I have this friend and we’ve been having this game-playing-situations here for months now and it’s driving me crazy. Being friends from the start just makes everything complicated, since we’ve got some kind of connection.
Whenever we hang out together we speak really nicely, the laughter flows and it’s all very charming.
But then these situations happen:
1. If I wait for him to contact me, he doesn’t make any move.
2. If I initiate anything, like sending a text or phone call, he ignores them.
3. When we are together with other people, he seems to ignore me. This situations seems to happen whenever I am all dressed up and everyone compliments me.
After, when we are together again he is as charming and flirty as ever. Besides that, he asks about me here and there. He invites me to be in his special moments with his friends. He seems to now and then make a bigger effort to reach me… Nothing happened though: no kisses or whatever.
This has happened on a regular basis, and I just don’t seem to figure out what game he is playing. I can’t help but think if he weren’t interested he wouldn’t be charming like that when he is alone with me. Does he want me to chase? I know Mediterranean men stay idle while the women make the big move, and many women make the move when they are really interested – I call it testosterone (many men are shy and just don’t move), but I am afraid of making a big interest sign and getting rejected – I read it… the “instant eww”. But at the same time I am tired of this game: it is making me feel very uncomfortable, confused and most of all insecure about my womanhood. When he backs off, and instead of moving on I end up missing him…
Peter, do you have any advice on this one please?
Thank you!