Hi,
I was wondering if you could help me. Have a confusing situation with a male coworker. I am very attracted to him, and he has shown a few signs that he might like me but then he ignores me. We have smiled at each other across the room, he always smiles a toothy smile and holds eye contact, speaks to me softly, uses my name all the time, tries to be extra helpful, always lingering around my desk but mainly just talks about work, he does mirror my actions and gestures a lot. Sometimes seems shy and can’t make eye contact. Then all of a sudden he will just ignore me not even say hi, but still linger around me. I’m getting tired of the mixed signals. Is he playing a game with me and am I just an ego boost (again!)
If you want to understand a man’s actions then you must also take notice to how he acts with other men and women.
Guys have a tendency to act a little different around women they are attracted to. Sure some are better at hiding it, and some are “just that good” BUT I have yet to meet many men who don’t act sort of primal (especially if you’re attractive enough to give him an ego boost) while around certain women.
Okay so men don’t typically ignore a woman unless they have nothing to say, don’t know what to say, or are just focused in their own little world. Most men also have no propensity, know-how, or a clue about what “playing a game” would even involve.
The fact is I’d assume NO man is playing a game because:
- If he’s bad at it you’ll know it, trust me on that. You’ll see right through it and
- if he’s that good at it, no amount of thinking about your interaction with him will probably help you figure it out. You’ll only confuse yourself even more.
Which is another good reason to see how he is based on his social personality. That means how he “interacts” with any other living creature. Yes, even animals.
Forget about a man mirroring your actions, forget he seems shy and distant sometimes and other times is so outgoing and into you, forget anything and everything he is talking about, for now at least.
Pay careful attention to who he is as a complete person in his world. He may be distant and shy sometimes because he’s engrossed in thought. Maybe he didn’t get enough sleep.
Maybe one day he woke up after a great night sleep. He feels energized, happy, outgoing, and will definitely smile more.
I’ve found all these signals you (and yes lots of other women too) are looking for are really about you, not him. “Does he like ME?” is about you. “Why does he smile at ME and talk a lot, while other times he ignores ME like he feels nothing?”
Something I teach my guys, I’m sorry a concept I try to drive in their heads over and over and over again because they too get caught up in trying to figure out YOUR signals or games (when so many of you wouldn’t play a man even if your life depended on it) is:
Assume she is into you – unless she gives a definitive action proving otherwise.
Me, right now Cynthia, I actually believe you want me. Not because of what you asked, or how you can give guys Ego boosts 😉 but because the confidence I feel inside won’t let me believe it any other way.
Now you may call me a cocky bastard for it but the truth is I’m not bragging or making a far-fetched claim about my ability to attract. I’m merely living by the frame in my mind which assumes you’re into me unless otherwise you have rejected any form of advancement on my part.
This means if I never advance with you, or give you any reason to reject an offering or invitation from me I will forever consider your attraction to me.
In your situation, or all your interactions with men, I’d suggest you do the same.
Think about this – remember when you were having a bad day and someone tried to talk to you, maybe some guy that came on a little strong so you got abrupt with him, well I bet you were not very receptive to him because you were not in the mood. Not because you hated him. You’ve handled things like this before.
If you were abrupt with me and I did nothing too stupid I would assume you’re having a personal problem which has little to do with me.
If a guy’s not smiling at you one day but on another is – you can assume it probably has little to do with you unless you’ve given him that smile. But then – you would know that wouldn’t you. If you touched his arm and he pulled away shyly then you’d know. If you smiled and he pleasantly smiles back, well then you know you caused it.
Alright – here’s my quick take on your situation and I’m only giving it to you if you consider my advice above from now on! I’ll assume you’ll follow it the best you can, okay? 😀
A part of you believes this man is giving you mixed signals – I see a guy who is uncertain about what to do in a work environment.
Notice or ask him about his relationship with work. ( Does he believe in dating a co-worker or something along those lines? )
Does he linger around other women? Men will often put themselves close to women they are attracted to (kind of hoping) it will lead somewhere. However if he doesn’t know how to lead the interaction further, like taking you out or meeting up after work, then he will probably go very quiet at times and just linger about.
If he’s only doing it with you – then you have the answer you were looking for.
Men (the ones who are unsure about women) will avoid saying “Hi” or talk to you but leave themselves close enough to a woman because they feel – if she starts a conversation with me, that’s the signal I can move on.
You see men are doing the same thing. Looking for YOUR approval. They’re looking for any signal from you that you’re “into” them.
Neither one of you are taking the lead as far as I can see. You’re both looking for a “definitive” answer that you will only get if one of you steps up and progress through to a different social environment.
You may believe it’s his responsibility.
He may be questioning the work situation or if it’s appropriate to ask.
You may be looking for his approval first, before you’re willing to step out and make that social progression happen.
He may be so unsure of himself or your approval that he’s constantly looking for validation in any form whatsoever. ( Being extra helpful, lingering about, waiting for you to talk to him, using your name, holding the eye contact, etc…)
The pattern continues endlessly and is unfortunately unnecessary Cynthia.
Where does all this leave you? Do you make that first move and ask for a meet up? Do you expect if a man can not progress with you properly he’s probably not going to be much of a leader in a relationship anyways? Do you find a way to make it so easy on him he can not resist asking you out?
Do you risk giving him an “ego boost” only to find out he was using you for it?
Again – assume he’s into you. You can always take the ego boost away at a later date if he deserves it. 
My advice – If you’re tired of the mixed signals, if you sick of waiting around for him to make his intentions clear, if he’s that unsure of himself and what he has to offer, then I’m going to assume you have every available skill to attract another man who knows your desires and can make them a reality.
32 comments… add one
Thank you for your detailed reply to my question. I have since found out the man in question has a girlfriend although I think he is attracted to me, I know he’s off limits. I was badly played last year, so I’m a bit wary of being an ego boost. I know it sounds conceited, but he was very cruel and really hurt me. But I have moved on, thanks for your advice.
You’re very welcome Cynthia.
And I don’t believe it’s conceited to think you can boost a man’s Ego. It’s actually very healthy and a wonderful skill to have.
Glad to hear you’ve moved on. Be careful with your “super powers” 😉 and don’t forget to share your gift with everyone else.
Best of luck,
Pete
I would also greatly appreciate some advice here…There is a new guy at work. We were introduced as he was walked through the office in the “meet and greet” fashion. We work on the same floor but not in the same department. About a month in to him working there, he came in to my office to tell me that I embarrassed him because he drove past me while I was walking up the street to work, beeped, and I paid no mind. I had no clue, we laughed together, and then carried on with our day. We really didn’t see each other after that point. About two weeks later, I receive and email from him with the same line. I was shocked because he had to take the time to figure out my last name in order to email me. It took some effort. We email back and forth a few times. He then calls my work phone. Once again…that took effort to find. He tells me that there is one thing that makes him happy. He says it is in the form of a picture and that he doesn’t feel comfortable sending it through work email. So I gave him my cell phone number.
Since then (it has been about seven weeks), we blow up each others cells phones. At first it was mostly texting. It eventually developed in to both texting and calling normally with me allowing him to take the lead. Are personalities mesh really well, and I have totally enjoyed getting to know him on a personal level. There has been plenty of flirting going on, and we started having these scheduled “meet you in the hallway” events. All of this also included texting and calling over the weekend. Three weeks in to this, it was my birthday weekend. I took Thursday and Friday off (Thursday was my birthday). What did I get from him? Crickets…absolute silence the entire weekend. At that point, I was really hurt and confused because I had become so use to texting/talking to him pretty much all day long, every day. My first day back, he tested the waters. We saw each other in passing and then he texted me. He pretty much went right back to where he lift off from out last texting session. I was a little standoffish but was communicating with him. He called me later that night, and I had a really hard time hiding the fact that I was upset. I pretty much just told him that I didn’t get it, and he said “What, I’m suppose to call you every day to say hi?”. I really didn’t know what to say, and we hung up shortly after that. After that, we did not communicate for a few days. We eventually bumped in to each other in the hallway, and he immediately started blowing up my phone again. Since then, it has been hot and cold with him. He will text/call all day for a few days and then nothing for a day or so. He also was no longer calling me or texting me outside of office hours…that is until a few nights ago when he started texting me with what I deem as the “before I go to bed to say good night conversations”. The next day (yesterday) he was texting but very short/distant with me. Today…radio silence again.
What gives? I don’t know to handle this. I normally stay away from office romances, but I honestly really like him and get the feeling that he likes me as well. Office dating where we work is not prohibited (He also knows this). I don’t know what my next move should be or if I should even make a move.
Help!
Hello Karen,
Like him or not – he’s used some pretty underhanded tactics to reel you in. To me that screams “warning” right from the beginning.
He found out your last name some other way and not by your lips. He “sneaked” his way into getting your phone number by claiming there’s something he needs to send to you by phone only. And to start all that off he claims you ignored him on the street. Which embarrassed him. (How convenient)
Now I have no idea if he even knew it was your birthday so it’s hard for me to say he did that on purpose. BUT through his response, “What am i supposed to call you everyday…?” tells me he’s making sure you’re always left on the, “bad end of the game.”
I see a pattern of a guy who knows what he’s doing. Consciously or not. I see a pattern of you putting effort into a situation where one way or another he’s going to get what he wants – regardless of what you want, are looking for, or expect things to go.
It’s not all bad – I mean he’s been very consistent in his approach so I wouldn’t expect any more than what he’s already been giving you. It’s your choice to put up with it or push him back a little while you explore “other” options.
Honestly – I can put myself in his shoes and as a guy it feels like I have gained an extreme upper-hand in this romance therefore can continue to do what I’ve been doing. If things go bad, I’m sure I can talk my way out of it.
I do hope you see what I’m saying. This is not an office romance problem. This Karen is a matter of you at least acknowledging what is really going on. Making sure you keep your distance before yo get too deep. This will allow you to make clearer decisions and not let him lead you into places you may not be comfortable in.
I see nothing wrong with playing around, having a little fun, the absence of texting for days – I do those things myself because at some points I have several women in my life and other things going on too.
As long as you accept all of it – and understand he’s probably not going to commit that easily – and you, as best you can, remain open and dedicated to dating other men too.
Thanks for writing in Karen and not ignoring me on the street. 😀
I think it would be best if you get it all out below. Ask yourself what you expect from him. What you really want from him. AND if you’re not getting it make sure you stay presently clear as to what is going on.
-Pete
This happened to me. Do what I did.
Change your number.
So drastic H
but yes sometimes a necessary action. Personally I prefer to use my wireless phone account to block a number. It doesn’t work perfectly because it’s normally not permanent but I’m a guy and we hate changing our number.
Some women, on the other hand that I’ve known, change their number quarterly. Haha!
Great job H and I appreciate you taking the time to leave your advice,
Pete
Funny, you say to assume someone is into you unless proven otherwise; I’ve been spending years doing the complete opposite…
As you may have been told by many women, I was one of those girls who grew up being picked on mercilessly by guys (“You’re (fat, stupid, ugly, etc.). As a result, I have always assumed a guy was uninterested unless I was absolutely proven otherwise. While this defense mechanism has spared me quite a bit of humiliation, it has not done wonders for my love life.
Here’s hoping an old dog can learn new tricks.
Kate. Lovely name. Reminds me of a Ben Folds Five song.
I’m sure you’ve noticed how most people only hurt others because of an internal struggle with something they don’t like about themselves. Or they want something and don’t know how to get it.
They are actually using a defense mechanism just like you except their rude ways are harming people and doing nothing to create a “cooler” place to live.
With that said, the only “new trick” you have to concern yourself with kind of goes like this. I’m reaching here so bear with me…
Assuming you’re in a different place now you’ve probably learned better than most, how to gauge a person’s character. This means you know how “those” people act. You’ve learned how to separate the guys with the “eventual bad character flaws” from the guys who are generally good people.
That skill is invaluable AND it also means the ones you noticed who are not like the ones who picked on you – they’re going to like you either way. It’s in their nature to like someone until proven otherwise.
Thus leaving a small window of opportunity to create attraction. It’s not fail safe but you must admit at least the opportunity is there. Right?
When the window opens up, that’s when you assume they’re into you until proven otherwise.
For the rest “assume” their defenses means terrible communication skills and an eventual probably harmful relationship.
Hope that makes it easier on you to get past, “the past.”
Thanks for writing Kate and all the best of luck to you,
Pete
Hi Pete,
Cynthia again. Just an update on my post. The man with gf continues to send signals, standing very close, now other collegues are noticing things. I’m so confused – why do men do this? My gut feeling is that he is happy with the gf, but from the first time I saw him he was staring and asked me my name. What is going on???
Hello again Cynthia.
The real truth is lots of guys base a part of their confidence on women finding them attractive. (Physically or not it doesn’t seem to matter.)
We also do things like that when we’re not entirely sure about the relationship we’re in and we committed anyways. Sometimes it’s because she won’t except an open dating experience and sometimes it’s because he does not know how to date several women at once.
Sometimes the guy doesn’t feel comfortable enough with himself to be single for a while. They’ll hop from relationship to relationship without a real break.
And in those cases you know he’s putting out lots of signals just in case.
Most of the time though it’s about flirting, feeling better about themselves, and “recharging” the masculine edge. (If you know what I mean.)
Great to have you stopping by again Cynthia. Keep it up.
Pete
Hi Pete,
Great blog! I work with a man who acts similarly, in that he smiles sometimes..huge smiles, tone inflected, eyes wide; then, throughout the course of the day, if I act too interested, it is almost as though he “shuts down.” He will stop smiling and stop looking my way. If I come into work the next day and flat out ignore him, he starts saying hi again, using my name, being cute. The cycle continues. Thoughts? Advice? I’m so into this guy, and cannot seem to get past his oh-so-subtle flirtations. Thanks! M~
Hey M,
Thank you.
Some men like the thrill of the chase, excuse me, loves the chase. Some find themselves so immersed in it all, they tend to forget it’s all a fun flirtatious battle (if you will) and not some Basketball game with full court presses and huge slam dunks.
Okay, this is work, right? So you can assume you’ve become something to look forward to. Maybe more than to just pass the time and have fun at work but an actual escape from the “daily grind.”
So unless the pattern is broken, as you probably already know, his borderline immature actions will leave you angry and quite possibly fed up with it all.
You can either wait for that to happen or you can do something about yourself and call him out on it. Keep in mind this MAY NOT work out exactly as you like but it will change the game or reset the clock in his case. However you look at it, this is designed to reveal his real inner game behind the social mask he’s giving you.
I can not advise, but I will suggest, because you both should be past it all by now and enter the next stage – that you call him out on his “smiling promises” and demand (nicely) he meet you somewhere outside of work.
At least that way you can learn about who he really is and what his intentions are.
This may not be what you’re expecting to hear M – but he may not be able to “be all he can be” for you when he’s benched and forced to rely on something with substance beyond the run away and hide act he relying on – while making you chase him.
Thanks again for complimenting the blog, I do appreciate it. (big smile – eyes wide)
Pete
Hi Pete,
Thanks so much for your insightful thoughts. It is great to get suggestions from an intelligent man regarding male behaviors…now if only I could put this all into practice..thanks again!
M
You’re welcome M. I’m sure you’ll find a way to put it into practice. The one thing which astounds me about men and women is that somewhere along the line they forget how to do what comes (mostly) comes so natural to them.
I suppose it’s typically what we experience along the way where so many of these walls are put in place causing us to block it all – unknowingly.
You’ll be just fine,
Pete
Hi, reading these has been somewhat helpful but my situation is slightly different in that I had a very short fling with a guy from work. He was extremely kind,thoughtful and sweet. We talked about future plans even though we were dating only a few short weeks. He then called things off 3 days after we had become intimate the first time. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he was struggling with alcohol problem. We stopped contact although we see eachother everyday at work. Every so often though he would text and it became quite regular. I told him I needed space I can’t do the friends thing but he texted again 2 days later while I was in work. This went on for a couple of months. Eventually we were talking over text every day and then suddenly it stopped. I refuse to ask him as he was the one to break things off. I don’t chase.
I’m very confused as his body language at work shows that he is very attracted to me. We laugh and joke together. It is difficult because we don’t want other workers to know what happened. I just want to know. Is he doubting his decision or am I being played? Am I just an ego boost or something to entertain him?
I’m incredibly fond of him but I’m finding this situation very stressful.Please help. Do I just ignore him now?
Hi Alison, thanks for stopping by. Don’t “ignore” what I wrote for you.
It’s here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/quick-fling-work-he-breaks-it-off-why-ignore-him/
Glad to know that I am not the only one with a work related issue. The guy came looking for me because I had changed cubicles and he went to where he thought I was. He told me about himself and we chatted a little. I was sure he would ask me out but he didn’t. Since then he still says good morning to me and calls me by name, smiles a lot, sometimes acts goofy if I’m around. I’ve noticed that he will stand next to me or maneuver so that he is next to me. He has a GF but they don’t see each other a lot and they don’t live together. He had been dating this girl for about 5 months when he came looking for me that morning. If he is this attracted to me, is he unsure of the relationship with the GF? And, is he remaining in the relationship because it’s comfortable? Why would he risk giving up something that is okay for an unknown (me)? It’s really frustrating because the attraction is so obvious. His face lights up when he sees me. I don’t think he knows I like him although if I didn’t, I wouldn’t talk to him. The other thing I’ve noticed is that when he doesn’t know I’m in the area and is having a conversation with someone, as soon as he knows I’m there, he’ll stop talking. What is that about? A co-worker and I were outside when he showed up and she immediately began talking to him. The whole time these two are having a chat, he’s not looking at me, but at her. It was like I was invisible. But, as I stated earlier, he wasn’t standing next to her, he was standing next to me. I don’t understand any of this. What should I do?
Hi Christine, you’re definitely not alone. Lots of people have work related issues with regards to attraction.
We spend so much time and energy at work it often becomes like a second family. Since there’s no real family relationship it’s very easy for a guy (or a woman) to become attracted to someone they work with. Some will even go so far as to date from their work pool. (Mostly dependent on the size of the work force.)
It’s also not uncommon for a guy to have a girlfriend but not be mentally committed to the relationship. Whether that happens out of convenience, comfort or a mistake; or for other reasons like he’s can not reject a woman or date several women or the belief that we’re not allowed to date for a long period of time without making it a committed thing.
I can not say exactly where your guy stands with all that but I can offer you some quick answers to your questions:
1. “Why would he risk giving up something that is okay for an unknown (me)?” If the reward is (or appears) greater than the loss of taking the risk a guy will be more tempted to stray, cheat, or leave one woman just to date another woman. Haha! Had to read that back a few times myself but it does make sense.
2. “when he doesn’t know I’m in the area and is having a conversation with someone, as soon as he knows I’m there, he’ll stop talking. What is that about?” Most men make either conscious or subconscious decisions on how they act around women they are attracted to. It’s usually to avoid screwing it up and the urge to try to get her more interested in him. I’d say he’s either doing that, maybe a little fantasizing, and even contemplating whether he should eventually ask you out even though he’s in a relationship.
3. ” The whole time these two are having a chat, he’s not looking at me, but at her. It was like I was invisible. But, as I stated earlier, he wasn’t standing next to her, he was standing next to me.” Easy there Christine. You might be reading into this a little too much.
But if you insist than I’m obliged to give you my gut feeling…
If others find out he’s interested in you it could cause problems at work and with his girlfriend. You’ll find him acting differently when you’re in a public group even as small as three people.
He’s also probably showing off his social skills with the opposite sex. Unknowingly of course.
He could also be attempting to trigger your competitive urges.
The fact that he’s standing next to you while focusing on the subject of his conversation might be him linking with you. Side by side people are more seen as a couple. Guys know this and sometimes assume others will see you as a couple.
Everything I’ve listed for you becomes part of his “risk assessment” and I would expect a lot of that from a situation like this. “Risk assessment” as it pertains to men and women is where we weigh our options to find out if it all is worth it. Again when the reward, which is dating you, emotionally overwhelms or becomes greater the outcome of failing at that risk – this is when all sorts of things can happen between two people. Work related or not.
I do believe most of us don’t even realize how often “Risk Assessment” happens because it’s usually masked into our social lives.
Christine. I must say it’s almost like you’re asking me or the group if it’s okay for you to let things happen when it’s clear he’s in a relationship. That is if the situation arises.
Now you know I can’t do that.
All I can say is if two people are not mentally committed to a physical relationship and someone comes along to question that relationship (by attraction and more) their relationship will be tested for its strength and endurance. It could trigger the demise or strengthen their bond. Anything goes. Haha!
If I was in his shoes – and I was definitely attracted to you – and unsure about my current girlfriend – personally I would be watching my steps and try to logically work my way through it all. It’s a guy thing.
In your shoes – well I would look pretty silly with them on – but with what I’ve shared, you now have some inside information which can be used for good or bad. You can push it a little. Ask about her. Find out how solid the relationship is.
You can also be assured if he’s attracted to you, it’s not leaving anytime soon. I’ve found when a guy is not intimately involved with a woman the “physical (chemical) attraction” tends to stay around for a very long time.
So try not to read into everything he’s doing so much now. If he is attracted to you, which he probably is, all I’ve written explains his actions – The risk. Linking. Showing off. Testing himself on far he’ll let things go. etc…
Stay close but not too close. You don’t want to be the reason he breaks up with her BUT stay in his radar and if the timing is there – for you and him – like suddenly he’s single and so are you – then make sure something happens between you too.
It’s what I teach guys to do. I tell them – so what she’s in a relationship. If you like her you like her. Just don’t be the cause of the breakup. Stay in touch. Don’t throw people away. They are far too valuable. Don’t push the interaction just keep it alive and healthy.
Thank you so much for sharing and as always, wishing you the best,
Pete
Hi Pete, glad I came across this post as my situation at work is a lot similar to the experiences above and I love the way you have advised these ladies.Can I send you details of my situation by email and receive your advice on that through email.Please let me know.
Riana
Hi Riana. Of course you can send it to me privately. When you sign up for my newsletter I give you the address to send your questions.
Of course I can not answer everyone and honestly, sometimes I don’t have the right answer so in those cases I do apologize but I won’t respond.
Pete
I had a flirtationship with my boss!! He would always be around me when I was working. He would smile and stare a lot. At first I could not stand him, and I would ignore him until I noticed how nice he was being. It continued for about 7 months and then when I changed locations I would go to his facility and see him. He asked me why I basically came and I said I didn’t know why exactly. Then I friend requested him on Facebook and he accepted, and so I waited a week to go see him. However, I went with my guy friend and then things got bad between me and my boss. And then out of nowhere he would show up at my job and duck his head and say hi. Then we all went on our summer vacations and I had heard he quit so I wanted to tell him how I felt about him. So I messaged him on Facebook and told him the gory details of my feelings. He responded by being very evasive and denying the whole flirting at work. I just don’t understand, was he playing me or did he just get mad and give up.
Hi Pete,
I am in a confused situation as I don’t know if this guy at work likes me or not. He is new and recently started working there and we both started on a great start and got along very well. I had more than 8 people who approached me secretly and told me and me and him looked good together. I have really started liking him now but I feel like he is constantly giving me mixed signals.
He always stares at me and makes eye contact.. However when I do look at him and catch him looking he will look away immediately. This happens every single day and it happens a lot. He also pretends to come around where I am and tends to linger around. He never says hi to me but only sometimes talks to me. Sometimes he is very friendly and I can feel that spark.. And some days he just never talks or says anything but only stares and looks away.
I have tried inviting him out to group outings.. And he always says he will message me and will come but he never shows up. I have come to the point where I am really frustrated and unsure if he is Playing hard to get or if he’s just not interested? The last two days I have been giving him the cold shoulder as he was meant to come to another group outing but never showed up.
I have tried being friendly and flirty and it hasn’t worked! The day I ignored him he came up to me on his own for a chat.. Then next day again the same routine! Do I just be myself and talk to him just like I do with others? Or should I just not talk to him unless he approaches me? Please help!
Hi Peter,
I have a work situation that I need a male perspective on. I am in a committed relationship but was introduced through my work to someone. The first meeting this person was very attentive and inquired about my relationship status, personal questions about my life etc. I don’t know if he is a player or just on a conquest. He offered that he is available in no committed relationship and that he dates around. I am not sure how to handle this situation since we do need to work together but do so very infrequently. I had planned to investigate the situation further by spending a little more time with him at a business meeting but he never showed after confirming that he would. I think a phone call or email would have been the respectful thing to do to let me know he was not going to show. I was contacted quite late in the day with a text that offered no explanation. I did not ask him about it the next time I seen him I just blew it off. Common courtesy goes a long way I was really disappointed with this behavior. Any suggestions or advice?
Hello There,
Getting straight to the point, my Boss is definitely into me, but he mentions about his family. He never takes any comment (positive/ negative) about his wife, but he talks about her as if she tortures him. He said couple of times that me and him should go out to eat, he invited me to join his family events , if possible alone in case my husband does not join. He is mirroring my actions, my talk, dressing style, gestures and what not. He signaled that we both should touch each other and he wants to have a peek at me. He gives me smiles and stares some times which are killing me. He is very attractive but I don’t want to rock both of our worlds. team members started realizing his comments about me being inappropriate. I had to act strict and severe, also had told him about the way team is treating me (I never showed my interest so far). This made him stop doing all the hitting for a while. But now he is back on. not sure what I should do. part of me wants him because no one ever did this to me so far and I cannot see him agonizing and rest of me says it is a big mistake. Please help.
any chance you can get a new job it will help.
hello:) i have a work situation this guy is a few yrs younger than me i think likes me. a few things such as staring at me >when I’m looking and not looking at him. he has initiated talks with me
asked me how i am followed by next day again ask how i am. he faces me standing upright.
i left work he followed behind asking if I’m leaving. somedays he dosnt talk to me>other days I’ve noticed him staring at me for a longtime one time/
does this guy like me?unsure because i don’t know him but i think he seems nice from the few times we have chatted; thanks
Hello Lady, so you have a younger at work sort of following you around. He’s staring at you. He starts conversation with you. He’s asking you how you’re doing…
What more do you need?
Just because you don’t know him doesn’t mean he couldn’t have a crush on you.
He probably does.
You’re welcome,
Pete
Hello Pet ,
Its this guy I really like , to the point I was going to tell him I love him but I’m not even really sure if he even likes me. He ” acts ” soo cool around me . A asshole but I can work with it. We been talking on and off for about 3 years now .We never really talked on the phone always texted it was OK since I had others to talk to , I’ve had previous boyfriends while we was talking . He always stayed around but I never knew for what . now we are like FWB and I hate it . I want more but he so cool that I can’t even express myself . I’ve asked him does he like me he never gave me a serious answer , I know he likes me I’m just not sure about it . He shows in little ways that he cares but why doesn’t he just come forward and tell me , I understand he a little shy but no compliments text nothing just like he lack intress and want sex but when we are together he’s cool still a ass but his self , gives me enough to know he cares or am I just thinking it , I just don’t understand why stay around
Hi I have a quick question. I have this co worker and we have alot of sexual tension. We even went as far as texting each other and talking about it on the phone. I am newly single and am not looking anything serious right now, im just looking for fun and we also talked about that too and he is on the same boat. I text him that i wanted to see him before work and he hasn’t replied to me since. My question is what does he want me with and fyi he is 6 years younger than me.
Thank you
Hi Gabby,
I believe he wants exactly what you want… fun and nothing serious. I think he already told you that.
The real question will come when he’s faced with the possibility of you having fun with other guys. That will you show how okay he is with the arrangement based on his level of jealousy, how he responds actively or passive aggressively AND/OR whether or not he’s having fun with other women too.
Believe it or not, some guy just can’t handle the fun only thing.
His age is not important. You might think because he’s young he’s more likely to be accept fun from both sides BUT it will come down to his self-esteem, his urge to keep you from other men, and his awareness of his own world. Some things some guys find younger some never do.
You’re welcome
Pete
Hi Peter,
I feel like I know the answer but I’m one of those people who needs confirmation.
Ok so I’m currently a junior in high school and there’s this boy that’s in one of my classes who does literally nothing but stare at me the whole time. (It’s so awkward, all I do is shift uncomfortably and glance to see if he’s still staring) I also noticed he was mirroring my body language. We are in one of the those rooms where the desks face each other. He sits right in my view but in the back. I noticed he faces me too. The desks on his side are over a little more so he shifts his body to face me. I don’t think he realizes it though.
Anyways, point of this was that he has a girlfriend who sits in the desk in front of him and a few times while he was staring at me, he was holding her hand. I just wanted to ask why doesn’t he ever stop staring. He’s literally never said a word to me and we acaidently did that thing where you’re blocked by each other going in the opposite direction and he couldn’t even look at me so I get that he’s shy.
Is he infatuated with me?
Hi Pete
I have been ‘seeing’ a man 12 yrs younger who has a girlfriend. At first I suggested that he talk to her about issues instead of straying. After a while I thought well it’s his relationship he needs to take responsibility for it and I went along with it. Sometimes we just hang out other times we are
intimate. I’ve told him several times that if he isn’t interested then I am quite happy to walk away. He said to me that I’m trying to force it and that relationships take time. I get confused when I leave his house and he seems to look at me as though he regrets what he has done but invites me back..
I am confused as to what he really wants from me.