Yep. It’s quite obvious what those two guys above are doing but guys are NOT always so obvious when it comes to communicating “other” things, are they?
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Pete
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Hi I had a crush on this boy forra while we have a lot of things in common we started talking about a week ago he seemed to like me and was chatty at first and wanted to meet up with me and asked me do my number on fb so next day I txtd him hi and he seen the message and never replied and I asked him y did he ignore my message what did I do wrong that was a week ago and still no word from him and he has been online pretty much all the time I’m so confused and heartbroken I didn’t do anything wrong and he won’t explain to me what I did wrong help please ???
Hi Anna,
Chances are he wanted to respond to you on HIS time BUT you didn’t give him a chance and you came across as overly needy. When you asked him why he didn’t respond he also assumed you’re going to be a lot of work or too much to deal with so early on.
You have to let things happens naturally. You can not force things. Also I would suggest you don’t message “Hi” as the first message you send to a guy. It doesn’t give much incentive to answer and it’s easily missed.
I understand you can’t control your heartbreak BUT you must find a way to not let this get to you. Next time you’ll be much better prepared to start slowly AND you’ll know exactly what to do.
You also don’t know really what this guy is doing or what he’s looking for and who he really is yet and basing your heartbreak on the unknown will only make matters worse.
Next time, remember, start slowly, don’t start asking a guy “WHY”, assume he’s doing what he does, stay busy, focus on YOUR life first, open many opportunities so you’re not putting pressure on one guy and his actions, give him a reason to reply other than hi or hello and let him come after you. Don’t go chasing. Men normally run or ignore women who chase them so early on.
Hopefully this has helped you a little. I understand I can’t erase how you feel and honestly that’s not my job anyways. I just don’t want you getting stuck on this one interaction and I definitely want to help you avoid making the same mistake again.
Wishing you all the best,
Pete
Hi this is Vanessa I recently met a guy a month ago and he was moving to fast telling me sweet things like if we were together already. He then stopped contacting all the time. I chased but I finally got tired. He has a son and I feel he’s back with his ex. Before I met him I had actually got out of a long term relationship and so did he. I bumped into him recently and he completely ignored me like I didn’t exist in this world. I haven’t talked to him for about 4days. I need advice. He also said that he wanted to see where it went but recently told me he doesn’t want a relationship. Why did he lead me on
Hi I’m Shazia and I have met this mutual friend of my elder sister in his college functions he is 27 and ceo
I have a crush on him after I took up a distance course in his college a year ago he is more of a friend than lecturer
He hardly met its been only for college functions and during exams at college
We have exchanged numbers and at least 3-4 times a week we exchange messages
Initially we just had causal chats and for once we had a good flirty chat and more often we discuss issues or we speak our opinion about something or some social service agendas behind our act.
He seems caring, and understands my psychology about things. However he is a very busy and is always held up with many things. He isn’t in any relationship right now.
I think I like him absolutely I do for his intelligence and values
Yet not sure if he does like me took!!
I was just curious about what guys really feel about a 30-something, largely inexperienced woman?
That is me. I have only had one boyfriend back when I was 19. I have had sex twice in my life. I have been on two dates. Oh yeah, and I’ve kissed three guys. That’s literally it. It’s largely been my standards, mixed with fear of dating assholes. Later in my twenties, I began to feel very self-conscious and kept away from guys. Now that I’m coming out of this, I am fearing that my lack of experience is going to further hurt my chances of having a guy take me seriously. I’d like to believe that the right guy wouldn’t care, but I don’t even know at this point that this isn’t romanticized wishful thinking.
Would guys in general look at a 31-year old who doesn’t date and doesn’t have sex like an anomaly and figure something must be wrong with her and keep their distance? What would typically go through a guy’s head? How patient would he be when it comes to sex? I have this persistent fear that a guy would laugh in my face the first time I attempt a blowjob. 😒
Hello Tiffany.
Men have mixed emotions when it comes to the inexperience of a woman.
First, they might believe she’ll be all about relationships and he’ll assume if he gets involved with a woman like that, she’ll quickly go in “relationship mode” and honestly, that will push some men away.
Second, the inexperience might cause some guys to be too gentle. Less direct. They might be more concerned at overstepping their boundaries and to you it might feel like they’re avoiding you.
Third, and probably the most common answer…
Men have no problem whatsoever with an inexperienced woman. They don’t believe something’s wrong with her aside from the fact they might think you’re a little picky which is not a bad thing at all.
Some men will be patient. Some won’t. With regards to sex. That depends on the guy mostly and has nothing to do with you.
A real man will help you with the first blowjob. Meaning he’ll guide you a little without making you feel like shit if you’re bad at it.
I won’t guarantee or promise you’ll be exceptional at it but follow your instinct, treat his cock like a sexual thing it is and treat it the same and you’ll be fine.
Most men would never laugh at you for trying and won’t stop talking to you if it was that bad. They just won’t ask for it again and hope you’ll get it sooner or later.
Inexperience from a woman is NOT a real problem with men. They’re more concerned with pleasing you, getting you in bed, lasting longer, watching you enjoy it, getting you off, etc…
Don’t worry about Tiffany.
Glad to see you’re coming out of your “seclusion”.
And remember, any guy who makes you feel bad or laughs or doesn’t know how to handle your inexperience has really just given you a clear signal that you need to never ever see him again.
All the best and have fun,
Pete
Okay, so my guy friend and I we’ve been on 2 dates
2 weeks ago was our second date
he put his arm on me, we held hands, kissed me twice, played footises, and he kissed my neck
I also layed down on his chest while watching movies
he texted me when he got home
I said “thanks for coming over, I had a good time”
he said “I had a good time too ”
I said “awesome, we should do this again some time ”
he said sounds good!
and we talked after on the same day
he had to go cuz he was watching his show
3:12 AM
I didn’t message him first
he snap chatted me on monday
then on Monday he snap chatted me
a pic of candles
with a caption “ITS ABOUT TO GET SPIRITUAL!!!! <3 <3 "
and sent me a pic of his high score of his video game
on the same day
On Wed he sent me a pic of his wallet with the caption "YAAAS"
On friday he sent me a pic of him in his tux with the caption "When I actually dress up nicely" I said "wow where are you going?" he said "party " I said "nice have fun " he didn't reply but he saw the message the next day in the morning
So on Saturday I messaged him asking him are you free on Sunday after 6 pm?
he said "I think so, I don't know"
I said "Oh okay"
he only opened my message on Monday morning
He took 2 days to open my oh okay message
He opened it on Monday
So I texted him yesterday hey what's up?
Gave him 5 days space
He said "Chilling at my friends house" And I replied to him 2 hours after my movie saying "Nice, I was watching a movie"
Is he over me?
is that why he has left some of the messages as seen?
is it cuz he thinks I'm no longer interested since i let him contact me first all of last week? when I used to message him first?
did I play too much too hard to get?
or did he change his mind about me?
I feel even though he has left some messages left as seen he still likes me I dont know why I feel that way though. I don't know what to do? What's your opinion on all of this?
I forgot to mention but after our first date he asked if I got home alright i said yeah
and that was on a Thursday
he was liking/commenting on my FB posts
commented on one on Saturday one on Sunday
and then commented on one on Tuesday
and finally sent me a message
it took him 5 days
then we talked all of that week
he was messaging me first
when I usally had to before
and he asked me 2 days later if I wanted to hang out, which was our second date
On Wednesday he had psted a pic on Fb that said "do you ever miss someone but never let them know because you have this feeling that they are doing just dine without you anyways" and as the caption he wrote "Or because I always miss my friends
Especially orally when I'm home alone
Implying I'm home alone and someone should come over later"
Do you think that was about me or no? I had gone 5 days not contacting him
Hello Taylor. You can read your answer here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/confused-how-guys-think-we-go-moment-next/
So me and this guy have been sleeping together for 12 years. We act like the best of friends and as a bonus we have amazing sex too! We only see eachother every few months and talk about once a month. It has never been a high maintence relationship, but these last few years he will call me and tell me he wants to be with me and he loves me and I have always said “we have a good thing, lets not complicate it.” Then we move on and keep having fun together. Well here recently (about a week ago) he told me again how he feels and even said he wanted to have a baby with me, we hung out, had a great time, and of course had great sex. Since that night Ive felt like maybe we should try to see where this could go. I love being with him, so why not? Ive tried to start making more of an effort this past week but since then he kinda blows me off. Its valentines this weekend and I wanted to make a big effort and plan something special, but he wont call me back, he just text and says hes been busy. He told me he would like to come see me but wasnt sure because of work. Now its friday and we have no plans or even an answer. What is his deal? Should I try harder? Should I back off? These signals are very mixed.
The sad news is Krista… if he hasn’t taken action by now, it’s highly doubtful he ever will unless something drastically changes.
Sure he could be feeling older and pressuring himself to start some kind of family BUT what has he actually done about that?
At this point it’s not you who ought to be “planning something special” for Valentine’s Day, it should be him.
So nope, it’s my opinion you must NOT try harder.
You’re reading mixed signals but to me they are not mixed… He wants someone he can turn to when HE wants at on HIS timetable, when HE feels like it. That’s very clear to me. What’s also clear to me is that he believes you’re always going to be there for HIM which might be giving no reason to actually DO something more than just show up to hang out and have sex.
You’re in a friends with benefits “thing” and rarely, if ever do I see them going anywhere.
Personally I would either take it as it is, if you’re enjoying it that much BUT if you want more from a guy, definitely put more effort into another guy who will not just hang out for 12 years and the finally start talking about wanting more.
You could push him but that won’t work the way it feels. You could back off and start sending him mixed signals but he would take it personal and probably just hide from you. You could start talking to him about other men you’re seeing to make him jealous but do you really want to do that?
That leaves YOU with the best option… other men who ARE willing and capable of moving forward with you in more reasonable time and who clearly define the relationship… dating, comitted couple, or marriage.
Hope that helps you out Krista and all the best to you,
Pete
I met a man in 2009 while overseas. He was special to me since the day I started conversing with him. He came to the states many times. Without my knowledge he through comments around to family members about liking me. Because we lived and he traveled to different parts of the world, this information never came my way. We each dated one person between 2008-2015. He came to the states again in 2015. Our nervousity held us make from making the smallest eye contact. Many others noticed this. While at work, one day I sent him a text message letting him know to not take my shyness as emotional distance. He replied that he felt the same in regards to himself. We continued the text conversation as I confessed the feelings I have been holding in. He replied and showed utter happiness and told me he has always loved me and felt the same. We saw each other that night. We spoke in person about what we discussed over the phone earlier. He kissed me and told me how happy I made him. He told many many kind compliments. There was no romantic physical interaction with us beyond kissing. Before leaving, he told me we need to take it slow, I told him “yes I need to go slow too”. Two day following this he asked to take me out of town for a day trip. I agreed. In the car, leaving home, he tells me he has something to say to me. He stated; he wants to be free and he “tried but can only view me like a sister”. This shocked me internally, only because it made no sense. I replied to him, after swallowing my tears behind a calm face..”okay. If this is how you feel, I can’t be upset. You are entitled to feel what you feel”. He said “are you sure you are okay?” , “yes” I replied . I was shocked. Why would he tell me this at the beginning of the trip? How could he has kissed me and said all he said if he only viewed me like a sister? Sex was never an option. So it wasn’t for this. We continued to see each other at gathers for the next few weeks. Family members keep asking me what’s going on with us. I never know why they ask. My mother told me he keeps staring at me that’s why.
There’s this guy who I’ve noticed recently in the past two weeks or so. I’ve noticed he’s been looking at me a lot. I was doing some work for a course I’m taking at the table and when I looked up, he had walked up a few tables away from me in perfect line of vision of me and was looking at me. However, as soon as our eyes met I put my head back down and he just casually walked back to his group of friends. There was nothing and no one in the area he was standing in and he didn’t go anywhere but that open space and then went back which led me to think he just wanted to look at me. Anyways, I’ve caught him many times looking at me even when he’s with his friends but I always look away when I catch him looking and we don’t talk at all. He also, recently, has walked past me when he didn’t necessarily have to opting to take the longer route which I’m along. HOWEVER, we’re not always around each other. He’ll leave with his squad but then make drop bys where me and my friends are. I tested my theory that he is actually looking at me by walking past him multiple times using peripheral vision to watch him. Sure enough, he sort of stopped what he was doing and payed his eyes on me. Is there a possibility that he is attracted to me even though there is no active initiation of conversation happening and he isn’t always where I am?
Thanks, Peace!✌🏾️
Hi I’m in a really difficult position at the moment I meet a guy on the internet and we’ve being seeing each other for about 3 months now about twice a week he seemed to be really interested in me cooking me meals watching movies together and I’d stay over at he’s, I’ve tried to go with the flow as I know he’s been hurt in the past and is weary of getting into a relationship and I must admit things seemed to be going really well he’d mentioned us going away for a weekend and other things that lead me to believe there may be a future for us as a couple he comes across as one of the good guys however I’ve not meet any of he’s fiends family etc and feel like I’m a dirty secret I understand he wants to take it slow and I’m cool with that however don’t ask me why but alarm bells started to ring and I know your going to think this is dishonest of me but I set up a fake profile on the dating site and low and behold there he is so I messaged him and he replied I am so hurt and unsure of what to do to me I feel like a stop gap till something better comes along and to be honest he really didn’t come across as a player
I am wondering about a shy guy. After months of him starting at me and flirting by distance, I finally approached this quiet guy at a coffee shop. He seemed thrilled to meet me. We spoke for 2 hours. But in person he was very happy, confident, and outgoing while I was very shy when talking about myself. A few days later he came and said hello briefly at a concert. A few days later on the weekend I face book messaged him to let him know I’d be at the coffee shop (he was the one who added me on Facebook). He responded that he must have missed me and to have a good weekend – effectively ending the conversation. My gut instinct is this is a gentle signal he is not interested in me. Am I right? Our mutual friends tell me he is very shy but when we talked he seemed very outgoing. It took so much guts for me to approach him at all I really don’t want to see him again if this was a gentle rejection. Do you have any insight if he really is shy or is just not interested having met me in person?
Hello Alice,
I posted your answer right here:
http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/6DW_W/h/Is_He_Still_Interested_.htm
Pete