Hello Pete,
My ex boyfriend contacted me after two years all of a sudden because he missed me . He was a player who just got out of a 2 year relationship and she broke his heart . He was telling me how I was different and he liked that I was a good girl and called me beautiful and we would talk on the phone for hours . All of a sudden he begins to distance himself but eventually over the course of a month we spoke again and we finally met up. We were just friends hanging out and all of a sudden he begins to kiss me . I asked what he was doing and he said I ask too many questions , he kisses me again and then thinks we are going to have sex but I said no and he said it’s okay we can just hang out then , he kisses me goodbye and tells me to call him . He says he also wants to come and see me . He speaks to me and after three days I ask why he kissed me , he just said I was asking too many questions and that I’m just making things complicated . He never answers my questions about his feelings . I stopped talking to him without warning . What did he want in the first place ? What happened ?
Thank you ,
Sara
Hello Sara,
Sounds like he’s up to his old games – playing.
What I don’t understand is that players usually don’t enter relationships and they’re the ones who are usually breaking someone’s heart. Something sounds a little odd there but…
If I was a player I would certainly use my “poor broken heart” to every advantage in getting a woman to sleep with me casually.
I would tell the “next one” how good she is – how beautiful she is – and I would invest a little time so she’d understand ( or at least believe ) how I might have learned my lesson.
Keep in mind this technique does NOT work for guys who are not normally good with women anyways.
My point would be to “re-introduce” myself to you and plant the seed. Then I would pull back so you’d be curious as to what I was doing. Something to make sure you are thinking about me a little.
Just enough to make it seem like “being friends” is all I wanted – since you already assumed I was a player.
Sometime in the future, before I left your mind completely, I’d find a way to hang out with you ( just as friends of course 
) so I could make my move.
If you allow some kissing, then maybe you’ll allow more and it’s always worth a try.
BUT…
If you pull back and start asking questions then I’d have no choice to place the blame on your questions or turn it around on you. Like maybe “how it’s ruining everything” or complicating what I thought we were feeling.
It may not be a fool-proof way of defending against a player but it can work… Ask enough questions to where he reveals his true feelings or intentions or gets pissed off enough and is not willing to admit anything and then places the blame on you.
Let’s put this all in perspective so we don’t get confused…
If you had just met this guy AND you were asking too many questions about his feelings or why he’s doing anything or just questioning his intentions then I would definitely say – STOP!
A practical sure-fired way to scare away a guy is to constantly ask him about how he’s feeling, what he’s feeling, or what his immediate intentions are.
It’s not entirely absurd or wrong to maybe ask what his plans are in life – like settling down, having children, careers – because if you’re looking for future with a guy the kind of answers he gives can mean a lot.
But that’s just not the case here.
What I see here – possibly true or not – is a guy whose using his “heartbroken” story to reel you in and quite possibly the,
“Hey… I just got out of a two-year relationship… which means I’ve changed and can commit so it’s okay for you to sleep with me.”
We should also not forget he called you because he said he missed you – whether that’s true or not remains to be seen.
Women accuse lots of guys of not revealing their feelings but I believe it’s mainly a communication issue between the sexes…
Us guys feel our actions or what we’re doing proves our feelings without words and it’s our downfall or fault thinking that you’ll understand it even though I know it’s just no the case.
Lots of us are NOT good at explaining how we feel.
It “feels” uncomfortable.
We “feel” like we’re going to be misunderstood.
We “feel” like it may be used against us at a later time.
We prefer to act and yes, lots of us do get mad if we’re constantly questioned about it because, and here’s the real communication issue…
You ( women ) want vocal reassurance because you may feel it proves to you we’re being genuine – which is fine and all especially if you think you’re dealing with a player like this guy.
Us ( dudes ) always feel misunderstood because you ( women ) are not getting that our actions are proving our love, or liking, or attraction.
These communication miscues causes lots of problems and I’ll get into more of that sooner or later because it’s very important in understanding guys.
But for now – in case this guy is being genuine or real with you ( which I doubt anyways ) I must share with you that side of it. Who knows maybe I hate being wrong THAT much. Haha!
Seriously though – what happened…
He probably just wanted a hook-up with an old flame and was using very classic and perfected player skills which unfortunately work on lots of women.
Mainly because they’re still feeling it for him and want to believe the best or more.
Great job on the ending of it quickly Sara.
Cutting off the contact without warning was probably the best thing to do – after all – if he was real about it or you – well even if he’s not – he’s going to call again because you just became one conquest he didn’t get exactly what he wanted from thus making you a much greater challenge for his player instincts to “figure out” how to break.
Thanks for writing in and I do hope I ( finally ) answered your question about what happened and what this man really wanted from you.
All the best,
Pete
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