Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games ,how should we girls react or behave.its so confusing. plzzz guide.
There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here… Women feeling ignored and they don’t know what to do about it.
First we must figure out if it as a game or not. That is, if you’re actually being ignored on purpose and if that specific game is a smaller part of a greater scheme a man might play.
I can honestly say, whether you believe it or not, MOST men do knowingly NOT PLAY GAMES. They don’t have a greater scheme in mind. They’re not thinking that far ahead. They wouldn’t know how to accomplish a feat that great anyways. Read this if you want The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex
Think about how hard it is to play such a grand role in someone’s life to which all that could be accomplished.
Okay sure it happens but it’s not the norm nor is it most guys goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it. Game playing is a lot of work.
With that said, let’s skip the massive “game playing” answer. If you’re looking for the entire list of categories this “ignoring” falls into to then I suggest you subscribe to my Secret Dirty Truth of Men. Just keep in mind getting both of my newsletters might be a little overwhelming and occasionally you will be sent the same email twice. Can’t help that. 🙂
Most men ignore women for a few reasons based on their relationship with them:
#1 reason… You’re in a relationship and the communication has broken down.
He’s sick of listening to you. He doesn’t feel heard. He doesn’t feel like he has a say anyways. He even might feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways.
He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it’s what he always did anyways or he doesn’t know what else to do.
There’s no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it’s going to be saved, needs real work.
If I could solve this kind of ignoring problem in a sentence or paragraph I would but that’s impossible.
Look and research these people or articles to get you started in learning how to communicate with your spouse. They ARE just some the best.
From Katie and Gay Hendricks:
“These aren’t skills we “know how to do” on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods.”
What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?
“Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship.”
Phrases That Kill Intimacy
From Rori Raye – Have the Relationship You Want:
You’re doing everything for him and he won’t even meet you half way. You’re missing the big tickets items in your relationship. You’re just not satisfied in with what is happening in your relationship.
Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve
He’s good friends with someone and it just happens to be a woman. You can stop talking about her. You can start changing your energy and stop being so combative over it.
If He Is Friends With Another Woman – What to Do and How To Handle It
From Dr. Phil:
What type of communication pattern have you and your partner developed within your relationship?
A Relationship Communication Test from Dr. Phil
From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:
These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.
Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying
#2 reason… You’re NOT in a relationship and you’re just casually dating.
This case is a little more complicated but I’d say it’s most likely because you’re not being ignored. He’s just living his life, probably dating others, and you’re contacting him more than he cares to answer.
Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you’ll believe it’s a relationship or misread that he’s ready to commit when he’s not.
This leaves us with these two sub-reasons:
A. You’re not being ignored and contact him more than he cares to answer. You’re not giving him a good reason to answer. He doesn’t feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.
B. He’s not interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is. He’s not ready to give up more of his time to you. He’s not ready to “be” there for you under most circumstances.
Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.
How to deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it’s A or B.
If it’s A then we need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you’re contacting him and other guys too. This could be a circling pattern. When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it’s failing you.
As a guy I can say, early on or after meeting a guy, sending or contacting less is better. Sure you’re going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you’re looking for anyways. They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.
We need to learn to miss you and think about you or what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing it with. We need to left on a high note and left wanting more. Our interactions need to be short and as powerful as they can be.
We also need to be generally teased. I’m not saying to go quickly into giving us blue balls but create a sexual connection early on but don’t follow through with it. This connection does not have to be physical but it helps. Use THAT connection to send random messages you don’t plan on responding too.
If it’s B then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.
B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that. 🙂
All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work. It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life…
Even if it doesn’t center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you’re looking for.
This means, early on I tried to solve my “woman” problems by burying my self into my music and also my passion to become a better than average golfer. It failed because I used them as an excuse to seclude myself from meeting people.
Those two things, when used differently and from a stronger sense of value in myself, helped me to succeed because I started using those talents differently and made sure they were used to help me meet more women and not seclude myself as a distraction from the real problem.
I’d recommend you start with these few people from a scratch to help you in this area. Again these are the people who I have learned from and just giving away their ideas in anything more than a general sense would be unethical and illegal. 🙂
First for building a new you from the ground up.
Evan Marc Katz – Truly a man who understands men and women too. His popular program, Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence has changed the lives of many women.
Second for attracting quality men who won’t ignore you plus lots of tools to make sure you’re always doing the right thing.
David Wygant – Upfront and honest and truly inspiring. His master program will show you how to Connect With Men on a level you might not have ever experienced.
Third for learning about how attraction works for men and how to stop so many of them from pulling away from you.
Christian Carter – His Catch Him and Keep Him book has proven success for many years now and is an inexpensive education.
…more to come please feel free to let me know who YOU think is the best.
#3 reason: He doesn’t feel good enough or capable of dating you or being with you.
Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but because I didn’t want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.
Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely. Haha!
Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her. They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.
Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you’ll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and I can see how easily you might be confused by what he’s doing.
But the fact remains, he’s doing it for his own reasons with only have to do with you in the sense that he can not believe you’ll ever want to be with him.
Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.
HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.
The fact is, deep down inside this guy, he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.
Dealing with or solving number 3 is not easy. You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within.
My few suggestions would be to first, NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.
Secondly, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.
“Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages.”
Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages
Third he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.
He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he’s also not the determining factor of you.
He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through not-so-nice means or games. You don’t have to put up with his bullshit if it’s affecting you negatively.
“Men cannot thrive in a deep passionate type of relationship unless they feel they have a woman’s admiration and respect.”
Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.
He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.
You can try anything and everything on him if you’d like but I won’t guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.
“Hidden within a man’s genetic decision-making sequence is a ‘Commitment Switch’ all men have hidden deep inside.”
My absolute gut feeling about this reason or “type of guy” , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely. In other words, seek out “better” more confident men immediately.
Wow!!! Once again I’ve gone too far with words. 🙂
Remember if you want ALL the reasons or categories subscribe to my Secret Dirty Truth of Men and remember you will get a ton of stuff on understanding men so be prepared and don’t bitch at me that you’re getting too many emails. 🙂 You’ve been warned.
Once again…
I reiterate…
Most men don’t play games, especially when it comes to ignoring the one thing they need in their lives… women!
Sure, a few of them do it on purpose because they think it’s the only way to get you but I do hope you can see right through these guys.
Sure, some of them are flaky and can’t keep a thought in their for more than five minutes if it doesn’t have something to do with typical man things.
But most of all it’s an indirect consequence of:
- A breakdown in communication between a couple.
- You’re in two different places. You’re casually dating and one of you isn’t clear on that or made it clear enough to the other.
- He’s sabotaging himself because he doesn’t feel good enough to be with you.
Hey Pete,
Its been a while since I needed advice but my situation with my boyfriend has hit such a rocky patch that I am at a loss at what to do. The situation is this. My boyfriend and I started dating 10 months ago. 3 weeks into dating he found out that his ex was pregnant and she was sure it was his. About a month before we met he had sex with her. I don’t fault him for what he did before we met. We get close and have a great summer. The whole time we don’t really talk about it other than both hoping it isn’t his. In September the baby is born and it is his kid. Not really a big deal he assures me that once things settle down and the mother goes back to work he will have nights open which has always worked best for me since I work during the day and he works from home. They decide that he will watch his kid during the day and he would have nights free to do whatever he wanted. I am cool with that. It also happens that over the last two months he spends every night with his baby so I see him once a week maybe twice. His communication with me has started to break down as well. I will send him a text and get no response for hours, if I get one at all. If I text him about something silly I will get a response but if I ask a question I rarely get anything and if I do it is never an answer or ever close to an answer. I have expressed that this bothers me. I told him a few times that I don’t mind coming over to hang out with him once in a while after work until he leaves to see his kid. That has worked as well but we always fall back into this lack of anything situation. When we are together he has no problems at all with talking about anything that is going on. He tells me everything. He has told me how bad he feels about this whole situation and has made efforts here and there. The mother should be going back to work any day now. I feel like sometimes I am being a pain in the ass because all I want is some communication. I asked him if he wanted to come to a birthday thing in a week and a half and he said confirm the date but most likely he would come. I confirmed the date but got no answer. To me it seems like he wants to try but is just so caught up in his kid that he forgets everything else. I worry not just for myself but also for ever aspect of his life. I don’t know what to do. It feels like if I give him space I won’t hear from him and if I keep trying I won’t hear from him. I don’t know what to do. I care about him so much it hurts to stay but I think it would hurt just as much to leave. I don’t think leaving is the right choice just because he is distracted. I want to wait until she goes back to work and see how that schedule is. Not sure what to do in this situation. I don’t want him to give up time with his kid but I don’t want him to give up his life either. I know its not about me but it is hard to reconcile how lonely I feel from not seeing him and knowing that he is bonding with his kid. Its not like hes playing around. He has told me I will meet his kid soon which I can’t wait. She is so cute and I just want to give her hugs. Do I hang in there to see if it gets better or cut my losses?
Hey Nicole,
Okay first of all, the baby comes first. Secondly, you must convince yourself that IF you want something more with him, you must learn how to deal with his life not being all about you. Acting selfish or feeling selfish and acting on it will only cause problems. This you already know.
Third… decide what you really want. If you want to date a guy who doesn’t have a child already, then you are going to have to excuse yourself quickly. If you feel you need the attention then find a guy who can give it his all.
Sounds simple. I know. Without the actual feelings associated with it on my end, meaning I’m not invested in your situation, it’s easy to say. BUT it’s also easy to see what needs to happen because of that too.
To me it feels like you’re not ready for all this. That you DO want a guy who can give more. And both of us know that is not going to happen in this situation because the baby comes first.
Decide what you really want. Decide how long you’re willing to wait for more and how long it will take before you’re actually involved in his family.
Decide whether or not you’re capable of giving him and his child the freedom he needs to continue to do the right thing.
If the feelings of loneliness, helplessness, jealousy, desperation, or in part selfishness continue because you’re not getting the attention you want from a young relationship… then you have the answer you’re looking for.
If the same feelings keep coming up, then you probably should excuse yourself from his “family”.
If they subside, AND the mother is okay with it all, then slowly introduce yourself to helping him out because that will keep you close to him.
Since you can not change how you feel, you can only experience what you’re feeling, the choice comes from that and must not be done because of how you think he might feel. Remember it was his actions and not yours which created the baby and it’s his responsibility to deal with those actions. If that means losing you, so be it. (And who is to say a few years down the road you can not reconnect anyways.)
Wishing all the best luck, hopefully this has helped you a little,
Pete
Nicole,
No, sadly, I’m not Pete, but I do have a comment. You should probably get out now.
You have behaved wonderfully! You aren’t insecure and you don’t seem jealous of the mother of his child. The problem is sometimes women manage to think themselves out of recognizing when they are in a “lost-cause” situation. The same way that new mothers no longer have time for their friends, new fathers who are actually involved no longer have time for their friends either. At this moment, maybe you should realize that you are now a friend. He has to provide for this helpless child, take care of it and protect it. You’re like 48th on the list at this point and you are feeling like 48th on the list (shelter, sleep, finances, sleep, food for the baby, food for himself, transportation, baby-proofing the house,sleep,etc.). So maybe just be a friend? Because that is what he needs right now.
I’m not a relationship quitter but I had to learn when I was setting myself up for failure by investing time in situations that would’ve had to defy logic to work. That baby will always need watching. When that baby becomes an toddler it will still need watching. When that toddler goes to kindergarten before and after school it will still need watching. I can keep this up but hopefully you catch my drift. By the time that baby is 5 he will either be with the mom, finally “single”, or with a collection of FWBs that are all just waiting on him to finally have time for them.
But you are a grown woman and you know yourself best! So you do what you want to do! But you should probably get out…and if I’m wrong you reply back and teach me how you made this work!
Dear Pete,
So I have been dating this guy for a little over a month. We met through an online dating website, we live a little over an hour away from each other and with the winter weather being so harsh right now we can’t get out to see each other much, we’ve hung out in person probably six times now. I like him and would like to think there is potential between us, we are very physically attracted to each other and we have great conversations in person, but we since we can’t see each other often our foremost form of communication is Facebook, and that’s where the problem starts. He takes forever to respond back which really isn’t a big deal because I do that sometimes as well, the thing that gets me is most of his responses are one too two words most of the time involving the term “lol” for example “yea lol” or “ikr lol” and then im just like uh ok how do I respond to that? I feel like I’m the only one really making an effort to keep a conversation going, as for who texts who first it’s about even, there are times he will text me without me texting him first and vice versa, I asked him once if he didn’t like texting much and he said he didn’t mind it, so I’m like then why the hell are you so hard to keep a conversation going with?? The fourth or fifth time we hung out (mind you this guy has told me he wanted to be exclusive, he added me as his gf on fb, not that I really care about that but I found it weird when I got a notification saying he removed the relationship status from our timeline, he acted like it was a glitch or something. I just shrugged it off cause like I said I really didn’t care if fb said we were together) we were laying in his bed cuddling when he checked his phone, I didn’t mean to see but the angle I was laying at made it to where I could see and I saw him delete a message between him and a girl, he did it quickly and was obviously trying to be sneaky (as if id go through his phone anyway, im not in high school anymore dude) anyway I finally told him that I didn’t feel like he was putting in an effort and that his one or two word replies made it hard to keep responding, I told him I want a man that makes me feel like he can’t wait to talk to me, he took forever to reply and when he did he said he was sorry he had been at the store, I said it was fine that it wasn’t the length of his response time that bothered me. He asked me “what then” to which I replied “nothing im just being stupid I guess” because honestly I couldn’t have said it any clearer and I didn’t feel like explaining myself again…im confused, he acts like he really likes me but I feel like I’m putting in all the effort, I want a man willing to pursue me…does this guy sound like he’s not worth my time? (He said he wanted to be exclusive before I saw him delete the message)
Dear Danielle,
I’m not going to say one way or another whether he’s worth your time, that’s for you to decide BUT I’m also not one to say nothing. 🙂
I firmly believe this “relationship” happened too quickly and it sounds like he only said what he believed you wanted to hear or what he believes all women want to her quickly AND it actually sounds like he used the “gf” button on Facebook to either piss off another girl or to engage her once more through jealousy. (Not that it means he actual wants it to go somewhere with her.)
Yes, guys do use the relationship thing thinking they need it to get something from a woman like sex or to appease her into doing things she might not be ready for. But that’s not here nor there today.
What’s more important to your question are the key things you brought up…
You can’t see each other as often as you like right now and his conversations on Facebook or texting is mostly just you talking and him listening. Your working for his attention and he’s doing nothing to gain your attention.
He believes he already has you which is giving him no reason to chase you. Perhaps he’s even using the “relationship” angle to back it up.
You’re not really into this relationship (at the moment) or him being vocal about being exclusive. You’re not at a stage where other women would even concern you that much.
He acts like he likes you BUT he’s not putting the effort in to actually show it. To you it feels like he thinks he already has you and is not really excited about being with you.
Listen, don’t let this guy do this to you OR don’t allow a relationship to happen when it’s not what you really want. After all you’re not asking for much. Things kind of went somewhere and you’ve gone along with it and now you’re realizing it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
You like him. End of story. Don’t let him turn it into a relationship until you’re absolutely sure he’s the right guy for you.
If you’re not getting what you want then no matter of effort on your part will probably make a difference because if he hasn’t done them by now then chances are, it’s not going to magically happen. He doesn’t seem like the type to do it and it sounds like he’s doing everything based on the easy way.
Okay maybe I do have more of an opinion then I first led on. 🙂
Hopefully all this helps you decide where to go from here,
All the best dear Danielle,
Pete
Hi,i met a guy last year and I have been in love with him for 9 months now. I’m the type of girl who doesn’t fall easily for guys,i have never had a boyfriend this is my first time falling in love. I’m 20 years. The problem is that this guy is looks nice, has a car and nice stuffs but I’m not interested in those I’m really in love with him. I know he has a lot of beautiful female friends but I want to make a positive impact in his life. I want to show him there is more to life than spending money unnecessarily and doing all sorts of things. I know I can’t change him unless he decides to change. For 9 months now all I do is cry because he doesn’t know how I feel.We used to talk on phone and text but it has changed I’m the one doing all the talking and the one who hits him up first in December I decided to stop all that and try to forget about him. Its really hard, we hardly talk these days because none of us either call or text the other. All the texting and talking for long hours on phone has seized. Because of his personality, he always has these beautiful girls commenting on his picture on facebook and flirting with him. He once told me he almost fell inlove with me but he stood down because, he didn’t want to bother me. What does it mean? This guy is so complicated because I love him not for his whatever he owns. , he is too blind to see it. All my life I dreamed of having a simple and down to earth guy, I never planned to fall in love with such a guy, it happened so fast. I tried to get away for a month but I still couldn’t get over him, we’re in 2016 and his birthday is Just around the corner. I was thinking of getting him a gift despite the fact that we don’t call or text each other again. But I still love him even if he never thinks of me. Will it be right to get him a gift? I really wanna show him true love, I how do I do that because I feel I should start trying hard again. What should I do?
Please help me.
Hey Pete, I need some advice…
I met a guy online and we’ve been seeing each other for about 7 weeks. He is very busy because he travels for his job every other week. He always makes time for me whenever he is home. He texts me daily and calls once or twice a week. He takes me out on proper dates and always pays. We recently got intimate. About a week later, he texted me that his father was sick and that he may need to head home. He told me to not freak out out if he temporarily falls off the grid, also that he likes and cares for me. He said me he does not want to miss out on me if there is some down time. It’s been a week since I’ve heard from him, but I see that he has been online (dating website and social media). What are your thoughts on this?
Hello Liz,
I believe I answered your question in this comment thread:
http://www.dialteg.org/reasons-why-guy-does-not-text-back/comment-page-2/#comment-77485
Although I do believe you left out some very important information in your original question… “We recently got intimate.”
This can change everything.
Pete
Hi Peter. So I have a question for you. I have this guy friend, he acts interested and we text a decent amount. We have been friends for literally years. Lately he occasionally ignores my texts to “piss me off.” What gives?
I suspect he’s been trying to get out of the friendzone because his texts have been getting progressively more sexual. But I’m a truly clueless girl who doesn’t catch hints, clues or even suggestions sometimes. Help.
Hi Bell,
You’ll find your answer in my new post:
http://www.whydoguys.com/clues-your-guy-friend-wants-more-than-friends/
Your guy friend,
Pete
I was in a relationship for several years with a man I’ve known for over 30 years. Within the past year we became serious, talking about our future together. Even marriage.
Suddenly he just backed away. Eventually the response I got from him was so generic to me. “We are on different paths”. A complete 360 out of the blue. And I thought things were good .
I still try to email him. Sometimes he responds. Sometimes he just ignores me. When he does respond it is robotic and emotionless.
I still love this man. But I feel foolish and I sometimes wish I could forget him. Please give your advice. I’m feeling like such a fool.
Why would you feel like a feel Jaynee? You did the right thing and are being spared of a long drawn out “hoping” he’ll come around.
You talked about a future together and what might or could be, and after some thinking on his part, he decided you two are on “different paths”. Better to find out sooner than later.
I understand you thought things were good and I’m sure they were (sort of) good but inside his mind, what he wasn’t telling you, was that HE wasn’t good and he was undecided on what he wanted. Now that you two shared an imaginary future together, after further contemplation – he decided not to go on with it.
It’s bad, but it’s good too. This gives you the opportunity to find someone else who will be on the path you are on.
You won’t forget him easily. But you can replace those thoughts with someone or something else in the meantime.
You’re NOT a fool.
Your guy friend,
Pete