Did you know a guy will say ANYTHING, and I mean anything just to (not have sex with you, that's just plain wrong) he will say anything to you to INCREASE his chance of possibly someday, in some way... have sex with you.
Yep, there's a difference.
He's not "maybe" interested in casual sex, but even after you become his girlfriend, sex is usually part of the deal, isn't it?
Generalized of course, but true.
So... here is some of what a guy says and what he really means:
When a guy says he loves you but he's not "in love" with you...
It either means,
"I'll take the sex part occasionally but I don't want to be your boyfriend."
OR,
"I love having sex with you but I don't see a relationship happening."
OR,
"You're a great friend but I do not want to have sex with you."
When a guy says this and pulls a little away from you...
"Things are moving too fast for me." It means...
After Sex...
"The sex was great but after getting too heavy too quick, I'm realizing it's probably all I wanted."
OR...
"The sex was incredible but I hope you don't think this means I'm ready for a relationship right now. Let's give it some time and see what happens."
Without sex...
"I want sex but I feel like IF we have it, you're going to think I want a relationship with you. Not that I might not want one later, but I definitely don't want one right now."
OR...
"I DO want you but I feel like you're the one who is controlling the pace of this relationship."
Now the absolute truth about what us guys say is...
We're awful liars. .. or as it was recently stated in a movie I watched,
"Women ALWAYS figure out the truth."
You normally don't have to read between the lines because there are no lines.
It's a big reason why guys goes silent so easily which you can read all about why, why they pull away, and why silence is safe for men in my book,
"Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings".
They just don't know how to say exactly what's on their mind and they don't want YOU to misunderstand them.
Rather than say it, they'll sit and think about what to say, (sort of) hoping the problem might go away by itself.
(Of course WE know that rarely happens and the problems just mount up, don't they?)
Anyways, this is absolutely huge for guys.
Having ANY woman we're attracted to... not understand us.
When we're in a committed relationship with you it becomes even that much more important.
Okay, let's go back.
We'll say anything to increase our chances of possibly (someday) have sex with you.
BUT....
We're terrible liars.
AND...
We don't want or like to be misunderstood because IF we're attracted to you we're also hoping you just get us in as few words as possible.
Which by the way, if you want a guy who is already attracted to you to be more likely to invest more in a relationship, make sure he understands you DO get him.
Just how that's done is a little more complicated but you CAN do it by following EVERYTHING here:
Transparency: I'm affiliated with Rori Raye, the producer of Love Scripts.
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Thank you.
Now...
As a guy, I know if a woman is constantly telling me how she does get me, it does very little to make me believe it.
In fact I'll trust it even less.
If you're constantly telling us how you DO get us, we'll often take it the wrong way and it actually becomes an insult.
Telling a guy too "vocally" that you DO get him is normally taken negatively because it sounds like this to us,
"I know you. I know what you're going to do or say about it. I know how you act. You're predictable and boring!"
See how easily something so important to a relationship develops a sarcastic overtone which hurts the connection and drives guys into an abrupt SILENT MODE.
I told you IT was complicated.
Not guys.
We're simple.
But IT can be a little complicated.
When a guy says things...
Often he just wants you to understand what he means because if you do, then he understands how much you DO get him.
Yes. I DO hear you.
It often doesn't FEEL like we say what we mean because our "real" words are often said by WHAT WE DO and not the actual words we put out there...
Which brings us all the way back to the "sex" thing in the beginning.
The DIFFERENCE.
His actions appear to be more physical.
He doesn't want you to understand him because if you figure him out, you'll quickly realize he's just playing you.
Guys who WILL say anything to have sex with you are normally playing you.
Not always, but it's a very high percentage. You'll find they are often telling you exactly what you want to hear.
It's ALL too perfect, right?
Guys who MIGHT say things to increase their chances of sleeping with you are just being guys and might be afraid that if they push the sex thing too early, you're going to think he's just like every other guy.
His actions appear to be less physical.
He would rather or just hope you understand him or what he wants.
His physical respect is actually HIS way of telling you he DOES want you but he's also worried if he crosses a physical line, you'll believe he only wants sex when sometimes he does, but sometimes he doesn't.
My point, if there ever was one...
Guys will say ANYTHING and I mean anything just to (not have sex with you, that's wrong) he will say anything to you to INCREASE his chance of possibly someday, in some way... have sex with you...
Given we can all agree that sometimes saying NOTHING is actually saying SOMETHING BIGGER.
If you're not confused by now that means you've followed along much too closely.
Assume when a guy is feeling attracted to you, he wants to have sex with you.
His instinctual desires are there BUT they can be overridden based on many things such as beliefs, infidelity, low self-esteem, no confidence in bed, etc...
Whether he says too much or too little or all the right things or all the wrongs things won't change that fact.
For you, as a woman, to understand men a little better than you did before you started reading this, UNDERSTAND this...
Aside from the players or misogynistic men who will cater to your feelings with words alone just to have sex with you, most men DO feel misunderstood by women.
Sometimes it's because of those "other" guys, sometimes it's because, out of fear, you'll believe just because he's attempting to increase his chance of having sex with you, that's all he wants.
Which is not true.
Sex is just part of the bigger package deal which comes along with dating and/or relationships with the women we're most interested in something more.
We just want the whole thing.
We just want to be understood and that our words are not taken for granted.
We don't EVER want to be lumped in a category along with the men we don't respect.
Apparently... The differences between men and women are narrowing as we explore what we all want and desire from our closest partners.
You want the whole thing, right?
You don't ever want to be taken for granted.
You do NOT enjoy being labeled and put into a category which you don't feel is deserving or lacks respect.
And YES, I'll just come out and say it...
Women WILL also say anything to increase THEIR chances of possibly someday having sex with men just the same.
Again make sure you check out Rori Raye's package so NO guy will ever misunderstand you again, making it all so much easier to connect with him on a real emotional level:
OR...
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Men will always be about themselves. Selfish and barbaric. No this is not me saying I hate men, just stating obvious facts. Relationships should at this point in society begin to de-normalize and sex will morally solely be for procreation. Men are extremely emotionally detached when they are not benefiting physically or egotistically which makes it difficult for a female to properly function emotionally in a relationship. For example, if a man notices an attractive female while in the presence of his spouse he will natural look with thoughts of lust especially if this female has physically features his spouse lacks. More than likely the spouse will notice this interaction and feelings of rejection and insecurity are activated because the focus of attractivity is not on her anymore. When a female feels this type of rejection from a male counterpart that she trusted to protect her from those feelings things get complicated. Male and Female human nature begin to collide. But the question who should compromise or who should evolve??
AND NO… WOMEN WILL JUST ASK FOR SEX. STRAIGHT FORWARD… NO GAMES OR GIMMICKS…JUST “ARE YAH GONNA GIMME SOME DICK OR NAH?”
I could respond to you in several ways so let’s see which one comes out.
You have YOUR opinions. I have my own. No sense in arguing facts with you because you seem to be lacking in them. You’re trying to prove you’re right by adding big scientific words which does little to support your “theories” because IF you’re going to turn to science to back a BELIEF, then you might want to make sure you have the research to actually back it up.
Otherwise you’re merely stating your opinion which I don’t care, again, you have yours – I have mine.
You’re not stating facts. You’re just bitching and only proving your limited narrow minded views of human nature don’t really match up to reality by any stretch of the imagination.
With that said – you have a choice now – either go find others who share your beliefs and talk it up as much as you’d like. Make each other feel better. Support each other. Agree with each other all you want IF that’s what you want. Stay within your limited beliefs and be happy. I’m fine with that.
OR…
You could try to learn something different and actually do the research FIRST. Find others who don’t support your views and debate with them until you land on something which actually makes sense.
Anyone BUT me please because I don’t enjoy arguing or debating or trying to prove I’m right just for the sake of knowing I’m right.
When I’m just meeting a guy, sex is the farthest from my mind. What IS on my mind however is getting to know him and if he’s relationship material. Not just for me, but for my children. If he wants to get to the point too quickly and is unwilling to get to know me first without sex as the key factor…he is out. For a man perhaps there’s nothing in the world that’s more important than sex in a relationship. But sex without something deeper to base it off of is worthless. So where do you find a balance? Sex before marriage is not in the equation for me, so it had better be a man that can cope with that.
I commend you for your stand in waiting until marriage.
I got dumped on line with out any warning ot a reason why. It happened on Valentines day. By a guy who I met on line last year I’m upset as I done nothing wrong
Thank you for the wonderful article Peter!
I am tired of players and I am definitely tired of guys who don’t know what they want – maybe you don’t remember my previous posts in your articles, but in the last 2 years I have been well acquainted with someone who very likely is a player, and got me well foolished! I do get guys when they are clear in their communication, in the same way I try to be very clear in my communication habits as well. I just need to get better in the “letting go” part.
Until then, I will consider maybe having sex with a guy who does get me ☺
Again, thank you for the advice!
You’re welcome Ana. I remember you.
I think there are lots of people, men and women, who struggle with the “letting go” part, so you’re not alone there. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
Until then, consider it. 🙂 There are guys out there that will get you and you’ll get them too.
All the best,
Pete