Hey Mr Pete, i have been attending this camp during the summer (still have) and there is this guy i like an, we have each others numbers and we text and talk (in person )and have convos the phone sometimes, he has asked me to hang out with him but ive been really busy … his personality is quiet but he will talk if you say something to him but i wonder do he likes me?? Or at least intrested.?? please help.. i dont know what to say to him beacuse i dont know how he feels … please help thank you
Hey Miss Summer Camp Drama,
You sound young so here’s a piece of advice about men hopefully you will be able to use forever.
Girls are cool and all 🙂 but most guys hang out with “other” dudes.
Sure we’ll have women friends and do things with them BUT, and please never forget this – Guys who text you, talk to you in person, talk on the phone, AND ask you to hang out are telling you one thing…
I LIKE YOU.
Let me turn around this to me and we’ll assume this girl I know is shy and friendly, texting me, talking to me, even asks me to hang out with her…
You know what I assume – or what I’ve been taught to do – or better yet what I trained myself to believe… SHE WANTS ME. 😀
What if I were to always believe the opposite?
… No one is attracted to me.
What if I was always looking for more signals or signs?
… I’d spend most of my time looking and not acting or leading. I’d get stuck in my head waiting for something to happen instead of being in the moment or making something happen.
What if I were to assume she just wants to be friends?
… Guess I’ll just be “friendly” back and hope she changes her mind.
So yes. It’s true – if you can believe this, not every woman is going to want me. Sometimes I’ll get it wrong. Sometimes I’ll even make a fool for it.
Yet thinking the opposite has proven to me, and lots of other guys and girls just like you…
It’s better to be positively wrong some of the time then it is to be negatively right most of the time.
Here’s something so profound and it’s going to blow your mind… please question it but never forget it because it’s very powerful.
If the signs a guy IS interested in you are NOT talking to you, texting you, seeing you in person, asking you to hang out, or even being just remotely friendly and all guys are NOT created equal…
Then precisely what signal would prove to you ( without a doubt ) a guy has some kind of feelings for you?
“So just sit back, enjoy the ride, and realize that the right man will WANT to commit to you by his own volition. You don’t have to DO anything to make it happen. Keeping a Man Interested in You and What To Do With The Right One
They’re not going to try to kiss you too early – with good reason of course.
They’re not going to tell you they’re in love with you early – because they barely know you.
They’re not going to grab you hand and demand your attention – well because most guys don’t have the balls to do that. 🙂
They’re not going to mention quickly had badly they want to get in your pants because – whereas some guys do and they might be better off getting that out-of-the-way early, but most guys are nice and have a little more class or less crass than that.
You mentioned that you don’t know what to say to him because you’re not sure how he feels…
I would consider what I’ve written you today to help you decide how you want to handle this problem and any future problems you might have in figuring out what a guy is thinking.
Assume you ARE able to attract not just him but lots of guys – and as long as they’re being active with you and not treating you exactly like one of their guy friends – stop looking for the signs…
Be positively wrong some of the time because you’ll find by doing that – it may not work perfect – but it’s better than better negatively wrong most of the time.
As I tell my guys – Keep moving forward at a reasonable ( not forced ) pace until otherwise directed to stop.
Thanks for writing in and I do hope this solves some of you Summer Camp Drama, Miss 🙂
Pete
Hi Pete, sometimes I’m confused when I make plans with a guy. They don’t specifically come out and say it’s a date and I don’t want to assume. Sometimes it’s just not clear. Is there any way to know if a guy is asking you out on a date or just to hang out as friends? Or is the ambiguity of it being a date or not a bad sign from the beginning? A dude perspective would be very helpful here. Thanks!
Hi Alex,
Date or not – try not to put a label on it.
The easiest way is to notice his actions towards you.
Date or not, a guy who wants to hang out with you as “just friends” won’t flirt with you. He won’t offer more than just friendly touches. He’ll treat you as another guy friend talking about guy stuff. He’ll talk about other women easily especially the ones he attracted to. He may even prefer to always be surrounded by other friends as in a group outing.
I teach my guys to avoid the “old” concept of dates and therefore it’s not a bad sign if it doesn’t feel like it’s a date. As long as he “acting” like he’s attracted to you then i’s a GOOD sign because it means he knows how to have fun and wants to share that fun with YOU.
I understand not all guys are obvious at first if it’s a date and some guys make it all too obvious and unfortunately confide it to dinner or something like that.
I also understand some guys believe they have to act like a friend first and constantly put themselves in the friends zone before they reveal their feelings.
BUT when you tease him a little, when you yourself flirt with him, break the touch barrier discreetly or not, and give him signals that you’re attracted to him OR are at least willing to give him a fair shot…
You’ll know what he’s feeling most of the time.
Thanks for the great question Alex and I hope that helps you out,
Pete
Hello,
I have a guy crush who lives across the street from my home. Before, he was showing interest on me, but i was shy to smile at him so i end up ignoring or appearing snubbing him instead. One time, a male friend came over my house, and they were infront of his garage chatting, Then suddenly I came out of the house, and our eyes crossed, as well as his friend. They just both stare at me, and i stare for them, and i look away, and didnt greet anyone of them. My face was formal. Then from then on, he has been ignoring me, and not looking to me when i pass by. So, raised my couraged up, and tried to initiate greeting him everytime i see him. He will respond, greet, smile me too, but is not doing any moves. So, one time, I initiate talking to him, and pretend to ask cigarette, & aSJ him if he can help me to take out my car batter, and carry it in the store for replacement the following week. He gave me one stick of cigarette, but didnt bother to offer additional cigaretted, & he agreed to show me to take out the car battery, but was not willing to go with me, and carry the car battery inside the store. I was disappointed with his responses. Isnt it when a guy really likes you, he will offer additional sticks of cigarretes just to please you?? And isnt it, if a guy likes you he will be willing to not just take out the battery, but so eager to carry the battery so he can have opportunity to spend time, talk to you, and get to know you better, but I saw no indications of that from him. I asked him his phone just in case i am ready to go, i will let him know by calling him. He gave me his phone number. After few days, i texted him, whehter he was still interested to help me with the battery, and it was okey for him. But i felt that he was just compelled to response my text coz sometimes, it takes me twice to send him text before he replies. And when he replies it seems like he is just reading the first few parts of the senttences, and not reading them all the way. What do you think is happening. He once show so much interest, and then he is acting differently. I do not think she has a girlfriend coz he has always alone in his home, and i never saw woman came over his house? May I know why he is reacting that way
Hello Carol,
The blunt answer to your first question is “No.” Just because a guy might like you does not mean he will do anything for you even if it’s a simple favor or offering another cigarette or just to please you.
It sounds like he might believe your only interest in him is to get him to do something for you. This tends to turn away men.
It might have started when you said, “but i was shy to smile at him so i end up ignoring or appearing snubbing him instead. ”
First he feels snubbed, then you’re asking him for a favor, then you only follow up a text message with again, affirming that he does something for you.
What you might be seeing as a miscommunication he might be seeing as, “Well if you are interested in me, then you’ll do something for me.” Again, lots of men just won’t go there.
I apologize for the extremely delayed response but I do hope this has helped clear up some of the confusion you’re experiencing,
Pete
I had a 7 months relationship with a guy but we broke up and I already had relationship with another guy and so with him to another girl but they broke up and so with mine but i still feeling for him but i always ignore him because i feel bitter about our break-up but lately we started to be friends and had good conversations, he sometimes greet me when we see each other at the school and he text me..may i know why is he acting like this? i mean i don’t want to assume anything.. he always gives me mixed signals… please help me.. thanks 🙂
I would assume most guys hold on to feeling for a long time and lots of guys are willing to give it a second go…. especially if you’re both on the younger side.
Assume it and the worst that could happen is nothing. Since you’ve already been in a relationship, starting something new is really not that hard at all. It tends to happen naturally if you give it a chance.
Ignore the mixed signals. What you might be seeing as mixed are probably not his intention at all.
Remember, I’m not saying it’s definite, just a possibility but sometimes you have to take the chance or risk it IF you want something to happen.
Pete
Hello Peter,
There’s THAT guy… I know, I’m very predictable…
But I like him and I like him a LOT … And he gives me some kind of signs, that he might be interested, but I’m rather clueless person…
So anyway, we started as friends, and quite quickly to be honest (I’ve known him for 8 months).. But recently we started to change our behaviour towards each other.. Every time we go home from work we say ‘I love you’, we often hug, he loves to poke me or tickle me. He always watches me and smiles when he looks at me.
He even said (or more likely sang) that he wants me…
Is it enough proof of his interest?
Thank you,
Desperately crushing, but still unsure Paula 😉
Hello Paula,
Yes definitely enough proof of attraction. 🙂
Hi Pete!!!
I read your post. Thanks for all the insight 🙂
Today, I was in drama class, doing a couple acting scenes that involves me being the romantic interest. I’m the only girl in my drama class, and the rest of the class consists of five people (ALL of them are boys). So, we have a pretty small class; a class of 6 people in total.
I guess you could say that the guys in my class are pretty immature, because when I was playing the role of the female romantic interest, they would be sitting in the audience making sex jokes involving me. For example, they would make sexual innuendos about me boning one of the guys in our class, or me giving a blow job, and they would make sexual gestures.
I told them that it’s not okay because it made me feel uncomfortable. I just tried to shrug it off as them being immature. But why would they want to do that in front of me?
I heard that guys only make sexual jokes around girls that they feel comfortable with, and with whom they have no romantic or sexual interest in whatsoever. Or, they just don’t find the girl physically attractive and are comfortable with making sexual jokes when the girl is around. Is that right? I’m confused, haha.
Thank you!!!
Alyssa
Hi Alyssa!!!
Thank you. Happy to have excited you!!! 🙂
In this, and most situations, we can not decipher a man’s action generally. We must separate them into two groups… the guys who get you (or women) and the guys who don’t.
Guys who get you or who are good with women, will openly bring up sex with a woman they find attractive. It shows experience AND confidence. For these men it’s practically impossible to relate their attraction to you based on this topic. In other words it’s NOT normally a sign or signal to look for if you’re wondering whether or not he’s attracted to you. You need to look at other things.
Guys who are NOT good with women will avoid talking about sex with women they are attracted to. To them it feels odd, rude, or disrespects (objectifies) women. With women they are not attracted to, they will be more likely to talk about it but that is not guaranteed.
Now… with men who are in a group, the dynamics completely change and you can probably throw out what I just told you because men act differently in the comfort of their male friends. They tend to follow the lead of whoever makes the first move and in this case, it was busting your ass because you’re the only girl in the group. If an immature act was the first move, then the others will tend to follow. Something you’ve already seen yourself.
Alright, now out of five guys, at least one of them finds you attractive. The odds are in your favor. If they all find you attractive, even better… or worse. 🙂 Haha! If you could single him out and watch his actions during their immature act, THEN you could determine more.
Find the leader of the male, notice how the other guys follow him, and you’ll easily notice why all this happening. Guys act like this for lots of reasons, too long to list, BUT I’d say the main reasons are insecurity around women and bringing up sex, therefore when the leader breaks the ice, it’s an opportunity to “act out” where they normally (one on one) more reserved based on the type of guy mentioned above.
Since I assume or know from experience that most guys are NOT good with understanding women, they will avoid the topic of sex around them. They are insecure, afraid, or don’t know how to do it right. Especially if she’s attractive by any social standards.
If you’re THAT attractive, expect it because chances are the leader of the group, or the one who initiates it, is insecure, immature, (or might actually get women… I know it’s confusing) or has such little real sexual experiences with women that he is overcompensating for it by acting out. And the others will blindly follow.
Now thank you!!!! for the great question Alyssa,
Pete
You don’t have to post this comment. I simply want to compliment you on your beautiful reply to Miss Summer Camp Drama. It addressed her current situation and gave her insight and encouragement for the long term, and I can’t imagine that even a dad or a brother could have done it with more care. Thank you for your thoughtful and sensitive work in a world overflowing with fluff and junk.
Keep up the good work!
All the best,
Michelle
Thank you for your compliment Michelle and I will do my best to keep up the good work. 🙂
Hi,
Both of us are married and in a highly respectable position in the society. He was once a boss to my husband. Both my husband and himself used to communicate through my phone for the past few years occasionally. But for the past few months he started sending me forward messages everyday. He used to share normal forwards but now some spicy ones too, but I don’t do. I am strongly attracted towards him and wants to open it up with him. But I am not really sure whether he is into me. But its highly disturbing. What does it mean when he sends spicy jokes often along with normal messages?
Hi Charu,
Chances are he is flirting with you. He could be practicing or he could be attracted to you. This might be his way of testing the waters with you to see how you respond. Guys will slowly add flirting to see your reaction and if you don’t object to it, do it more.
Pete
Hey
I was working with this guy and we started chatting and flirting. I hadnt seen him in a while so i messaged him and asked him if he resigned. he said yes and asked if i miss him. since we were always joking i dont know how to respond. I do miss him but i dont want to stoke his ego or sound sappy but i dont want to joke about it incase he thinks i dont care. HELP!!
Hey Serena,
Since you were the one who messaged him and asked him if he resigned, he’s more than likely assuming you missed him a little AND that you DO care. Otherwise why would you both even asking, right?
That means you’re open to joke about it. Keep it within the context of what you joked about before and you’ll be fine.
Let me know how it goes,
Pete
I’ve met this guy through online dating. He came to visit the country where I work and we met over for dinner. Since that night until now (7 months) we continued talking even if he’s miles (he’s in another country for his phd) away, updating each other with our daily routines. We always talk after work and send random messages and photos during the day when we think of each other. We have this connection that we can just laugh at anything, talk about each other’s future.
As months passed, he made a decission to go back to his country for 6 months. he planned to meet me first and continue his trip as he goes to different countries on his way back. So we planned for the trip and he booked almost all my flight tickets to spend two weeks with him exploring 2 countries. I must say that this was the first trip I’ve had with the guy. Everything went really well! We connected right away. I got to know him more; he got to know me more as well, he treated me as if we are in a relationship and he is always concerned how I was throughout the trip. We saw and learned how we both reacted to different situations, we’ve had small arguments during the trip as well- but we understood each other. He always makes me laugh and he laughs at me all the time! He loved the dishes I prepared during the trip (we did homestays). We compliment each other. I feel safe and comfortable when Im with him. I also assure him that I respect him and support his plans in the future. After two weeks of the trip, I had to go back to the country where im working at because my parents came. It was very hard for me because I thought i wouldnt see him anymore. He was also also sad and we looked inseparable. He told me that he doesnt know the future but we’ll continue talking through skype and he’ll try to stop somewhere after 6 months and see me. Then, when i got back to spend time with my family, he found out that I wasnt working yet, (after four days) he asked me to join him again and planned for the whole trip to another 2 countries . I was hesitant at first because it was painful when we parted ways and I didnt know how to deal with that again – but I still went; booking a one way flight thinking if I feel that I want to go back right away, i can just book my ticket going back. However, when I saw him again, he surprised me by booking the rest of my tickets for the whole trip. The second trip was even better and we both were very happy spending it with each other. We both like each other and we enjoy being together.
Here’s the thing, before the 2nd trip, we talked about relationship, he told me that he isnt looking for a relationship right now because he is going back to his country to finish his phd. I dont know whether he doesnt want to promise me something that he wont be able to do or it’s too early to tell if this will lead to somewhere in the future. He told me that he wanted to be with me and spend time with me before he goes back to his country. However, he still has one country to visit (and he even asked me twice if I wanted to go with him) but he also mentioned (in a previous conversation) that he’s going to travel for 3 weeks with a girl whom he met while he was doing his phd. He also told me that nothing is happening to both of them.
Im confused with all of what’s happening. I don’t know what he feels or think about me. Is he keeping his options open? Does he only wants to have someone accompanying him during his trip? Is it possible for a guy to travel with a girl (whome he considers as friend) for three weeks? I dont want to ask him a lot of questions because I dont want to make him feel that Im clingy or anything.
Now that he’s on his last stop over, he still continues to update and message me. I miss him so much but i dont know how to tell it to him without sounding too dramatic.
Thank you so much!
Faye
Hi Peter,
So this may or may not be a question you can answer, but despite that I have to ask. I met a guy online, however despite all that implies it was not on a dating site. Actually it was more of a blog, and as such not somewhere where I intended to get to know him at all except to exchange view points. He however contacted me and gave me his phone number telling me to call or text when I was ready to discuss the topic of the blog more convienently. After a few months of emails I finally contacted him. Now we talk on a more personal basis and have exchanged pictures and stories but never met. I generally am the first one to text or call but our conversations last a while and we both seem to enjoy them. They often are flirtatious and only rarely do we discuss anything very serious although it has been known to happen. He has laughingly propositioned me, but I equally jokingly turn him down. I’m in my twenties and he’s in his forties, as such there is a substantial age difference. Close to a fortnight ago he stopped answering my texts and emails. It is possible I contacted him far too often recently, seldom a week would pass between discussions. Was he ever attracted to me? And if yes is it possible he still is and is just busy right now?
Thank you so much, as you run a free site I don’t want to intrude upon your personal time but would thoroughly appreciate your consideration.
Helen
Hi again Helen,
First, this must be said…. really? Did you just use, “Close to a fortnight ago” Hahaha! I did not know we were in an old English novel but anyways… 😀
There’s a good chance he has met someone or has been meeting people all along. There’s also a chance he’s been busy.
However there’s a greater chance he has not been given a good enough reason to start the conversations of feel compelled to do so.
Which means he knows you’re out there, perhaps finds you attractive, (I have no way of knowing that but since he has propositioned you he probably does), but since things are not moving along in the direction of being together or taking it to the next level, he’s not driven to do more. Yes, he’s probably waiting for YOU to either encourage him or make it clear you’re ready to move forward.
Most guys don’t take the lead when they’re supposed to and are very hesitant to do so without a clear signal from you.
You have already turned him down. You’re half his age. You probably don’t live close to each other. You were the first to contact him on a subject which is less than you being attracted to him.
All those are clues which tell me he believes you’re only a friend and YOU only ever want to be one.
Which also tells me he won’t randomly contact you and your interactions with him will slowly drift apart (if nothing changes) until all or very little contact is left.
Free site or not, I’m always happy to give my opinion when I get a chance. I have so many of them to give.
Now, do you do this all the time, that is personally contact handsome blog guys like me which are considerably older than you?
If so, I’m more than flattered… 🙂
Pete
Hi Peter,
So is there any way to just keep the light flirty relationship without movement forward or backward? I’m not ready to move forward but I don’t want to break it off either, what would it take to keep him semi interested without going all the way?
All that being said yes I am old fashioned and no I don’t always contact older handsome men on blogs, only very rarely as such you should be very flattered! Do I have to move forward if I want to keep his interest? I know that’s a loaded question but I’m just not ready to offer more right now, will any guy consent to a just friends relationship on those terms? Would you?
He’s sexually active with other woman and is definitely still meeting people, I’m not looking to be exclusive by any means. Nor does it bother me at all when it’s been a few hours or even days without an answer. Weeks worry me, if he won’t remain friends under those terms how would I find out without the slow agony of not knowing whether or not I’ll hear back? How do I contact him again now and get his attention?
If just to see if it’s necessary to take things to the next level to keep some interest.
Thank you for your help! Your opinion on this topic gives me a lot of insight I wouldn’t have otherwise had, the world through a man’s eyes. 😉
Helen
I don’t think YOU have to move forward but he has to feel like he could, if he tried. That can keep a guy’s interest for a very long time. Again, the more he feels rejected when he tries, THAT is when you will lose his interest entirely.
We don’t want to feel like we’re failing all the time. I’m sure you know why.
Now in my eyes, keeping up a fun flirty conversation is NOT moving forward at all and you can keep a guys attention too.
Some guys will consent, some won’t. Depends on the guy and there’s nothing I can do about it. The better he is with women, the more options he has, the more real and genuine he is, the more likely he’s going to be fine with it.
On the other side, a guy who has little choices, little options, always seems to be pushing forward or trying too hard, well then of course he’ll be less likely to settle with a friends only thing for while.
Another type of guy is the “friends zone” guy. He will happily stick around and wait for you forever.
Happy still flattered,
Pete