Yes I know, tell me about it, once again it's time to answer the modern-day question about who is "supposed" to pay for the date. Except I have a solution you're going to like which will not only make both sexes happy but lead to better dates too.
I was "counseling" a woman on dating, or maybe she was teaching me...? 🙂 Anyways, she told me a story about her thoughts on who should generally pay for the date.
She began by telling me how she recently met a guy, they exchanged numbers and set a date and time to meet up.
It was all typical but you know how sometimes life gets complicated and this happened to her. She couldn't make it and had to cancel their plans.
He was okay with it but she was not and wanted to make it up to him. She bought advance tickets to a show and then invited him along.
Her eyes lit up and thought, "What a great idea!"
Nope, he had a real problem with it. SHE paid for the tickets and he didn't like that at all. He refused to let a woman pay for anything on a date and when she refused to let him pay, he outright refused to ever see her again.
Ouch!!!
What a jerk, right - well I'll let you decide that comment for yourself.
Here was this incredible woman who worked her ass off for her money and she just wanted to share something with him, yet he was not open to it at all.
Maybe it was his Ego. Maybe he called it a form of chivalry or something.
Maybe he believes our money and how we spend it are the defining lines between a man and woman. I supposed some people do think that way.
What Is Your Honest Opinion On This So-Called Rule Of Dating?
Guys... If you're listening and have a valid opinion?
- Are going to let her pay and if you do, how will it make you feel?
- Will you try to make it up to her after or worse, feel like you have to match her money?
- What if it creates a pattern and she insists on paying for way too much? Will it make you feel like "less" than a man?
- Will you accept her generosity but slowly lose respect for yourself if you can not find a way to tell her how it feels and start paying both your ways more often?
- Will it eventually make you feel like your her little boy toy?
- If it continues will it make you feel like less than a man? So you'll take it but slowly lose respect for yourself.
Ladies... I know you're always listening:
- Would you'd be willing to pay for the date despite his rejections or not?
- Do you believe it's all on the guy to put his money where his intentions are, getting to know you?
- Is this rule of dating outdated and just plain useless?
- If he is to pay, how long should it happen? When do you step in and help him out?
- Maybe you believe everything must be split evenly?
- AND... What does it say about a woman who absolutely refuses to pay for anything?
They are all great questions but what about the bigger issues that come up when money is involved in romance and dating such as...
If you're already having financial problems or disagreements on the first few dates, how will the rest of the courtship go?
Someone must take the lead here and perhaps a set rule can help alleviate some of the stress.
What if, either the man or woman tends to use their money to gain respect or to attract a partner and feels without that ability to do so, has little or nothing more to offer?
Where does that lead both of you?
It never ceases to amaze me how money can fuck up anything if it's allowed to be a part of it.
Anyways, now that we've sorted out some of the problems and the questions have been laid out, I'd like to offer my solution to you.
SKIP THE MEALS - Dinner dates are boring and annoyingly nerve-wracking.
Everyone loves to eat but why make the date and conversation fall between chews, figuring out who is going to pay, and deciding what food you can stuff in your mouth without worry.
The atmosphere might be nice and seemingly romantic but romance is not confined to a dinner table.
A magical evening can happen anywhere!
Avoid the exhausting chore of question/answer interview style of dating and go places that have the good stuff built into them already - minus the food unless it's a passing cool food truck or shit-food vendor as you walk around a little.
SKIP THE MOVIES - Nothing worse than being stuck in a dark room where you can not even have a great conversation?
Take the time to read (or pass it on to a guy you know who needs it) my very personal but practical reasons to avoid the dinner/date movie combo, especially on a holiday like Valentine's day. I rather enjoyed writing and it has helped lots of men share some great dates.
"Imagine this... You're stuck in a dark room with lots of strangers for an hour and a half or more!
You're with the hottest date of your life but you can't even get that close to her because there's some annoying chunk of metal very loosely called an arm rest (as if it's comfortable or convenient at all) "cock" blocking you.
Maybe you just learned from me how you can "trigger her attraction" with your body language and amazing conversational skills but the rule for the next hour and a half is,
"Sit down and be quiet!!!!"
As if that doesn't suck the big one."
Why A Valentine’s Day Date Should Never Be Dinner And A Movie
(posted at DiaLteG™)
SCREW TRADITION - Break the mold. Even a simple walk in nature can lead to something wonderful.
Tradition has its place and can be relaxed because you're used it and there's some comfort in knowing what to expect but RARELY does complacency and predictability lead to an exciting date.
When you challenge yourself and your date and take each other out of your typical elements great things happen. They create stories and adventures which can be told and told.
Sure you might be taking a chance but trust me, you and him are worth the risk if you want to truly connect with each other.
Connecting on this level creates a bond which last a lifetime if done properly and handled with ease.
Redefine or Reinvent What a Date Is - Create Exciting, Fun Adventures Instead.
Seriously, A real date should never put two people in a position to NOT have fun.
And yes, I get it, practically EVERYTHING costs money so it's hard to avoid this problem entirely but, if you take the time you'll find the most inexpensive "easy to pay for" places to hang out with built in great conversations are out there.
It only has to be an experience where learn you about each other in REAL situations which always works better if you're in a place where interacting and having fun is built into it.
Here's my inexpensive list where money should not be an issue:
- Bike rides
- Museums
- Free concerts in a park
- Dog walking
- Getting some ice cream
- Pool or billiards
- Tennis
- Flea Markets
- Fruit picking
- Hiking
- Picnics
- The beach
- Post more...
I'd absolutely LOVE your ideas. Please post them below.
The conclusion...
The standard rules of dating were haphazardly put together over time. They had their purpose, they can sometimes help. There's nothing too wrong with following a few guidelines to smooth the edges a bit and make thing go easier.
But...
This one - who pays for the date is less a rule than a PROBLEM and its origins go well beyond dating as finances have changed over the years.
We're finally getting past the "bread-winner" days so let's take a leap forward and put this one to rest.
Not by arguing or worrying over who is going to pay but by taking a different route in dating altogether.
Create inexpensive adventures of fun and conversations that flow naturally and don't cost or require to pull out tons of cash.
Life is exhilarating everywhere you look.
It's waiting for you to explore it to the fullest and when you share it with someone can become wonderful and magical too.
Going on a date should NOT be an exception to living your life with a positive happy mindset.
It SHOULD be the NEW RULE.
Thanks for stopping by, you're incredible!
Who Pays - Dating Rule Answer UPDATE:
Avery kind reader was gracious enough to allow me to leave her thoughts outside the comment area so I've included them below. I'd like to thank her and encourage anyone who wishes the same to contact me... Pete.
Would you'd be willing to pay for the date despite his rejections or not?
I’m very old fashion, I believe it’s more than okay to allow a man to lead in that area. After we’ve established this is evolving into the “more” category I will acknowledge birthdays and holidays. But date night I would rather he lead and pay.
Do you believe it's all on the guy to put his money where his intentions are, getting to know you?
I believe that spending money on anyone is only an issue if you have limited access to it and or you are made to feel it’s a given. I’m open to having adventurous fun filled dates minus money being involved until we can see where this is headed. If we both see this is evolving into something great spending money on dates only enhances that evolution I think.
Is this rule of dating outdated and just plain useless?
No, it’s not for me. I don’t think it’s wrong either way. I’m open to what he suggest while we’re getting to know each other, but I feel once we’ve established we want to see this grow what’s the harm in spending money on dates.
If he is to pay, how long should it happen? When do you step in and help him out?
Well, I asked my guy friend and we’ve been friends for over 18 years. He stated he’d like to always pay during the dating process but once established as husband and wife he’d like it if they each put away money every month for date night. I thought that was a pretty awesome idea. Now, I couldn’t agree more. As your wife I see nothing wrong with sharing that responsibility, we both put money away each month for our date night. No set cap.
Maybe you believe everything must be split evenly?
I disagree with that sentiment. I agree we should always discuss how we view things, but I wouldn’t desire to split everything.
AND... What does it say about a woman who absolutely refuses to pay for anything?
It say she knows what she wants as well if a man feels the exact same. No one is ever “wrong” by how they view paying for dates and or anything, but if it doesn’t fall in line with your viewpoints then that’s a clear indicator that person may not be the person for you. That’s all part in getting to know someone before dating them. No money involved. 😉
Some extra dating reading you might be interested in today:
First Date Confusion – He Doesn’t Call You Back! Is He Interested?
14 Topics To Avoid Talking About On A First Date With A Guy
Dating Decisions – Is It Good Or Bad To Have Sex Before A Commitment?
Were You A One Night Stand? The Most Important Dating Rule To Follow With A Man
Photo Credit of man and woman buying wine for dinner by Gustavo Fring
