The “natural” view is actually quite simple. Men, being built to procreate many times and “spread their seed” are actually designed to sleep with many women in their lifetime.
Now I understand in this modern social world men have a choice. They can choose to sleep with a few, or commit forever to one girl.
He can choose to stare temptation in the face and deny any woman who is willing to have sex with him. ( Granted being human we ALL have the option to step out of our traditional roles and do something different. )
Some of you might even assign a level of strength to him.
The stronger man can resist his instinctual sexual drive.
The weaker man gives in even though he knows it could emotional hurt her.
Yet the stronger man has more temptation and the weaker man doesn’t. So it’s not really a fair assessment.
What about this?
Very few women I have known will have sex with a guy who does not have the option to sleep around.
You want the best mate for you and typically he will be highly sought out by other women too. Thus the man you want the most has a greater probability of cheating on you too.
I know.
Kind of sucks but it’s true.
Some argue in the modern world we live in these rules, for lack of a better word, don’t apply.
They throw around the word “love” and expect if a man loves a woman he should never stray. She should be all he ever needs.
Doesn’t work that way though – does it?
Especially when so many men struggle with the definition of love.
Especially when there’s guys who will obsess over a woman until he’s had sex with her and the “thrill” wears off.
The male sex drive can be powerful and sometimes dominating.
It can take control over us and send us into the arms or bed of any woman willing or when properly directed can drive us to succeed in more areas than just sexual conquest.
Based on my experience there’s a certain relevance to the male orgasm and our instinctual drive to sleep around.
There have been so many nights where after I release my male potency alone ( so as not to confuse the feelings when a woman’s involved ) and not ten seconds later I felt let down. Like it wasn’t good enough.
Even after having delayed gratification for several hours it felt like, “That was it?!!!”
The longer we wait, within reason, the more we produce.
But after, depending on the circumstance we might even feel a little guilty.
More empathetic.
Thirsty and hungry and sometimes apathetic, sometimes contempt and tired.
Whatever the after affects happen to be…
When the drive is temporarily removed, the primal urge to reproduce no longer connected to us, there’s a strange feeling of loss.
Like we’re missing something.
In the arms of our proclaimed love this can easily be overcame with a hug, a shared story, or anything emotional connection. Thus equating love to the experience and to the person we’re with.
In the arms of an affair, a one night stand, a situation where we can not connect love to the persona we’re with, this loss does not go away until the next time.
Keeping us in forever search of the perfect lay.
You would think the first experience would keep us happy. Stop us from straying or at least be enough reason to only ever want to be with the one we love but…
What if we don’t feel that connection or we don’t know how to open up, or what if the women we’re with doesn’t allow it to happen, or doesn’t know how to respond to a man after, or what if she isn’t allowing his sex drive to be completely brought out.
Or even worse yet what if he feels like she has not been completely satisfied and after the moment, while the drive has left, he no longer feels powerful but weak and unable to perform.
My point is the male orgasm is a sudden release of all that makes us male but has little to do with makes us a responsible adult according to social standards.
Depending on our lifestyle, willpower, ability to succeed, our health, or anything related in the few moments we’re about to release is when we feel the pure power and strength of ourselves.
Some of us may not find the “emotion” anywhere in our lives and since it is short and followed by the removal of a part of our masculinity, we’re driven to search for it again and again and again…
Thus satisfying nature’s gift to us to procreate almost unconditionally as many times as physically possible.
While the build up is there nothing else matters – we’ll move mountains to achieve those few seconds before.
For so many men the desire to sleep around has nothing to do with women but more to do with his control and ability to tap into his masculine male role in nature.
Some men achieve this through different outlets, some do it by bedding lots of different women, some learn it from experience, some take her advances as being the same…
Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?
It’s not our role as provider, it’s probably not even nature granting us the ability to do so, a lot of times it’s to…
Experience a moment where we can truly enjoy a surge of our primal masculine self.
Choices, selection, ability, or personal situation aside, feeling like a man who belongs in the world and is an actual contributor by doing exactly what we’re designed to do appears to be reason enough.
What all this means is of course open to interpretation, speculation, and reasoning.
If you’re a guy tell me – Why do you sleep around?
But if you’re a woman tell me this…
What is the one moment on your life ( which can happen many times ) where you absolutely feel like you’re the definition of femininity and nothing else seems to matter but that one moment?
AND you find yourself constantly searching for it by any means possible.
If you can find that answer and believe it to be true – then you can certainly imagine why men do in fact sleep with so many different women regardless of the situation or the affect of his actions.
20 comments… add one
It is definitely the women that sleep around with all kinds of different men today, and that is the real reason why many of us good men can’t find a good woman that can just commit to us. Very sad.
That is not true it’s not one more than the other. It’s each individual themselves lack of self esteem, respect for themselves or their partners, lack of commitment etc reasons could go on. I and all of the women I’m surrounded by are monogamous women. We have the self control and respect to stick to one partner even though some of our partners havnt done the same. My point is it’s not man or woman it’s the individual.
Nicely stated Ac. One might even argue that since (some men) believe women have more options sexually that, in a way, she is showing far more restraint.
We can argue about that one later.
But I agree – man or woman – it will always come down to the individual and unless we create a more refined or defined set of people to select – the average will always come up as both sexes are equal in the area of sexual adventures.
Well what about many of us serious men that can just be happy with just One Woman? Very hard for many of us meeting just the one that can be Very Committed to us.
It is more of the women nowadays that like sleeping around with different men all the time, and God Forbid if they knew how to Commit to just one. Very sad.
Bill that’s not true, I’m searching for the right man that doesn’t sleep around. I’m dating one, he tells me that we are boyfriend and girlfriend but yet he wants to sleep…and has been sleeping around with other women. What makes this hard for me is I can’t blame him because at the moment I’m still married and he knows this. I don’t think our relationship is going to go anywhere. He also tells me he hasn’t found the right one yet…what does that mean? And we are suppose to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He also stares and talks to other women as well as texting women in his phone trying to hook up with them for sex.
I agee that for many it’s about feeling of their own masculinity and that they are not experiencing in their own lives. I know many men who wouldn’t not even think about straying because they are satisfied in themselves as a man yet no ones who have successful relationships and do! Woman today do the same and the evolutionary perspective doesn’t apply so then why are they doing the same? I can only come back to point arrow of the “selfs, ” self-control, self esteem and self-centered!
I agree Laura.
Also the evolutionary perspective might not apply to women in the same way it does for guys.
Some women sleep around as a way of being liked, included, touched, held, or feel important. They may do it to “falsely” raise their self-esteem or as a means to keep a guy around like Danielle explains here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/welcome-to-why-do-guys/comment-page-1/#comment-7549
However, just throwing this out there – since women tend to be nurturers due to child bearing, maybe “evolutionary speaking” they’re using sex to nurture themselves.
I loved the honesty of your article. I think that we would be a healthier culture in the USA if we had more cultural outlets for men and women to release their feminine or masculine primal urges in ceremony or in dance. Today we have bars, strip bars, and hoochie wear, none of which are acceptable outlets because they simulate the experience rather than empower the experience or raw embodied sexuality. Honestly, I would say that I am lucky to have been blessed with empowering primal experiences growing up. I rode horses, played soccer and swam for the swim team as well as trained in dance. I also volunteer, completed college and overall am a very kinesthetic and feminine woman. So many modern people have not been blessed with experiences that have connected them to their primal self, which is, in my opinion, more creative than reproductive. Reproduction simply is, excuse my language “retarded” creative energy if you do not intend to actually reproduce. People who sleep around just want to feel what they are, masculine or feminine, and powerful within themselves. Of course, when I want a baby I will not be shy to let it happen. Until then, I am quite happy abstaining from sex as I am fulfilled using my mind to think and joke as well as my body to move about in life. I also do not believe that our wives or husbands are meant to be our primary source of intimate connection. We should all be brushing each others hair and massaging each other. As far as sex goes, people just really need to find a mate and bond, or screw whoever and clean-up the messes. I prefer to find a mate and bond. As far as cheating goes, I would like to think that the person that I bond with would be open enough to talk to me about his sexual feelings before he acts on them and likewise. But who knows. I care more about STD’s than the the actual act of having sex. All I have to say if he’s dipping seconds, then I am too. Women and men are really the same. We could sleep with a variety of men. I just think that it is harder on our bodies to do so, since biologically we carry the child, meaning that the act of sex actually makes us vulnerable, whereas with a man, the act of sex is territorial. I think that I have written enough. But I love to think about sex and sexual relationships and I hate porn by the way, I think that it is stupid. If a man or a woman can not be imaginative then I don’t know what their mind is for. Good bye.:)
Thanks E,
I must say I’m not a fan of abstinence. I suppose, in a way, being human we’ve gained a remarkable way to enjoy amazing experiences most other animals can’t. To give that up – ehhh just not for me.
Great sex IS a physical activity and married or not that primal release is not like anything else.
Glad to hear you’ve been able to branch out and release it all through some other means but I see sex as more than just a personal dabble. Done right, it’s the intimate connection was is even different than intense masturbation. Which to me only seems achievable or released when the intimate connection is made.
Ceremonies and dance are great and all and yes, way too many people use sex to boost their Ego and make them feel powerful but as far as having a healthier culture – to me – In the US we’re just not open about it enough as early as possible. We make it taboo.
But as a society, we’re young and I believe over time, when and if families can be together and not absent for economic or other reasons we’ll grow up sooner or later. 😀
Interesting article. I think it is all down to how comfortable and in tune you are with yourself. To me sex is a very special way to express myself and enjoy someone doing the same- expressing themselves. I love having an intense sexual life.
Nicely put – “A special way to express yourself…”
Thank you for sharing.
I think cause white people, woman and men have no moral and no shame, they can sleep around
I am white and I agree with you. The world is becoming a horrible place where morals are a thing of the past. People nowadays create an image through all sorts of fakery all over their bodies. But their souls are so ugly- they make the portrait of Dorian Grey look like a child’s doodle.
I agree with you, men who sleep around are the weak ones…they try and show to the world they still can pull girls, they always show how hunky they are, yet this men are terrible in sex. Not all of course but in my experience.
I am a one man woman, but once I noticed a man is having an affair while he is with me, my trust is gone, sex is no more ”a nice experience” .
I am right now with the man i think will be with me for a long time, i loved him, but i can see red flags and signs of him having an affair. He is the worst in bed, but for some reason i dont have an idea why hugging alone, satisfied me. He rarely sleep with me, once a month if i’m lucky so i have a feeling he is getting it from somewhere else. And if ever we made love, i feel sorry for him because he has having problem in getting errection, but he is trying. So i sometimes just say íts ok honey you dont have to make love this time….then i of course get dissapointed because he cant perform. i am with him because i love him.
Stupid eh? sometimes i say to myself, why i am with this man, i dont ask any support from him, we dont make love as often as i wanted to, he dont have much time for me, he sleeps around i’m sure….so what is this?
just sharing
Usually women are the ones that like to sleep around, and where are the good old fashioned women we once had that were very committed to their men at one time?
I agree very much so with many of you on the self esteem issue. As a college student and as part of the new generation, sex is a huge part of our lives. Everything from clothes to music to TV is sexualized. I believe as PHYSICAL and emotional creatures the moment of an orgasm is what makes a man FEEL like a man and a woman FEEL like a woman. We were created to “fit” with one another (literally and metaphorically speaking). However, also true of my generation is the epidemic of lack of self-esteem and lack of emotion. As an orgasm being an emotional moment I feel my generation seeks just an ounce of feeling from that very moment. Since it is so short they seek it more and more hoping to fill their emptiness when in actually making their hole of emptiness deeper. We fail to understand that there is far more than sex that makes us FEEL not only male/female but feel human. I may be wrong. Id like feedback.
Whenever this question is asked I always dislike the way men never provide a proper answer, if you like sleeping around don’t play dumb with women when men know the exact reasons why they do the things they do?
Jesus would say forgive them God for they do not know what they do but what about when they know why they do it and then have the cheek to not even give women a proper answer yet continue to sleep around for years and years to come .
Yet they know they are weak everyone else knows they are weak all the advances in psychology and the improvements to our educations and technology like Facebook “there are no secrets” why do men still have the nerve and audacity to never provide a proper answer what are they afraid of?
Don’t tell me they are willing to sleep around just for the sake of it because if it is then they are really cruel and I will have to agree with the feminists that men really do hate women if they continue to sleep around and not bother to treat women properly and continue to sleep around even though the sex still isn’t great if it is just because he is insecure THEN FUCK ALL MEN IF THEY ARE WILLINGLY TO PUT WOMEN THROUGH THAT MUCH PAIN JUST FOR AN ORGASM WITHOUT ANY EMPATHY FOR WOMEN!!!
https://www.spreaker.com/user/kenyoervin/keep-it-real-talk-why-do-men-sleep-aroun
Obviously Kenyo wanted his voice to heard here and he’s not into writing it, which is why I approved the comment. Everybody should have a voice. It’s a podcast of him giving his opinion on the topic of why men sleep with lots of different women.
I only listened to half of it and have yet to form an opinion worth stating.
Pete