Why is it when a guy is into you, shows every sign he likes you, but the next time he sees you it’s like you don’t even exist?
He acts a little distant. Barely listens to a word you say.
You want to ask him what’s wrong but it’s not like you’re dating or anything. You’re not in a relationship. You’re still getting to know each other…
But for some reason he’s making you feel you did something wrong and this passive aggressive attitude he’s displaying is making you wonder why you’re even bothering with him at all.
I was totally into this “chic” once. She was the type who lots of guys chase. You could take one look at her and instantly assume she could have any guy she wanted.
If you don’t know about how much attraction controls men I can tell you it’s not too easy to shrug off. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you almost want to give everything you got – in the hopes the attraction would be returned.
The way I see it – as a man who’s studied this stuff – us guys actually “suffer” from attraction because if we follow it and listen to it, it only seems to do just the opposite to the woman we’re madly falling for. It’s like when we go blindly into in it causes us to push any highly sought out woman away.
Well let me tell you this girl had me hooked. Literally every curve on her body mesmerized me. Her face was flawless and her eyes, the way they lit up when she saw me… got me scared.
I was terrified I was going to screw it up.
So here’s this guy – not the greatest “ladies man” in the world at the time, hasn’t had much success with very attractive women, and feeling it like there’s no tomorrow.
Feeling the peak of attraction I gave it all despite all my fears.
Tried to make her laugh. Tried to find a connection with her. Tried to be “all that a man could be” because I was “suffering” from a lowered self-esteem just being around her.
Just so you know, it felt like it worked. She was returning the flirts and playing right back with me. The chemistry was increasing and so was the sexual tension. Despite the fact as our interaction continued so did my self-confidence because she was just that cool to be around.
Now you would think I would’ve been smart enough to run with it. To “do my thing” and keep it up. You would think, because it only makes sense, I’d be all her into her when we met again.
But it wasn’t like that at all.
There was more people around. More guys there to flirt with her. Suddenly every available “stud” was taking over where I had left off and I just knew it was a losing battle.
Here I am, now watching other guys be all into her and I got a glimpse into the future.
We’d talk a little. Get to know each other better. A few weeks or maybe a month would pass and we would grow closer.
And I’ve been through that before. What happened was more predictable than the sunrise.
While I was “doing all the work” she was dating some other guy and kissing him on the first date. since I was “being nice” and spent way too much time waiting for the moment to happen, and didn’t know how to make it happen naturally…
I was waiting for HER to make a move on me.
To men – that’s the ultimate sign a girl is into them. As in when she makes a move on him.
Remember that because “making a move” to some men is a lot more than just going for a kiss.
You see this seemingly innocent “passive aggressive” method is just another way to get YOU to prove how much you like us.
If we ignore you and you seek us out – our confidence goes up and we believe you’re feeling it just as much as we are.
If we keep away and act aloof or distant it’s a test.
We definitely want to feel in control of our attraction and if we can stay away long enough, it gives us time to think about how to handle it and stop our attraction from pushing you away. After all every guy understands (even though he act differently) every woman he chases just seems to run away quicker.
We’re testing our restraint but more than that we’re testing YOU because some guys, like I was, need to feel like you’re into us just as much as the guy you kissed so much quicker than us.
When we predict our future with you and we only see what some other woman did to us, our anger turns passive and we want to make sure THIS TIME it’s going to be different.
This time I won’t chase her because she’s too hot. This time I won’t be the guy who kisses her ass “hoping” she’ll like us back.
This time I will do anything and everything I know to make sure I make her prove how much she likes me. Even if it means ignoring you and acting like I couldn’t care less about her.
Thus satisfying the fragile “Ego” and it’s thirst for validation.
Okay, so you met a guy who seemed into you and you even “liked” him back. And the next time you’re together it feel like you don’t exist anymore.
Don’t let him fool you – he just wants to know you’re going to meet him half way. Or maybe the whole way. He is probably worried too much spent watching for your signals or he just doesn’t understand how all this attraction thing really works.
Is he playing you on purpose?
Some are. I won’t lie.
Did you do something to push him away?
Well obviously there’s a chance that DID happen.
Is there a chance he doesn’t even notice it’s happening?
Of course. Some guys just don’t pay attention to this kind of stuff as much as others.
Yet, generally speaking, you can consider it giving you space. He’s trying to show you he’s not needy. He doesn’t want to screw it up. He wants you to prove to him you’re not going to treat him like a “dear friend” three weeks down the road.
Men are not always obvious when their attraction for you is driving them crazy.
If a guy likes you one minute and is ignoring you the next – all things considered it just he means he “really really really” likes you! 😉
332 comments… add one
my boyfriend saw my text messages that I sent to another guy…I was very confuse ,,,,the text msgs was basically love msgs,,in d message I was trying to explain to the guy that,I don’t wanna ve sex,,,I don’t want a break up and am very very confuse,ashamed of myself and I regret everything,,I didn’t know it was going to hurt this much…what do I do
I became friends with a guy 7 months ago, in the beginning i wasn’t giving him my attention but as time went on i started thinking about him every day. He used to talk to me almost every day but it has all changed now. He hardly texts or call me and I’m the first to always text him. We have a very nice conversations whenever we meet but whenever we’re away it’s different.I remember i onced asked him what the most painful thing he has ever experienced was and he told me it was when his girlfriend broke up with him. We were having a chat through the texting and then he told me he almost fell in love with me but he held back because he didn’t want to disturb me. I didn’t let him know I felt the same way so I changed the topic. Ever since he said that to me i can’t just stop thinking about him. Im so much into this guy but I don’t understand why he has changed.He doesn’t call back when he says he will neither does he fulfill most of the things he tells me. I’m not that kind of girl who falls easily in love but this time I’ve fallen so hard for a guy who hardly notices me. I end up crying all the time. I never thought I could cry over a guy. I really love him. What i don’t understand is why he is behaving that way, does it mean he is scared to love again or he is scared of rejection if he professes his love for me. I tried forgetting about him but its very hard i end up really hurt. What should I do, i can’t continue like this, it’s been 8 months. I need him to open up to me. I want him to be the one to do the chasing because I’m trying my best to let him go. I can’t suffer any more .
Hello Wendy,
I believe you already have the answer. You wrote this, “he told me he almost fell in love with me but he held back because he didn’t want to disturb me”.
That was a clear sign of attraction AND I understand from your point of view may not have been so obvious but as a guy I can tell you it meant, “I’m falling for you but I’m holding back because you don’t seem into me as more than a friend.”
I’m not entirely sure how all your conversations went up until this point but if they were not flirty or fun in the beginning and ended up being too serious like when you asked him this, “what the most painful thing he has ever experienced” to lots of guys they’re only going to get a friendly vibe from you.
Also, when he revealed to you how he was feeling you pulled back. You changed the topic. To him, you already rejected him.
Love aside, whether or not he’s scared of it, which is bullshit if you ask me, most men are not scared of love, just admitting they’re in love with someone for fear they will be seen as less than a man AND will open themslef up to being hurt worse.
My suggestion would be to immediately change the dynamics of your interactions to something more than just about love. In my eyes he already said it to you so I would not be afraid to let him know clearly that you’re attracted to him. Nothing more. Keep it about how he makes you feel or how he “does it” for you and stay away from getting deep into love until a later time.
I believe he already opened up to you and felt rejected.
If you insist on wanting him to chase you and refuse to meet him half way (at this point) I believe you’re only going to push him further away.
To get a guy to chase you he needs to feel “attraction” , he needs to sense a reward and believe he’s going to get it, he also needs to be challenged the right way, AND he must believe from the bottom of his heart that you will accept and respect him fully.
Hope this helped you out a bit and thank you for sharing. All the best to you,
Pete
I’m in high school, and I like this really gorgeous popular guy. All last year he would say hi to me and flirt with me if we had a conversation. Then suddenly winter break roles around and he completely stopped saying hi and stopped talking to me at all. It’s a brand new year and I realize that he’s in my English class. When I walk into class he’s always sitting on the counter across the room talking to his friends. A few times I have glanced over at him just for the heck of it–and he was already staring. If Im walking somewhere in the classroom and I glance at him we make awkward eye contact. And I’m always the one to pull away first because im a shy girl and if I don’t pull away I will blush. If Im walking past him in the hallway (which is often cuz I go out of my way to see him) we will make hesitant eye contact. In the mornings his locker is directly next to my friends so when I go to her locker with my other friend he talks to them, but pretends I’m not there. Every time I look at him he won’t look at me and he won’t talk to me. Not even a hello. The other day my friend had talked to him and this was their convo:
My crush: “hey (friends name)!
My friend: “hey (crush’s name)!
My crush: How’s life?
My friend: How’s Sam?
My friend said he got this uncontrollable smile on his face and looked away as his face got red. What’s that suppose to mean?
My last example is that one day we were at a high school football game and my friend was talking to him and his popular friends so I just walked over. Of course he didn’t talk to me or look at me when I looked at him. But my friends said she noticed him looking at me when I wasn’t looking. She also said that she noticed he was always facing me. He was never next to me. So he can stare at me but can’t talk to me? It’s not like I’m really talking to other guys and he doesn’t have a chance because he’s really the only guy I pay attention too. I get really nervous around him and every time I want to say hi at my friends locker I chicken out because i don’t want to embarrass myself. I can’t even text him anymore because he told his friends twice when I texted him and they came up to me at school and kept asking me all these questions teasing me “is there something going on between you two?” I would just deny everything they asked. And then another time my friends and I saw him and his friends out somewhere and one of his friends goes “hey (crush name) who texted you again last night? Like they were teasing him. My point is why is he ignoring me–and why does it seem like he’s trying so hard to ignore me.
What about a guy you were messing around with a decade ago but only recently reconnected with and pursued you? We spent 4 nights together going out and at his place, and, without prompting, on the second night he opened up to me that he liked me and was attracted to me, had thought about me over the years, wanted to speak about the night we first got together where he left his date to be with me (I had NO idea about that). That a kiss I gave him once has never left his mind and it gets him in his chest when we do kiss. He even suggested we should have a baby together – that it would be beautiful etc. context – mid 40s, charming player with mother issues that’s affected his ability to have a healthy relationship with a woman (noones ever good enough) etc. I thought he’d changed, he apologised to me for not treating me well in the past. He wanted to see me night after night and even told his mother we were seeing each other. Anyway since then it’s been ignoring me really but responsive and seeming to want more when I speak to him or see him. But the next time I saw him after we were together he was playing games again and acting as though he wasn’t paying attention to me. He was. Someone commented on the looks he was giving me. He also has a piece of jewellery of mine he doesn’t seen to want to return in a hurry. When I last contacted him I didn’t mention it and he responded not to forget he has it. I don’t know what to think except he’s playing me again…but he didn’t have to open up and tell me what he did
Hii peter,
I had posted earlier abt my crush ignoring….but 2 days back he himself came to me and expressed himself.he told me that he realy likes me and ws noticing me from many days…so happpy about it….:)
Hi , i met this guy in work and the third day he said he wanted to marry n all…i was a little taken aback…i told him to stay so that we be frnds and then see if things will work out.he says he likes me but he never texts unless i do. . .talks damn intimately ( which pissed me off!!) in texts only and says he feels like kissing me ..most of the tym .but he never shows signs of attraction in person …i do no if he really likes me or if he is a player.