Why is it when a guy is into you, shows every sign he likes you, but the next time he sees you it’s like you don’t even exist?
He acts a little distant. Barely listens to a word you say.
You want to ask him what’s wrong but it’s not like you’re dating or anything. You’re not in a relationship. You’re still getting to know each other…
But for some reason he’s making you feel you did something wrong and this passive aggressive attitude he’s displaying is making you wonder why you’re even bothering with him at all.
I was totally into this “chic” once. She was the type who lots of guys chase. You could take one look at her and instantly assume she could have any guy she wanted.
If you don’t know about how much attraction controls men I can tell you it’s not too easy to shrug off. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you almost want to give everything you got – in the hopes the attraction would be returned.
The way I see it – as a man who’s studied this stuff – us guys actually “suffer” from attraction because if we follow it and listen to it, it only seems to do just the opposite to the woman we’re madly falling for. It’s like when we go blindly into in it causes us to push any highly sought out woman away.
Well let me tell you this girl had me hooked. Literally every curve on her body mesmerized me. Her face was flawless and her eyes, the way they lit up when she saw me… got me scared.
I was terrified I was going to screw it up.
So here’s this guy – not the greatest “ladies man” in the world at the time, hasn’t had much success with very attractive women, and feeling it like there’s no tomorrow.
Feeling the peak of attraction I gave it all despite all my fears.
Tried to make her laugh. Tried to find a connection with her. Tried to be “all that a man could be” because I was “suffering” from a lowered self-esteem just being around her.
Just so you know, it felt like it worked. She was returning the flirts and playing right back with me. The chemistry was increasing and so was the sexual tension. Despite the fact as our interaction continued so did my self-confidence because she was just that cool to be around.
Now you would think I would’ve been smart enough to run with it. To “do my thing” and keep it up. You would think, because it only makes sense, I’d be all her into her when we met again.
But it wasn’t like that at all.
There was more people around. More guys there to flirt with her. Suddenly every available “stud” was taking over where I had left off and I just knew it was a losing battle.
Here I am, now watching other guys be all into her and I got a glimpse into the future.
We’d talk a little. Get to know each other better. A few weeks or maybe a month would pass and we would grow closer.
And I’ve been through that before. What happened was more predictable than the sunrise.
While I was “doing all the work” she was dating some other guy and kissing him on the first date. since I was “being nice” and spent way too much time waiting for the moment to happen, and didn’t know how to make it happen naturally…
I was waiting for HER to make a move on me.
To men – that’s the ultimate sign a girl is into them. As in when she makes a move on him.
Remember that because “making a move” to some men is a lot more than just going for a kiss.
You see this seemingly innocent “passive aggressive” method is just another way to get YOU to prove how much you like us.
If we ignore you and you seek us out – our confidence goes up and we believe you’re feeling it just as much as we are.
If we keep away and act aloof or distant it’s a test.
We definitely want to feel in control of our attraction and if we can stay away long enough, it gives us time to think about how to handle it and stop our attraction from pushing you away. After all every guy understands (even though he act differently) every woman he chases just seems to run away quicker.
We’re testing our restraint but more than that we’re testing YOU because some guys, like I was, need to feel like you’re into us just as much as the guy you kissed so much quicker than us.
When we predict our future with you and we only see what some other woman did to us, our anger turns passive and we want to make sure THIS TIME it’s going to be different.
This time I won’t chase her because she’s too hot. This time I won’t be the guy who kisses her ass “hoping” she’ll like us back.
This time I will do anything and everything I know to make sure I make her prove how much she likes me. Even if it means ignoring you and acting like I couldn’t care less about her.
Thus satisfying the fragile “Ego” and it’s thirst for validation.
Okay, so you met a guy who seemed into you and you even “liked” him back. And the next time you’re together it feel like you don’t exist anymore.
Don’t let him fool you – he just wants to know you’re going to meet him half way. Or maybe the whole way. He is probably worried too much spent watching for your signals or he just doesn’t understand how all this attraction thing really works.
Is he playing you on purpose?
Some are. I won’t lie.
Did you do something to push him away?
Well obviously there’s a chance that DID happen.
Is there a chance he doesn’t even notice it’s happening?
Of course. Some guys just don’t pay attention to this kind of stuff as much as others.
Yet, generally speaking, you can consider it giving you space. He’s trying to show you he’s not needy. He doesn’t want to screw it up. He wants you to prove to him you’re not going to treat him like a “dear friend” three weeks down the road.
Men are not always obvious when their attraction for you is driving them crazy.
If a guy likes you one minute and is ignoring you the next – all things considered it just he means he “really really really” likes you! š
288 comments… add one
Hi Pete, so I have a coworker I like that I’ve known for two months now. First I found out he was asking other coworkers to find out how old I was. Because I look pretty young for my age lol. When he found out he couldn’t believe it, since he’s 5 yrs younger then me. He said my age freaked him out, Anyways I don’t know what he meant by that. Anyways that’s when he started being nicer to me and would tease me playfully. One time I had bought a snack at the grocery store we work at and found out it was expired. So I mentioned it to him, and out of nowhere he hands me money to buy another snack. I didn’t want to take the money but he pretty much made me take it. Few weeks later some coworkers, him and I went bowling. I beat everyone one! He complimented me for winning
then we all went out to eat, where he kept asking about my interests, which were my fave shows, and kept making jokes. Found out we have a lot in common. Afterwards he offered to drive me home so I said yes. On the way there we talked about lots of different topics. Told him I still didn’t have my drivers license, so he offered to help me practice with his car, if I wanted to. So I said yes thank you. So at work I reminded him about it and he gave me his number and told me to text him when I wanted to practice. The next day it snowed so the streets were bad for practicing. But I still wanted to text him just to say hi, and so he could have my number. So I did and it toke him almost an hour to respond. I only asked if he worked but didn’t mention the driving lessons cause of the weather. Our convo was really short :/ Two days later I saw him at work, but he didn’t say hi, so I said hi afterwards but he didn’t say much. I felt like he was ignoring me and it really hurt. Is he waiting for me to text him for the driving lessons? Or did he freak out cause I texted him?? Now I’m afraid to text him about the driving lesson. And he hasn’t texted me since I last texted him…3 days ago.
Do you think he is still interested?
Hi Elizabeth,
I think he is still interested but let’s look at two things:
1. His age. Younger guys tend to “freak out” more and act more sporadically.
2. He was asking his co-workers about you. Which might mean he is listening to his co-working about his attraction to you and what it means and how it affects work to “go out” with another c-worker.
So it may not be a lack of interest but a lack of initiative to follow through with what he started.
In other words he might be having second doubts because of age, listening to others, dating someone at work.
I highly doubt he freaked out because you texted him BUT I would not go blowing up his phone. In fact the next time you’re alone, make sure no one else at work is around, I’d find a way to bust his ass by pretending a little how you wrecked one of your girlfriend’s car during a lesson SHE have you which was bad. And how it’s all his fault. ( Sort of .) Just make sure he eventually gets you’re joking. š
All the best to you and remind me not to shop at your store… Expired snacks are not high on my list
Pete
Hey Pete,
so im currently in my highschool senior year and for the first time ever a guy that ive known about has shown interest in me,
he told my friend he finds me ‘really beautiful’
and then started talking to me online and we had a great time talking but he only talked to me once at school the next day when he said hi to me in the hallway even though it was packed and busy.
its been a week since then and despite having said he’d approach me at school more, because we only did become acquainted recently, he hasnt approached me a single time and ive seen him around school quite a few times since then, but he seemingly doesnt notice me.
im upset because i found myself attracted to him and he was definitely attracted to me just a week and a bit ago when he told me himself how he wish he started talking to me earlier and he kept flirting with me and even asked if i was single.
as he never talked to me since i tried intiating a conversation online and he spoke to me but only for a while and after quite some time after each message, and he never tried speaking again.
does this mean he’s already lost interest?
Hey Leah,
Well to be honest, yes, some guys DO lose interest after they start talking to girl. Hey, it happens.
BUT Remember… attraction by sight is powerful and most guys will overlook a lot as long as they’re feeling it. As bad or as good as that sounds.
Now, he’s probably not approaching you too much at school because there’s too much pressure there. Especially if he finds you that beautiful. ( Although I still maintain to NEVER rely on third person stuff. Always go right to the source for the absolute truth based on actions, reaction, and character.)
Something you said makes me wonder what’s going on, “he told me himself how he wish he started talking to me earlier”.
So it might not be a lack of interest, or a loss of attraction, it could be something “beyond his control” and I would look into that for a more clear answer.
Let’s add to the list men use to date or start dating a girl… First Attraction. Then Interest. Then timing and THEIR ability, THEIR confidence, and THEIR personal fears.
Notice none of that says anything about YOU.
Hope that helps you out so go enjoy your Senior year. I insist.
Pete
Hey! I’m so sorry this will be a long story. So, I live in a building attached to my stepfather’s restaurant, which means I spend a lot of time in the restaurant. And there’s a group of young people that come here a lot and I started being friends with them. There’s this guy (let’s call him ‘A’) that’s friends with them but he doesn’t usually come here. One day, there was a reunion for the football team and he was here with them and we got both so drunk that we ended up making out. Just kissing, no sex, even though he tried. We didn’t see or speak to each other for two weeks. Then, there was another reunion for the football team and he was here. When he saw me, he was very very very nervous and became clumsy. Later, he was going to a birthday party and when he was leaving, my sister (who works here) asked him “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Kristen?” and he told her “I don’t know what to do now… I was so drunk, she was so drunk… I don’t regret anything but I just don’t know how to speak to her now…”. And he left without even looking me in the eyes. Two hours later, he came back. He was a little bit more drunk but kind of afraid to talk to me so I started teasing him very subtly. Also, there was another guy that has been flirting with me for a few months but I cut off with the flirting when I found out he had a girlfriend. But that night, that guy was being quite obvious about it. Eventually, I steped outside to smoke and he came with me. And we were alone. So, the night went on and then he asked me to take him home because he didn’t have a way to go home. And I said “Ok… I’ll take you home…” and I turned to ‘A’ and said “But you’ll come with me, ok?”. I usually drive with one hand on the gearshift and on our way back ‘A’ was placing his hand on my hand, he would grab my arm and stuff like that… When we got home there was that kind of ‘Who’s making the move now’ aura in the air. But I eventually left and nothing happened. The next day, my sister told me that when I was outside smoking alone with the other guy, ‘A’ was like “Where’s *name of the other guy*???” and another friend said “He’s outside with Kristen, let them be alone…” and ‘A’ said “No, no, no… Let’s go, let’s go… Can’t you see she wants to close the restaurant??” and he even went to the door to see what we were doing. I think he was clearly jealous here… I didn’t see ‘A’ and our friends in common for three weeks. One day, I got home from work and they were here. ‘A’ was here as well. I found that so weird because I’ve been living here for almost a year and I have never seen him here on a Friday night with the others. Unless there’s something he really has to attend, like the football stuff… They were going to a party and I went with them. At some point he walked past me and he totally ignored me. I was pissed off. But then, he walked past me again and he asked if I was having fun. But didn’t even look me in the eyes. During the whole party he would speak to me but always like he was afraid of me… There was also a girl there that was flirting with him and when she was talking to him, he would slowly come closer to me. The other friend I went with was already gone so, I came home with him and another friend. He was the one driving and on our way home he was asking me if I was alright and stuff like that every two minutes. He stoped in front of the other guy’s house (next to mine) and we got off the car and we looked at each other and I told him “Goodbye” and he said “OK… goodbye”. I saw him the next day because there was a party here in the restaurant and he was sooooo different. Instead of being shy, every time he saw me was like “Hello Sandra…”. Like every single time he saw me. He teased me and was touching me in the arm and stuff like that. There was also another party at a village near here and we went. My other sister went to the party as well. My sister and him know each other for years and even ‘dated’ for like 6 hours in primary school. ‘A’ was already drunk and eventually started flirting with my sister. And after her, he started flirting with pretty much every girl in that party but me. I was so pissed off and I thought all that was to make me jealous. There’s another friend of ours (‘B’) that jokes a lot about having sex with me and stuff. It’s just a joke but ‘A’ doesn’t know that. So I thought he would be the ideal person to make ‘A’ jealous… My sister wanted to go home so I asked him to take me home. And the jokes about us sleeping together started… In front of ‘A’… I was talking to ‘B’ (no flirting, just normal stuff) and ‘A’ just barged into the conversation and I turned to him and said “I’m not talking to you… I’m talking to ‘B’!”. I know that was mean… But I was drunk and so focused in making ‘A’ jealous that it just came out of my mouth… Later, ‘A’ was leaving and he came to say goodbye to me and here’s what we talked: Him: “You’re going home with ‘B’, your boyfriend, right?” (jealousy again) Me: “He’s not my boyfriend…”. Later he left. And I haven’t seen him for two weeks. With all this I started thinking that maybe he’s shy and I should hint him that I like him so, last Wednesday I was driving to work and I saw him with his car. And I saw that as a great chance to start a conversation with him. When I got home, I sent him a message on Facebook. Me: “Hello ‘A’… How are you?” Him: “Fine… You?” Me: “Fine… So, what were you doing today at *the name of the place where I saw him*? I saw you there with your car ;)” The message was read and it’s Saturday night and I’m still waiting for a response… So, what the hell is going on here??? I’m sorry… I know this is a long story with a lot of details but I feel like I’m going crazy with all this…
Sandra,
Are you still feeling a little crazy?
Sure there are lots of little details going on, lots of social games and weird situations BUT it’s really simple.
He’s attracted to you. You know it. You’re attracted to him. He knows it too although he might not fully believe it.
SO what’s going on is that you two are just having trouble connecting and turning this “affair” into something real or tangible. Something like a real date or an actual meeting so you can both explore what’s happening between the two of you.
I’d suggest someplace where you both don’t know anybody. Perhaps even someplace neither of you have been before.
You can try the blatant approach. “Hey YOU (A)! Let’s do this.”
No more games to make him jealous. Okay.
All the best to you,
Pete
Thank you. ..there’s this guy I like and we’ve gone on a couple of dates. .and we’ve even told each other how we feel about each other lol but recently he started ignoring me in class and sometimes left me hanging when we texted…i hope he still likes me..
I hope so too Patricia.
Hi Pete, hope to get some advice š
So there is this guy I kind of like and I have been kind of freaking out about him and if he likes me. But we have only known each other for a few weeks and barely seen each other
Yesterday he had lunch with my cousin (we are all at the age of 20/22) and told me that he kind of really likes me and wants to see where this is going but he wants to take it slowly. He even asked my cousin (since he is very protective) for his permission (which I think is silly, but .. boys!). My cousin said he was perfectly fine with it as long as HE doesn’t screw up or mess with me.
That evening we went to this .. kind of concert together (and my cousin had told me about their talk) and I was really excited about what he had said and I was really looking forward to seeing HIM.. I could not believe it but HE totally ignored me.. barely said hi.. barely talked to me.. looked at me. Like what the heck is going on?
Is this normal? Telling someone else he wants more but then he doesn’t go for it.
He can’t be waiting for my move, can he? Our entire.. friendship/whatever is based on my moves. I am done moving!
Is this some sort of game? He did tell my cousin that he first wants to check out what sort of person I am but still.. wouldn’t it be so much easier finding that out by TALKING to me??
Or is it possible that he misinterpreted my cousins warning thinking he wouldn’t be ok with it. But hey! I am not some property so even if there was a hint or so, would that really stop him from talking to me?
please reply… I am confused.
Hi Deliah,
He’s feeling pressured and confused and I highly doubt it’s game.
He just doesn’t sound very confident in the “moving part”. He went to someone else to ask permission, backs away after like he’s scared, and just doesn’t know how to proceed.
I completely understand how you’re feeling and no you shouldn’t have to be doing all the “moving.”
To me it just sounds like he doesn’t know what to do next. It’s a classic problem for guys who talk about “maybe having a relationship” instead of just doing something like getting to know you, having fun, creating some chemistry, enjoying the moments together.
Add on top of that I get the feeling he’s more worried about pleasing your cousin than he is with you, which unfortunately is not a good thing.
Hope it all works out for you and wishing you the best of luck,
Pete
Hi Pete !
I’m in need of some desperate advice ! Please help me out.
I am a high school student. It was two years ago that I felt as if my teachers intentions weren’t exactly the way a teachers intentions should be. He always gazed at me quite intrested stare and always looked at me during the lecture for a pretty long interval as compared to other students. I knew instantly that he likes me. He is married and has 4 children but every girl in the college is crazy about him. He has a very decent and dazzling personality. And he remains quite composed every time.
He texted me on fb related to academics and we started TALKING on facebook. He never ever mentioned anything that might be unappropriate for him to say. But he talked late till midnight and even after that. He showed great regard and respect towards me.
But the thing is sometimes he mentions it that youre like a daughter in the conversation. but i know how thats just a statement for a backup situation if someone reads our late night convos.
But the way he flirts and acts around me. gazes at me when i am not looking. Can find me even in the crowd and the way his eyes twinkle when they look into mine. The way he always and always shows that he really likes me and then that daughterly thing. i am confused. Because he has a lot of ego an wouldnt want his reputation to go anywhere and be stained because of the beauty of a girl. But just recently he asked me “Do you love anyone”? and i just replied saying “What do you mean”? and he changed the topic brilliantly, so that I coulsnt even ask him why he asked me that question.
I love him a lot. But i too am the most popular and sorta’ kinda’ girl whose self respect matters a lot. So i can’t make any move.
But does his actions show that his attitude is fatherly ?
Because according to me he is, deeply in love with me. But denies to accept it.
Hello Fouiza,
It would be impossible for me to tell exactly. There was many times ( in my past ) where I had firmly believed someone was into me, only to find out I was way off and confused the entire situation because I wanted her so badly.
However…
Late night talks on Facebook from you professor does seem Fatherly at all.
A good Father would tell you to go to sleep and do your homework.
Also, consider how his wife would feel about your conversations and how he acts around you, put yourself in her shoes…
If you would get mad, jealous, angry or hurt by your conversations with him then again, it does not sound fatherly at all.
Love aside though, I would call it infatuation.
Pure attraction to a younger less available student.
I’m sure there are lots of men who are married that will fantasize even a little over a woman they’re heavily attracted to.
Hope that helps you out a little and all the best to you,
Pete
Hi Pete!
I need to know how to be sure he IS interested rather than just blowing me off. We haven’t seen each other in awhile–a couple years– then we hung out and things got pretty heavy. We made out and fondled and it was very pleasurable to me and sexy, but I wasn’t planning on having sex that night. Needless to say, I get the feeling he is acting all distant and no talking to me because he didn’t “get what he wanted”. My words but you know the saying. Is this the case, or possible? I mention after a few days that we should hang sometime and he just said “yeah we might”. WTF is that shit?!?!
Thank youuu!
Curious&Confused
Hi,
The unfortunate bad news is… guys who are interested, will tend to act more “interested” than just hanging out and looking for sex. If that is all he’s doing, and he’s not following through with something more, and he started acting distant right after he didn’t get “any”… then I would say you’re right.
I wouldn’t waste your time with him unless he actually offers something more than just hanging out. Guys who are looking for more will tend to DO more.
Wishing you all the best,
Pete
Pete,
Let me start with the backstory. My husband and I separated several months ago and have filed for divorce. There is a guy I work with occasionally (he is a rep that is there maybe once a week, not employed by my employer) who was asking about my situation, ie boyfriend, boy toy, ex looking for booty call. Told him no to all. Two weeks later, he mentioned we should “hang out” and asked for my number. That evening, I was expecting him to text so I had a few glasses of wine. Well, he did text and we made plans to meet up at pub close to my house. Conversation went well I thought. Learned about his background (where he grew up, ect). As we left, he kissed me passionately. He inquired about going home with me. I told him not a good idea. He agreed and said he didn’t want work to be weird. He kissed me again and I told him that I liked him and didn’t want to rush anything. I also told him I wasnt type of girl to have boy toy or hook up, there had to be something more there. We parted ways. Two days later he texted to wish me a happy holiday. I casually asked if he didn’t have plans, he could come over and watch a movie. He politely declined. The next time we saw each other at work, he avoided me and his guys friends seemed more chatty than usual with me. That was 5 days ago. Did I scare him off or was he only looking for sex from the recently single girl?
Hello Jen,
I don’t see how scaring him off should even be on your mind.
The thing is he WAS looking for sex because his kiss led him to ask if he could go back to your place on the first date.
Beyond that remains to be seen.
Now I’m pretty sure guys have ended up in relationships with women they slept with on the first date but normally it ends up bad but for some guys, believe it or not, having sex with you is the only way they will even believe you want them.
I think you’re going to hear from this guy again. He probably ignored you at work because as he stated, he didn’t want things to get weird which mostly means, “It’s going to get weird.”
I wouldn’t contact him again though until he does so. From what I can see you stepped up, asked him for a second date and he refused. If he truly wants something more, it’s HIS turn to ACT like he wants something more.
Thanks for writing Jen and all the best to you,
Pete
Hi Pete. So there is a guy on my bus to and from work. He works in an office building just one stop after mine. And we just stare at one another every day, and then sometimes he just stops looking, except whenever he thinks I’m not looking at him. I don’t know his name and I don’t think he knows mine either. Anyway, he doesn’t really speak to anyone on the bus. He just keeps his headphones on and sits amongst others. But I have one of my close friends around me and afew other co-workers, and he just stares at me whenever I’m talking with my friends. Sometimes he doesn’t have his headphones on and I know he’s listening in to our conversations. He just stares and sometimes half smiles whenever I’m talking or laughing or just doing something silly amongst my friends. How do I show this guy that I like him? How do I talk to him? And how do I know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend? I really really really like this guy. He is white male in his 20’s, with blond hair and blue eyes. I am brown skinned, black haired and have dark brown eyes and I wear glasses lol. I always feel self conscious about my glasses. What do guys think of girls who wear glasses? What do I do about this guy? I know he likes me. There are other group of girls on my bus, and they’re always staring at him and he knows it. But I’m not being bigheaded, but his eyes are only fixated on me and it boosts my ego a little as I don’t really consider myself the hottest girl in the world. I have friends who are absolutely stunning and I’m not just saying that because they’re my friends, they really truly are stunning, and the other girls on the bus are so pretty as well, but it seems he only just stares at me. Even when we’re sitting on the bus and he can’t see me, I will always catch him looking at me through the windows reflection of me. And before he gets off the bus, he takes on last glance at me and then dissappears into the night. He is beautiful and I still have to pinch myself every time I catch him staring not at other girls, but ME!!! I am just simply so lucky to be in his presence. Imagine if it was more than that. I want it to be more than that. But what do I do? HELP ME PLEASE!
Hey Pete!
So, here’s the thing. I’m a senior in highschool and he’s in 3rd year university.
It all started when he invited me to go camping with his youth group. He would talk to me and was kind, but it was hard to tell if he was flirting or not. From there its progressed to subtle flirting or maybe he’s just being friendly. It’s hard to know. But I’ve found that he will bug me about liking his friend who I find goodlooking. (I told the guy I like that I found his friend good looking). And he told my sister that I was suckimg up and flirting with his friend when all I did was say “hey, John, how are you!?” In a kind way. And then, the other day I saw him in a huge group and there was a little baby so I said “aww, he’s so cute” and then this guy said “oh. Thanks :)” later on when he was playing the guitar, I had his capo on my hand and then when he needed it, instead of asking for it be just put his hand over mine and took it, except it seemed like he could have easily grabbed it without touching my hand? But during that same night he didn’t really talk to me much besides that. I honestly am so confused! Its been almost a year of similar situations and I do have his number but we don’t tall all the time, maybe once every two weeks or so..
Hey Hope,
Your long awaited answer…
http://www.whydoguys.com/jealous-young-believes-women-into-looks/
Umm hey, i’m 17 years old and well my problem is there is guy “y” that i dated once and then i cut it off and his good friend “x” wanted me and “y” agreed and i just turn x off cuse i didnt want to be his fing or anything not serious .. And i thought it’s in my head that x wants me .. Umm time passed and well i saw him few times in the street or with friends and got from him the feeling he wants me but i still thought it’s in my head .. After a long time i dated again with y (the first one) and i cut it off again .. And then i realize that x is into me and well i started to date with him .. (It bothred y littel bit but he agree to x, they are good friends and well “bros before hoes” ) so we dated once and every thing was great and day after we dated he didnt stop talking to me on whasapp and really chased after me .. And then one day before we dated again he told his friend he doesnt take it seriously and when i will ask where it goes he will cut it off or something .. The thing is that at the same time (at the same evening ) he still chased me on whatsapp even after we decide to go out the next day, he was still talking to me and stuff ( i even told him that like why to continue talking when i will see him to the next day .. And he was like i just want to talk what’s the promlem.. ) and then we dated and everything was fine and by mistak somehow we met y and it was emberrcing to me and y and well after a while i left home and x just didnt spoke to me so after 3 days i sent him a message and he was littel bit dry and then i waited like week and we didnt talk so i sent him text again like umm we have thing with coffee so i was like “hey u what’s with my coffee ? ”
And he was like: ” i dont know ”
“What about him ? ”
“Is he alright?”
And i didnt answer that …
My qeustion is what’s his deal ? Like what am i spousse to think about what’s going on and why suddenly it became like that and i have chance or if i need to answer and stuff (it’s been two days i didnt answer) oh and he has big ego and i have too ..
Hey pete
Hope u good!!
Its a long story though but need a ans
I met ds guy few days bck we went to a party along wd some mutual frnds ..in d party when someone tried to push me he ws d one who kept his hand fo support … Aftr party finishd v all frnds went to his flat…on our way hom we spoke many thngs . We were wtchin movie …while we were alone fo some time v kissed … Aftr dat day v din met fo quiet long tym i txtd him but he nvr replued few days bck one of our frn cld us to his flat to hv drnks n all v went der i ws in some tnsn when he saw he txtd me sayin he ws nt havin his ph wd him he spoke to me till d time we were togthr den he dropped me hom safe askn when to meet nxt … We again kissed dat day jus kissed !! Aftr dat day till today he s nt replyin my txts but whnver we meet he stares me wd d same look in his eyes he still cares fo me but nvr reply bck
What u think.pete? Does he like me coz ds behaviour of hus is killin me i hv startin fallin fo him nw
Hey Niks, of course I’m good.
Of course I do feel like I could really use some “vowels” about right now. :p Anyways…
Most men I know will NEVER kiss a girl they don’t like unless they’re drunk and hoping they’re going to get laid that night.
It just sounds like his phone is not a priority in his life. Can’t blame him for that. A lot of us guys find phones annoying and rarely care to use them often.
I would pay attention to how much he actually does use his phone. That should tell you whether he’s avoiding texting you back personally, and maybe clue you in on why he’s doing it.
Other than that… he’s staring, he has kissed you, sounds like “true” love to me…
Seriously, you won’t find my lips on a woman I have no attraction at all for or don’t “like” and I would definitely say most men would agree.
Thanks for writing Niks, Be good!
Pete
Hey there, Pete. I have a situation I’ve been really confused about. I’ve been having this huge crush on my co-worker for months. He’ll come up to me randomly and chat but it’s usually very brief. My other coworkers tell me he usually doesn’t talk to anyone at work at all, he’s actually very anti-social and sometimes shy. So they say the fact he comes to me at all is a good sign. I’ll come up to him and flirt and talk, sometimes he’ll flirt back and other times he’ll completely flat out ignore me and will even sometimes walk away! I thought at first he probably didn’t hear me, but it happens a little too often. I even wondered if maybe he’s just that socially awkward. One time I was so irritated I decided to no longer make attempts to speak with him, we ended up not talking for almost 3 months. Then one day he randomly complained I never say hi to him anymore or speak to him. I started talking and flirting with him again but I feel like it’s a hit or miss. Sometimes it feels like it’s going somewhere then other times he just completely dismisses me. What do you think is his deal? Does he like me? Is he that shy? Is he just bored and just enjoys my attempts at winning his affection?
-L
Hi! I don’t know if this is still active or anything, but if you still reply to comments etc then please help me !!:(
So I have a senior and I have a huge crush on him. A few weeks back, he started a conversation with me. Let’s say his name is Tom. Anyway, he got my number and he whatsapped me. We talked and talked, he was really nice. Every morning he would say “Good morning”, every night he would say “Goodnight”. In between, there would be things like “Had your breakfast? Had your lunch? Dinner? Are you hungry?” things like that, which I found quite sweet and cute that he bothered to ask because most guys I talk to don’t. Then, it began with him asking me how I felt about dating older guys. Would I mind a guy his age? I replied with, “No. Because I don’t date younger guys.” and he was all like ohhh and immediately he changed the subject.
A day after or two, he asked me if I was attached. I said no, and he replied with “Really? You’re so pretty, you don’t have a boyfriend?” then a few minutes later he said “Honestly, I would really like to date you.. I don’t mind.” I was so happy to be honest because I liked him so much but I acted as if I don’t know how to reply, and I really didn’t LOL.
Anyways, just yesterday, he asked me if I wanted to go to school together in the morning. I said nahhhh, because it’s kind of awkward as I haven’t met him before in school, like if we just meet up and go to school together it’s kind of … like, what do we do? Just walk? It’s really awkward, so I told him maybe after exams, when we can meet at school first and then after that decide if we wanted to go to school together. He said okay. But after that his messages all were like “Okay……” “No……” “Sure……..” THOSE DOTS?!??!! Why???? It’s pretty weird like he doesn’t do that and after I said that…
Anyway, today I replied in the morning to his message (he sent yesterday night) and he saw the message, but did not reply like he usually would. So, I just thought like “oh, he doesn’t know what to reply” thus, I asked him a question to start a conversation. Guess what? He read the message, but didn’t reply. It’s been like, half a day or more already. Should I wait? Should I ask him what’s wrong? What should I do?? I really don’t want to be ignored :/ Is it because I sort of rejected him? Please help
Hi Eva,
As far as I’m concerned you did nothing wrong.
Yes, he’s acting like he was rejected but trust me, that’s HIS problem and not yours. You were very clear, quite responsive, and perfectly justified with not wanting to meet up with him before you actually saw each other in school.
Everything he’s done up until asking you to walk with him has been sort of backhanded. Meaning it was “always” leading up to asking you out but he waited ( and waited ) until it was clear you would say yes. At least that’s what he was thinking.
So when he felt you were rejected him, he cowered away and probably, as strange as it sounds, blames YOU for leading him on. Which we both know is far from the truth of what really happened.
I wouldn’t ask him what’s wrong. You already know that. I wouldn’t do anything at all.
It’s ALL on him to get past it. If he doesn’t, think about the type of guy you’re going to get involved with and what it might mean down the road a bit. Add an emotional connection and the feelings of insecurity on his part, or directness get much worse and harder to deal with.
Listen, I understand he’s young. Just because he’s older than you doesn’t mean he’s matured as quickly. He really hasn’t had much time to learn all this stuff. So I don’t blame him at all.
Just don’t go changing or giving in to his reaction because he’ll only learn when he does things like this, he gets your attention. Not a good lesson to learn.
Give him time… hopefully he’ll figure it all out and contact you again so you can both “sort of” start again.
Thanks for writing Eva, hope this has helped you out a bit,
Pete
Hi Pete.
im old enough to know better but a co worker and i got friendly and flirty often by email. She gave me her no. in case i needed it for a works do and we ended up texting loads for 3 mths. I met her for coffee on occasions and we still text.
we moved to different floors and since then she never comes onto my floor to see me. I think she just likes attention but expects me to visit her, even when we meet up she never really asks me. Dunno if she is interested. If i stop texting after a few days she will text and then we can exchange 100 a day. God im confused
Hey Pete!
I am SO confused!!! I run track and there is a boy who is around my age there. Ever since day 1, he’s stared at me. I finally talked to him and I told my counseler our conversation and she said it was pretty flirty: plus, this whole time he was sitting behind me, saying stupid things to make me laugh.
Him: we have two whole clean sweeps! That was such a hard math problem! One plus one?plus
Me: it’s nice to know you know your math!
Him: *smiles and blushes* it was so hard! My brain hurts
Me: you know what’s harder? 0+0
Him: that’s physically impossible for humans
Then the next day he completely ignores me! He said like one thing to me and barely looked at me! Does he like me? What does it mean? What should I do? Help!!
Hey Pete.
I’ve got the most confusing situation ever.
There’s a guy I like at school, we first noticed each other on the last school day, when we had to sit in church. We were looking at each other the whole time. Then, after summer break, on the first school day, we had to go to church again and the same situation happened. We were in english class together but he never really talked to me. One day a friend of mine and me went to a concert from his band and she told him (without me knowing) that I thought he couldn’t stand me. Then he was surprised and we came into a conversation, laughed, understood each other. I went to their band room and sat on his lap and we talked. Then a few weeks later I went to see his band again and sat on his lap and the same night I wrote him a message when I was drunk…
It said that someone said he wouldn’t be attracted to me and that I’m sorry that I bothered hin and that he should stay the way he is, because he’s great.
Then it got weird, he stopped sitting next to me on the bus and took distance. I talked to him two weeks later to clear up the situation and apologize and he didn’t say much…only that a friendship would be fine.
We talked normal when we met at the bus station and time just went by.
Then I invited him to a party and we had a great time, laughed and talked a lot and I sat myself on his lap later and cuddled him. He didn’t seem to have anything against it. Later we met on another party – and before I arrived a guy at the party told him that I liked him. When I arrived he kind of ignored me but later on, after a drink and music we had contact again and talked, laughed and walked home together – We met an old friend of him in the city and he asked us if we were a couple, I responded “no” then the friend said we would be a nice couple and I said “ok”…my crush didn’t say anything to the questions. When we were walking alone I asked him if I could warm myself on him and then we walked arm in arm and were telling stories about everything. Two weeks later I wrote him a message if he would like to come over to a movie-night and he said it would be a little stressy currently but besides that why not. So I said we could meet on holidays and he said yes – well holidays start in three weeks.
When I see him in school I look away quickly because I don’t know how to react and I also kind of “ignore” him. Well, today we were in the bus and he pretended not to see me even though he was standing right infront of me…when he turned around because some kids had to pass, he took one of his earphones out and asked me since when I was standing there. Then I answered kind of confused “the whole busride long” and more kids walked by in the bus then I looked at him and smiled, then I smiled at him showing my teeth (whatever it’s called) and he didn’t react.
Know he doesn’t seem to be interested anymore, even though my friend says that when he looks at me/sees me, he smiles (to himself) afterwards.
Sometimes I think he likes me and sometimes I think it bothers him that I like him and that’s why he “ignores” me.
He hasn’t had a girlfriend (or anything similiar) yet and I am two years older than him.
It would be great if you could finally solve this mystery.
Greetings, the girl in love
Hi Pete,
I’m so happy I came across your blog. Reading your article just gave me a lot of hope but I want to make sure I’m not fooling myself into thinking there’s hope when there really may not be. Quick background, I met a guy who showed a lot of interest in me at first but we eventually realized we could be really great friends so that was that. For about a year, we were getting closer and apparently all my friends saw the signs that he liked me more than a friend. Turns out, we eventually ended up hooking up after being friends for almost a year and he confessed he’d liked me since he met me. His exact words were “I’d love to see where this goes “. The next day, I immediately felt him being distant but I tried to deal with it. After a week or two of hardly any effort from him, I was frustrated, and spoke up. He shut me down and told me I’m acting like Im expecting more from him, and that he doesn’t want to get involved with anyone. As you can imagine , I was heartbroken and furious so I cut him off. We didn’t speak for a few months, and one day he started texting me again and I missed him a lot so we started talking again. Next thing I know, we hook up again. Naturally. The next week, He leaves to go out of the country to visit family for about 3 months, but the entire time there, he’s texting me almost on a daily , and opening up to me more and more, not necessarily about his feelings but our bond was getting stronger because he had never opened up to me this much before. By the time his trip was almost over, there was so much sexual tension and desire between us, and he had said so much to me to get my hopes back up about us, I honestly thought we’d progress. Turns out, he didn’t try to see me when he got back until almost a month after. We finally hung out, but nothing happened. He treated me like just a friend and didn’t make a single move on me and told me he was shy. However, we spoke on the phone for hours almost every night but he wouldn’t really make an effort to spend time with me. I brought it up to him after a week of silence, and he apologized and said he didn’t want to lose me and that I meant so much to him and that he’d work on being a better friend to me. Because at this point , I guess we’re really not anything but friends who have some kind of unspoken love/lust/connection. Now, I feel like I’m forced to step back and give him the space needed to step up and initiate something With me because every time our connection seemed to get stronger and he felt like We were getting closer , he’d start to push me away. It became a cat and mouse game of testing each other. Now. he hardly speaks to me and still hardly puts in any effort and he’s nothing like how he used to be with me. We used to talk on the phone almost every night, mentally connecting and lusting for each other , but yet he’d put no effort to see me or spend time with me. I’m now at a point of so much anger and sadness and frustration, I can’t figure out whether he’s stringing me along and if I should just walk away and give up, and stop wondering/hoping or to let my entire guard down and confess to him how deeply I feel for him. I’m scared that if I confess, it’ll freak him out and then I’ll lose him for good.
But based on your article , I’m inclined to do it. Is it a good idea in my case?
Hi Pete, I think you don’t really answer comments anymore but it would be very appreciated if you’d answer!
So I’m a high school student and there was an outing last week. There’s this guy from my school I’ve never really had feelings for until that outing. I was looking for a flower for an activity and since I can’t find one, he handed me his. Then sometimes I notice him staring at me..or at least maybe me. I started looking at him too constantly and it was a fun game.
The problem is, everyone knows he has a massive crush on another girl since like the start of the semester. I don’t know if he’s still into her but most likely. And i find them very cute.
During the outing, he said to me once that he gave her candies and sweet stuff but i found out he was just lying to me. What does that mean?
So when we started going to school on a normal schedule, I often greeted him and try to talk to him, but suddenly he acts like he’s not interested at all? Sometimes he even ignores me! Is he like finding me too annoying or what?
Hi Cindy,
I do answer comments but as you can see, there are way too many to answer all of them AND I am always hesitant answering question to women in high school.
My best advice for young guys who appear to have crushes on other women is to let them ride it out.
I highly doubt you’ll trust his sincerity if something were to happen between you two. You’ll always be thinking his heart is really someplace else and you were someone he just “settled” for.
When he lied to you he was (most likely) only looking for empathy. Someone to boost his confidence and tell him how good he was. Guys do lots of strange things to gain empathy from a woman.
If he is attracted to you, that could have been his way of peaking your interest. Perhaps hoping you would reveal your feeling for him after he said it. That does happen especially with younger guys.
I’m not sure if he finds you annoying, that would be beyond my scope of your situation.
All I can say is that some younger ( well lots of them actually ) guys have very strange ways of acting around women.
Hope that helps you a little and please keep in mind what I wrote, if his heart is somewhere else, let him ride it out.
All the best to you,
Pete
Hi, Pete, I needed some advise. I am happily married and I have a trainer who trains me in a form of group training. The trainer knows i am married and has tried a lot of times to approach me and show that he has feelings for me. There have been times when he fought with me in missing his session, other times during the group session he would give me extra attention. Last week when I admitted that I like him and don’t want him to switch his timings with other trainers, he started ignoring me all together. It’s now bothering me even though I don’t have romantic feelings for him but I feel he took it in a wrong way thinking I have feeling towards him. I wanted to know if you can help me with his intentions, of continuously trying to attract me towards him and now altogether it’s like I don’t exist. I feel like he took advantage of my feelings and I feel insulted.
well there is a guy who is 10 years older than me, i see him because he is my extra courses teacher but did not think about anything, then he sent me an invitation on facebook and we started talking and stuff, and he said he liked me and i told him i admire him as a person. after that, we started talking and he said that he misses me and asked me to go out with him and i said yes. we went out to watch a soccer game and we talked a little and drove me home, it was nice. But then he didn’t text me or anything especially when his soccer team lost the next day and he was pissed of. He barely responded to my texts. I don’t know what to expect from him and i’m confused. So please help me i want to know if there is a chance for us to work or i should let go, and there is what’s the next step for me Ps: he is very very busy and works everyday.
So, I started a new job and immediately a guy I work with caught my eye. The attraction has been mutual. When we are a group with other people, we get along great, but the second we get alone together we both tend to clam up a bit – obviously sensing the tension. So, last week he told me that he and a few other coworkers were planning to go out on Friday and he asked me to come. He made sure about 3 times throughout the week that I would come, lol. So, I did and we had a good time with our coworkers, but eventually they all left and it was just the two of us. Us both having alcohol in our systems, loosened us up and we got along great by ourselves. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me. The kiss started getting a little hot and heavy, so I stopped it – not wanting to go to far too soon. We said good night and I left. I didn’t hear from him, but decided to contact him the next day just to thank him for a nice night and to make sure he got home ok. His responses have been so dry and short. I have only texted him twice, the one mentioned above and one that mentioned the kiss and that I wanted to let him know I don’t usually do that with coworkers or guys that I am going out with for the first time but that I didn’t regret the kiss either. But he is just acting sooo distant now. I am really confused because he is the one that kissed me. I’m not sure what I did or what I should do now, because I think this is a guy that I may really, really like and that hasn’t happened to me in a long time.
Hello Marie,
Work relationships will ALWAYS be confusing because of the level of complexity which goes along with it. That goes for both “sides” men and women.
Alcohol was involved which can also confuse the situation. Remember it was the ONE thing which helped both of you lower your guards and get along normally.
Put those two together and you just might see a guy acting all strange and distant. In his mind he could easily be thinking, “Shit… I got drunk and kissed her!!! Now what do I do? Work was already getting weird when we’re alone. Now how do I act? On top of that she texts me she doesn’t normally DO things like that… great. I’m in for it now.”
Now of course that’s the ramblings of a guy unsure of himself or how to act or what your rules work relationships are.
You however, did great! You did what you can to put those ramblings at ease and you texted him sober. You didn’t go too far on the first “date” and left it open.
After that, assume nothing was done wrong on your part.
I understand you’re confused. I understand you’re not sure what to do next. And I also understand the “not knowing” part is probably going to drive you a little crazy.
In fact, not knowing will drive your attraction up as you wonder, imagine, and think it all out.
SO now is NOT the time to react.
It’s HIS turn to act and BE a real guy.
His next action will prove to you without much of a doubt what kind of guy you’re dealing with. That’s a good thing, right? As long as you don’t let your emotions get the better of you, maintain that position.
If his sole intention was to get you out so he can fill himself up with alcohol to lower yours and his inhibitions, and was the only way he could bring himself to kiss you, then being sober just doesn’t know what to do next…
Then you’re probably in for a long one as he figures things out.
Whether that’s good or bad remains to be seen. My guess is that if you get more of the same, dry, unresponsive, unsure… for long periods of time then you have your answer.
Hope that helps you Marie and all the best to you,
Pete
Funny…. I don’t like games and if a guy does this to me I’ll think he’s emotionally complex and I’m instantly turned off…. it’s silly because a guy I liked did this to me and I don’t take him seriously anymore
Good point Akala,
Being congruent IS a very attractive trait.
Well ive been talking this guy gor four months now but ive known him for years.. we talk and text everday about anything and everything. He always asks me to hang out or go over but i get shy and nervous to go so i sometimes dont go but when i do go hes quite but playfully trys to touch me or wrestle. An this one time i went to his house we watch a movie and drank some beer we hooked up.. i went home thinking i shouldnt of done that but he text me say we should hang out more.. now im not the type of girl to be all crazy for a guy ive never had a boyfriend so i dont know exactly how to react to this but i do like him just not sure if he does and im not sure if i show that i do.. last week i went of to his house and he had a bonfire with his friends he didnt really talk to me if he did hekept it short i got along with all his friend but he just didnt both to talk to me so i was irritated cause i want to talk to him. When i went home he texted saying thanks for coming .. i dont really understand whats he wants or intentions are or why he doesnt really talk to me in person but over the phone he open ups about everthing??!!
Hello.
I need a little help. I cant figure out if this guy is still into me or not? I have a tendency to over analyze things. This guy and I started off fine. We both liked each other a lot and things were going fine but we didnt start dating yet as we wanted to get to know each other better. We did have our disagreements and a few fights but it was normal. The thing is we barely got time to spend with another apart from texting or calling cause our lives were becoming hectic(exam time ,end of the year and all) I have a feeling that not being able to go out and spend time together started causing problems for us because for the past one month we have barely spoken to one another ,barely kept in touch and barely seen each other. He started to withdraw or get distant .At first I kept asking if it was all okay and if he started to lose interest in me but he would just ask me to not over analyze and that he still liked me but was upset that nothing was happening between us. Afterwards even i stopped trying to initiate conversations as i thought he needed his space. But the last time i spoke to him,i asked him what was happening between us and what we were. I started to feel that he’s done with me but i didnt want to ask him again if he still liked me or not .
he replied saying that nothing was happening between us at the moment as we barely spoke,we weren’t dating and we barely saw one another. He was like we are just friends at the moment. This really hurt me and i asked him what he meant by it to which he said nothing and asked me to start studying as our exams were coming up. He said we would talk about it after the exams and that I should concentrate.I felt really bad and i told him he should have said something about it or what he felt while withdrawing and this annoyed him. He asked me to stop assuming unnecessary things and that there was no withdrawal here.
I cant understand what’s happening.I know we’ve made some mistakes and had some problems,but we could work on it,rectify it or fix it after the exams and make things better.If not anything atleast we’d now we gave it our best to work it out.I really wanted to tell him this but i dont know how should i do it without seeming needy and i need to know what does he feel exactly.
Please help me out!
Thank You.
Hi Pete,
I need your advice or opinion… I have met a guy a month ago, we click right away, there was a connection and chemistry from the beginning… He seemed to be a nice guy that’s what I thought. We slept together the first night… And we met again every weekend but he only contacted me on the weekend. He never been texting me unless for seeing me. Sometimes he was ignoring my messages but always contacted me on weekend and we meet. He was very nice and sweet when we were together so I thought we were in the beginning of something… But since I came back from my week back in my country, we were supposed to meet on the day I came back… He never answered my last message and now since nearly 2 weeks I don’t have any news… But as I don’t want to look like needy and don’t want to look like I am chasing him, I have my pride, I didn’t text him or call him since that last message… But I miss him and sometimes I would like to text him but I know it wouldn’t be good. So I would like to have a man point of view… what should I do really? I like him we have good time together and he has always been careful nice and tender with me each time we spent together so I miss him and would like in the deep part of myself to see him again… My fiends think he is being a jerk, they probably right but sometimes still I would like to text him… But how can I do that without looking needy or loosing self esteem?
Thanks for your help if you can help me…
Hope to hear from you
Hi Peter !
I’m new here and I’ve just started to read your articles . And wanted to Congratulate and Thank you for the help you’re giving to all girls .
I need your help too , if it’s possible .
There’s a guy in my school (university actually) that I’ve been liking for a long time . And we started to talk one day , a month before , in our school’s bar . There was my bestfriend and a friend of her , who was a friend of this guy too , he sitted with them , and later when I finished my class I went there too (I didn’t even know he was there) . He said Congratulations to me , for the solo concert that I had had some days before , and that really liked my way of playing and sound . Than talked a little ( I don’t talk too much) . During all the time we stood there , I guess a hour , he didn’t stop staring at me and teasing me to talk and say something .
The other days we continued to say hello and look at each other , the eye contact that he was trying to make was very special and the way that he started to come and hug me was special too , were only us in those moments , even why I was a little nervous cause I don’t get close with people that fast .
But yesterday happened a weird thing . I was with the same friends as in the first day at the bar and left for a minute . When I wasn’t there he asked them for a tissue . They hadn’t and toldto him ‘wait cause Ana might have any ‘ . And he asked ‘Who is Ana?’
What the hell is happening ??? I’m sure he knows my name , I don’t understand why he sad so , and acted that cold when they answered to him , when I showed up He smiled to me but I didn’t know this .
when I found out , actually I ignored him for the rest of the afternoon , I was mad at him I couldn’tjust smile or look at him like normally .
So , what do you think Peter ? What should I think or do ?
Even if you don’t have any answer , thanks for reading this anyway .
Have a nice day
So there is this guy in one of my classes (we are year 12 in school) and most of his friends are in the class and a few of mine are in the class too. So I’ve noticed that for over a month now, I would catch him staring/ glaring at me in class. When he turns around to talk to his friend, he looks at me, and I sit 2 rows to the right of him.
Again, many people we know are in the same class and he’s always with his friends so I don’t really get the opportunity to talk to him a lot. I tried talking to him in the hallway on the way to class once, but it was just a simple “hello” and “how are you” kind of conversation, which went nowhere.
A mutual friend told him about my interest but he pretended to not know who I was(keep in mind we’ve only talked that one time, and he doesn’t use social media), but I know for a fact that he does because he knew me when I conversed with him.
What is with him?