Man or woman, no one actually likes to be ignored.
With a catch though – the person being ignored must actually care because ignoring someone who couldn’t care less is more or less, doing them a favor.
With regards to attraction – it can be seen as a game, a test, or call it a validation.
For example:
“If I ignore him and he does nothing – he must not care.”
“If she’s ignoring me – she must be seeing someone else.”
Crazy as all this seems it becomes an internal struggle to validate whether or not someone gives a shit ( or not. )
It’s used to illicit a response and we’re hoping ( mostly ) it’s a positive statement that someone DOES care.
The strange part is – a guy can ignore a woman purposely or by accident or by being too busy and wrapped up in his own affairs to notice the things around them.
A guy can also ignore a woman because he’s trying not to appear needy or desperate.
The more approval seeking the guy, the more attention he needs, the more he’ll absolutely hate being ignored while a man on the other end might not care as much or at all. Why Do Guys Hate Being Ignored?
For him – it’s merely a way to keep his attraction in check. He trying to NOT scare her away like he did with all the rest.
This guy – it may go without saying BUT, if you ignore him back you more than likely going to amp up his attraction AND drive him crazy.
Two things which rarely go well together for the less than stable man.
A guy can ignore a woman by accident.
Yes, it does happen.
Both could be at fault or maybe there’s another woman who is catching his attention more.
Just maybe he’s not feeling it enough to notice you – or some other woman is capturing his attention and doing things which make HER more irresistible.
In other words his attention is diverted – and whether he knows it is happening or not is another thing all together.
Ignoring THIS guy won’t drive him crazy – it will probably push him on to someone else all too easily.
A guy can also ignore a woman because he’s so self-involved to see what is going on around him.
He’s always wrapped up in his own world, maybe a little selfish, maybe a little determined to find his way, or yes, it pains me to say it but not really socially inept enough to notice he “appears” to be ignoring the people around him.
No matter how it happens his focus never seems to be in the right place at the right time.
It’s narrowed to one thing at one time and if you’re not in his cross-hairs it can feel very personal.
Like he’s doing it to you on purpose.
Ignoring a guy like this won’t drive him crazy because he won’t even notice it’s even happening. It becomes a waste of your valuable time.
So where does all this testing or game playing come from?
Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but… What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game
As stated above – it’s an internal struggle for validation.
If you didn’t care it wouldn’t matter.
We ALL want to be heard when we feel we have something to say or share.
It also depends on the nature of the relationship or our connection to the world around us.
In a relationship it’s important to be heard but it’s probably MORE important we’re being understood.
Therefore the “ignorance” hurts twice. They don’t even understand how much it hurts to be misunderstood while we’re being ignored.
In our connection to the world or people around us – it feels lonely…
No one notices us.
No one cares.
It’s frustrating.
Like we don’t even matter or if we were to disappear off the face of the earth it wouldn’t matter or make a difference.
Therefore the internal struggle continues as we reach out for validation in any way, shape, or form.
From the loud-mouth characters to the game playing attention seekers to the young girl looking to get back at Daddy by dating your lovely host ( me ) … and the list goes on…
Whereas in attraction something else happens, doesn’t it? Or is it any different?
What, we’re not GOOD enough for them???!!!
Why won’t they notice me???!!!
I ignore her and she comes running to me, I show a little interest and she runs away – confusing beyond frustration.
He’s ignoring me on purpose – it must mean he likes me.
It either causes us to re-focus our mind to something less distracting and hurtful or causes us to lash out for attention to validate how something “should be” because we believe it “must” be.
These are valid reasons why people don’t like to be ignored.
The double hurtful thing…
It’s one thing to NOT be heard but it hurts worse to be misunderstood.
Some go the desperate needy way – hoping someone will give us a chance.
Some go the sexual way – sleeping with person after person hoping the sex will make the pain go away. A quick fix to an apparently long-term problem.
Some go the commitment route – if we’re dating, we’re in the relationship “clause”. In a relationship, you’re NOT supposed to be ignored – whereas while dating it’s not uncommon to go a week or two without talking.
Some move towards physical validation – Look at me!!!! Seriously… look at me dammit!!!
Mostly ( I guess ) guys do it by being loud and obnoxious, get in fights, overly state how their opinions are more right than yours. Whistle at you. Holler at you. Remark on your feminine wares or womanly body parts.
Girls can do that too but may have found more effective means such as showing off their sexually feminine and alluring body parts. 😉
The whole ignoring thing is not one simple answer, I’ll give it that.
BUT…
I still feel it’s a personal thing…
We FEEL like we’re not being heard or understood giving more importance to the person or people who are doing it to us.
The answer, if there was one – is not to simply avoid seeking the truth of the ignorance.
That would be absurd to ask.
If we understand or agree, whether it’s a test, a game, or an internal struggle to become validated…
We’re the ones giving “ignorance” the power to control us or affect us then we can begin to see it for what it really is.
If it’s a guy… who is just trying to look better in front of a woman he likes – it’s not really a bad thing – it may be sad BUT it can also be cute. If we or you let if affect you in that way.
If it’s a group… who won’t let us play in their “reindeer games”, well we can always find a better group who won’t exclude us. Fuck ’em! 🙂 We’ll make our own fun and games.
If it’s by accident or done by the unknowing because they’re too wrapped up in their own world… it should NOT affect us negatively. We can reach out or poke them. Wake their asses up to something more exciting.
So… after all this will it drive a guy crazy to ignore him, as much as to amp his attraction up?
Or does it really involve something deeper is going on and we must look, understand, or engage a secret part of why it matters so much that some “dude” is ignoring us?
For some men, yes, it will drive his attraction higher IF he feels like he’s being minored on purpose. I can’t recommend its direct usage but I can certainly say… Give him the proper space and silence at just the right time and it WILL have amazing results.
Just do that on your own terms by just being too busy or self-involved in your own agenda and never do it just to play him.
Either way, it ALWAYS involves something deeper. We’ve already seen all the implications in this short article alone.
We’ve also already seen or been shown how it’s more internal than external.
Hi Peter:
There is a man at work who useto talk to me a lot. We became good friends. As time went on, I think we both began to develop feelings. Hes separated. I would say in February, he became distant. He wouldn’t talk to me. As time went on, I began to step back and figured he wasn’t interested. In April, he began to come around again. Now, he has stepped back. I think hes trying to work it out with her. He seems angry. I know its not me. Can it be cause shes making him work on their relationship and he doesn’t want to?
Hi Missy,
That sounds like a question you should be asking him, not me.
You “think” he developed feelings for you but he did nothing to show it through action, words, or both.
If a guy only comes to you “as a friend”, then it’s highly likely that’s all he wants which gives him every reason to back away and come back and back away. Men who are fully interested in a woman don’t normally act that way. They take action. They DO something about it.
Since he only comes to you as a friend, then asking him the personal question you asked me (about him) is where you will find your answer.
By focusing on all his actions you’re only avoiding yourself and the the things you have control of… you.
Pete
Hi Peter,
I am currently using the No Contact Rule on my ex boyfriend. I told him that I did not want to be friends, that we should go our separate ways so I could move on. Less than a week now from last Friday. He called and messaged me last Sunday. To which I didn’t respond or contact him back, but read the message.
He called me and messaged again yesterday afternoon, Wednesday the 25th. I read the message late.
This morning, he messages again and says, “I see you read the message and guess you don’t want to reply. Guess its really over then. Goodbye and take good care of yourself. ”
I’m assuming he didn’t know that I read his first message.
What should I do now?
I want him back and to make it work. Should I wait to see what he does, or contact him?
Making him sweat or fear losing me and wanting to get back together is the goal, but what if it does the opposite?
Any insights?
Thanks,
Star.
Hi Star,
I’m assuming you broke up with him but either way it’s obvious to me he wants to get back together with you. Otherwise he would not have replied with this, “guess you don’t want to reply. Guess its really over then. Goodbye and take good care of yourself.”
My insight is that you’re going about this the wrong way. Doing this “Making him sweat or fear losing me and wanting to get back together is the goal” is not how you communicate in a relationship. It’s a game. A bad game which might not do the opposite now but sooner or later, because of these broken lines of communication, will eventually cause more problems.
Sure fear is a great motivator but it’s no way to start or rekindle a relationship. A man who acts solely out of fear of reprisal hasn’t really learned anything.
Sure, giving space is necessary for couples to realize they want to be together BUT only when it’s agreed upon and happens naturally does it have a positive impact.
Forcing these things only opens up more negativity, doubt, mistrust, and anything else you can think of.
Of course I have no idea what caused the break up but that doesn’t change the fact that HOW you communicate with your partner is one of the most important skills any couple can learn. Feeling attracted is easy. Getting together is relatively easy and happens a lot. Staying together, growing together, being capable of getting through the fights or “low points” or the moments where your relationship is tested requires communication skills.
Unfortunately those skills are rarely taught and it’s up to each one of us to seek out someone to show us how.
While this is still up and relevant please read this and then watch the video because I believe it will pertain to your situation a lot more than it might seem at first.
http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/5rf.a/h/The_Steps_To_Creating_Intense.htm
Hope it all works out for you,
Pete