≡ Menu
Why Do Guys…?

Is He Confusing You? Leave Your Questions About Men Here And Get An Answer From A Real Guy

If a guy is confusing you and you’re looking for an answer, you can leave them here.

When he’s doing something you just don’t understand and the answers you’ve found only seemed to confuse you even more, well then men might as well have a huge question mark posted on their face. STOP over thinking and tell us what you REALLY want to know about guys.

Is there something about a guy you wished anyone would finally give you an honest answer?

Your girlfriends are great but they might know know about the other side. They haven’t lived a man’s life.

Maybe your guy friends are not typical. They’re “nicer” than the “boys” you’ve dated. They don’t have the experience you wish they had.

Your family’s a little too close or perhaps too far. Either way they know you too well and their answers are more about you and not men in general.

You’ve tried searched out here in the great web but for some reason, you just couldn’t get a real satisfying answer. They, like I’ve been guilty of too, seem to open up more questions that satisfy just one of them.

Leave us any question below – Click Here

And now you find yourself here… wondering, hoping, trudging through a few posts, reading a few comments… it’s kind of nice but YOUR problem is different. It’s just not covered somewhere.

This page comes to you as an opportunity to leave a question (anyone) can answer but also it’s a starting place to categorize everything you wanted to know about guys.

Leave your random question about men and I just might feature it as a post – or I’ll throw you a quick answer straight from the instincts of a guy who understands men and wants you to understand us all better.

Here are the basic categories I’ve found most questions fall into:

  • Beauty
  • Breaking Up
  • Dating
  • Dirty Talk
  • Does He Like You
  • Flirting
  • Game Playing
  • Insecurty and Jealousy
  • Is It Love
  • Looks
  • Maturity and Masculine Men
  • Meeting His Needs
  • Online and Text Experiences
  • Reading A Man’s Mind
  • Relationship Problems
  • Sex Appeal
  • Sexual Desires
  • Stare and Approach
  • What Does He Mean
  • What Guys Want
  • What Men Like to Know
  • Why Do Guys Do…

( If you feel I’ve missed one then please let me know about it below…. thanks in advance. )

Now personally, if I was you – I would make sure you get all updates delivered to you personally. Be sure to commit yourself to truly understanding men.

Your Why Do Guys Newsletter gives you the latest major updates… You never know when an answer will come along you can truly relate to. You also get great advice about men from me , personal stories with women,  and of course you get the chance of having your questions answered personally.

But enough of that…

You Want Answers About Men and You Want Them Now!

Right?

Then what are you waiting for… comment anything your heart desires and keep your eyes out for the answer.

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE LEAVING YOUR QUESTION – I will be monitoring your comments and sometimes it may take up to 24 hours for your comment to appear. Please be patient. I Can NOT answer everything but I’ll try. Keep it fun and we’ll all learn something. – Pete

*Subscribers will be emailed important comment answers quite randomly. You can sign up for that feature by going here.

622 comments… add one

  • GenuinelyCurious

    Hi Pete! :D I need your opinion in this. I was wondering, is there any way(s) of how to test a guy if he likes a girl by his body language? I know some of the body languages, but I’m not that sure either he’s attracted. Thank you. :)

  • Tara

    Hi Pete

    So, I have this slight problem. I’m dating a man who has some real relationship issues. he’s seriously afraid of commitment. He’s come out and told me this and we have had several fights over this. I don’t want to fight anymore but we nether one of use want to call quits on our relationship. So my question is how care I help him get over his past outlook of relationships so we can work on our own?

    • Peter White

      Hi Tara, you can’t!

      First HE has to want to get over it. Then HE has to face his fears. Then HE has to find real help based on his current “life” situation. And then HE has to work though it all.

      If getting past it all was truly a priority in his life, it stands to reason HE WOULD be making some real attempts to better himself and overcome his irrational fear of commitment.

      That is MY very personal opinion.

      There are some who say, for the right woman a man is willing to do the work. Like how if he truly felt you were the one for him, he would overcome his fears. If you want a guy who absolutely believes that could happen for you…

      I would seriously consider this:

      http://www.whydoguys.com/3-connection-secrets-about-men-redirect/

      One thing he points out gets to the real issue here. Fear of commitment, when you think about it, is by far irrational and unfounded among most normal men. It’s an excuse. Think about it this way, a guy says, “I’m afraid I’m going to get stuck with you for the rest of my life.” And that statement alone hurts. It really does sting, doesn’t it? But what’s the difference.

      Keep in mind that’s a promotional link I offer which is the real deal because I can not possibly cover it all through a comment AND I don’t have all the answers myself.

      Hopefully you’ll gain some valuable insight through it and I promise to consider your personal situation more as the days pass and I catch up on all these comments.

      Best to you Tara,

      Pete

      P.S. You can read more about him on this page. His name is Carlos Cavallo:

      http://www.whydoguys.com/recommendations-building-relationship-success/

  • Sarah

    Hi!! So this is my question. I’ve been talking to this guy for a few months who lives in another country. We’ve talked on Skype a few times, so I’m pretty sure he is who his pictures say he is. The thing is that usually when we email back and forth, it takes him a few weeks (about 2) to hear back from him. Maybe its busyness with work, etc-I just don’t know what to think. He’s kinda said he wants to build a friendship first, but the truth is that usually I expect I’ll never hear from him again and I’m over it, then I hear from him. So what do you think-am I being played or could busyness really be the reason why I don’t hear from him often?

    • Peter White

      Hi Sarah,

      I imagine he’s not putting much effort into it because of the distance and friends ( or people becoming friends ) don’t normally talk everyday. Those things take time. Also I’d assume he’s talking to other women too.

      But mostly, lots of guys are not willing to give that much effort to women who are a long distance away, for obvious reasons like no real physical interaction, inability to see each other and meet consistently, unsure if the person is who they say the are, etc…

      If you were being played, he’s play it for all its worth, get want he wants or needs, and then continually blow you off. Most players dodge quickly after that happens. They play the game and excuses themselves from dealing with the consequences of what they started.

      Hope that helps you Sarah,

      Pete

  • nikkita

    I started a sexual relationship with a friend of mine who is much younger than me. We known each other for years and we’ve flirted the whole time. We hooked up, things seemed great, I then found out he had hooked up with another girl. I didn’t mind this so much and just the lies he started telling to cover his tracks. He has always been a terrible texter so I stopped texting him and tried to pull away. We never text but if I don’t talk to him at work he will always come and talk to me. I talked with a mutual friend we have trying to figure out what was going on with him. I worried that the reason he looked for another girl was because the sex wasn’t as amazing for him as it was for me. He told her husband that no it was the best sex he’d ever had and that it was hot and everything. He also told him that he felt like he was settling if he had sex with just one girl. I can understand that he is young and he doesn’t want anything serious and we talked about this. I know I’m stupid but I had feelings for him before we started hooking up. I told my friend that I was going to give up on him because he was continuing to have sex with this other girl, not me. sex that he has told several people that is not that good but its readily available. So more sex is more important than great sex? Anyway this friend tells me that I shouldn’t give up that he really cares for me its just that he doesn’t know how to get himself out of the hole that he dug when he slept with the other girl. She said that he has told her point blank that he cares but he doesn’t want to hurt the other girl either and there may possibly be a child on the way. I told her that doesn’t make any sense why is hurting me easier than hurting her? She said that he knows that I’m older and that He knows that I need something more serious and that he’s kind of freaked out because its making him rethink all the plans he had for his life. But to me this doesn’t make sense. is he just keeping me around?

    • Peter White

      Hi Nikkita,

      The first thing I see is that you’re in a friends with benefits situation and I just don’t think they work that well. Something I covered in this article a little deeper:

      http://www.whydoguys.com/fwb-does-it-work-relationships-clear-definitions/

      As for the more sex is better than great sex? Guys ( very generally speaking ) don’t tend to rate sex that much at all. They’re either getting it or not. I’d say for lots of them, as long as she’s enjoying it immensely and they’re able to explore some of their desires and “finish it” they’re more than happy with it.

      Also if getting it consistently means less touching themselves, then yes, more is better than great.

      Now, he probably finds you much more stable than her. More mature and able to handle this kind of relationship. So it’s not that he’s willing to hurt you more than her, just that you seem okay with what is going on and are more capable of handling things than she appears to be.

      You haven’t considered the age thing. Perhaps he’s a little hesitant on starting something more with someone who is older than him because of that “more serious” comment. Giving more to someone who wants to settle down quicker. At least that’s what it could feel like to him. ( We BOTH know younger women can be just as ready to settle down as an older woman. :D )

      He’s probably keeping you around because it’s working for him. You’re stress free, great sex, and may be the one thing which is stopping him from committing to that “other girl”. He loves the security and the maturity of it all.

      Consider this is a work thing, a FWB thing, he’s dating and having sex with a few women, you’re hearing thing “third person” about what is going on, and you end up with a guy who, as long as it’s all working for him, will continue to hold back from giving anything more.

      We might have only scratched the surface here but I wanted to get it all started at least while I had the time this morning,

      Hope that helps you clear thing up a bit,

      Pete

  • Nikki

    Hi Pete! I have to say I love, love your articles and have so much respect for you and the deserving honesty you are giving us women…it’s pretty hot

    • Peter White

      Hi Nikki,

      It IS isn’t it? ;)

      Thank you,

      Pete

  • Leesya

    Hi Pete,

    I have a huge crush on this adorable funny smart guy. We attend at the same Uni. I don’t know how to approach him without being awkward because we never talk… Well, beside staring intensely to each other and stealing a glance… from far, far away. lol He was the one who started the staring contest. -///- On one beautiful day, the power of courage was blessed upon me, I smiled at him… Unfortunately, I don’t think he saw it… lol Yesterday, When we’re in the bus, He change his seat (his original seat was at the front) behind me when he saw it empty. I pitied his friend who was abandoned at the front. Tsk, Tsk. He even did this macho walking; (standing tall and puffing his chest like a proud world champion wrestler) while I walked behind him during the field trip. But at Uni, I saw him from afar when he’s with his friends, he walk rather normally. o_O

    So please help, Pete. Thank you! :3

  • Brenna

    Hi Pete,

    So first off – this is a very “classroom” sort of situation. I’ve never really had trouble with guys “liking” me, or expressing interest, and I can usually tell when a guy is interested. And every time I’d had to sort to nip it in the bud before a guy’s affections started causing drama. Because honestly? I know what I want, and at this point it’s definitely not a relationship. Especially at my age, where guys are at that awkward sort of “I really like you but I can’t handle it/haven’t admitted it to myself so I’m going to be an arse or just fully stalk you” stage, because that sort of thing really turns me off.

    The thing is, I never really thought I’d get to the stage where I’d be so confused about whether a guy was interested or not due to my own budding interest fogging things over a little bit. I’m dealing with my own feelings sort of separately, but I can still -feel- them messing with my judgement.

    Here’s the situation (let’s just call him O): It all started towards the end of last year. O was a newly returned student at my school (apparently he attended it a few years ago but I have literally no memory of him?), and of course, upon noticing him on the first day – that cute little friend request on Facebook appeared. Sure, I’d never spoken to this guy and couldn’t care less, but for the sake of “friending” people at the same school as me I accepted. Throughout that last term of school, I noticed some eye contact happening but thought nothing of it – personally, I look at a lot of people and do tend to stare and it honestly means nothing.

    I deleted Facebook over the holidays because of some various drama, and only got it again recently for the sake of homework. (This becomes semi-relevant later I suppose).

    Now, upon returning to school this year – I had to deal with some extremely lurker type behaviour from another guy. I was so focused on trying to stop this and avoid the guy – because it makes me unbelievably uncomfortable, I don’t even know why guys insist on doing this. It wasn’t until I’d started to resolve this drama, that I noticed O again.

    During one of our whole school events one morning (very small school, this is a regular thing), I looked over casually to my left. I make a habit of just sort of lulling my gaze around a room because interpersonal contact in crowded spaces makes me incredibly uneasy, so I’m just sort of looking around bored trying to distract myself. It’s at this point I noticed O’s head turned and eyes looking directly into mine. My first thought was “No, he’s not looking at me. He’s definitely looking at someone else.” except for that fact I could -feel- he was looking at me. I’m not sure how to describe it, but I definitely knew his eyes were on mine. And it wasn’t even a side ways glance, his head was turned a fully sideways to look over at me. We held eye contact for about two seconds before he slowly turned away.

    I thought nothing of it. Until he started just… Being outside my locker. For lack of a better way to describe it. He’s just constantly outside my locker. Not up against it, but rather against the wall that’s close opposite it. He’ll just happen to linger there – whether everyone’s shifting between classes or just at lunch. I can guarantee he’ll be there at least 5 times a day. So this is starting to weird me out, obviously, until this…

    … Whenever, during lunch, I’ll go up to my locker to get a book to read or food or music or whatever – he’ll give me a side eye and slowly move. It’s like he’s trying to give me space, but it’s so much more awkward than that. He’ll stop talking, everyone in the foyer (his class hangs out in the foyer, as I said – small school), will sort of quiet and he’ll just be shuffling away from me.

    Over the next few days, his behaviour has sort of intensified. He’ll always be walking past me or the room I’m in. I see him the most out of anyone at my school who isn’t in my class. He’ll do this thing where he’ll look like he’s on a mission, walking intently to somewhere – then he’ll stop halfway and walk back past me. He’ll also often pause near me to yell at someone? Like having a long-distance sort of conversation. In fact; his seemingly obsessed fixation with being near me and walking past him seems to have interfered with his sport. He’s that guy who’s always playing soccer, always playing basketball, always just being active. Now that’s he’s started with the walking past me? Nope. That’s all he does now. Be near me.

    Various eye contacts through crowds, sitting near me in whole school events (but not too near), me suddenly turning to find his eyes intently on me, and just constant interactions – later? Anyone would think his “feelings” were obvious. And I’d love to stay my typical impartial self regarding him. Tell myself it’s all obvious and make an effort to avoid him. But I can’t.

    It’s some sort of combination of him looking away incredibly quickly when I catch him looking at me, not making any effort at all to talk to me (I don’t know him we’ve never talked), and not actually sending me another friend request on facebook that’s got me thinking that it’s just me.

    Because I find him attractive, I do, in spite of the fact that there was this one times I caught him actually standing in front of a small window staring right at me. I’m stuck between being terrified when I see him doing his thing – and getting really irritated when he’s not doing it.

    I feel like I’ve lost my chance. Because in retaliation to all this, I’ve avoided him. I’ve given people “looks” when he walks past, I’ve not been ballsy enough to smile when making eye contact, and one time I sort of got carried away and ducked when I saw him through a window – and ending up sort of hiding as he walked past the doorway to the classroom I was in.

    Because I’ve been so “weirded out” in the past by this sort of behaviour I feel as though I’ve completely ruined any chance I had with him.

    So I suppose this whole essay I’ve written boils down to one thing – I have no idea what to do. People are saying “talk to him, friend him, smile”, but it’s really not that easy. I feel like I’ve scared him away, I feel like my liking him has really skewed this situation to a point where it might even be -me- that’s stalking him? Because I do meet his eye a lot. And although he’s 90% of the time returning my gaze, I can’t help that little nagging voice that tells me he’s not interested.

  • Confused

    Hello!

    I’ve got a confusing situation here, and am just looking for a guy’s honest opinion on the subject at hand.

    I met this really attractive guy (We’ll call him Sam) a couple years ago when a friend (We’ll call him Mike) let me tag along to his house one night. I think I almost drooled a bit when I saw him. This guy was totally my type… Painfully smart, geeky, really nice smile, and super intense eyes. We got along really well, and had a lot of things in common. At the time, I wasn’t really looking for a relationship, but I knew I was attracted to Sam in a very intense way.

    Time passed. He added me on Facebook. We didn’t really talk unless Mike brought me along to somewhere Sam was at.

    One evening, Mike and I went to a party at a mutual friend’s house a couple towns over from where I lived. I saw Sam from afar, but didn’t think he was interested in talking to a casual acquaintance like myself when there were so many other folks around. I also have such a distorted image of myself in my mind that I had already come to the decision that he was way out of my league. As I was talking to a group of people, I noticed him position himself near me, off to the side. I could tell that he was stealing glances… Maybe trying to listen in on our conversation. I turned and said hello, and Sam acted like he was completely surprised by my presence, but in a good way. Hopeful for a continued interaction, even if only on a friend level, I tried to make sure I included him in our conversation.

    Besides being droolworthy, Sam seemed, in all honesty, to be an awesome person. I’m bisexual, so I have friends of both sexes that I’m attracted to and am quite able to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn’t feel the same about me. I was just hoping to have a continued rapport with Sam, either way.

    When it came time for the party to end, I asked Mike if he’d drive me home. Sam appeared out of seemingly nowhere and quickly offered me a ride home instead. I took this as a good sign.

    When we got to my place, we sat in the driveway and talked from 12am to around 4am. I was so nervous that I was unsure if he was sending me any signals. My receptors were definitely fried, and I was just coming down from a pretty drunk night. Before I went in, we exchanged digits and I invited him to come hang out sometime INSIDE my apartment instead of the driveway.

    Not too much longer after that night, he did come over. The same thing happened. We talked until 4am, and then he went home. The whole time Sam seemed a bit nervous, like he didn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands. He hardly even made eye contact. I was confused, as he always seemed so calm and cool before. It occurs to me now that he may have been too afraid to make a move on me, and I feel really dumb about it.

    He went away to college after that, and we didn’t really talk all that much unless we saw each other at a party.

    Just recently, I sent Sam a message to ask him a question. It’d been a long time since we’d spoken, and I didn’t really expect a reply, but I got one. He seemed genuinely interested in how I was doing, and we talked for hours… Again. This time, though, through the magic of talking through technology, he initiated flirting. I was surprised, and a little in shock. I still kind of am. The thing is… Sam made sure to specifically tell me that he doesn’t ever want a relationship… With anyone… Ever again. He’s been heartbroken too many times. He’s been cheated on and used and all that horrible stuff that crazy chicks do to nice guys like him. It’s awful, and I’ve been there myself… But I think I’m a little bit more optimistic about love than he is. I believe I’ll find someone who is right for me… Someday. I have hope, and I don’t think he has any left.

    I’m not really looking for a relationship, either, at the moment… And I don’t mind being friends with benefits… But my worry is that he may not want to be friends after I decide I’m ready to start looking for love again, and I think he could be a really good friend. I can keep myself from falling in love… I have done it before… But I have this nagging feeling in my gut that is saying Sam might not be able to, even if he says he doesn’t want to. In the past, I’ve not trusted my gut on these things and it has turned out that I should have.

    My questions to you are these; Should I risk a potentially awesome friendship by becoming friends with benefits? Do you think he would be able to handle not falling in love? If not, how do I know if he is falling for me and if I should talk to him about it without causing awkwardness? I’m sure if I let myself, I could fall for him, too… But I have this on/off switch I’d need to get a handle on for that to happen, you know?

    Sincerely,

    Confused

  • Miley

    Hi:) does my crush like me? When were in class he sits across the room and he would stare at me and then I’ll look at him and he still kept on staring at me. He would do that all the time then he suddenly stopped doing that. Then when we would walk past each other he would always stare at me and I’ll look at him and he’ll still look at me. Also in class he would always walk past me and look at me.

  • KT

    Hi Pete, I wanted to ask you:
    Imagine a guy likes a girls, he’s kind of shy but he has being tought to behave outgoing. This guy never uses the girl’s name when talking to her. Does it have something to do with his temperament?
    What reasons do you think would block a man from using a girl’s name unless it’s really necessary?
    (Does my question make sense? hahah)
    Thanks.

  • DJ

    Hi Pete,

    It’s me, DJ, again, back for some more of your fantastic advice.

    I had written you back in Nov about my boyfriend being laid off and getting a contract job in CA, on the other side of the country. We’ve kept in touch, there were times when it might only be once a week, others when it was two or three times. Starting around Christmas he was also calling me more than just texting (which I admit, I loved).

    Then in early Feb he asked if I was interested in going on vacation with him. I told him I was (we had actually talked about me visiting him before he left but it hadn’t come up since then). He doesn’t get vacation with his contract work, but he had completed a big milestone on the project and it was in a good place where he would be able to take some time off. We ended up going to Puerto Vallarta, neither of us had been before but his cousin raved about it. It was further for me. He felt bad about, but I felt it made sense because I had vacation I could use and he didn’t. The trip was great – there was no awkwardness, it was just like how it was between us before he left! And I had a great time with him! (which I made sure to let him know) We explored the area (and each other!), relaxed, had political discussions (he’s very passionate about world politics). The one drawback for me was that he told me his new boss liked his work so much that he was going to try and get the contract extended two years. So he might not be coming back at the end of summer the way I’d been hoping. I’m happy for him because I know he really likes the work and lack of office politics compared to his old job. But I was looking forward to him returning after the contract was up.

    I’ve been back from our vacation a little over a week now. It’s been a bit hard to re-adjust to being apart again, although I expected this would happen. It seems like we’re falling back into our regular communication patterns. So now is when I’d appreciate some of your excellent insight into men, as well as any advice you have to me. I know you’re not my friend, but just being able to get some male perspective instead of from my female friends is such a big help.

    Do you think he asked me to go on vacation because he missed me as a friend? As a girlfriend? Just the physical contact? (he admitted he hasn’t been looking for anyone while he’s been out there).

    I know I agreed to just be friends before he left, but I would still like to try a relationship with him again in the future. I’m in my early thirties, so I am a bit concerned about waiting those extra years if his contract gets extended. Do you think I should tell him this? Or should I keep going the way we have and wait and see if he brings up something like a long distance relationship? I admit that while I believe it can work between us, I am afraid of wasting years hoping for something will not be (I know it is probably too early to tell…) And I’m sure some of this worry is just me adjusting back to being on opposite sides of the country.

    I would also like to see him again, hopefully without as much time passing between seeing each other. When we parted I mentioned something along the lines of “maybe we could do this again when our schedules work out”. As a guy, do you think I should leave it at that? Should I wait a little while, then suggest something to him? I’m trying to balance what I want without putting pressure on him.

    Thank you for any answers to my questions and thoughts/insight into my guy that you can give me Pete! I know I tend to overthink things, and look at relationships from a woman’s perspective (which doesn’t help when I’m trying to understand men). This blog is such a big help.

Leave a Comment