We don’t hide it very well, do we? Although some of us claim to be masters at not getting caught.
I guess the word is out. Girls know we’re staring at them. There’s no reason to hide it anymore.
If they want to know why, let’s tell them…
But first … This question is vague yet the chosen words – “Guys & Girls” leads me to believe this is a younger woman’s question so I’ll keep the answer as relevant as possible.
When I was “staring at girls” I was checking them out.
Beauty, especially in the eyes of a sexually driven guy, not only catches our eye but can literally freeze us. Sometime it’s almost impossible to turn away.
It’s strange because unless we talk to you the image disappears quickly. Making any later fantasies with your image almost impossible. Although I imagine some guys are better at that than other.
So if we know you and are still staring there’s a good chance we’re going to use that image later. Now before you go thinking it’s all sexual. It’s not. Sometimes it’s a girlfriend theme or the perfect “meet up” or even just a kiss.
You can safely assume, like nine times out of ten, if any guy is staring at you he is checking you out.
He wants to meet you. He is attracted to you.
In a weird way he even wants to get caught because just maybe, if you catch him staring at you, you’ll stare back and it’s on. I would say more than half of those guys are desperately hoping you’ll approach them.
From there he’ll probably even assume you like him or at least are attracted to him. That usually depends on his self-esteem.
Think of this. As guys. When we’re hanging out and some girl starts staring at us our friends are likely to smack us and say, “Dude! That girl is totally checking you out.”
Since we’re men and can only think like a male we’re usually going to assume you work the same way. It often goes like this:
- Checking you out – We see something we like or are attracted to you.
- Staring at you – Locked in your beauty and most like want to get caught so you’ll approach us. Lessening the chance of being rejected.
Now as for the whole “sexual attraction” level I would have to say it’s almost like an addiction. Not usually harmful but it certainly can be.
When we see a “hot” girl we’re likely to get a little excited. Not hard just sexually aware.
And it feels good.
So we do it a lot because it feels good.
Strange to you maybe but to me, as a guy, it feels perfectly natural and I’ve been enjoying it for many years. Just now as I get older I’ve learned not to let it take me away or make me do stup[id stuff.
If you’re dealing with younger guys staring at you, then he may not have learned his own personal control over how good it feels and he reacts blatantly to it.
64 comments… add one
Why do some guys looked away immediately when a lady looked back at them? This happened to me a few times from the same guy. I caught him looking at me with his wide eyes and his mouth was always like open slightly. Ie.gawk
But the moment I looked back he would look away.
The short answer Wanderlust…
A lack of (certain) confident skills around women they find attractive. I (we) teach men to hold their gaze until SHE looks away.
As long as he doesn’t get all creepy it becomes a completely natural male-female display of confidence and strength.
Also a prelude to approach. (cue the music)
He’s checking you out and probably doesn’t have the “balls” to approach you.
I could write a whole book on this but it’s already been written.
Thanks for the great question. Precise and to the point. I Love it.
Thanks for your reply
appreciate it
I was wondering if a slightly angry guy who almost never talks stares blankly at you every now and then what does that mean. He never talks and replies everyone in one word answers so talking seems useless.
He is most probably liking you, but self-esteem is low. He is not confident if someone will accept him, he’s confident behavior is only a show, he’s trying to be what he’s not. I think myself to be the same
hope u understand this reply. He might not even talk to the person he has crush on, u can call him ‘jerk’ but his emotions are understood by his category of ppl only.
Hey Ashy, sounds like he has a lot on his mind. Perhaps he’s angry at the world or has had enough bad experiences which have made him bitter.
There’s just not enough info for me to go on BUT…
If it was me, as a guy doing that, I would probably be holding a grudge against all women in general.
There is this guy who works in the same building as me (not for the same company ). For the past few months, he has been gawking at me.. A very intense stare for minutes at a time and he doesn’t smile or look away either. It’s kind of unnerving. A few weeks ago, he was in an office that he’s not even supposed to be in waiting for me to come out and staring again. Well I was shocked and startled to see him there and I’m sure it showed on my face. I turned around and walked off. Ever since then, he will not look at me at all. He’s still around a LOT but everytime he sees me, he looks away. There is now this awkward tension and I said “hi” a couple times to maybe lighten things up. He matches my tone but answers real short and quick. It’s obvious he’s uncomfortable. Why would a guy follow me around if he’s so uncomfortable around me? Do you think this guy is some kind of creeper? What do you think is going through his mind? I have never had any experience with this kind of behavior before and I am not sure what to do about it.
Well Kate. I believe what you’re experiencing is called hovering.
We teach guys NOT to do it because it feels creepy to women. As you’ve already noticed for yourself.
Whether or not he’s a genuine “creep” is tough to say. I suppose as long as he’s not stalking you following you around outside of work, or looking up personal information about you, then he’s probably just taken by you.
His actions may feel creepy but to him he’s infatuated by you but lacks the courage to do something about it. Even if you open up the conversation.
It’s really hard to explain – but from a former “wussy” all I can say is we feel so attracted to a woman we want something to happen. As each day passes it gets tougher and tougher to do something about.
We literally fantasize about how things are going to be different the next time but they never are. We imprint your image in our minds and just hope…
We put ourselves in close proximity to you hoping, as if some magic force will make everything follow our fantasy, but we chicken out and do nothing.
After a while you become like a habit. A bad habit because it only makes us look weaker and freaks you out.
Unless he crosses certain boundaries there’s not much you can do about unless you want to cure his shyness… Maybe you could pass him my card and send him to DiaLteG.
Hope he eventually finds someone else to latch on (which typically happens) sooner and not later.
Thanks for asking Kate,
Pete
Thanks Pete! I appreciate you thoughtful answer. Normally, I would enjoy helping someone to build confidence and come out of their shell, but seeing as this guy won’t even look at me and everytime I talk to him, he acts all rude and flustered. I don’t think I want to go there. Since he’s most likely harmless, I will just pay him no mind and go on along my merry way! Again, thanks and love your articles!
At work there’s this guy who stares at me from time to time but today it was just obvious (since I was sitting a few feet from him and saw it from the corner of my eyes). I’m just confused as to why would he would find me attractive because I’m not. He is new to work and is a quiet guy. I am a talkative girl (but am an introvert) and get along with everyone. I do talk to him and when we talk he smiles and laughs. I ask one of my coworkers if he does smile and laugh often and she said only when he’s interacting with the children (we work with kids). Because he’s a quiet guy, I don’t want to overwhelm him with my excessive non-sense talking…But it’s just who I am, really!
Young Woman.
As I’m sure you’ve heard before – attraction for guys is as varied as are there men in the world.
You can take what you might see as the two most beautiful women in the world and ask several men to judge her looks and get two totally different responses.
Here’s a quote from one of my favorite coaches,’
“If Scarlett Johansson showed up buck-naked at my door-holding a six pack of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale-I probably wouldn’t even get aroused. Seriously. She does NOTHING for me. And it’s not even like she’s tall, leggy, and looks like a particularly skinny man…like, say, Heidi Klum. I can’t really explain it. She’s just not my type.
http://www.dialteg.org/approaching-women-is-her-liking-you-back-too-good-to-be-true/
This was taken from an article trying to explain to guys how relative attractiveness is. Especially when they believe some women are “too good” for them.
It’s for guys but you might want to check it out because he clearly explains that despite what you believe about yourself – others can and will find you attractive.
Sure a man’s attractive may be somewhat physical but I’ve known lots of guys who actually look past all the exterior self because they want a real relationship with a woman.
I’d say if you’re great with the kids – you smile and talk to him – and he’s like young women
then he has the ability to see you as an attractive woman. Regardless of how you feel about your own looks.
Hope that clears up your quiet shy problem a little more,
Old Man Mister White
At work there’s this guy that bluntly looks at me a lot, and I make eye contact with him back and smile, every time he passes by or anything I just happen to be looking at him and he usually makes eye contact with me until he passes. One time I was talking with somebody and smiled and from the corner of my eye I seen him freeze and stare at me. The other day my mother and I were in the store and I had told her that I thought his smile was “cute” and of course, knowing my mother, she told him and he flushed a little, and of course said thank you. Then later that day I worked and he had passed by me, and did a double take and gave me a huge juicy smile! Which was funny. So the next day I mustered up the courage to ask him if he’d wanted to hang out on his next day off and he said “yes, of course” and I asked him what he’d like to do and he had said” anything” and after work, while I was on lunch he had given me his number. Then the next day, during work he had came up to me and started a conversation. For the little time we did have together talking. So please tell me what you think about this. Could he just want t get to know me. Or does he have a little crush on me? I’m clueless in this field. Thank you.
Lovely name Christina Joy.
Of course he is attracted to you. Men don’t stare and hold eye contact (and smile too) with girls they find unattractive.
A bit of warning though – force his hand. “Anything” in my book doesn’t work and you’ll probably soon find you’re doing all the “seeing” work.
There. You’re no longer clueless in this field.
Best of luck with your “cute smiling” guy. He wants to get to know you AND he is attracted to you.
Thanks for asking Christina Joy. I think I enjoy saying your name. Haha!
Pete
Haha thank you for the compliment! And response! But if I do find myself doing all the “seeing” work, would that mean he’s not that into me? Or maybe that’s just him?
Would guy ask their friends to look at girls whom they are attracted to or girls they find weird looking?
Hello again. Guys rarely if ever, unless of course they have serious issues or are just plain rude – only ask their friends to check out women “they” find attractive.
In a way, at least from early on, he’s checking his version of what he finds attractive with the male group.
Not so much as proving he has a good eye to see these things, but also to acknowledge his manliness or that he’s stating stating his heterosexuality.
Thank u once again.
My guy friend and I met a year ago at college. It’s been said that we would date eachother. He’s also called me his “ladyfriend” before. Lately, he’s been making me jealous, teasing me and at a bible study he spoke at he literally stared at me the whole time. People noticed and came up to me about it. He gets protective when I talk to other guys. He tends to say something to my friends before he’d say anything (if anything) to me. Why won’t he just make a move? This nonsense and back and forth has been going on for almost a year and a half. Please help!
There is this guy at the gym who I am definitely attracted to. We have been doing this little staring game for 7 months now. I stare at him and let him catch me staring at him, hoping he would know I like him and he would ask me out. From my point of view, he definitely likes the attention that I give him. He will make a point to get my attention when he first comes into the gym by walking in front of me a few times (if I have ignored him when he comes in – because I am starting to feel like a creeper just staring.) Once he has my attention then I catch glances at him while he works out. I know he looks to the side and is watching me in the mirror while I stare at him. We have been doing this staring dance for 7 months now. Finally just yesterday he walked into the gym and looked at me and smiled and said Hi! I returned the smile and waved. I think he catches glances at me, but I’m not sure if he is checking me out or just checking to see if I am staring at him. Yesterday, when my workout was done I was checking him out and he was watching me through the mirror. But, he never asks me out. I’m not sure if he just likes the attention or if he is interested. I have carried around a note in the past week with my phone number on it and want to give it to him. Is he interested or just likes the attention? Should I give him my number or this looks desperate?
Hello Gymgirl,
I must say you two must have each others faces completely memorized by now
. *Hmmm… makes me wonder about BOTH of your late nights 
Ahem ahem*
First – I can honestly say – most men like the attention. Whether they are interested or not. Of course they are always exceptions but hey we’re not talking about some movie star being follow by Paparazzi, are we. Just a girl who cares about her body checking out some guy who does too.
Secondly – Give him the number already!
Trust me. Approaching a woman at the gym is one of the most stressful approaches for any guy walking the planet. The pressure. The lights. The people. the bodies all out in the open with not much too hide. And let’s not forget about the competition a lot of men feel in the gym.
If you do it right it won’t appear desperate. In fact even if you don’t do it right (haha!) I highly doubt it will look desperate.
Remember this – if you approach desperately, beg for his approval, head down at the floor, etc… That’s how you’ll appear.
But if you do it with confidence, humor, and wit – That’s how you’ll appear.
Whether he’s interested or not (something you may never know unless you go for it) guys, sorry normal guys, love to be approached.
Now… How are you going to pass your number to him? I bet you have a thousand ideas.
Just wanted to inquire about something which bothers me up to now. I have this childhood friend, its not like we are that close, but we were both in the same school during our elementary and high school years. He kept on teasing me during those years, constantly teasing me by all means. He only did those teasing at me, considering there were other girls in our class. Then recently, I asked him why he does that…then he answered “because we were young during those days”..
A follow-up to that, I am currently in my college years, and these teasing quite continues with some guy I barely know. though his my senior, we rarely interact…
Lastly, there’s this guy who keeps staring at me whenever we meet in the university grounds, I quite don’t understand why he keeps staring at me, no idea at all. Thus I don’t even know him,
im just curious about these things, it quite bothers me and is quite frustrating on my part.. since you are a guy, can you answer my inquiries… thank you
Quite Curious,
Men tease women because it’s how they learn to flirt. Some do it better than others. Some take the “childish” part with them to adulthood. Some take the “good” younger parts and integrate them with style and maturity.
Those are the ones who can make you feel young and feminine and alive all at once.
That is, I’m assuming the “teasing” is done in a kind way and not the other. That’s something entirely different.
I always have random guys staring blatantly at me even when i look back at them. Some days this happens quite often. What does this mean?
Me too!!!
At least when I find myself at a Gay bar. My guess is – they like what they see so much they can not help themselves.
They refuse to look away hoping you’ll stop and say “Hi.”
I used to work in the same building with a guy for over a year and a half. He would walk by and just look at me. Then this summer he worked more in the open with the kids. He had to walk past me to go anywhere at work. He would sit down and just stare at me. I would be talking to a coworker and I could feel him staring. One day I decided to stare back and then I thought I wonder if he likes me? Or atleast thinks I’m pretty? So, then I started smiling back. He would just lock in with his stare. Then I made the move of actually trying to talk to him. He is really shy to me. But, he would talk and laugh with other female coworkers. Every time I talked to him he would fidget. He started liking my pictures on instagram and liking my twitter. He became more talkative and we started to get to know each other. I mistakingly let it slip that I thought he was attractive. After that he still talked some but, it felt forced. But, he never stopped staring! He would literally stop what he was doing and stare. One day I had on non work clothes and he literally did a triple take! But, he quit liking my pictures and twitter. Did I scare him? But, he still acted like he kinda liked me. Or atleast maybe still thought I was pretty? I am so confused and I think about him way too much. I think he quit work and so now I don’t get to see him. He told some friends he needed to get away. Any advice? We still kinda talk on instagram but, that’s it.
Well Hello Leila,
Doesn’t sound like you scared him. Sounds like he just scared in general.
I don’t know his back story but there’s definitely something else going on here. He may have anxiety issues. Ones that only come out when he gets close to a woman he likes.
Men tend to act different when they’re with a potential dating option. When she shows interest this can cause him to go in overdrive.
Personally I fidgeted all the time because I was unsure on what to say or do. It was like someone was controlling these actions. I didn’t try to explain them away I just took up percussion, and pounded worse. Acting like it’s just who I am.
I was wrong. I had little experience, wanted something to happen, lived in “what if” mode and scolded myself privately for acting so pathetic. Thus destroying any confidence I had.
On him… The fact that he stared so intently kind of worries me but who knows, maybe it’s just another vent. ( Like the fidgeting.) Or maybe he has something going on like a past drama which he is struggling away.
Barring any unseen issues – normally – you have a guy who’s not very good with women. Unsure on what o do and even worse unsure on what to do when you’re making it happen. But again, you didn’t scare him, he was already scared.
Normally, guys will stare at women they find attractive. And when two eyes meet the natural instincts can take over. The fight or flee trigger happens. Most deal it with just fine. But some either get locked. Torn between (fight – in your case approach or talk or both) or flee (Bow their head down submissively.)
So no more confusion Leila. I think you’re pretty I’m a great judge.
Listen, If a guy is checking you out (yes sometimes staring) and you think you’re attractive, then I’m positive most men are seeing that exactly. Maybe even more than you would expect.
My advice – stay in contact. Slowly open him up. Don’t feel pressured or pressure him though. Things can happen only when he wants it, or makes it happen. It’s beyond your control what goes on in his head.
Now that you know what’s probably going on you will understand how better to approach a guy like this. Keep being yourself. Don’t push when he pulls back. Do NOT console him or try to make him see your way. He’ll feel threatened and less of a man.
I say leave someone the right tools close by and when they’re ready, or curious enough will pick them up to learn how to use them. To see what they do.
Best of luck with it all Leila and thank you for asking,
Pete
im in high school and I’ve noticed this guy stares at me for 7 months now first when I noticed he was looking at me so I thought he’s probably just daydreaming whatever but then I cached him few times he looks away but not very quick the same day he said something to his friends and they all turned and looked at me and since that day the 3 of them stare at me everyday its really confusing once I was going to class he was walking in front of me then I tripped with his shoe I kept walking he stopped and asked (you alright) I never turned I just kept walking and said sorry please help me I don’t know what is going on he never talks or smile only once his friend smiled at me and in class his friend turns his chair to face me while I sit behind him!!!!!! aghh
Hey Danielle. There’s a certain progression men and women go through during the initial stage of meeting. They lock eyes. One looks away quicker than the other showing submission while the other holds their gaze a little longer to signify confidence and or social dominance.
I believe this is kind if instinctual as if there could be a kind of in this area. However as we get older we learn to do it a little different. A woman might look back again and throw a few flirty gazes. Often they are very subtle and most guys miss that cue.
When he looks back and sees you’re looking again, and he gets it, expect he understand you want him to approach you.
However, in high school this skill is often a skill mixed with emotions, hormones, and a lot of energy. Therefor it doesn’t happen the way it will later.
If you held your gaze longer the first time, he might be expecting you to start the conversation. But when you tripped and he motioned to you, you got a little nervous and kept walking. Understandably so but as a young guy, this confuses him.
Thinking back, long long ago, when I was a younger man, y know, couple years ago
I would always tell me friends who I thought was hot. Then the idots were turn around and stare. Then we’d go back to doing whatever as I sat there embarrassed and yes, confused.
I believe it would not be smart of me to offer advice on what to do here (because of the age) so all I can do is try to alleviate any stress and let you know it’s probably just a couple of guys who are “liking what they see” and one guy who is a little confused on what to do about it. Perfectly natural.
Thanks for asking though Danielle. Hopefully I’ve managed to help you go from “aghh” to “ohhh now I see.”
Best of luck,
Pete
There’s a guy that goes to my school (college). When I first noticed him staring at me we were in the cafe, then after that we’ve been pretty much playing this staring game. Before he leaves he always makes sure I notice he’s looking at him. A couple days ago my friends said he was staring at me while I was in line but as soon as I looked at him he looked away. And then before he left, I guess he noticed my friends were looking at him so he stared directly at me and started licking his lips. I ran into him once by myself hoping he would say something but…nothing has happened.
Well Krystal,
Everything seemed typical until “he started licking his lips” that’s kind of strange and I will admit that’s the first I’ve heard of a guy doing that. Please tell me you were carrying a pizza or something with you.
Seriously, it’s the same old thing. Men look away quickly like that because of a lack of confidence and they don’t want to get caught.
The whole not getting caught thing for some guys kind of makes them believe they haven’t crossed the line.
They don’t want to come off as some creepy staring nut, and they don’t want you to think they’re just “checking you out” for your body but most of all – and you may have not heard this before…
Guys somehow understand the moment your eyes lock on his – he has a limited time to approach you or he’s done. This means if he doesn’t get caught or if you don’t realize he’s not staring at you, then maybe just maybe, the next time he’ll have the courage to start talking to you.
Most of the time the courage never comes without some kind of work so the pattern continues.
And once they’re caught AND don’t take the next step they may think, (which happens a lot!) “Well she already caught me and I screwed it up again so I guess I’l just stare again and maybe she’ll come to me. Either way it’s too late now to approach.”
Hope that clears it up for you Krystal and please, the next time a guy licks his lips at you, I want to hear about it.
And if you are THAT delicious well I must say – Cool. Enjoy it. 
-Pete
Hello Peter,
There’s this guy who has been staring at me. I met him this week and at the start of the week he sat across from me in the classroom so that I was in his sight of vision. He would stare at my occasionally during class and when I would leave, he would sometimes lean back on his chair and stare at me. He’s starting to move closer to where I sit. For instance today my friend sat between us and when I asked her a question, he turned around and I just felt a pang of guilt when I saw his realisation that the question was not directed to him. When he’s with his friends I don’t think he stares at me but I cannot be sure because I don’t look his way/I’m usually walking in front of them. The thing is, I think I may have also developed a small crush.
My question is that, I am quite shy around guys so when I catch him staring at me I always break the stare first because I am too shy to maintain eye contact. Would he take this as a sign of rejection? I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them. What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move? Or should I initiate conversation?
Hello Annie – I put up a post just for you… you can read it here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/eye-contact-staring-youre-shy-what-mean-approach-him/
There’s this guy in my class who will look at me right in my face. It’s so weird because he knows I see him but he keeps on looking anyway. Sometimes when I catch him he’ll turn his head. He hasn’t approached me or said anything yet. I was talking to our professor and another student and I caught him listening in on our conversation and even laughing at the comments we made. I could be over thinking this but what does this all mean.?
Bella, Bella, Bella… I suppose I just like saying your name. Cute.
Well in a way you are over-thinking it all but from my experience it means he’s interested and crossed the line of no-approach. You see when a guy looks away quickly it usually means he’s showing a lack of confidence in himself and he’s unsure on what to do next.
And when he fails to act on the “stare” it only makes it harder for him to ever do it. He becomes even more self-absorbed and even sometimes has “fantasy” conversation of what to say to you – but then never feels confident to follow through with them.
It’s a nasty cycle men go through and Bella, Bella Bella (there I go again) the only thing I would be thinking in your case is usually followed by blushing. Because in lots of cases it only means he wants to get to know you.
And I hope, in his case, that’s something you’d be willing to try.
Now… go to class!
Pete
When I got let out of my class early I was waiting for my ride to pick me up. As I was waiting this guy was walking down the stairs and I remembered him from my other class, but when I saw him we both locked eyes for more than 5 secs. He ended up breaking it as he walked out of the building. The next day we had class I was sitting down just resting my face on my hand and he walks in and sits down which is in front of me in the next row, he turns his upper body towards me and we just look at each other for a couple of secs and throughout the class I could see he would look at me from the corner or his eye.
The next day after that he missed class but I ended up seeing him after and I didn’t know he was sitting down at the end of the stairs and he was staring at me and I got nervous and pretended to be on my phone. Ever since then he looks at me but he will look away really fast. I tried to smile at him twice but he turns so quickly he don’t see. He tries to look during class and once he turned his upper body again to look at me but I didn’t want him to think I stare at him and seem weird so I looked straight but could see him looking..
I am really attracted to this guy, but idk if he is attracted to me and will we ever hold each others eyes again enough so I could smile at him? because I feel like it won’t happen
Hello Rebekah,
As I mention in this post – http://www.whydoguys.com/eye-contact-staring-youre-shy-what-mean-approach-him/ after the initial locking of eyes (one or twice) if some guys don’t approach or start a conversation they might feel like it’s too late. And then to avoid looking like a creep they will avoid future eye contact, or at least try not to get caught.
That’s what I believe happened. Aside from the fact when you acted busy on your phone or felt nervous he probably just assumed he was imagining this whole starting thing or that you were avoiding it. Hence the hesitation to get caught again.
All in all – believe it or not – the whole starting thing shouldn’t matter to you. I don’t believe any woman should only start a conversation with a guy because he might find you attractive.
I say – meet as many people as you can. Learn about everyone who acts like a decent person. That alone makes you more attractive and you won’t ever have to worry about whether one guy into you or not.
Chances are though – if you caught him staring once AND you locked eyes he’s curious enough. It’s a good bet he does find you attractive.
Get the conversation started. The worst that could happen is you make a good friend. Or maybe he knows some other guy. Or maybe his friend knows a friend who could sweep you off your feet.
Open all options and expect more from the interaction and not the result (such as a boyfriend) and you’ll get better results.
I say, the next time you see him and you’re close enough to talk, pick a random guys name and say it to him. Try Pete. It’s a great name.
When he say you’ve mistaken him for someone else then tell him you were mistaken, “You know I thought you weren’t Pete… he’s not as good-looking as you are.”
Or something like that – I have a million of them. Haha!
How’s that Rebekah?
Oh yeah, no talking in class! I won’t be a part of that.
Pete
I had another question. I wanted to go up to him today and say hi but he was with his friend. He still avoids eye contact with me but he looked twice during class..When I was with my friend..I saw him walking but he had a friend with him and I got upset because I was going to say hi and I didn’t want to do that with his friend or my friend around. This is the first time my friend ever saw him and she looked at him and he saw me but did a double look and kinda tried to see if it was actually me. She said his friend was not looking and if he was that was really good because it means that he has talked about me to him. Now she got me thinking he is not into me and I shouldn’t bother at all..Is she right?
Hi
im really confused about this guy in my eng class. He looks at me a bit and i cant help but look back at him.The one day he sat next to me and raised his arms in the air revealing his abs n i had to try so hard nt to look. Recently i wore sum make up n he walked by me three tyms in a span of five minutes (this was wen we had seperate subjects). I dnt knw if im seeing things that are nt there. he spoke to me once n weneva i luk ova my shoulder i c him lukn at me even if he is talkn to one of his guy frends. Plz help me understand this
Hey Ray,
Simply put – he’s “putting” himself out there. Showing off his abs. Walking around. Checking you out.
Of course he’s probably doing what he usually does but, especially if he’s a younger guy (and every guy’s younger than me.)
We sometimes have a need to be noticed by every available woman. Just in case. But it’s hard for me to tell if he was doing it specifically for you. Perhaps just maybe, you’re both doing the same thing. Trying to get noticed to make the eventual meeting easier and practically guaranteed.
Okay so guys love to be noticed. They’ll sometimes showoff their “wares.” Act out a little. Be loud with their friends. Hoping to catch a young woman’s eyes.
I think it’s working.
Have fun with it Ray, but play nice.
Pete
Thank you so much for the advice, i dnt think he was showing off fr other girls since i was the only gal sitting in the back row with him. I promise to play nice bt only if he is nice to me. i plan on talking to him tomorrow so wish me luck .
You’re welcome and of course – good luck. One girl in the room might mean he was showing off just for you.
Hey
))
It is a guy from my school who I like and everytime when we have any common lesson or at the breaks he stares and smiles at me a lot but I don’t know if it is only because I stares at him also sometimes. He stares at me only when we’re kinda away from each other but when we’re too closed he don’t look at me often and when that happens he holds his head and he looks at me from the corner of his eye and after he smiles or something like that (kinda creepy but also so cute^^). We didn’t had really talked to each other before…only few times and then actually we didn’t said anything at all. Also few weeks ago It was a party for the whole school and he was also there so I came to him and I said ‘Hi’ and I hugged him but It was like he hold me too tight lol .I hope you understand what I mean. Whatever….do you think that he likes me? plzz answer as soon as possible!! Thank you
You know Christina – I’m starting to feel like match-maker over here. Which is cool and all but now I’m starting to wonder if I’m disrupting everyone’s school work.
Hey
back at you.
I can tell you from experience – guys are not nervous, give overly tight hugs, check out girls out of the corner of their eyes AND smile awkwardly over women they don’t find attractive.
Whether he likes you or not – well I can say he’s probably a little insecure. Unsure of himself. And is probably coming up with all sorts of ways to make things work between the two of you.
If you’re both smiling at each other – if there’s a little tension in the air when you’re close – then chances are you are BOTH feelings exactly the same thing.
The only thing left to do is break some of the bad tension and relieve some of the stress of all this staring and smiling (maybe avoid a hug for a while
) and try again.
Remember he may take some time to open up to you. Be patient. Fluff his ego a little. Let your “ease of the situation” and yes you can use what I’ve given as having the inside scoop to boost your confidence) allow him to feel more at ease being around you.
You do that and I promise I won’t tell him you think his smile is “kinda creepy” but sute^^.
Never heard that before. Haha!
Good luck Christina,
Pete
Hi its me again…so i attempted to talk to him like i said i would but it turned out rather disasterous. i wore sumthn girly and sum make up (im a jeans n t kinda girl cz uni is way too hot fr outstanding dressup games) in class he sat in the row in frnt of me and later did this really far stretch almost reaching the desk next to me at the time i was looking down at my work bt i looked up and then he suddenly sat forward. so class went on n i had to luk straight forward bt i noticed he wud tilt his head in my direction then quickly luk forward when i peeping at him he said e was nt at the other class we had n didnt av a wrksheet. so i had a spare n offered it to him. im nt a soft voiced girl but it seemed lyk he was just looking at me rather than listening since he went ‘wat?’ n i had to repeat myself again. e tuk the wrksheet said thanks n hightailed it out of the class since it was over. i wonder if e thinks im a creepy stalker or something bcoz i offered him the wrksheet.
Hi Ray,
So there’s this guy that goes to my college. We’ve been exchanging glances at each other for a while and sometimes long stares. I found out from a friend that the guy I’ve been crushing on doesn’t find darker skin girls attractive which baffled me because it doesn’t explain the stares I’ve been receiving from him. Although I don’t know the guy personally he doesn’t come across as a shy guy. He’s had ample time to approach me or talk to me but he hasn’t. Before we started exchanging glances at each other we used to be friendly and say hi to one another but now (with the whole staring contest going on) we don’t really speak. I caught him once checking me out but that was it. Do you think I might just be an ego boost or does this guy have some type of feelings for me?
I meant to type Pete
Haha! I took it as a compliment so no worries. Like I’m a “ray” shining a little light on all the crazy things us guys do.
Hi Krys,
First – never rely on personal information about a guy from a friend. I’d hate to say it’s always wrong, but it is usually unreliable and often distorted. You just don’t know where it all came from or how it got started AND…
Men change their preferences constantly. All it takes is one woman they feel attracted to which they might not have before and suddenly they find themselves wondering all sorts of new things.
We’re kind of funny that way.
Personally I’ve changed my preferences many times of the years and it’s always been based on the one woman I felt the most attracted to at the time.
I don’t think you’re an ego boost – I believe he’s curious and is probably feeling attracted to you.
Guys just don’t (normally) stare at random girls they don’t find attractive. Trust me the last thing any guy wants is to invite a woman over that he has to reject. He’ll avoid that at all costs for the same reasons you probably hate rejecting a guy. It sucks and it feels bad.
Our Ego sometimes has us believing every girl who is checking us out – wants us. Unfortunately it’s not always enough to act on it. But we’ll stare back. Hoping. We’ll check you out. Even at times imagine you naked. When our visual attraction is triggered it becomes extremely hard to resist.
Listen. Not to brag but I’ve been with some incredibly beautiful women and I still have to fight myself once in a while not to stare at a hot woman. I thought, long ago, that if I could just be with one for a while I would never have to worry about it – but I was wrong.
The urge is sometimes all too hard to resist. Granted I’m 10,000% better at it now and my stares are much different but the urges are still there. Hey you know sometimes it’s tough to be a guy.
So… don’t take word of mouth and find out for yourself. You never know if you’re the one person who has almost miraculously changed his preference. And that to me is a pretty major accomplishment and definitely should give you an Ego boost.
Thanks for sharing Krys and I do hope I’ve cleared this thing up for you a little,
Ray AKA- Pete –
Hey Pete,
Just reading through your advice to others (and thoroughly enjoying the added humor in them by the way) and it seems like a lot of people have the same question: what does it mean when he stares and looks away quickly? Well, unfortunately, my predicament strays slightly from this. What does it mean when he just STARES? It’s most unnerving.
I have been working with this guy for over half a year now and I am still confused with where I stand with him. He can be overly friendly in one minute and cold the next (a Katy Perry song comes to mind in fact). He specifically remembers a dress I wore (this was slightly see through, sadly not to my knowledge at the time), invades my personal space, and always tries to join into conversations when I am talking to another guy. However, there are times when he doesn’t even say hi. He just… hovers around. Aside from witnessing his PMS fluctuations, the strangest by far is his stare. I know it is basic etiquette to maintain eye contact, but how long is too long? I have had times where I come to work and he just stares (without saying hi or attempting a smile); times where we have conversations and he just keeps staring at me until I look away; and times where we talk in groups and he stares only at me. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?!
I have gathered a few theories of my own in the mean time:
a) He has a degenerative eye condition
b) He is just as puzzled by my stares and is possibly asking a similar question elsewhere online
c) He has an immense dislike for me and is shooting daggers at me with his eyes
or d) I may have been sending him subliminal messages to start a staring contest…
That is all.
I am very keen to hear your theories.
Thanks!
Oh boy Joy… The truth. Some people are just plain odd.
They’re not connected to the world around them. They are not aware or cognitive enough to even realize what they’re doing.
Ever notice how they seem so blissful it can piss you off.
He may even have a mild case of autism which he’s learned to deal with the best he can. I’m not doctor or an expert on that subject but I had a friend who once explored his “social” problems and figured out he was autistic. It made his social life extremely difficult at times.
He didn’t act like your man but he did explain how hard it was to grasp the social norms. He even told me once how he couldn’t read people’s faces at all. This meant when he made eye contact he had no clue what their expressions meant and often took it as them having a problem with him.
Barring any mild mental problems – have you ever heard of George Costanza? He would initiate or plant his name in a woman’s head and he would annoy the hell out of her until she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Perhaps maybe he’s taken the lead from some Seinfeld episode of long ago.
Hmmm – seems to be working
Barring any sitcom advice he might be following – it just sounds like to me he’s rarely aware of what is going on around him. And he probably doesn’t care. Which would explain his actions about invading your personal space or interrupting you.
It also sounds like he just doesn’t “get” women and despite his “degenerate eye condition” is doing his best to overcome it. Guys who don’t know women tend to hover more because they don’t have a definite plan of action. They’re not privy or trust themselves to get the steps of courtship in the right order. (They’re also the type of guy who always imagines you on top but are not attracted to dominant women.)
Oh and for the record – a slightly see through dress – I can almost sadly guarantee when his stare seems to last extra long – he’s imagining you in that dress.
I mean I haven’t seen you and I’m doing it as we speak.
Seriously I’m willing to bet (at least a dollar) that he just doesn’t understand what to do AND he probably doesn’t care what others think of him AND he’s fallen for you. He’s past the point of trying something now because he feels he’s already screwed it up so it kind of frees himself up to not care and just act like he does.
On the other side – I like your theories and would definitely give you a dollar if you’re spot on.
Thanks Joy – a great pleasure.
Pete
Hello Dr Pete,
I’d hate to bother you again, but I seek further words of wisdom from you!
I’m very intrigued by your diagnosis. Although you are not a real doctor, funnily enough, he is. (Perhaps I should ask him for a self-diagnosis?)
In truth, his imitations of George Costanza (luckily not in the looks department) has worked. I find myself transversing through the steps of ignorance, to denial, to I suppose what you would call an immense “fondness” towards him. It’s driving me insane to put it nicely. Only, what to do now?
If your theory is true (although I am somewhat biased towards my previous ones), is there still hope? Or are his feelings towards me irrevocably lost? What is my prognosis?
More importantly, what do I do now? I have never had to be the one to initiate a relationship (very lucky then if he doesn’t like dominant women – and I wouldn’t mind being on top
). I am always sending the wrong message to guys I’m not interested in and being utterly inept at flirting with guys I do like. In fact, I may even reflect his symptoms of autism. My pride dominates and I appear standoffish. I am also showing symptoms of bipolar as Katherine Tate’s voice is on repeat in my mind saying, “I’m above it”.
“Does this look like I’m both’ad?”
Please prescribe me a course of treatment.
Joy
P.S. If this doesn’t work, I have been practicing for a stare show-down – I look forward to collecting your dollar. Ka-ching!
You again Joy…
Ha! I knew you had been falling for his “Costanzian” Charm. Perhaps I should write a little blurb about it for guys. I’ll call it “The Constanzian Effect – How to Get Women To Always Think About You”
Oh and of course my theory is true. Haha! Which means there is hope.
Just because he was acting like that doesn’t mean he’s not interested. It just means he’s not paying attention.
Which means you have to get his attention first and use your own feminine version of the Costanzian Effect… That’s all.
No need to initiate a relationship. You definitely don’t want to put yourself too far in the future. So keep your mind along side him for now and save the being on top for later.
I would like to say – start treating him like you’re not interested. Send him the “wrong message” you send to guys you don’t want. If that works for them then it’s bound to work on him. Right?
Sometimes that is all it takes. Start treating the ones you really do want to be on top of by giving them glimpses of attention and hinting, “You want more – then pay attention and I promise to make you work for it.”
It’s an attitude that’s unbeatable. And it draws men in very easily. It’s probably also the attitude you’re giving the guys you don’t want. You’re offering them a challenge. You’re giving them a little attention because you’re not worried about falling for them.
That indifference they’re feeling from you is brought out because you are in fact indifferent.
So yes. Don’t try to flirt with him but pretend his “little act” is his way of flirting with you. And what do you do when a guy you don’t like won’t stop staring at you – you stick your tongue out at him and laugh to break the tension. (Try it.
)
Throughout all of this though – you must understand he won’t all of a sudden act any differently than who he is. He will remain confusing and a little off. You must never forget that and understand if things get all steamy you’re not going to all of a sudden see a completely different man. (In fact I’d be worried if you do because then there’s something wrong.)
My dollar’s on the table Joy but you’re not taking it that easily.
He’s a guy. You’re a woman. They kind of go hand in hand if you know what I mean.
So my money’s pretty safe.
Keep me informed,
Dr Pete
Hi,
Very recently, random guys outside, on the bus etc have just been staring at me.. its just been happening a lot to me nowadays.
Also, there’s a guy that goes to my same university. well in my 1st year, he used to be in one of my same lectures. I didn’t realise until week 3 that he most of the time used to stare at me when I came into lecture. Once I was leaving lecture my back towards him and I could see he was staring at me until I got out of the room. once I had to do a group presentation and when I spoke he just stared at me and once we just had a moment eye to eye it was kind of awkward at first but we both had that moment which maybe lasted 2-3 minutes. Also, my cheeks went a little red when presenting and I laughed a little he then did the same and laughed after a while. Also, once I spoke to him and told him he looks like a celebrity and he was looking down and got embarrassed and smiled a little. I then spoke to him a little but he spoke to my friend mostly. Another time I came into lecture I smiled at him a little and said hi.. he gave me a smile, where I felt his eyes were shining.. then I sat with my friends and he was standing talking to one of his friends (a girl) and I caught him looking at me once and he looked away. also my friends told me he kept looking towards my friends way.
So I like a guy at my university, and One day I was walking past him, while I was talking and laughing with my friends I saw him looking at me with no expressions on his face, as if he’s concentrating I couldn’t help it but smile at him then break the eye contact and look down. What does that mean, and how can I get him to recognise me more since we are both studying a different major moreover we don’t have any mutual friends. Thank you
Hello Lynn,
I answered part of your question on eye contact here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/eye-contact-staring-youre-shy-what-mean-approach-him/
The only real way I know to get him to recognize you more – is to approach him and open a conversation. Don’t rely on friends of friends or accidentally meetings as they only seem to happen when you’re not ready.
You know – you see a certain guy when it’s time to go to class. Or you’re feeling awful. Or you didn’t have enough sleep. Accidental meetings are filled with excuses to avoid meeting someone which is why so many of us bail out at the last minute or get stuck inside our heads.
So the plan would be – put yourself somewhere you think he’s going to be with the sole purpose of meeting him. I’d say it’s best to be alone because it puts less pressure on him. Imagine if an average guy is scared shitless at approaching a woman what a group of women does to them.
You’re in the perfect place to meet someone. You have every reason to “make a new friend”
You have school, direction, and purpose in common.
You really want him to recognize you – then stand out by making that first contact.
Don’t worry if you’re nervous. I doubt he’ll care. Don’t even worry if the conversation doesn’t go that well. These things are not easy which is why so many people revert to ice breakers and it’s where they get their name from.
Block his path and say, “Hey you…” slowly look at down with your eyes and then even slower look back up to his and say anything you want.
Let me know how it goes and please refrain from predicting any outcome. One step at a time.
You’re welcome
Pete
Hi
This boy in my a few of my classes has been starring at ms for a while now. I dont stare, but every 10 or so mintues I glance at him(or sometimes at objects near him so i could catch him out the corner of my eye) to see if he is still staring at me. of course he has probably caught me checking. i look away fast and act like i didn’t see anything only because its akward. I dont wanna give him mixed signals. Are boys fast to pick on of those? Anways, he’s gotta girlfriend too, they walk with eachother in the halls. He stares and doesnt look away, and its always at me.
Is he admiring me or something?
In math, everyone got assigned to groups of three. He was in my group and when we were basically forced to talk, he sounded akward and nervous.. he would also say smart little comments to me, he uses my name in a few of them so they’re directed twords me.
We’re in 8th grade :]
What do you think of all of this?
Hello Anonymous Girl,
You’re right. He probably has caught you. Whether it was just a glimpse or not you can safely say he saw it as staring.
But did you know when you look away fast like you did you’re sending him an almost definite “I like you” signal. This is because if you stared him down for a few seconds and then glanced away he might think you’re just interested but when you take quick glimpses or “look” around him – he (guys) assume you’re checking them out physically.
And that’s something guys naturally get because it’s how their attraction is triggered.
My take on all of this – you’re boosting his ego and he’s liking it.
Here he is walking down the hall with his girlfriend and automatically that sets him up for other girls to check him out too. So when he “catches” you do it only establishes a pattern and make him feel “good-looking.”
This is probably his first taste “women wanting guys who are with other girls.”
He may begin to act more confident or borderline cocky because of it too… from afar.
While he’s close to you you’re getting the “oh now what do I do guy” who makes up for the easiness with smart little comments. This is because he’s probably not fully convinced in what he’s seeing or how “it all” works.
Thanks for writing in Miss Girl and I do hope I’ve helped you a little,
Pete
Hello,
There is this guy in my class who stares at me, I catch him and I stare back. If he is intrested why doesn’t he approach me?! Im used to guys approaching me. I do like him though I have to admit that. What can I do to get him to talk to me or vice versa?
Hello Kendra,
Just “being interested” in someone is not always enough to make a guy approach you.
There’s no real trick to all this. Just use the best opportunities available.
Make sure he’s already seated and go out of your way to walk past him and smile. Say, “Hello” and then go to your seat.
When class is let out everyone goes for the door, right? Hopefully
Grab your stuff and casually bump into him. Then mention something about the days lesson. Keep it light and funny but stay away from putting the class down. You know making a good first impression is easier when you’re positive about something.
That’s all there is to it.
If you’re used to guys approaching you this should not be hard at all. Pretend those stares you’re getting from him are “his” way of letting you know it’s okay to approach him.
Best of luck to you Kendra. I’m sure things will easy for you,
Pete
I met this guy a month ago. He approached me..I added him on fb and he would always message me even more than once a day if the conversation died down and we started to flirt and he would send kissy faces and stuff. He asked me to meet up twice but the times weren’t right. I asked him for sure on friday and he said yes so we did hang out, he was really happy and pretending he will throw me in the water and it was a good time. He asked if we could go to the mall but I had to leave and he sounded sad but I said next time for sure and his voice got all excited.He asked me to hang out again and I said yes..He hugged me bye and he looked happy. He invited me to a gig but I couldn’t go since I got into an argument with my mom about it. I didn’t tell him it was because of the gig but I told him I don’t drink. His reply about drinking was it’s not horrible to do it once in awhile. He said we should go downtown sometime and I agreed. He gave me his # to text him so I did. He took hours to reply back and he would start up the conversation then it will happen again another couple of hour later. He still liked my statuses but he hasn’t spoken to me since and it’s been two days. I texted him yesterday saying there was school and he said thanks but I didn’t reply back. Why did he give me his #? He replied a lot more on fb than texting. Is he also not interested anymore?
Hi Casey,
Men typically consider phone numbers to be a more personal connection. FB is ranked lower.
Now that doesn’t mean, just because you exchanged numbers he’s going to all of sudden use that form of communication to progress. It just means he wanted to have this “better ranked” way to talk with you which could lead to more. That’s it.
Is he still interested – most likely.
He gave you his number with an agreement attached – maybe we should go downtown sometimes. I would assume, for now, if you text him, “Meet me here” you’ll get a quicker response.
But be weary Casey – He probably wants you to have a drink with him.
All that aside according to most men it goes internet, phone, meet. It’s just another step to keep in touch and not necessarily more BUT when you have all three combined it’s normally a good thing.
Think how strange it would be if you had FB and meeting and no phone. That’s kind of creepy and weird.
Hope that helps you Lovely
Thanks for asking Casey,
Pete
Hi pete
Sooo I jumped on the bus cos I was on my way to some place and as I was moving further down the bus I looked up to see if there were any seats available (no luck) and suddenly I see this really cute guy sitting by the window and he looked at me but we were locked in eye contact for like what felt like 2 seconds or one and a half. I was the one to break the eye contact but when I tried to sneak another look to see if he was still looking he was and this happened like 3-4 times whilst on the bus… it wasn’t a long journey so I would like to know what he was thinking and whether or not he thought I was attractive?
Hello Swatgirl,
Let me ask you this – How did YOU feel that day? Did you feel attractive? Were you dressed to impress? Did you leave the house hoping to catch a few stares?
I know, this is supposed to be “why do guys” right?
But as a guy I can tell you when I leave the house feeling good and looking great I get looks all the time. And the last thing on my mind is “Does she find me attractive?”
The first thing on my mind is, “Haha! It never fails to amaze me how many women check out this old guy… if they only knew.
”
Now I’ve experienced something unique. Sometimes I’d leave the house hair a mess, old ripped jeans, old colorfully designed t-shirt with a few small minor holes in it but for whatever the reason was I felt in a great mood.
And I noticed the very same thing. Women were checking me out.
Next – I’d leave the house feeling like a piece of shit. Unhappy about something. Maybe life wasn’t going good that day or I knew I had to do something boring or regretting a daily chore – so I made sure I dressed myself up anyways and left confidently.
The thing was I’d didn’t leave the house with a fake smile – you could see the “pain” on my face.
And I also noticed the very same thing. Women were checking me out. Except now they were looking at me “trying” to figure out what was wrong AND why they felt a little attracted to me.
I suppose my point is – no matter how you feel or look it’s up to YOU to decide what other people are seeing or thinking because honestly, there’s no way to directly tell without blatantly asking their opinion.
Your self-conscious thought tend to mirror in your expressions and you act on them too.
For example I watch women come and go in all the time and you want to hear a funny thing, when they turn their back a few of them hide their ass, a few of them shake their hips, a few of them show it off and I can almost instantly tell how she feels about herself that day.
But besides all of that – if I find her attractive I WILL catch my glimpse either way. And none of that should have any bearing on her self-conscious thoughts. That’s entirely for her to keep for herself and not for me to decide for her.
If a guy IS checking you out – I see no reason why he wouldn’t find you attractive.
Now the question is – what do you see because honestly that’s far more important.
Thanks for writing Swatgirl,
Pete